Author Topic: Friend and out there FB posts  (Read 3688 times)

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*inviteseller

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Friend and out there FB posts
« on: August 07, 2013, 06:33:53 PM »
I have a wonderful friend that I just love, but her FB posts are not putting her in the best light.  I want to tell her that certain things that she wants to carp about don't make her look good and she might need to re think before she hits post.  I know anyone can post anything, but I know with myself, I always re read and think before I hit post.  These posts are not offensive or vile, but they are things she shouldn't be revealing because it just doesn't make her personally look good.  Is it polite to gently point out, privately, that she is making herself look bad, or is it better to just scroll past and bite my tongue.  There have been some comments on her post that have not been real nice and she gets upset, but doesn't get that she is setting herself up for these type of comments.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2013, 09:05:24 PM »
I use the social fixer app. It filters out posts that are annoying/offensive to me and lets through posts that I don't mind seeing.

Giving someone a heads up that their posts may go over poorly never works in my experience.  In fact it usually starts a few days of passive aggressive posts about how people just can't take the truth and how they just need to be more supportive and why can people just UNDERSTAAAAND! and blah blah blergh.

If social fixer was a person I'd marry it

*inviteseller

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2013, 09:58:49 PM »
These aren't annoying or offensive..they are things that are going on in her life that are best not blabbed about because while she is looking for sympathy as to these things, they make her look bad.  Nothing illegal, just..things that are happening.  I have no problem with her telling me about these, I would gladly be a shoulder for her to cry on, but for her to post them are embarrassing for her and one could have blown up a job prospect when she complained about how bad an interview went.  I want to tell her that some things may not be right to post, but she is an adult and I am just not sure about crossing a line

Venus193

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2013, 10:14:35 PM »
Facebook is rapidly becoming a Social Darwinist tool.  I have discovered that it is virtually impossible to protect stubborn people from their own folly over things like this.

A friend of mine posts far too much political stuff on her Facebook page and  news feeds.  No matter who tells her this will not work in her favor when she looks for a job she rants "I will not censor who I am."

I'm waiting for an update on this.  She is still unemployed.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2013, 10:23:11 PM »
I've had a friend comment to me privately about a fbook post and as fbook posts go, it was on the mild if annoying side.  It was back when my youngest got his first immunizations at 2months of age and I had come home and posted I felt like such a mean mommy...

Like I said, relatively benign but my friend, with whom I tend to joke about vaguebooking, pointed out I was guilty of that which often would make me wrinkle my own nose and groan. 

I'd say if you're close enough to say something you could, perhaps, but it really depends on how well you know this person. Would they get offended? Or just embarrassed enough to say "oops, you're right, that could cause problems!" and then delete.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

katycoo

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #5 on: August 08, 2013, 12:35:22 AM »
Not really.  There's a fine line between doing someone a good service and offending them.

I think the only context in which you could do this is if she approaches you about comments people ahve left on her posts, you could possibly then gently mention that you've seen those posts go up and been able to anticipate that she might get some negative comments and why.

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2013, 10:02:49 AM »
I can't remember the last time I offered unsolicited constructive criticism that was well received.  The people who most need some gentle guidance are often overly sensitive and defensive. 

She's getting negative feedback from others.  There's her clue.

If she does raise the matter, you could simply say that's not the kind of information you yourself would put on Facebook.
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #7 on: August 09, 2013, 10:15:39 AM »
I can't remember the last time I offered unsolicited constructive criticism that was well received.  The people who most need some gentle guidance are often overly sensitive and defensive. 

She's getting negative feedback from others.  There's her clue.

If she does raise the matter, you could simply say that's not the kind of information you yourself would put on Facebook.

This

Kiwichick

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2013, 07:34:06 PM »
These aren't annoying or offensive..they are things that are going on in her life that are best not blabbed about because while she is looking for sympathy as to these things, they make her look bad.  Nothing illegal, just..things that are happening.  I have no problem with her telling me about these, I would gladly be a shoulder for her to cry on, but for her to post them are embarrassing for her and one could have blown up a job prospect when she complained about how bad an interview went.  I want to tell her that some things may not be right to post, but she is an adult and I am just not sure about crossing a line

Bolding mine - they are embarrassing for you to read maybe, but I doubt she's embarrassed by them.

If she asks your advice, give it, otherwise I'd just hide her posts and move on.

Vall

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2013, 09:45:40 PM »
I agree that she doesn't seem to be embarrassed by her posts.  I wouldn't say anything to her.  There are plenty of websites and news stories cautioning people about the content on their FB.  To me, it would be similar to warning an adult about the health effects of smoking, eating a lot of high-calorie, sugary foods, or consistently drinking alcohol to excess.  Few adults are unaware of the risks yet many people choose to take those risks.  She is probably aware of the warnings and chooses what she wants to post.  I am assuming this person is an adult.  If she is a minor, my views would be different.

If she asks you your opinion, then I think it would be perfectly fine to tell her how you feel.

JoW

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2013, 09:48:15 PM »
I know the owner of a small business who checks the facebook page of every potential employee.  She has rejected at least 2 people based on what she saw on facebook.

Tell your friend about my friend.  Suggest that if she ever might consider changing jobs she needs to be sure her facebook page makes her look good. 

*inviteseller

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #11 on: August 12, 2013, 02:56:11 AM »
She is very much an adult...so she should know better.  And one of the posts she had recently was about the lady who did the second part of her job interview.  She wasn't praising her, either.  Thankfully she got the job, but if she had been checked (I always googled the people I interviewed), it wouldn't have gone in her favor.  The posts aren't embarrassing to me..just cringe worthy that she posts some things that are better said privately..an example was a person coming to do some work in her house telling her landlord that her house was filthy and cluttered.  She posted about the call she got from landlord about it.  While I personally do not agree with maintenance's assessment, not everyone has been to her house so there were people making comments that were not exactly nice.  I will just continue to shake my head about some of the posts and not say anything unless she brings it up first.

Raintree

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #12 on: August 13, 2013, 01:05:53 AM »
I know the owner of a small business who checks the facebook page of every potential employee.  She has rejected at least 2 people based on what she saw on facebook.

I don't really get this. If she checked mine, she'd see my banner photo (a bunch of trees) and my profile picture (head and shoulders shot). Not my photos or status updates.

If she demanded my password, I wouldn't want to work for her anyway as that is kind of like asking me to give her my mail to open.

Venus193

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #13 on: August 13, 2013, 07:12:59 AM »
Not to mention the ability to change things on your page.  Not happening.

Margo

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Re: Friend and out there FB posts
« Reply #14 on: August 13, 2013, 07:48:57 AM »
If an potential employer checked my facebook profile they wouldn't even get that much. My photo isn't a photo of me  ;-)

As an employer, I google potential employees at the stage of narrowing down who to  invite to interview. I have definitely had situations where whet I saw online tipped the balance of whether or not to add someone to the shortlist.

I also do a quick check after the interview, following an incident where we found that a candidate whom we had interviewed had posted on facebook making it clear that they had lied to their current employer about being sick, in order to come to the interview, and that they had lied to us (about availability to start)

I would never expect an employee to provide me with access to their password, or to locked posts - if you have your privacy settings so that I can't see what you've written, then clients or customers are not likely to come across them either.

Back to the original question, I wouldn't say anything to the friend unless she specifically asked me for my advice or opinion.