Author Topic: Getting what you want through annoyance  (Read 13575 times)

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Waterlight

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #105 on: August 17, 2013, 08:03:08 PM »
People who act as though they are entitled to special treatment above that of others tend to set my back up.  This tactic would likely have me less likely to help the brontosaurus rather than more likely.  And I can be stubborn.  I am quite capable of ignoring the big brown eyes of my adorable little dog when he is persistently willing me to give him some of my dinner and I like him.  I could easily ignore a brontosaurus, no matter how non-threatening and body-language aligning and all that crap, out of sheer determination that they not "win".  If you reward that behavior, it only encourages the dog...I mean, the brontosaurus, to repeat it.

POD to all of this.  I work in HR, and I've put people on the "do not hire" list because of variations on this behavior.  One woman stopped in to my office multiple times--once to give me a "resume" written on Post-It notes, another time to complete an application and have a brief conversation with the Education Director, another time to complete another application for a different job.  (We never called her for an interview because we had nothing for which she was qualified.  She had received several thanks-but-no-thanks emails from my office, to which she responded that she did have experience in the field.  She just hadn't put it on her applications.)

The final straw came when she followed me into a Safeway on my lunch hour to ask about a job. :o  I was so creeped out I couldn't say a word--but I did put her on the "do not hire" list after that.
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artk2002

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #106 on: August 18, 2013, 01:20:41 AM »
A person using this technique standing near a gate agent has the right to be there.  This is different from some general person who has no business with the gate agent.  When the gate agent sees them continue to stand there, she isn't going to be thinking "why is that person still here?"  She knows very well why that person is still there--they are waiting to know about their seat on the flight.

As soon as the gate agent says "No, I can't help you," or "I'll call you if anything becomes available," you do not have the right to stand there like a forlorn puppy hoping for a treat. You have the responsibility to leave the agent alone to get on with their job.
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ishka

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #107 on: August 18, 2013, 06:59:42 AM »
Manipulating people without making them feel manipulated is a skill and a talent that some people have.  Those few people are not reading this article looking for methods for getting what they want because, on the whole, they already do pretty well at getting what they want.

The people who think this is a great idea and plan to  put it into action at every opportunity are the same people who keep saying "this is not acceptable" when you have explained that there is absolutely no way they are going to get what they want because it simply is not possible.   They are the people who try and get you involved in their problem by continuing to insist that "we" have a problem until they have totally destroyed any smidgeon of empathy or sympathy you might have for them.    They are the people who bombard potential employers with unwanted "follow-up" calls and emails and reassure you that "it's OK" as they push in front of you in a queue

These methods work for some people in some circumstances.  Then they are picked up by large numbers of people, learned by rote and used without consideration for the specifics of the situation, as if they were the equivalent of a magic word that will open all doors and deliver all prizes.

Articles like this release a blight upon the world.

suzieQ

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #108 on: August 18, 2013, 09:26:36 AM »
ITA with the rudeness factor. If someone did this to me, I would happily ignore them because I am used to dealing with much worse behavior from DS when he wants his way. In fact, I showed him the article and tried to get him to read it and use it on me, because it would be much less annoying than his current MO.

I think it preys on the tendency of people to fill an uncomfortable silence. If someone is just looking  at you, saying nothing but obviously engaged in what you are doing/saying to someone else, most people feel a need to fill that silence. And what else is there to say but "oh! I am now able to accommodate you!" in order to make them go away. Because nothing else will work to make them go away. I would be quite happy to just stare back at them if I wasn't busy with other tasks. Perhaps smile and nod at them if they nodded at me. We would like like quite the pair of idiots.  ;D
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Wordgeek

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #109 on: August 18, 2013, 02:30:09 PM »
The discussion about rights relates to legal issues and is not appropriate to the forum.  Drop it.


Shea

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #110 on: August 18, 2013, 04:10:28 PM »
I've had people at the library do something like this with me. A student will want something that is impossible, beyond my control, or just completely SS and after many, many go-rounds of me saying, once again, that whatever they want isn't going to happen and if possible directing them somewhere else, they'll just stand at the desk, staring at me. It doesn't work, and it's highly irritating.


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siamesecat2965

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #111 on: August 18, 2013, 07:27:09 PM »
I've had people at the library do something like this with me. A student will want something that is impossible, beyond my control, or just completely SS and after many, many go-rounds of me saying, once again, that whatever they want isn't going to happen and if possible directing them somewhere else, they'll just stand at the desk, staring at me. It doesn't work, and it's highly irritating.

I get this with some of my customers. Who bring things back way past our 90 day return policy deadline, yet expect me to bend the rules because they had NO idea we changed the return policy 4+ years ago. And then stand there. Waiting for me to say sometinng else. I refuse to, unlike some of my co-workers, and I've found, if they don't get any reaction from me, they go away.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #112 on: August 18, 2013, 07:35:54 PM »
I don't know if it's just his extrovert nature, but my middle son just cannot tolerate silence.  Even if it's not him talking, some sound has to be present around him.   

I on the other hand, enjoy quiet.  There are the few times (and they are few) when things get too quiet for me but in the mornings especially I like my coffee with some peace and quiet to think. 

