Author Topic: Were we wrong? Update p3  (Read 7541 times)

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ShadowLady

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Re: Were we wrong?
« Reply #30 on: August 09, 2013, 02:27:21 PM »
I'm not sure why the uniforms already being ordered should sway them.  Kids that age are mostly the same size, so one team shirt would be the same as another team shirt.  Exchangable.

Yvaine

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Re: Were we wrong?
« Reply #31 on: August 09, 2013, 02:35:31 PM »
I'm not sure why the uniforms already being ordered should sway them.  Kids that age are mostly the same size, so one team shirt would be the same as another team shirt.  Exchangable.

Would the shirt place take them back after they'd already had the kids' names printed on them?

gramma dishes

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Re: Were we wrong?
« Reply #32 on: August 09, 2013, 03:05:28 PM »
I'm not sure why the uniforms already being ordered should sway them.  Kids that age are mostly the same size, so one team shirt would be the same as another team shirt.  Exchangable.

Would the shirt place take them back after they'd already had the kids' names printed on them?

No they probably wouldn't.  But most teams for very young kids don't print names on the uniforms anyway.  They're often used year after year and the players are identified by numbers only.  This group may use names, but most don't.

TootsNYC

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Re: Were we wrong?
« Reply #33 on: August 09, 2013, 04:26:25 PM »
I'm not sure why the uniforms already being ordered should sway them.  Kids that age are mostly the same size, so one team shirt would be the same as another team shirt.  Exchangable.

Would the shirt place take them back after they'd already had the kids' names printed on them?

No they probably wouldn't.  But most teams for very young kids don't print names on the uniforms anyway.  They're often used year after year and the players are identified by numbers only.  This group may use names, but most don't.

And since the coach spoke of "the shirts being ordered already," it leaves me thinking that this team doesn't reuse the shirts from year to year.

Curious Cat

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Re: Were we wrong?
« Reply #34 on: August 09, 2013, 06:49:24 PM »
I'm not sure why the uniforms already being ordered should sway them.  Kids that age are mostly the same size, so one team shirt would be the same as another team shirt.  Exchangable.

Would the shirt place take them back after they'd already had the kids' names printed on them?

No they probably wouldn't.  But most teams for very young kids don't print names on the uniforms anyway.  They're often used year after year and the players are identified by numbers only.  This group may use names, but most don't.

And since the coach spoke of "the shirts being ordered already," it leaves me thinking that this team doesn't reuse the shirts from year to year.

That actually doesn't make any sense, if the shirts "were already ordered" which shirt did they order for the OP's son? A shirt for a team he hadn't officially been switched to (and now *isn't* getting switched to) or the team he was already on and they were going to have to order another shirt anyway?

The whole thing is fairly hinky and I would be VERY unhappy to have my parenting questioned (the bit about teaching them to make friends whereever they go)

TootsNYC

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Re: Were we wrong?
« Reply #35 on: August 09, 2013, 08:19:51 PM »
They ordered a shirt for the team he was *assigned* to. (for sake of argument, the blue team)
And then when they did the lists, they put him on the wrong list. (Oh, say, the red team)

So they called to say, "he's supposed to be on the other (blue) team." The team whose blue shirt had his name on it already.

Our OP said, "Aw, but he has friends on the red team, and he's all excited about that already, can't we keep him on the red team?"

"No," says the coach, "because we already have a blue shirt w/ his name on it."

Dad says, "Heck, we'll buy the red shirt he needs now, so he can stay on the red team without creating extra expense for the league."

The Wild One, Forever

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Re: Were we wrong?
« Reply #36 on: August 09, 2013, 09:26:01 PM »
As a military mom with kids who have moved 7 times in the past 4 years, I am really trying hard to be able to find some activities with kids that overlap so that my daughters can make some friends.  Because I homeschool, I want them to be able to see some of the same kids more than one hour a week, so that they can really get to know the other kids.  So I can really see wanting your kids to not just make a bunch of shallower friendships across many different activities, but a few deeper friendships with kids who share several activities and that you see more than once a week.  I don't think you did anything wrong by asking and then pushing for it, as long as you weren't obnoxious about it and it doesn't sound like you were.

I can get the coach not really wanting to mess with the intended teams just because a name ended up in the wrong column or something, but I'm glad that they gave in at the end so that your son can get to know these boys a bit better.  I hope the friendships continue well and that he feels settled in his new home soon!

OP, I think you were fine in what you did.  I would have done the same thing.  We moved a lot when my son was younger, and he was constantly having to change schools* and make new friends.  Also, like MommyPenguin and some other moms on here, we home schooled for a couple years, so there was that, too.  It is important for kids to feel comfortable in their surroundings, and we parents definitely need to advocate for them. 

