Author Topic: Getting what you want through annoyance  (Read 13265 times)

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*inviteseller

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #15 on: August 14, 2013, 11:18:29 AM »
I read the article..and it is rude.  You (General) may not be in the persons face, but because you don't like the answer, you are to stand there waiting for them to give in or perform some sort of miracle for them to make your request come true.  I ask a person if they have something/can do something for me and they tell me "no, we don't have it/we can't get it" whatever, I thank them and leave to see if I can get it somewhere else.  It basically is telling you do not take no for an answer in a very passive/aggressive way IMO.

I am a mom and I worked in retail and retail management for more years than I care to admit to.  No amount of PA behavior will change my mind or make something happen that I can't do and if you (general) want to stand there with your hands clasped trying to outlast me, good luck.  I accept the challenge and know you have decided to play with a very worthy adversary.  Just ask my teen DD  ::)

CakeBeret

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #16 on: August 14, 2013, 11:19:23 AM »
How annoying and entitled.

I really hope that this does not catch on and become a "thing".
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stargazer

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #17 on: August 14, 2013, 11:19:39 AM »
I read the article and having someone stare at me constantly from a short distance away is just going to annoy the heck out of me and make me NOT want to do what they have requested, especially if I have already told them it is not possible. 

Firecat

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #18 on: August 14, 2013, 11:21:42 AM »
It's really not about pressuring them. There's no threat.

It's about using your body language to align yourself with them, to indicate nonverbally (so that you don't interrupt them) that you are like them, that you are on their team. You stay in their peripheral vision so that your message can get through, but you *do* step away. And you wait.

While you are waiting, you use your body (not your voice) to indicate that you are a friendly, supportive presence, someone they are receiving good vibes from.

It's a common tactic in groups (and it often happens involuntarily as well)--people who agree often end up in the same body language (arms crossed). So if you want to send the message to someone that you agree with them (actively instead of passively), you can assume the same posture they have. They'll pick up on it.

That's really all it is.

So that when they do finally have an opportunity to see if there's a seat available (the example given), they will have a favorable reaction to you. It's not going to get you a seat if one isn't available.
   But it will get you consideration over others, or it can persuade the gatekeeper to do you a favor that's within their power.

I found that dwelling too much on the comments here got in the way of understanding what the author of the actual piece was saying.

I read what she was saying; all I'm saying is that this approach would NOT work with me. The way it's described reminds me way too much of the creepy guys who hover in a woman's vicinity rather than actually talking to her. As a result, I would feel creeped out and annoyed...and probably even MORE annoyed if I had asked the person to step away/sit down/whatever and they had failed to follow that direction. But then, I HATE "hovering" behavior with a white-hot passion.

MindsEye

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #19 on: August 14, 2013, 11:23:29 AM »
The article lost me right at the beginning, right at this bolded line...

"Amy Webb stresses that the savvy air traveler must invest energy in grooming the airport staff. “Stand next to the gate agent, even if they ask you to sit down,” she writes. “Be polite but firm. … Ultimately, they just want you to go away and not be their problem anymore.”"

Because disobeying the gate agent is such a great tactic!

Frankly, the article set my teeth on edge so much, that if I were ever in the position where someone was trying that "technique" on me, I think that I would go out of my way to deny them whatever they wanted.

Firecat

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #20 on: August 14, 2013, 11:26:56 AM »
The article lost me right at the beginning, right at this bolded line...

"Amy Webb stresses that the savvy air traveler must invest energy in grooming the airport staff. “Stand next to the gate agent, even if they ask you to sit down,” she writes. “Be polite but firm. … Ultimately, they just want you to go away and not be their problem anymore.”"

Because disobeying the gate agent is such a great tactic!
Frankly, the article set my teeth on edge so much, that if I were ever in the position where someone was trying that "technique" on me, I think that I would go out of my way to deny them whatever they wanted.

The bolded struck me, too...sounds to me like a really good way to end up having a deeply unpleasant conversation with the TSA/airport security.

crella

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #21 on: August 14, 2013, 11:27:58 AM »
I read it, but almost didn't after this-

Quote
because Slate readers deserve to know about a foolproof method of persuasion for securing a seat on a packed flight—and for that matter, for convincing authority figures of all stripes to give us things that aren’t ours.

Ugh.

