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Author Topic: Facing someone you blocked  (Read 6040 times)

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Facing someone you blocked
« on: August 10, 2013, 04:43:33 AM »
BG: A couple of years ago, a guy I went to high school with "friended" me on Facebook. Actually my memories of this guy were extremely vague, but we had friends in common and he remembered me. We started messaging on FB, and I engaged in some fairly long chats, though I was never actually "interested." Later he became too intense for me, posting every time I posted, writing great novel-length comments on everything I said, and so on. He asked me to meet up for drinks and at that point I told him I wasn't interested in a date, just to be clear. He backed off for a while but then came back again sending me some very long messages. I answered with short answers. He just wasn't getting it, so finally I defriended and blocked without explanation. I didn't think he was super creepy or stalker-ish, just perhaps a little too hopeful and annoying. End of BG,

Now: my high school reunion is coming up and how do I act towards him if he is there? What do I say if he asks me why I blocked him? Or even if he doesn't? I don't think he's done anything to warrant a cut direct (the face-to-face equivalent of a FB block) but I also don't really want to talk to him or find myself in the position of explaining.


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Re: Facing someone you blocked
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2013, 06:55:54 AM »
Be polite and friendly, but not too much so.  Limit time spent with him using time-honoured evasions such as topping up your drink, going to  the ladies, seeing someone else you have to catch up with etc.

If he asks about Facebook, be somewhat vague and just comment on how often Facebook changes settings, sometimes resulting in "glitches". 

If you prefer, tell him you've decided to reserve Facebook for family only.  If he persists, possibly you could direct him to an email address you rarely use?  (I think most of us have one of these for online stuff where we don't want spam going to our regular emails.)  Easy enough to set one up if needed.
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Re: Facing someone you blocked
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2013, 07:12:58 AM »
"Oh, I had to lock down my account.  Too much online nonsense, you know.  Hey look, there's that guy over there!"


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Re: Facing someone you blocked
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2013, 03:34:07 PM »
Sounds good. I'll be polite but if he tries to engage in too much conversation I will suddenly need to go get another drink.

If he has the audacity to ask about Facebook, I'm torn between "Oh, I cut down my Facebook activity to close friends only" and brutal honesty: "Well, if you really want to know, I was finding your constant posting on my wall a little intense, especially since I don't even know you. Even my friends were starting to notice."

I'm thinking that if someone were to ask a question, they should be prepared to hear the answer. I may be overthinking this as he may not ask at all (he may not even be at the reunion, who knows) but I want to be prepared.


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Re: Facing someone you blocked
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2013, 05:10:10 PM »
I wouldn't go the direct route only because this is a guy you will probably never see again and even if you do happen to run into him again, you can keep all on the surface. He won't be a close friend so no need to be brutally honest.


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Re: Facing someone you blocked
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2013, 06:07:15 PM »
I suspect you're putting more effort into worrying than is warranted  :P  Chances are he's more or less forgotten about the whole thing by now - or if he does remember, he's embarrassed because he now realized how he came across.  He may also be in a relationship now anyway so not interested in pursuing you even if you are both there.


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Re: Facing someone you blocked
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2013, 11:30:58 AM »
I've told people before that my Facebook is for family members that I don't see very often. It's kind of true, I do use it for that, and the people who ask me really don't need to know anything differently.

I agree with Roe, being direct about it won't really accomplish anything without a big opening for hurt feelings or weirdness. Just tell him you seriously scaled back your usage and had to pare down your friends list so you weren't bogged down for half an hour or longer every time you were on.


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Re: Facing someone you blocked
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2013, 11:43:42 AM »
Yeah, it's highly likely that he won't broach the subject at all. However, if he does, I think you just sort of avoid the question.

Him: Why did you defriend me?
You: Did I? Oh, there's Susan over there. (and walk away)

If he asks again then be blunt. "Sorry, I'm just not interested in pursuing a friendship with you." And again, walk away.


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Re: Facing someone you blocked
« Reply #8 on: August 12, 2013, 10:29:37 PM »
If he has the audacity to ask why he was blocked, I'd go with "I'm keeping my Friends list to family and close friends" (you could even add "and people I see regularly").

If he asks you to re-add him as a friend I'd say "Thanks, but I'd rather not" and bean-dip.

Worst case scenario is that he follows you around all night, wanting to know "what he did wrong". If that happens - and hopefully it won't - I'd be honest and say he was getting annoying and creepy.


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Re: Facing someone you blocked
« Reply #9 on: August 14, 2013, 10:37:39 AM »
An answer that seemed like it might work was, "we seemed to want different things," then wander off to get a drink, ladies, etc.

My concern with the evasive, friendly answers is that it might restore his hope.  You might end up dealing with him more after such an answer (if he manages to find a way to contact you) since it wasn't that you don't want to talk to him, it was mean old Facebook.


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Re: Facing someone you blocked
« Reply #10 on: August 17, 2013, 04:40:12 AM »
I doubt he'll care enough to ask, it's only FB afterall.  But if he does just say 'Oh, I regularly prune my friends list.' and leave it at that.