i'm relieved to know i'm not the only one having mother-in-law issues. i've posted on here several times before about my mother-in-law and have received some wonderful words of wisdom. most of our conflict began around planning my wedding. now i've had a couple of kids, the issues continue to stack up.
i only wanted to focus what's impacting me today.
first off, i have to say that i managed to get my husband to move a couple thousand miles away so i could have a chance to be close to my family for a change. the move was difficult, but well worth it. in the weeks leading up to the move, i was repeatedly harassed by my MIL- texts saying i was evil, phone calls calling me the devil, accusations that i belonged to an evil cult and simply used my husband as a sperm bank, and the ever-blessed silent treatment. we made it, though, and seeing her on holidays and a few times in between has been an improvement (although the last time i saw her she said i needed to decide where my family was going to settle because a) she needed to decide where she was going to move to when she retires next year and b) my husband will leave me if i don't).
two things yesterday has been making it difficult to maintain my peace. now understand that i'm suspecting (and hoping, because what decent human being behaves this way) she may not be well. but it's difficult to ignore. if the etiquette is to continue pretending nothing is happening, i'll suck it up and keep on keep on. but man, it gets under my skin.
first of all, there was a huge debate over what to name my son (although we've only been married almost-three years, we've had two children in the meantime). she didn't like the name i chose and adamently stated i was not to name him that. my husband and i agreed that we would name the child, not her, and while i got the first name he would get the middle. after many hours of debate, we agreed on a first name (three days after my son was born). it was a name i had picked out and i was glad he was okay with it. he stated he wanted to use his grandfather's first name as the middle name for our child. i was a little frustrated as he adamently refused to allow me to use my grandfather's name (it had been my idea first to do this and his mother refused as she hated the name), but he conceded to my first choice, i'd just undergone 30 hours of labor followed up by a c-section, and i was exhausted (understated). plus it was a nice gesture wanting to connect with his grandfather like that.
well, yesterday i found out he would never have chosen the name if his mother hadn't insisted on it. so in a conversation between him and her, she decided on a name for our baby. ooo- i'm getting steamed up just thinking about it. i'm pretty sure i need to let that one go and i will. it's just fresh.
the second incident- well, about a month ago i had a set of blocks custom ordered for her. they're beautiful- they're children's blocks but has pictures of the kids fused into the sides. they're very tasteful and a unique gift. she's always asking for more pictures of the kids so i thought this could be a good way to let her show them off. i found out yesterday while overhearing the conversation she was having with my husband that yes, she did receive them. and her father was really enjoying them. she then disclosed that she had given the block set away to her father.
do i keep trying? at what point do i get to 'give up' trying to (one-sidedly) maintain a relationship? do i pretend as if i didn't overhear the conversation (he had her on speakerphone so she could talk with our son)? my husband just shrugged it off. she's coming to visit in a month and is it appropriate to be cool and reserved? am i expected to be falsely warm and welcoming? i would appreciate any words of wisdom offered.