Author Topic: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.  (Read 9218 times)

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sammycat

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I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« on: August 11, 2013, 11:43:07 PM »
My cousin's wife ("Sally") is having a milestone birthday this coming weekend, and DH, our 2 boys (16 and 12) and I have been invited to the party. The party starts at 5pm.

When I RSVPed to her cousin (or sister?) that we were coming, I received a text back saying that Sally has requested no presents, but as a surprise, a stripper has been organised for her, as she's apparently always wanted one. He will arrive at about 9pm and each person/family is being asked to contribute $10 towards the stripper. Apparently other activities will be organised for the children whilst this is going on.

I have zero interest in seeing a stripper, or for paying for one. This kind of thing has never interested or appealed to me in the slightest. I don't judge others who do like this sort of thing, but it's just not my cup of tea. DH certainly isn't interested in watching it either.

I thought of simply making our excuses at about 8.30pm and leaving, but now DS16 has informed me that he'll be working nearby at the party time (and won't be attending the party), and it really would be extremely convenient to leave from the party location at about 10pm to pick him up. Leaving earlier would present a few logistical problems. 

Is there any polite way DH and I can avoid watching or paying for this stripper, other than leaving beforehand, which isn't the most convenient step the way things stand at the moment?

Erich L-ster

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2013, 11:48:51 PM »
Would you & DH be interested in helping out with the little kids' activities while the stripping is going on?

Slartibartfast

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2013, 11:50:41 PM »
I'd make excuses, leave early, and hang out at a nearby coffeeshop for an hour or so.  I really don't think there's any way to say "I want to partake of your hospitality but not if you're doing this thing you organized which I disapprove of"  :-\

Otterpop

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2013, 11:51:52 PM »
Can you opt out of the "adult" activities and stay with the kids during this time?  I would feel the same as you and would probably offer to supervise whatever is going on elsewhere.  Wow, I've never before heard about this type of thing at a family party.

snowdragon

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2013, 11:52:58 PM »
Someone should point out that this is not a good thing to have if kids are at the party.

I would just decline to go, myself.

lakey

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2013, 11:53:58 PM »
To avoid watching the stripper you can simply go check up on the children at that time. As far as not forking over the cash for the stripper, they have no right to tell you what to give as a gift, but when people put you on the spot like that it IS going to be awkward.
That's why this business of TELLING people what to give as gifts is considered rude, they're putting you in an awkward position. If it bothers them, that you are not caving in to their demands that's their problem. If they're reasonable, they will accept it and move on.

delabela

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2013, 11:55:20 PM »
I can think of few activities I'd be less comfortable doing than watching a stripper with my family members.  I have no judgment about what entertainment people like, but there is a time and a place.

Just to check - is there any way this is a joke?  Or are they really going through with this?

I suppose all you can really do is plan on hitting the road at 8:30, making excuses about obligations the next day.

Shoo

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2013, 12:05:59 AM »
I'd be sending my regrets too.  I can think of few things that would make me more uncomfortable.

sweetonsno

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #8 on: August 12, 2013, 01:02:41 AM »
I think you need to take the stripper out of the equation and try to think about how you'd react if it was an activity that was considered more universally neutral. To clarify, is this something that just doesn't appeal to you, or is it something that you specifically find off-putting?

I absolutely don't think anybody should feel obligated to do something (or help pay for a gift) if they don't want to, but I also think that in some cases, it's gracious to do something that you aren't particularly enthused about in order to support loved ones. Basically, if your feelings are more "meh" (neutral) than "ew!" (negative), I'd consider doing a grin-and-bear-it.

If the thought of watching or helping pay for a strip performance specifically makes you uncomfortable or goes against your values, I'd either skip the party altogether or say that you'll have to leave early, end stop.As Slartibartfast said, it can be tricky to accept only part of an invitation, especially if your grounds for rejecting that part are that you find it objectionable. It may be possible, but it requires a certain amount of tact. If you do want to attend the whole party minus the stripper, I don't think you should make excuses. People will often try to find a workaround. Just say, "You know, DH and I aren't really comfortable with this particular activity, so we'd like to sit that particular part of the festivities out. Can we go on a beer run/relieve the babysitter then?"



magician5

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #9 on: August 12, 2013, 01:07:47 AM »
You have two minors coming (as far as they know) and they're gonna have a stripper? Will your kid and the other children be elsewhere in the house, fully aware of what's going on, hearing the music and raucous cheering? I think that's pretty close to "just as bad as having seats in the front row".

I'd suggest not going at all.

Alternatively, kill time at a local coffee shop, or go do your grocery shopping ... anything but stay for (and pay for) the stripper.
« Last Edit: August 12, 2013, 01:10:00 AM by magician5 »
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johelenc1

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #10 on: August 12, 2013, 01:13:34 AM »
There are a lot of things wrong with this party.  To start - it's a party that starts at 5pm - and then has activities scheduled at 9pm!  That's 4 hours later!!!    Plus the hour for the activity.  Who plans a 5 hour birthday party.

Second.  A stripper.  Really.  A stripper.  With minors in the house!  Is that even legal?

That is just absolutely nuts.  Either you have a family party or you have a stripper party.  I don't think you can have both.

Third:  They want the guests to PAY for the stripper!!!  Are you kidding me?

Not only would I not pay for the stripper, I wouldn't go to the party at all.  If I did, I would absolutely leave before the stripper arrives.  Whatever inconvenience there is over when your son starts work is well spent by avoiding the stripper.

If adults want to see/have/go to a stripper, that's absolutely fine.  But to do it knowing there are children in the house is incredibly irresponsible to me.  And, again, don't get me started on asking the guests to pay.

PeterM

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #11 on: August 12, 2013, 01:14:30 AM »
Someone should point out that this is not a good thing to have if kids are at the party.

Seriously. Who hires a stripper for a party that includes kids? That is a phenomenally stupid idea. I just wouldn't attend.

MsMarjorie

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #12 on: August 12, 2013, 01:20:28 AM »
I'm also in the decline camp - or you could just drop in for an hour if you think that would work.
I don't think for a moment they will be able to separate the children from the stripper activities.  As soon as the kids have an inkling something is going on, they'll come running to have a look.  And children are like mercury, there is no way to gather them all up and put them back in one spot.

I think you will  just have to suffer the inconvenience of your son's work pick-up if you want to avoid this disaster.

sammycat

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #13 on: August 12, 2013, 01:33:32 AM »
Thanks for the (very fast!) feedback.

To answer a few questions - there are no shops, cafes etc around to go to during this time, and even if there was, I doubt they'd be open at 9pm on a Saturday.

The birthday girl is unaware of this so far as I know, and I didn't find out about this till after the RSVP. I really like her (and her DH, my cousin), so would like to celebrate with her.

I'm just not sure how many people from "my" family are going; it may be primarily her family and friends (some of whom I do know).  I'm imagining her side has the babysitting thing covered so it would seem a bit odd for me/DH to go and interject into that.

Party length - it's fairly standard here for family parties to go from 5pm till whenever, so the length doesn't seem odd or worry me.

I'm thinking at this point of just leaving at 8.30pm, even though it's going to require a bit of mucking around fetching DS16 from work at 10pm (as it's virtually back near the party site).

johelenc1

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Re: I don't want to see the stripper, thank you.
« Reply #14 on: August 12, 2013, 01:44:41 AM »
This could definitely go under the "none of your business" category, but for me, I would be really tempted to let the BD girl know they were inviting children and a stripper to her home.  Does she really want to  become known as the person who had THAT party?

I also agree that barring some kind of separate building where the children will be, they are going to find out and/or figure out what's going on.  Especially the older ones.