Author Topic: Getting what you want through annoyance  (Read 13318 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Yvaine

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8855
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #30 on: August 14, 2013, 12:48:26 PM »
I get the impression that the writer of the piece has the type of demeanor that makes their little technique effective, but most people do not. There are certain types of people/faces/personalities who can pull this off, but the vast majority of people just can't. I'm thinking of the stereotypical movie-nun - the one who gets everything she asks for because no one can say no to a Sister. But I think most people, if they were to try doing this, would miss "benign" and land on "creepy." I think the writer is fortunate enough to have a face and personality that can use her technique to make things to her way, but it's most definitely dependent on the individual trying to do it.

This too. I picture it mostly working for people who have a "grandmotherly" aura.

stargazer159

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #31 on: August 14, 2013, 01:39:22 PM »
I think there is another level of rudeness in this: that the person is saying "no" because they are mean and/or lazy, not that they just cannot do what you want.

Also, the picture is creepy.

Wordgeek

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 2023
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #32 on: August 14, 2013, 01:39:51 PM »
No, no, no--you guys need to go read the article first.

I agree with those who reported this post.  As was pointed out in the various reports, Toots has difficulty acknowledging that people can *understand* her points but still disagree.  Why this poses such a challenge for her, I'm not sure, but it's come up often enough recently that it's time for her to take a break.



esposita

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 516
  • If you have the power to make someone happy, do it
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #33 on: August 14, 2013, 02:10:45 PM »
Ugh. Wow. I have seen the kindly brontosaurus before, and my only thought is that whoever is doing it is likely to use their giant dinosaur feet to step on whoever isn't giving them their way. It reminds me of well, myself, when I was little asking for so something for the seventeenth time only now, I was asking my mom in front of grandma in order to manipulate the situation.

Seriously, the picture makes that woman look all kinds of special-snowflakey.

ddawn23

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 207
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #34 on: August 14, 2013, 02:16:25 PM »
If a gate attendant told someone that they couldn't help them and the person stood off to the side, I'd be worried that that person may be listening in on other conversations the gate agent has.
That's even part of the 'technique':
Quote
Assemble your features in an understanding, even beatific expression. Do not speak unless asked a question. Whenever the gate agent says anything, whether to you or other would-be passengers, you must nod empathically.
So creepy, and yes, rude.

BeagleMommy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3110
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #35 on: August 14, 2013, 02:21:26 PM »
I would also find this rude and/or manipulative.  Although, this technique wouldn't work on me.  If I tell you I can't do something and you move to the side, clasp your hands as if in prayer and plaster a beatific expression on your face I'm going to turn away from you and completely ignore you.

Wanna bet who'll break first?

SlitherHiss

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 231
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #36 on: August 14, 2013, 02:26:16 PM »
I would also find this rude and/or manipulative.  Although, this technique wouldn't work on me.  If I tell you I can't do something and you move to the side, clasp your hands as if in prayer and plaster a beatific expression on your face I'm going to turn away from you and completely ignore you.

Wanna bet who'll break first?

Either that, or "Hello, Security?"

Thipu1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6767
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #37 on: August 14, 2013, 06:25:55 PM »
I read the entire article and I think the advice is wrong, wrong, wrong. 

It sounds almost as if the 'supplicant' should resemble the family dog (with melting eyes) waiting patiently by the breakfast table for a handout of bacon.

Also, doesn't the author of the article think that airline personnel haven't seen this strategy?  You can bet they know it inside and out.   

oogyda

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3644
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #38 on: August 14, 2013, 06:49:56 PM »
Wow!  I guess I had it all wrong! 

Two instances come to mind that actually involve air travel.  In the first, I approached the gate agent to inquire if there were any upgrades available.  Unfortunately, my ticket designation did not allow for upgrades.  Okay.  Thank you, anyway.  I should add that my demeanor was polite, friendly and confident.  He called me to the desk after they had started the boarding process and I got the upgrade.

In the second instance, I asked the agent at the ticket counter if there were any upgrades available.  There weren't.  Okay.  Thank you, anyway.  Again, my demeanor was polite, friendly and confident.  We chatted a little...very light-hearted somewhat joking around and he "upgraded" me as much as he could.  He put me in a window seat behind the exit row where there was no seat in front of me.

I have found in most cases (even those that don't involve air travel) being polite, friendly and confident AND willing to accept "No." for an answer seems to work very well.  I'm not saying I always get what I want, but I'm surprised at how frequently people do want to do nice things for others.   
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

SlitherHiss

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 231
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #39 on: August 14, 2013, 06:59:45 PM »
Wow!  I guess I had it all wrong! 

Two instances come to mind that actually involve air travel.  In the first, I approached the gate agent to inquire if there were any upgrades available.  Unfortunately, my ticket designation did not allow for upgrades.  Okay.  Thank you, anyway.  I should add that my demeanor was polite, friendly and confident.  He called me to the desk after they had started the boarding process and I got the upgrade.

In the second instance, I asked the agent at the ticket counter if there were any upgrades available.  There weren't.  Okay.  Thank you, anyway.  Again, my demeanor was polite, friendly and confident.  We chatted a little...very light-hearted somewhat joking around and he "upgraded" me as much as he could.  He put me in a window seat behind the exit row where there was no seat in front of me.

