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Author Topic: Babysitting the "Precious" child  (Read 32549 times)

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DottyG

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #90 on: August 08, 2013, 04:26:53 PM »
The OP has stated that
1.  Fred doesn't have to go to the park - he just needs to go outside.  He can do whatever he wants outside, with other kids or alone.  He just can't be inside sitting around.
2.  The other kids have noticed that Fred doesn't have to follow the 'play outside' rule, and are asking about it - that's her question

Have they? I am not sure whether this happened, or whether it is a hypothetical.

Yes, it was mentioned in one of her updates--I had the same thought as you, and I went looking.

Can you direct me to that post?  I must have missed it, too.


DottyG

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #91 on: August 08, 2013, 04:29:57 PM »
and while the others did go to the park and I suggested the park I would have been fine with backyard, biking etc.  I don't want to micromanage activity - I was kind of thinking of it in terms of a "recess".

Did he know this?  You may be assuming that he knew any outside activity was ok, but he may have thought you would only be happy with the park.


TootsNYC

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #92 on: August 08, 2013, 04:31:52 PM »
The OP has stated that
1.  Fred doesn't have to go to the park - he just needs to go outside.  He can do whatever he wants outside, with other kids or alone.  He just can't be inside sitting around.
2.  The other kids have noticed that Fred doesn't have to follow the 'play outside' rule, and are asking about it - that's her question

Have they? I am not sure whether this happened, or whether it is a hypothetical.

Yes, it was mentioned in one of her updates--I had the same thought as you, and I went looking.

Can you direct me to that post?  I must have missed it, too.

Post #34:

Quote
My kids are happy to go outside when my friend is babysitting - no issue there...but they do ask why they have to stay out when PC never does. 



DottyG

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #93 on: August 08, 2013, 04:32:26 PM »
Thanks Toots. :)


baglady

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #94 on: August 08, 2013, 04:33:00 PM »
I think "Because he's 12" is a sufficient answer to the "How come he gets to ... ?" questions from the other kids. He's older and can have different rules applied to him for that reason. With age comes privilege and all that.

However, if OP wants him outside so she can clean the house, then he does need to get his butt outside. Maybe it hasn't been made clear to him that he *doesn't* have to go to the park with the other kids, so he thinks of his options as either park with them, or inside. Has he actually been offered the option of bringing a book and sitting outside by himself instead of going to the park? If he hasn't been, he may not know it is one.
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JeanFromBNA

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #95 on: August 08, 2013, 04:34:48 PM »
From the children's point of view (all of the children) being inside with access to all of the electronics is the desired place, while being outside is not.  Therefore, the children see Fred being allowed to come inside and veg out with access to the electronics as not following "the rules" and a privilege.  So, yes, I think that you could have shooed him back outside, perhaps with the suggestion of an alternate activity.  At 12 years old, he is old enough to figure out how to entertain himself for an hour.  A little boredom can stimulate the imagination. 

I think that he needs responsibility.  Not as a punishment, but as an enticement.  "Fred, everyone needs to be back by one PM.  Make sure that they know that."  Put him in charge so he will understand that he is capable of much more than he realizes.

ETA:  privilege
« Last Edit: August 08, 2013, 04:38:08 PM by JeanFromBNA »

DottyG

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #96 on: August 08, 2013, 04:38:11 PM »
I think that he needs responsibility.  Not as a punishment, but as an enticement.  "Fred, everyone needs to be back by one PM.  Make sure that they know that."  Put him in charge so he will understand that he is capable of much more than he realizes.

I do like this.  Maybe being given the role of "supervisor" will help him feel like he has a little more status.  Not to bully the other kids, but to guide them and be a role model to them.


Piratelvr1121

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #97 on: August 08, 2013, 04:57:02 PM »
The boys had a friend who would come down to our house to play often.  She lived a street up and her grandmother usually watched her during the day but she preferred to spend the whole day at our house, or rather IN our house, but she had a high amount of energy as do my boys so I'd often make them go outside cause I didn't want them running around inside. 

Now in the summer, so long as the weather was decent (not raining or dangerously hot) my boys didn't mind going outside.  And ftr, the girl didn't have any health conditions that would make it dangerous to be outside when the temps were around 80-85 degrees.  So she'd have to go outside too but when she wanted to come in 5 minutes after being sent out, she'd turn on the histrionics to try and get in.   ::)

I often told her if she was that hot, she could go up to her grandmother's house, but of course that just wouldn't do!!   ::)
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fountainof

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #98 on: August 08, 2013, 05:02:16 PM »
I don't know this kid so he could actually be very anxious or he could be very manipulative.  While I can sympathize with some anxiety I do think even at a young age you need to live life outside your comfort zone.  So if the outdoors makes you nervous and sad you still should go and push yourself a bit for personal growth.  At 12, generally crying shouldn't be necessary unless someone died or you are hurt so I can feel the OPs pain on that.  Because this isn't my kid, I would probably say nicely that the options are go outside or stay in and do a chore.  To my own kid, I would discuss why crying isn't appropriate in the situation and whining is not ever acceptable but someone else's kid I wouldn't be so strict.