So he comes downstairs in the mornings and its:

Him: Mom, can I watch Netflix on the tv?
Me: No, I'm enjoying some peace and quiet, it's too early for loudness, and I'm using my laptop.
Him: hums, sings, whistles or gets out a toy that makes a good deal of noise.
Me: Remember I said I was enjoying some peace and quiet and it was too early for a lot of noise?
Him: But I want to watch tv, I'll turn it down!
Me: *realizing perhaps our definition of a lot of noise might be different* No, dear.  I like the peace and quiet that comes from not having the tv on at all.
Him: Can I watch Netflix on your phone in the kitchen?
Me: Keep it plugged in and the volume low.

Hey, it's a compromise and I can't hear it that well when it's in the kitchen. But that's why I hear of this kind of technique and think "Juvenile".
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POF

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #113 on: August 18, 2013, 09:13:05 PM »
Had my specil snowflake employee try this with me a few years ago.  I gaver her review and told her her increase.  Her response. THAT IS NOT ENOUGH OF A RAISE ! and then sat and stared at me. I politely dismissed Snowie from my office and she did not move. After the second request,  I wrote her up for disruptive behavior. I told her the next occasion would be termination.  Reason, insubordinate, refusing to leave managers office is construed as threatening behavior.

Micah

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #114 on: August 18, 2013, 09:37:52 PM »
I've found that a lot of the time if you ask for a discount/upgrade/ entry to somewhere and get denied, you can still get exactly what you want. The 'trick'? After they've said no, while they're bracing themselves for the onslaught of SS or negative behavior they think is coming, you say, politely and cheerfully, "No worries! Just thought it wouldn't hurt to ask." I genuinely mean it when I say it and I am quite prepared to pay full price. Very often though, the other person will take a breath of relief and say, "Just a minute. I'll call the manager/ check the computer. I might be able to help you out somehow."
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PeterM

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #115 on: August 19, 2013, 03:11:09 AM »
Manipulating people without making them feel manipulated is a skill and a talent that some people have.  Those few people are
These methods work for some people in some circumstances.  Then they are picked up by large numbers of people, learned by rote and used without consideration for the specifics of the situation, as if they were the equivalent of a magic word that will open all doors and deliver all prizes.

This is a good point, I think. True master manipulators don't need advice like this, and they could quite possibly get what they want even against the sort of negativity  put forth in this thread. I'll burn in hell before I give in to this idiotic strategy, but I'm willing to believe that a truly gifted manipulator could probably weasel me into something without my realizing it. The woman who wrote the article seems to think she's that sort of insanely gifted person, and can easily teach the same level of skill to anyone. I tend to agree with one of the comments to the original article, that most of her success comes from being a young, pretty woman, and that she's in for a shock as she gets older.

iridaceae

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #116 on: August 19, 2013, 05:28:24 AM »
Yeah we get this kind of person at the hotel all the time. One woman came to check in and wanted sn X room. No problem ; it's what was on her reservation. Then she says "well they told me when I made the reservation that if I want Y in my room I'll need the cheaper smaller room. I want a Y in the X room." We are not talking table or chair; think of it more as a bathtub in a room with only a shower. Yes,  we told her,  that is correct.

They went round and found and round with her where she would just stand and look hopeful/sad and reiterate she wanted an X room with Y. She finally took the X room and every time she walked past the desk she'd double-check with us that we had no X rooms with a Y. Then she'd sigh sadly and explain that we'd ruined her trip.

kherbert05

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #117 on: August 19, 2013, 06:48:46 AM »
Figgie - I don't think you are doing the same thing. Your experience has taught you that because use of an Aisle chair is not part of the normal routine, you have to remain visible to the employees. So you remain visible - without intruding on other people's business.

I think that it is foolish to use this technique in a place with high security like an airport because unusual behavior of any kind can be viewed as suspect.

We have had a couple of teachers assaulted by parents. We can request a member of the core team be present for any meeting, if we are uncomfortable with a parent. Someone that is constantly in our space is frequently a reason teachers ask for a core team member to sit in on meetings. I've only had it happen once but the woman had me backed against the wall  so quickly my usual response was not possible. Another teacher intervened and told the parent off - threatening to call her grandmother about her horrible behavior. (The other teacher had taught this woman, this woman's mother, and the woman's daughter who was in my class. She also went to church with the woman's grandmother. Got to love teaching in a small town)


Edited because it sounded like I was saying Figgie was wrong when I think what she is doing is a good idea.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2013, 06:51:32 AM by kherbert05 »
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oogyda

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #118 on: August 19, 2013, 08:01:06 AM »
The impression left after reading the article is that the author *always* gets whatever it is they want.  Is that true?  I highly doubt it.
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Hillia

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #119 on: August 19, 2013, 09:27:07 AM »
The difference in Figgie's situation is that she's just reminding the airport employee of an already-agreed-upon arrangement that she purchased with her ticket - the right to preboard using the aisle chair.  She's not asking for a special accommodation at the expense of the other passengers, or demanding something she's already been told isn't possible.  I can absolutely see why you'd want to keep yourself visible during the pre-boarding madness, ready to move quickly in case something goes awry.  Ultimately, having your needs met will allow the rest of the passengers to board more quickly and efficiently also.

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