Author Topic: Getting what you want through annoyance  (Read 13801 times)

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shhh its me

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #45 on: August 14, 2013, 08:04:43 PM »
Wow!  I guess I had it all wrong! 

Two instances come to mind that actually involve air travel.  In the first, I approached the gate agent to inquire if there were any upgrades available.  Unfortunately, my ticket designation did not allow for upgrades.  Okay.  Thank you, anyway.  I should add that my demeanor was polite, friendly and confident.  He called me to the desk after they had started the boarding process and I got the upgrade.

In the second instance, I asked the agent at the ticket counter if there were any upgrades available.  There weren't.  Okay.  Thank you, anyway.  Again, my demeanor was polite, friendly and confident.  We chatted a little...very light-hearted somewhat joking around and he "upgraded" me as much as he could.  He put me in a window seat behind the exit row where there was no seat in front of me.

I have found in most cases (even those that don't involve air travel) being polite, friendly and confident AND willing to accept "No." for an answer seems to work very well.  I'm not saying I always get what I want, but I'm surprised at how frequently people do want to do nice things for others.

I think your scenarios are markedly different than the article, which advocates standing around looking pathetic.

I think this is why so people may be willing to give the advise in the article a try.   While being polite worked in your case its also true "No" wasn't the real answer  , "there are none at this time and its unlikely any will open up " appears to be the real answer.  Maybe you were the first person to ask , maybe you asked the most pleasantly.   

Does anyone recall that airport reality series , one impression it gave was that airline employees had a great deal of leeway in how helpful they could chose it be.  In the case were they  put her on a plane after the gate had been closed , shouldn't someone have been in that seat? it was an over booked flight people were being paid to give up their seats , how was there an open seat?  (unless they had someone deboard? )  20 years ago some people advocated being loud , aggressive persistent to get you way. Well in an airport loud and aggressively persistent can get you removed , banned from flying or possible arrested.  I think this is the next generation of that advice "be the squeaky wheel".  I can tell you that uncomfortable silence  and persistence does work . I've used it.  A company and bank made and egregious error which resulted in the company having my money. They knew it was mine and acknowledge the error was theirs but suggested a series of hoops I should jump though(the easiest way on them to fix it) which would result me getting it back in several weeks.  I wouldn't leave until "sorry it cant be fixed now" became a sincere " I will try everything and call everyone to get it fixed now" 

I don't think stand near but not too near until you get what you want is rude in and of itself.  I think make people uncomfortable until they give into unreasonable demands is.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #46 on: August 14, 2013, 09:14:11 PM »
I don't see anything rude about it.

It would be even better advice for getting those things that you are supposed to have that people or companies don't want to give you.

Many people become frustrated when they want or need something and getting frustrated is the best way to not get it.  Indeed, showing submission with your body language, remaining and calm but not retreating is a way to be firm without being rude.

Giving into to someone's tantrum does not give one the satisfaction of a job well done.  But, rewarding someone's patience can.  Someone actively acknowledging in their body language and presence your position becomes an ally particularly if there are others present who are being difficult.

Etiquette is all about social interaction.  It makes a lot of sense that someone projecting calm, peace and agreement would come to be seen as an ally and therefore get special treatment.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #47 on: August 14, 2013, 09:24:58 PM »
Looking at this picture in the article, this whole posture thing the one woman is doing doesn't really help my opinion of it.

