Author Topic: Facebook and kids, snooping?  (Read 4172 times)

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Yvaine

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #15 on: August 05, 2013, 01:36:25 PM »
Sounds like it's time to change the wireless password and not tell her what the new one is.  If she needs internet, she can come to you and you can sign on to the wireless temporarily, then sign off again when she's done with whatever parental-approved activity.

I'd also suggest making a list of people she respects in her life - grandparents, pastor, etc.  Label it "PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SEE EMBARRASSING THINGS ABOUT ME ONLINE" and tape it up over the computer.  Maybe being faced with the thought of her family, teachers, pastors, etc. seeing those Facebook posts and racy pictures will help her remember your lecture about how *everything* you post on line can get out, and the more embarrassing it is, the more likely it is to follow her around.  In particular, to never send topless/naked pictures to ANYONE, even if he's a real-life boyfriend or her bestest friend ever.  Because the moment that relationship/friendship ends, if that person is angry, those pictures will follow her around her school and very possibly beyond.

As far as I can tell, she hasn't sent any racy pictures. She exchanged some innocent messages with OK Guy, and was hounded for pictures (but seems to have not given in) by Creepy Guy. I think it's important to not jump to a presumption of guilt on her part. It would be pretty hurtful to be getting harassing messages on one front and get blamed for them on the other front by one's own parents.

TootsNYC

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #16 on: August 05, 2013, 01:41:24 PM »
A message I'd want to send to my own DD is this: People judge you based on the signals you send them. So if you're awake and messaging people at 2am, esp. if you're younger, people may think this tells them something about you. If you're being a little bit flirty with them, they may think it tells them something more.

Be alert to that, and remember it when you're evaluating your communication with other people. And think about the messages you want to send.

Yvaine

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #17 on: August 05, 2013, 01:44:22 PM »
A message I'd want to send to my own DD is this: People judge you based on the signals you send them. So if you're awake and messaging people at 2am, esp. if you're younger, people may think this tells them something about you. If you're being a little bit flirty with them, they may think it tells them something more.

Be alert to that, and remember it when you're evaluating your communication with other people. And think about the messages you want to send.

I feel like this is way too close to victim-blaming for comfort. It feels similar to comments about how one is dressed, etc.

Sharnita

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #18 on: August 05, 2013, 01:44:43 PM »
I agree that it should be reported to fb and I might even report it to the police. If he knows she is underage, he might be guily of soliciting child pornobraphy. If DD had sent him an explicit photo, she could be guilty of child pornography, even though it is a photo of herself. I had a student who just went through this.
In other words, I think your intervention was the least I would do.

bonyk

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #19 on: August 05, 2013, 01:52:14 PM »
Definitely report it to FB.

I think you're absolutely right to monitor you daughter's online activity.  I also think this incident gives you a good opportunity to open the lines of communication about some hard to talk about topics.  Ask DD how she felt about those messages.  You can give her pointers about how to get away from icky people trying to take advantage of her.  Also tell her that you're proud of her for not giving into his badgering.


Noph

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #20 on: August 05, 2013, 02:12:54 PM »
It really bothers me when I see people use the word "punk" to mean "bad kid".  I'm a 30 something punk rocker, with my own business, college degree, home, and other normal functional adult things.  I still wear spikes, yes, to work, and make them work in my business formal office environment.  I hide my mohawk and tattoos for work and usually leave my big black boots at home on work days.   I listen to very loud, very fast politically charged music, most of it about how governmental institutions aren't doing the members of society any favors.  Please reconsider using the word "punk" unless you actually know the person id's him/her self as a punk rocker.  Not all of us in the mosh pit are worthless criminals.   If I hadn't found punk rock, I wouldn't have been inspired to continue my education so I could have a job fighting the government on behalf of the little guys.  Using the work punk so negatively leads me to believe you do not know a wide variety of punk rockers in real life.  Most of us are aware the word originally referred to a particular type of inmate way back in the 1960s. However, the word has come a very long way since then.  Many of us fell into punk because we were attracted to the "DIY" mind set, not drugs and vandalism.  I am anti-authority, but that doesn't mean I break the law or have no manners.   
Sorry about my spelling.

asb8

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #21 on: August 05, 2013, 02:26:49 PM »
A message I'd want to send to my own DD is this: People judge you based on the signals you send them. So if you're awake and messaging people at 2am, esp. if you're younger, people may think this tells them something about you. If you're being a little bit flirty with them, they may think it tells them something more.

Be alert to that, and remember it when you're evaluating your communication with other people. And think about the messages you want to send.

I feel like this is way too close to victim-blaming for comfort. It feels similar to comments about how one is dressed, etc.

I'm frequently online at 2am because I battle insomnia and have odd work hours. It says nothing about me at all to be online at that time and I don't care for the implication otherwise.

Yvaine

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #22 on: August 05, 2013, 02:31:12 PM »
A message I'd want to send to my own DD is this: People judge you based on the signals you send them. So if you're awake and messaging people at 2am, esp. if you're younger, people may think this tells them something about you. If you're being a little bit flirty with them, they may think it tells them something more.

Be alert to that, and remember it when you're evaluating your communication with other people. And think about the messages you want to send.

I feel like this is way too close to victim-blaming for comfort. It feels similar to comments about how one is dressed, etc.