It's good to be Queen

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #22 on: August 14, 2013, 11:31:10 AM »
To me the really rude part is that if someone gives in to you, they are basically depriving someone else.  The gate agent who moves you up the standby list is moving someone else down.  The bouncer who lets you in is filling a slot that should have gone to the next person in line.  It seems very special snowflake to me.

nyoprinces

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #23 on: August 14, 2013, 11:42:49 AM »
I get the impression that the writer of the piece has the type of demeanor that makes their little technique effective, but most people do not. There are certain types of people/faces/personalities who can pull this off, but the vast majority of people just can't. I'm thinking of the stereotypical movie-nun - the one who gets everything she asks for because no one can say no to a Sister. But I think most people, if they were to try doing this, would miss "benign" and land on "creepy." I think the writer is fortunate enough to have a face and personality that can use her technique to make things to her way, but it's most definitely dependent on the individual trying to do it.

cwm

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #24 on: August 14, 2013, 11:46:13 AM »
Toots, I did read the article. And even if someone was just standing, ostensibly politely, in my peripheral, it would only serve to creep me out. It's a terrible tactic to use. It's like saying that someone can't get what they want, so they should wait around on the fringes of the situation, a constant presence on the edges of someone who's doing their job, until you get what you want. It doesn't matter how much you mirror their behavior or seem to support the worker, what this brontosaurus is doing is terribly rude and uncouth.

If a gate attendant told someone that they couldn't help them and the person stood off to the side, I'd be worried that that person may be listening in on other conversations the gate agent has. If someone's standing off to the side of a bouncer, waiting to be let in when they don't have a ticket, that's so entitled I can't even begin to fathom it. If you do not have a ticket, you do not get entry to whatever ticketed event it is. Sorry. No amount of standing around "politely" should change that.

SlitherHiss

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #25 on: August 14, 2013, 12:13:15 PM »
Read the article; it's pretty rude. Creepy, even. In no way would I want to see this advocated as polite or appropriate.

Idlewildstudios

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #26 on: August 14, 2013, 12:20:47 PM »
Rude and entitled.  They got a former  boss to make a change to a plan that they admit was an inconvience to said boss.  Wonder if that's why it is a "former" boss.

If I was a person who followed the rules and waited my turn and someone who employed these techniques jumped the line or took my spot I'd be angry.

thedudeabides

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #27 on: August 14, 2013, 12:35:50 PM »
Toots, just because people disagree with you doesn't mean they don't understand, and telling them that is completely off-putting and condescending. It implies that they're not smart enough to come to the obviously correct conclusion you did and therefore must be wrong. Not cool.

The tactic described is absolutely rude, and I can't imagine it would work all that often without earning someone a fearsome reputation for being a jerk.

Yvaine

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #28 on: August 14, 2013, 12:44:37 PM »
Toots, just because people disagree with you doesn't mean they don't understand, and telling them that is completely off-putting and condescending. It implies that they're not smart enough to come to the obviously correct conclusion you did and therefore must be wrong. Not cool.

The tactic described is absolutely rude, and I can't imagine it would work all that often without earning someone a fearsome reputation for being a jerk.

Yeah, it might work once, but I think if you tried it a bunch of times in the same setting (like on your boss), they'd probably catch on and start resenting it.

Tea Drinker

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #29 on: August 14, 2013, 12:46:24 PM »
The other thing that got to me about that article is that with the very last technique--manipulating an electronic boarding pass to jump to the front of the line and get carry-on space--the author admits that this is at the expense of other passengers. As if they believe, or expect the reader to believe, that the rest of the techniques aren't designed to get things that otherwise would go to some other passenger.

If there was an unlimited, or even adequate-to-demand, number of upgrades, seats on a different flight, etc., none of these techniques would be needed. I would be more comfortable if it were presented as "some other passengers are using these techniques to improve their chances, you should know about them too" rather than "here are a dozen ways to get an advantage over the other passengers, but we're going to pretend that most of them are you vs. the airline, in a vacuum." Yes, it's worth knowing when to call the airline for rebooking rather than waiting in a long line, but don't pretend that this is just to save yourself time standing in line: it's to improve the odds that you rather than someone else will get that last seat on the flight to Pittsburgh. I think the only non-competitive thing in there was "don't check a bag, going carry-on only gives you more flexibility."
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