I do not think there is anything wrong with the OP's me time, I find it off putting that people are implying cleaning is an acceptable down time activity but watching tv isn't.  There are times my 4 y/o DD has to entertain herself so I can do something for myself and that is just how it goes.

LadyL

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #99 on: August 08, 2013, 05:18:07 PM »

I do not think there is anything wrong with the OP's me time, I find it off putting that people are implying cleaning is an acceptable down time activity but watching tv isn't.  There are times my 4 y/o DD has to entertain herself so I can do something for myself and that is just how it goes.

Yes, and since sending the kids outside was part of the babysitting arrangement in the first place I don't get the accusations about the OP being "negligent" as a babysitter. I don't think she should have to provide alternative indoor activities for the 12 year old, if his parents agreed that outside time was fine as part of the arrangement. If there was a problem like allergies, bullying, anxiety, etc. I would expect a tip off from the parents.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #100 on: August 08, 2013, 05:21:15 PM »
OP, I've had experience with a good friend's child that would use whinning, wheedling, and pouting to get her way. It doesn't sound like this behavior is new to this boy, but an established pattern, just like it was for my friend's child. This child and her sister's spent a lot of time at my house.

At first the child had me snowed like she did her mom. But I caught her too many times using to just get her way, so DH and I stopped responding and started telling her that we didn't allow that behavior in our house.  I was really glad when she finally hit an age where I could tell her to just go home if she was going to pout. Amazingly, she is 17 now and still treats us like her second parents, but she still knows not to try her pouty ways on either of us.

And I'm really curious why a 12 year old couldn't just go home. Is his parent's concerned he would park himself in front of the game system and do nothing else?

DottyG

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #101 on: August 08, 2013, 05:28:50 PM »
If there was a problem like...bullying.... I would expect a tip off from the parents.

I'm not saying that's, necessarily, the child's issue with all of this.  But I did want to point out the fact that, if it were, the parents may not know about it.  That's why bullying is so serious; sometimes, the people around you don't know it's going on.  They know something's wrong, but they don't know what it is.  Or, they don't believe you.
 
This isn't something just a 12 (or 8 or 10 or 15) year old deals with, unfortunately.  I was abused and bullied in my last job by a boss.  And no one knew or believed that it was happening.  Those that I told couldn't believe that someone "as nice as X is" could possibly be doing what I was saying she was doing.  And some people didn't know.  Bullies grow up.  And sometimes they become bosses.  I was in my 30s when it happened - not a child.  So I can only imagine how hard it is for a child to get someone to help them.
 
Again, I'm not saying that's why Fred (I refuse to call him "Precious Child" - I think that's an unfair, demeaning term that shouldn't be given to him) doesn't want to go to the park.  I'm merely responding to the post above that says that a parent would know and be able to tip the OP off to that possibility.
 
 

Sharnita

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #102 on: August 08, 2013, 05:43:34 PM »
First of all, I don't think this situation really compares to what a person might do with their own child. Nobody asks if you are available to be your kid's parent Thursday because you are the parent day and night, 24 hours, 18 years. So, yes, time you are responsibility for the child will overlap with time you need/want to do other things. However, you can decline to babysit. You can say you are only able to babysit for 2 hours. You can opt out of any commiyment or you can limit as much as you choose.

You also lack both the power and the responsibility parents have. You can't make mdedical/health/religious/education/economic decisions for the most part bit that also frees you from those responsibilities and consequences.

Idlewildstudios

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #103 on: August 08, 2013, 06:16:08 PM »
Think of the situation like this-

It's lunch time and the rule at the OP's house is to eat at the table.  All the kids sit down to eat and Fred asks to eat in the den while watching tv.  He is told no, in this house we eat at the table.  Fred starts to sulk and cry that his mom lets him eat while watching tv.

I don't think anyone here would fault the OP for standing her ground and insisting he eat at the table with everyone else.

I see the going outside to play situation the same way.  The OP is not unreasonable or mean to make the kids follow a reasonable request.

menley

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Re: Babysitting the "Precious" child
« Reply #104 on: August 08, 2013, 06:28:00 PM »
Think of the situation like this-

It's lunch time and the rule at the OP's house is to eat at the table.  All the kids sit down to eat and Fred asks to eat in the den while watching tv.  He is told no, in this house we eat at the table.  Fred starts to sulk and cry that his mom lets him eat while watching tv.

I don't think anyone here would fault the OP for standing her ground and insisting he eat at the table with everyone else.

I see the going outside to play situation the same way.  The OP is not unreasonable or mean to make the kids follow a reasonable request.

I completely agree with this.

OP, assuming you've made it clear that he has to do SOMETHING outside (it doesn't matter what) and he is still coming inside and trying to use the computer or watch TV, then I'd do what some of the others have suggested and put him to work. Sweeping, doing dishes... whatever.


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