I'm frequently online at 2am because I battle insomnia and have odd work hours. It says nothing about me at all to be online at that time and I don't care for the implication otherwise.

Heck, I was up at 2am on the internet last night. IIRC, my scandalous behavior included filling out a fantasy sports roster and looking at dog pictures.

cass2591

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #23 on: August 05, 2013, 02:34:14 PM »
Noph, It's great that you feel so free to express your style and are successful, but as you obviously are intelligent you must be aware that there is such a thing as slang.

This is not the place to start changing words that have long been in use. Check dictionaries, they include both definitions, yours and kids up to no good.

Should you object to a poster's particular use of a word because you find it over the top or inappropriate or whatever, address that person politely and if it derails the thread for more that a post or two, take it off line.

Meanwhile, punk will be used according to whatever context is appropriate.
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johelenc1

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #24 on: August 05, 2013, 02:38:41 PM »
My girls are only 6, and I'm still on the fence about them having a facebook page.  But, if that do, it will most certainly be with the caveat that not only will we set the page up, set the privacy setting and have the password, but we will be "friends" (one way only) and I'll check their page OFTEN.  We'll have veto power of posts and pictures.  I don't want to see profanity or anything else I don't think they ought to be doing.  And, I'm not above telling their friends parents about anything I see (like drinking, sex, or drugs) that is posted on their page.  They'll know this from the start.

If kids want to be "private", they can go back to passing notes and hiding them.  Facebook is not "private" in any way at all.

RegionMom

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #25 on: August 05, 2013, 02:48:26 PM »
DH and I are not on FB, so that is why we have their passwords.  Kids are smart enough to block things from their parents who are "friends" with them!

As for the 2am postings, that is fine for adults, as many things are fine for adults, but not kids. 

Years ago, a girl, now in college, posted her cell phone number and asked specifically for boys to call her.  I called her mom, who was shocked and had a LONG chat with her DD.  She also mentioned her school and had a "sexy" photo or two on her page.  She was posting late nights, since she kept all electronics in her room and the beeps and such kept her up.  It was a light bulb moment for mom when she realized she could dock the electronics downstairs!  better sleep for all!

This was back when I was researching FB, with no account, to see if I wanted to join.

I decided it was too much fuss and bother for me.   ;D

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Idlewildstudios

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #26 on: August 05, 2013, 03:01:46 PM »
I hit reply but it vanished...

First, she didn't send any photos that I can find and I believe her when she says she did not.  She's lost iPad privileges for a few weeks for having it in her room and messaging past curfew.  We talked again about sending naughty photos and how the police can become involved.  We also discussed good flirting vs bad flirting.  The other boy was the good, normal flirting, this boy was bad flirting Snd she didn't know how to handle it.

She does know him, he moved out of state a year ago.  I'm looking into reporting it but I have to research a bit since it's a message, not a wall post or photo.

Thanks for the support.  I let her know I check on her necause we love  her and care about her future. It's sad that some kids have folk who don't check or don't care.

I apologize if I offended anyone with my punk remark, I did not mean to .
« Last Edit: August 05, 2013, 03:03:29 PM by Idlewildstudios »

kherbert05

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #27 on: August 05, 2013, 03:05:33 PM »
Your child broke the rules. She lost privileges. She earned them back with with the condition that you would be monitoring her behavior. You saw red flags - you monitored behavior found a violation and are dealing with it. You are being a good parent.


1. Go right now to her account and take screen shots of the racy messages.
2. go to https://www.facebook.com/help/contact/274459462613911 and report him
3. Glad she didn't send pictures. - I know you talked to her about this but I'm going to leave the links to stories about kids going to jail for sending pics of themselves incase anyone needs them http://bit.ly/14e0VQ1     http://bit.ly/14VlqzN   http://bit.ly/17RzW0I   http://exm.nr/M1k8OL

4. You might be able to use the parental controls on your router to limit her Ipad to certain times of the day. I know I can do that on mine.



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Minmom3

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #28 on: August 05, 2013, 03:05:59 PM »
A message I'd want to send to my own DD is this: People judge you based on the signals you send them. So if you're awake and messaging people at 2am, esp. if you're younger, people may think this tells them something about you. If you're being a little bit flirty with them, they may think it tells them something more.

Be alert to that, and remember it when you're evaluating your communication with other people. And think about the messages you want to send.

I feel like this is way too close to victim-blaming for comfort. It feels similar to comments about how one is dressed, etc.

I'm frequently online at 2am because I battle insomnia and have odd work hours. It says nothing about me at all to be online at that time and I don't care for the implication otherwise.

You're not a 13 year old kid, though, are you?!  You're an adult, with adult awareness and knowledge and friends.  The rules for a kid ARE different.  This is not victim blaming, or casting aspersions on YOU, it's protecting an innocent and naive girl child.  Don't extrapolate to take this to mean anything about you when it has NOTHING to do with you, the adult fully in charge of paying her own bills and making her own, informed choices.  It's all about the kid, who is NONE of that.
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lisastitch

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Re: Facebook and kids, snooping?
« Reply #29 on: August 05, 2013, 03:06:44 PM »
It's one thing for an adult to be online at 2am--insomnia, unusual work schedules, travel, babies--just to  name a few!--can mean being up at that hour. 

It's another thing entirely for a young teen to be online at 2am.   To a sexual predator, one of the things it may mean is that the child is not well supervised.