*(Now that he is in high school, my son has flat-out stated that he is not changing schools again!  I have promised him that he will stay put ad graduate from his high school, which he loves.  He has a lot of friends now, and a girlfriend, and I have not seen him this happy and content since he was in elementary school.)
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hyzenthlay

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Re: Were we wrong?
« Reply #37 on: August 09, 2013, 11:01:45 PM »
As an introvert I was good with 2 or 3 friends, I didn't want and couldn't handle some massive list of mild buddies.

The director was trying to cover their screw up, and you pressing for your kid to remain on that team was just fine.

half_dollars

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Re: Were we wrong? Update p3
« Reply #38 on: August 10, 2013, 11:52:00 AM »
OP here.

No names on the shirts.  But, each child gets a shirt, shorts and socks in their team colors.

Update.

We had practice this morning and my DH talked with the coach.  The coach is more than happy to have DS7 stay on his current team.  They play 7-on-7, so a 14-person team is perfect!  I believe that they wouldn't have treated DS7 any differently, but I do feel relief that the coach is really OK with it.

Thanks so much for reassuring me that it was OK for us to push to keep DS7 on the team.  I'm really trying to learn to not let my emotions rule my actions, and show/teach that to my children.  I am a highly emotional person, so it can be quite difficult to do at times.  Hearing others say it was fine to push to stay on the same team helps me realize I wasn't bring only emotional, and am learning a little by reading this board!  :-)

artk2002

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Re: Were we wrong? Update p3
« Reply #39 on: August 10, 2013, 01:40:10 PM »
They play 7-on-7, so a 14-person team is perfect!

Actually, from a youth soccer perspective, that ratio stinks. For 7v7 you only need 9 or 10 on the roster. Anything higher and you end up with kids sitting around a lot rather than getting playing time. Our league sometimes goes to 11 (ha), but that's only because of limited field space.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

half_dollars

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Re: Were we wrong? Update p3
« Reply #40 on: August 10, 2013, 02:36:20 PM »
They play 7-on-7, so a 14-person team is perfect!

Actually, from a youth soccer perspective, that ratio stinks. For 7v7 you only need 9 or 10 on the roster. Anything higher and you end up with kids sitting around a lot rather than getting playing time. Our league sometimes goes to 11 (ha), but that's only because of limited field space.

That very well could be the ideal case.  This is our first year of youth soccer.

But, the coach is happy, my DS7 is happy, so I am happy!

White Lotus

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Re: Were we wrong? Update p3
« Reply #41 on: August 10, 2013, 07:37:01 PM »
Maybe I am feeling cranky, but this looks like a move on somebody's part to get this child on the "church" team.  We lived near a mega-church once, and maybe it was just them, but they were totally insular, had their own elementary school, which only some of the children attended as it as expensive, tried to get their own teams in park department leagues, which can be fine if the league allows groups to enter as teams, and the kids (from the neighborhood) acted like my kids had horns and tails because we not only did not attend mega-church but -- gasp -- were not only not Christian but actively Buddhist.  The ones in the public school, we heard from other sources, were very cliquey and self-righteous. This was but one of the reasons our children attended deliberately inclusive (and also expensive) private schools, with their own leagues, and private, deliberately and actively open to all, camps.
Our kids had (and have) tons of non-Buddhist friends.  It teaches the First Amendment, open-mindedness, respect for others, and strengthens one's own faith. We encouraged this. Tolerance is a Buddhist virtue.
I am not mad at Christians, atheists, FSMs, or anybody else.  I do not ascribe these difficulties to all mega-churches or mini-churches of any belief system, or all people in this one.  This was our experience with one such nominally Christian body, and the insularity and what OP said about the church trying to keep their children together that leads me to raise this possibility.  OP was right to keep her child where he is comfortable given the circumstances. Director's comment was ignorant at best, and shows he was not listening, which is ride.

Harriet Jones

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Re: Were we wrong? Update p3
« Reply #42 on: August 10, 2013, 09:23:36 PM »
They play 7-on-7, so a 14-person team is perfect!

Actually, from a youth soccer perspective, that ratio stinks. For 7v7 you only need 9 or 10 on the roster. Anything higher and you end up with kids sitting around a lot rather than getting playing time. Our league sometimes goes to 11 (ha), but that's only because of limited field space.

As long as everyone shows up for the games.  We had a couple of  (rec league) games last fall where we only had 7 or 8 out of 11 show up.

Drunken Housewife

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Re: Were we wrong? Update p3
« Reply #43 on: August 10, 2013, 11:21:55 PM »
I'm happy for the OP's son that she stood up for him & that he is with a friendly coach with his preexisting friends.  Great ending! 
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gramma dishes

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Re: Were we wrong? Update p3
« Reply #44 on: August 11, 2013, 09:38:29 AM »
I'm happy for the OP's son that she stood up for him & that he is with a friendly coach with his preexisting friends.  Great ending!

Ditto!   :)