Author Topic: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."  (Read 23923 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #75 on: August 05, 2013, 10:29:55 AM »
I wouldn't bother responding. She's already hung herself, she doesn't need any more rope.

Yeah, I wouldn't either.

For one thing, actually answering her carries some message that says you think she *might* have a point, and that you have to argue her out of it.

it's so incredibly stupid a point of view--just leave it hanging out there.

And from a practical  point of view, if hers is the last comment, it'll be the one people remember. And since she's SO wrong, it'll have a big impact.
    If you comment, your rebuttal will be the last impression people have, and it'll dilute the power of her sheer stupidity.

Leave well enough alone.

(and from a psychologocal point of view, I think it's healthier to move on; replying only keeps you stuck in the conflict. Not a good place for you to be, even if you are right.)

gramma dishes

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #76 on: August 05, 2013, 10:40:59 AM »
I wouldn't bother responding. She's already hung herself, she doesn't need any more rope.

I agree with this.

She 'outed' her own ridiculous behavior and demands all by herself.  Any further pursuit of the matter will make the OP look bad instead by producing totally unnecessary and additional drama.

The event is over.  The OP got to see the concert and had a good time.  The second choice person also had a good time, whether or not that person paid for the ticket. 

OP should drop it now.  If it comes up in conversation with their other mutual friends, she can respond accurately and truthfully, but other than that, the situation is 'done'.  Be happy about the "happy (and satisfying) ending" and drop it.

TurtleDove

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #77 on: August 05, 2013, 11:00:43 AM »
I think the "friend" acted atrociously, but from the OP it seems very unclear that the friend understood that the tickets had already been purchased and paid for by the OP.  I get the sense the friend thought the plans were not set in stone, and that should they decide to go, they would show up and buy tickets at the venue, not grasping that this would be a foolish plan and not grasping that the OP thought that the plans WERE set in stone and had already bought tickets.  Again, the "friend" was very rude, but in the future the OP should, as many posters suggested, be far more clear about who was purchasing tickets and when and get money up front so all people whom she expects to pay actually have "skin in the game" as they say. 

From the "friends" perspective I bet she was thinking, "Sure, we discussed going to the concert but I decided not to go.  I don't understand why she wants me to pay for a ticket to something I didn't go to!"  I bet she did not realize the OP had already purchased tickets.  Not that this affects whether the "friend" was rude or not - she was either way - but just as a heads up to the OP so she does not get stuck again.

MariaE

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #78 on: August 05, 2013, 11:56:30 AM »
Glad you ended up having a good time :)

What on earth was her reasoning that you couldn't go without her? What makes her think she has the right to even suggest such a thing? It is so far across the line of the reasonable that I can't even imagine what would make somebody say something like that. It's not like it's a closed event that only she could grant you access to - it's a public concert in a public venue that YOU paid the money to go see.

In what universe is it acceptable to say "I'm not going, so you can't go either"? I'm so baffled that she'd even attempt to pull that trick. It makes no sense for anybody above the age of 4-5. I've been on EHell for many years, but I think this is honestly the thing that has had me scratching my head in bewilderment the most. I'm just going "...Buh????"
 
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bopper

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #79 on: August 05, 2013, 12:01:48 PM »
I would have offered the ticket to the person who ultimately went for free as well. I have done that in the past...I figure if is last minute and they didn't get a say in what level of tickets we got, they shouldn't have to shell out. Also I am just glad I didn't have to go.

However, I think the likelihood you getting paid back is very slim.  She didn't think she owed it to you in the first place, and now that someone else used the tickets she certainly won't want to pay.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #80 on: August 05, 2013, 11:32:34 PM »
I think the "friend" acted atrociously, but from the OP it seems very unclear that the friend understood that the tickets had already been purchased and paid for by the OP.  I get the sense the friend thought the plans were not set in stone, and that should they decide to go, they would show up and buy tickets at the venue, not grasping that this would be a foolish plan and not grasping that the OP thought that the plans WERE set in stone and had already bought tickets.  Again, the "friend" was very rude, but in the future the OP should, as many posters suggested, be far more clear about who was purchasing tickets and when and get money up front so all people whom she expects to pay actually have "skin in the game" as they say. 

From the "friends" perspective I bet she was thinking, "Sure, we discussed going to the concert but I decided not to go.  I don't understand why she wants me to pay for a ticket to something I didn't go to!"  I bet she did not realize the OP had already purchased tickets.  Not that this affects whether the "friend" was rude or not - she was either way - but just as a heads up to the OP so she does not get stuck again.

That's a very charitable perspective, but I have a couple of issues with it:

1. If the friend had decided not to attend the concert (on the assumption that the plans were only tentative), the onus was on her to call the OP to let her know; and

2. It doesn't explain the friend's insane demand that the OP not attend the concert, simply because the friend wasn't going!

Outdoor Girl

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #81 on: August 06, 2013, 10:29:53 AM »
I don't think I'd be making any plans with this 'friend' anytime in the future.

In terms of asking for her to pay for the ticket, I think that is totally fine.  You are probably never going to see the money but I think that is totally fair.  She's the one that bailed, after all.

I would have offered the ticket, for free, to the friend who was able to go last minute.  But knowing my friends, most of them would have paid me for it.  I would still ask for the money for the ticket from the bailer and then split that money with the friend who was able to go.  I don't think the bailer should be consequence free, here.  Especially after her little dog in the manger rant that if she wasn't going, you shouldn't go, either.

Edited for spelling.
« Last Edit: August 06, 2013, 11:47:34 AM by Outdoor Girl »
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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Venus193

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #82 on: August 06, 2013, 11:43:13 AM »
I don't think I'd be making any plans with this 'friend' anytime in the future.