There's just something unnerving about someone staring at you like this:



It's like trying to achieve the Jedi mind trick without actually waving one's hand.   
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Miss March

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #48 on: August 14, 2013, 11:16:50 PM »
I'm reminded of a time when I was confronted by a hotel guest who was in a tizzy because she realized that she had forgotten to change her voice mail at work to reflect that she would be out of the office for several days. As a result, she was standing in front of me, demanding I give her access to make a free international phone call. We simply didn't offer that sort of phone service to guests in that hotel. And yet over and over, the woman used the language of "We have a problem here. Let's brain storm. How are we going to solve this?" And then she'd look at me expectantly. It felt very much like a language technique that she had been told would cause service people to 'bond' with her to try and solve a problem. All it did was exasperate me. I just had to keep explaining to her that she needed to resolve the issue by her own means-- buying an international calling card, sending an email to a co-worker asking them to fix her voice mail, etc. I kept rejecting her "we" language with, "You will need to..." language. She attempted to take the matter to higher management, but in this case, everyone was very clear with her that this was a personal issue that the hotel would not be able to resolve for her.

I just remember with distaste that feeling of 'being handled' by someone: of sensing them actively using a technique on you to get their way.  Instead of making me feel partnered with her, it made me feel defensive against her.
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gmatoy

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #49 on: August 14, 2013, 11:32:12 PM »
So, is anyone else thinking that this will not work very well in the future because everyone will read this  and /or tell everyone else about it? When everyone knows the "tricks of the trade" they aren't really tricks any more, are they?

LeveeWoman

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #50 on: August 14, 2013, 11:34:58 PM »
I'm reminded of a time when I was confronted by a hotel guest who was in a tizzy because she realized that she had forgotten to change her voice mail at work to reflect that she would be out of the office for several days. As a result, she was standing in front of me, demanding I give her access to make a free international phone call. We simply didn't offer that sort of phone service to guests in that hotel. And yet over and over, the woman used the language of "We have a problem here. Let's brain storm. How are we going to solve this?" And then she'd look at me expectantly. It felt very much like a language technique that she had been told would cause service people to 'bond' with her to try and solve a problem. All it did was exasperate me. I just had to keep explaining to her that she needed to resolve the issue by her own means-- buying an international calling card, sending an email to a co-worker asking them to fix her voice mail, etc. I kept rejecting her "we" language with, "You will need to..." language. She attempted to take the matter to higher management, but in this case, everyone was very clear with her that this was a personal issue that the hotel would not be able to resolve for her.

I just remember with distaste that feeling of 'being handled' by someone: of sensing them actively using a technique on you to get their way.  Instead of making me feel partnered with her, it made me feel defensive against her.

I would've been sorely tempted to ask in a puzzled voice "'We'? Ma'am, do you have a mouse in your pocket?"

Yvaine

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #51 on: August 14, 2013, 11:40:11 PM »
So, is anyone else thinking that this will not work very well in the future because everyone will read this  and /or tell everyone else about it? When everyone knows the "tricks of the trade" they aren't really tricks any more, are they?

I'm picturing the entire crowd standing there looking vaguely prayerful and coming off as some weird cult.

TeamBhakta

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #52 on: August 14, 2013, 11:43:36 PM »
So, is anyone else thinking that this will not work very well in the future because everyone will read this  and /or tell everyone else about it? When everyone knows the "tricks of the trade" they aren't really tricks any more, are they?

It'll become the new version of "(Tee hee), excuse me, Miss, it's (not actually) our anniversary / birthday / honeymoon *pointedly waits for offering of perks*." Or those coupon people who used to suggest on Oprah "Write a kiss up letter and Big Famous Company will send you a coupon for a free product."

Looking at this picture in the article, this whole posture thing the one woman is doing doesn't really help my opinion of it.

There's just something unnerving about someone staring at you like this:

She looks like one of those customers who'll walk away later and loudly say "Female dog...."  :P
« Last Edit: August 14, 2013, 11:46:14 PM by TeamBhakta »

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #53 on: August 14, 2013, 11:45:01 PM »
Evil pirate would be tempted to say "You must be using the royal 'We' cause I know you were already told several times by several people that's the only way it was going to be taken care of."

So, is anyone else thinking that this will not work very well in the future because everyone will read this  and /or tell everyone else about it? When everyone knows the "tricks of the trade" they aren't really tricks any more, are they?

