Relative does not live there, but does visit often.
I'm not really talking to grandfather either, but would have to spell out in ironclad detail without any wriggle room that I really don't want relative present.
Grandfather has in the past when told not to do something done it again, and then been injured innocence and confused I'd be offended.
Then what is your guarantee that he will do as you request this time? Perhaps you need to rethink the sleepover.
Yeah, from a tactical point of view, I think you need to say no.
From an etiquette point of view, I have different reactions.
-when children are involved, parents' rights expand beyond the traditional limits of etiquette, I believe. So yes, I think you have the *right* to say it. But as several of us have pointed out, it sounds like it won't work w/ Gramps.
-ordinarily, no, the guest may not dictate the guest list.
-in a situation in which someone has severed a relationship
with someone toxic, I think a guest who is close to the host could say, "You know that I will not stay if drug-using Uncle Fred is there, so if you plan to invite him I'd appreciate a head's-up, and I'll have to decline then."
(and I agree, great script from Marbles. Love the "I'd never dictate to you who you can have in your home." And the "if you want them over, you have to meet this criteria--ball's in your court" tactic.)