In terms of asking for her to pay for the ticket, I think that is totally fine.  You are probably never going to see the money but I think that is totally fair.  She's the one that bailed, after all.

I would have offered the ticket, for free, to the friend who was able to go last minute.  But knowing my friends, most of them would have paid me for it.  I would still ask for the money for the ticket from the bailer and then split that money with the friend who was able to go.  I don't think the bailer shoud be consequence free, here.  Especially after her little dog in the manger rant that if she wasn't going, you shouldn't go, either.

I agree.  She put the OP through unnecessary grief and abuse.

snowdragon

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #83 on: August 06, 2013, 12:10:27 PM »
I think the "friend" acted atrociously, but from the OP it seems very unclear that the friend understood that the tickets had already been purchased and paid for by the OP. 

  she knew. She ordered the tickets online and chose the seats herself - using my credit card, since she does not have one.

   Her reasoning for telling me I can't go with out her "Well, it was something we were going to do together,  so if I don't go that means we're not doing it 'together' any more and a real friend would just not do that."  Makes no sense to me, either.

  The next time I am supposed to see her is Saturday - when the group is coming to my house for a bbq.  I am not sure I want to have her at my house at this point, as I no longer trust her.  Nor do I want her pulling an attitude and trying to start something at a group gathering. I am going to tell her that I want the money back, just so she gets the idea that this is not ok. I don't expect to see it again, by her hand, but I hope it will give her notice that I don't trust her any longer.
   

ScubaGirl

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #84 on: August 06, 2013, 12:13:43 PM »
I think the "friend" acted atrociously, but from the OP it seems very unclear that the friend understood that the tickets had already been purchased and paid for by the OP. 

  she knew. She ordered the tickets online and chose the seats herself - using my credit card, since she does not have one.

   Her reasoning for telling me I can't go with out her "Well, it was something we were going to do together,  so if I don't go that means we're not doing it 'together' any more and a real friend would just not do that."  Makes no sense to me, either.

  The next time I am supposed to see her is Saturday - when the group is coming to my house for a bbq.  I am not sure I want to have her at my house at this point, as I no longer trust her.  Nor do I want her pulling an attitude and trying to start something at a group gathering. I am going to tell her that I want the money back, just so she gets the idea that this is not ok. I don't expect to see it again, by her hand, but I hope it will give her notice that I don't trust her any longer.
   

She has your credit card number?  Maybe you should call them and have then cancel it and send you a new card with a new account number.  I would not trust her.

Yvaine

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #85 on: August 06, 2013, 12:16:17 PM »
I think the "friend" acted atrociously, but from the OP it seems very unclear that the friend understood that the tickets had already been purchased and paid for by the OP. 

  she knew. She ordered the tickets online and chose the seats herself - using my credit card, since she does not have one.

   Her reasoning for telling me I can't go with out her "Well, it was something we were going to do together,  so if I don't go that means we're not doing it 'together' any more and a real friend would just not do that."  Makes no sense to me, either.

  The next time I am supposed to see her is Saturday - when the group is coming to my house for a bbq.  I am not sure I want to have her at my house at this point, as I no longer trust her.  Nor do I want her pulling an attitude and trying to start something at a group gathering. I am going to tell her that I want the money back, just so she gets the idea that this is not ok. I don't expect to see it again, by her hand, but I hope it will give her notice that I don't trust her any longer.
   

She has your credit card number?  Maybe you should call them and have then cancel it and send you a new card with a new account number.  I would not trust her.

Possibly, but I also think it's very likely that she doesn't "have the number" in any permanent sense. If the OP was present at the time, and just handed it over to her for the length of time it took to type in the number, I doubt she memorized it, and couldn't have written it down without the OP noticing.

snowdragon

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #86 on: August 06, 2013, 12:18:05 PM »
What Yvaine said. I and her husband were right on top of her while she was doing it. But she placed the  order and chose the seats - so she knew we had tickets  and that I had paid for them

Steve

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #87 on: August 06, 2013, 12:31:37 PM »
If this ticketoffice uses useraccounts for the ordering process, it might have saved you cc data in her useraccount. She could have all the information she needs to use it. Especially if this was done on her computer. The advice to cancel the card and ask for a new number is sound advice, I second it...
« Last Edit: August 06, 2013, 01:24:32 PM by Steve »



LeveeWoman

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #88 on: August 06, 2013, 12:35:24 PM »
I think the "friend" acted atrociously, but from the OP it seems very unclear that the friend understood that the tickets had already been purchased and paid for by the OP. 

  she knew. She ordered the tickets online and chose the seats herself - using my credit card, since she does not have one.

   Her reasoning for telling me I can't go with out her "Well, it was something we were going to do together,  so if I don't go that means we're not doing it 'together' any more and a real friend would just not do that."  Makes no sense to me, either.

  The next time I am supposed to see her is Saturday - when the group is coming to my house for a bbq.  I am not sure I want to have her at my house at this point, as I no longer trust her.  Nor do I want her pulling an attitude and trying to start something at a group gathering. I am going to tell her that I want the money back, just so she gets the idea that this is not ok. I don't expect to see it again, by her hand, but I hope it will give her notice that I don't trust her any longer.
   


Will you tell her this before, during or after the party? The first two choices probably will guarantee she pulls something at the party.

Venus193

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Re: " I know we had plans, but I made others that don't include you."
« Reply #89 on: August 06, 2013, 12:46:55 PM »
If this ticketoffice uses useraccounts for the ordering process, it might have saved you cc data inhet useraccount. She could have all the information she needs to use it. Especially if this was done on her computer. The advice to cancel the card and ask for a new number is sound advice, I second it...

I third it.