I'm picturing the entire crowd standing there looking vaguely prayerful and coming off as some weird cult.

LOL!!!!!!!  "If you stare at them, it will work..."

Reminds me of what Jack Sparrow says to the guards persisting in trying to get the keys from the dog.  "You can keep doing that forever, the dog is never going to move."  In fact if I saw people doing this to someone else I'd be tempted to paraphrase the good captain a bit. :)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

*inviteseller

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #54 on: August 15, 2013, 12:04:50 AM »
That picture creeped me out too...and if someone stood in front of me like that I would just stare back with the most bland look on my face and ask if they needed the restroom key.  There is nothing wrong with asking for what you want, be it a hotel, store, restaurant, airline, work..but to make people uncomfortable like standing there staring like Rover waiting for that bacon isn't going to get you anything.  If suddenly a no can somehow be turned into a yes, that person you asked will find you, but to just stand there and stare..like another poster said, it is like the creepy guy you turned down a dance with at the night club just hovering around staring at you in case you change your mind. 

And I hate the "we" lines so bad it almost hurts.  It is almost always said in a patronizing voice and there is no we to it..it is someone trying to make you do their bidding!

TeamBhakta

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #55 on: August 15, 2013, 12:07:07 AM »
"If you stare at it, they will come around and give it to you" - Field of SS Dreams

Cherry91

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #56 on: August 15, 2013, 07:51:39 AM »
I read the article and it completely put my teeth on edge! If you hover like that, you're being PA in my opinion. Not to mention, you're intruding on other customers and disrupting the employee.

I have a family friend who often gets upgraded when he flies, or if there's a mistake or delay, he ends up getting his entire flight refunded or something. His secret? He's never anything less than lovely to everyone he deals with, without being patronisingly chummy, he's patient and he understands that very often the person at the desk has little control over what's happening. If someone asked him to sit down, he would do so, he wouldn't hover over them like the article recommends.

He also has an Irish accent. That might help.

Yarnspinner

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #57 on: August 15, 2013, 08:38:08 AM »
Okay.  Read the article and wished I had keptp my bite plate in as I compoletely ground my teeth while reading.

We have several patrons who use this exact method in the high hopes of getting more time on computers, getting us to give them free ear buds, free flash drives, free whatevers, special favors.....They will stand to the side, rocking hopefully back and forth, watching wistfully as other patrons come up to the desk to pay for guest passes and printouts.  And periodically, when we tell the Kindly Brontosaurus "no" they will say "Ree-ally?"  "Are you SURE?"  Yes, really I am SURE because you have ticked me off so much that I will let you stand there all day instead of sitting down at the desk reading a newspaper or waiting through your lunch hour.  Nope, not happening.

Goosey

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #58 on: August 15, 2013, 09:04:18 AM »
I have found it much more productive to be super polite and understanding and follow instructions when dealing with airport employees. Annoying them is not going to make them super happy with you. Just because you're annoying them in a different way than the dude being verbally aggressive doesn't make you any better - you're still stressing them out. It's refreshing to them to have someone that isn't going to give them trouble.

ettiquit

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #59 on: August 15, 2013, 09:25:21 AM »
I read the article and it completely put my teeth on edge! If you hover like that, you're being PA in my opinion. Not to mention, you're intruding on other customers and disrupting the employee.

I have a family friend who often gets upgraded when he flies, or if there's a mistake or delay, he ends up getting his entire flight refunded or something. His secret? He's never anything less than lovely to everyone he deals with, without being patronisingly chummy, he's patient and he understands that very often the person at the desk has little control over what's happening. If someone asked him to sit down, he would do so, he wouldn't hover over them like the article recommends.

He also has an Irish accent. That might help.

Yup. I've always understood that the best tactic to "maybe" get something you want is to be polite and gracious. Always take no for an answer, always smile, and I'll often do a little bit of small talk (nothing time consuming). It doesn't work all that often, but I don't have a sexy accent either.  ;D