I have found in most cases (even those that don't involve air travel) being polite, friendly and confident AND willing to accept "No." for an answer seems to work very well.  I'm not saying I always get what I want, but I'm surprised at how frequently people do want to do nice things for others.

I think your scenarios are markedly different than the article, which advocates standing around looking pathetic.

oogyda

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3644
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #40 on: August 14, 2013, 07:02:41 PM »
Wow!  I guess I had it all wrong! 

Two instances come to mind that actually involve air travel.  In the first, I approached the gate agent to inquire if there were any upgrades available.  Unfortunately, my ticket designation did not allow for upgrades.  Okay.  Thank you, anyway.  I should add that my demeanor was polite, friendly and confident.  He called me to the desk after they had started the boarding process and I got the upgrade.

In the second instance, I asked the agent at the ticket counter if there were any upgrades available.  There weren't.  Okay.  Thank you, anyway.  Again, my demeanor was polite, friendly and confident.  We chatted a little...very light-hearted somewhat joking around and he "upgraded" me as much as he could.  He put me in a window seat behind the exit row where there was no seat in front of me.

I have found in most cases (even those that don't involve air travel) being polite, friendly and confident AND willing to accept "No." for an answer seems to work very well.  I'm not saying I always get what I want, but I'm surprised at how frequently people do want to do nice things for others.

I think your scenarios are markedly different than the article, which advocates standing around looking pathetic.

That was the point I was trying to make.  When I said I had it wrong, I was being sarcastic.  I should know by now that sarcasm doesn't always translate well in writing.  My apologies.
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

SlitherHiss

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 231
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #41 on: August 14, 2013, 07:07:14 PM »
Wow!  I guess I had it all wrong! 

Two instances come to mind that actually involve air travel.  In the first, I approached the gate agent to inquire if there were any upgrades available.  Unfortunately, my ticket designation did not allow for upgrades.  Okay.  Thank you, anyway.  I should add that my demeanor was polite, friendly and confident.  He called me to the desk after they had started the boarding process and I got the upgrade.

In the second instance, I asked the agent at the ticket counter if there were any upgrades available.  There weren't.  Okay.  Thank you, anyway.  Again, my demeanor was polite, friendly and confident.  We chatted a little...very light-hearted somewhat joking around and he "upgraded" me as much as he could.  He put me in a window seat behind the exit row where there was no seat in front of me.

I have found in most cases (even those that don't involve air travel) being polite, friendly and confident AND willing to accept "No." for an answer seems to work very well.  I'm not saying I always get what I want, but I'm surprised at how frequently people do want to do nice things for others.

I think your scenarios are markedly different than the article, which advocates standing around looking pathetic.

That was the point I was trying to make.  When I said I had it wrong, I was being sarcastic.  I should know by now that sarcasm doesn't always translate well in writing.  My apologies.

Lol! I guess we really do need a sarc mark.

POF

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2678
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #42 on: August 14, 2013, 07:09:56 PM »
I had a woman do this at my yard sale - I told her the price for my bike and she kept staring at me and refused to take no for an answer to her crazy counter offer.  I put the bike in the backyard and told her it was no longer for sale.  She sat in her car for 45 minutes got out and kept at me. 

She actually got scary ( and then stole two shirts ) - I will neve rhave another yard sale.

This is really rude behavior. 

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11010
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #43 on: August 14, 2013, 07:12:36 PM »
This mentality of annoying someone until you get your way is so unbelievably childish.  The mindset of "I'll just wear mom down until she just wants me to leave her alone so she'll give me whatever it is I want!!"

Mind you a child might not use the kindly brontosaurus method but it's the same mentality.  Or as a PP mentioned, it's like the family dog, standing by with big eyes and hoping if they look pitiful enough you'll toss them a bit of bacon.  Or if they stand under the toddler's chair they'll get some food...oh wait, that's one of my cats...

I wish I could say I was surprised someone was endorsing this sort of behavior.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

hobish

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18186
  • Release the gelfling!
Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #44 on: August 14, 2013, 07:25:26 PM »
It's really not about pressuring them. There's no threat.

It's about using your body language to align yourself with them, to indicate nonverbally (so that you don't interrupt them) that you are like them, that you are on their team. You stay in their peripheral vision so that your message can get through, but you *do* step away. And you wait.

While you are waiting, you use your body (not your voice) to indicate that you are a friendly, supportive presence, someone they are receiving good vibes from.

It's a common tactic in groups (and it often happens involuntarily as well)--people who agree often end up in the same body language (arms crossed). So if you want to send the message to someone that you agree with them (actively instead of passively), you can assume the same posture they have. They'll pick up on it.

That's really all it is.

So that when they do finally have an opportunity to see if there's a seat available (the example given), they will have a favorable reaction to you. It's not going to get you a seat if one isn't available.
   But it will get you consideration over others, or it can persuade the gatekeeper to do you a favor that's within their power.

I found that dwelling too much on the comments here got in the way of understanding what the author of the actual piece was saying.

I'm not getting that at all. It seems seriously creepy, not comforting or "We're on the same team." I'm also thinking (and kind of hoping) it is a little tongue in cheek.

 ;D The comments on the article are pretty funny.

ETA: I have to admit I really want to try this, just for kicks. >Smiles beatifically while beaming at you<
« Last Edit: August 14, 2013, 07:30:31 PM by hobish »
It's alright, man. I'm only bleeding, man. Stay hungry, stay free, and do the best you can.
~Gaslight Anthem