Author Topic: Getting what you want through annoyance  (Read 12875 times)

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Coralreef

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #60 on: August 15, 2013, 09:26:10 AM »
Looking at this picture in the article, this whole posture thing the one woman is doing doesn't really help my opinion of it.

There's just something unnerving about someone staring at you like this:



It's like trying to achieve the Jedi mind trick without actually waving one's hand.   

Service employees dealing with someone like that should be allowed to use a spray water bottle.  You want to behave like a begging dog, be treated like one *squirt, squirt*  >:D  Someone looking at me this way would make me uncomfortable and under attack.  I wouldn't react well.

I have found it much more productive to be super polite and understanding and follow instructions when dealing with airport employees. 


Snipped the quote a bit, but that is true for everyone dealing with the public. 

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #61 on: August 15, 2013, 09:32:49 AM »
I also don't like being stared at *well, does anyone but for the narcissistic?* so that would be the best way to NOT get what you want out of me! In fact it might inspire me to call security.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

zinzin

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #62 on: August 15, 2013, 10:15:03 AM »
Wow!  I guess I had it all wrong! 

Two instances come to mind that actually involve air travel.  In the first, I approached the gate agent to inquire if there were any upgrades available.  Unfortunately, my ticket designation did not allow for upgrades.  Okay.  Thank you, anyway.  I should add that my demeanor was polite, friendly and confident.  He called me to the desk after they had started the boarding process and I got the upgrade.

In the second instance, I asked the agent at the ticket counter if there were any upgrades available.  There weren't.  Okay.  Thank you, anyway.  Again, my demeanor was polite, friendly and confident.  We chatted a little...very light-hearted somewhat joking around and he "upgraded" me as much as he could.  He put me in a window seat behind the exit row where there was no seat in front of me.

I have found in most cases (even those that don't involve air travel) being polite, friendly and confident AND willing to accept "No." for an answer seems to work very well.  I'm not saying I always get what I want, but I'm surprised at how frequently people do want to do nice things for others.

Totally agree. Being pleasant and polite usually works quite well. No need to manipulative games, posturing, and smug little "nod-alongs". It's amazing how successful you can be by simply treating people like people, not as targets. In fact, I think the "just be nice and treat them like a human" approach is absolutely best at the airport, where workers are generally fed up with the manipulative passive-aggressive approaches the article advocates and the outright agro passengers. I've simply walked up with a smile, said "sorry, it seems to be a rough day for you guys today!" and behaved like a normal polite customer and gotten outstanding service in those cases. It defuses the "competitive" atmosphere the other two approaches foster because it's not a freaking competition! I also think it's terribly rude to ask for things you know will inconvenience others (e.g. her story about offering to take a later flight for compensation, then wanting to be put back on after a fickle change of mind).

I've had similar conversations like this where people talk about how to "get out" of tickets - all the advice to say this, do that, act this way, tell this story. All these little mind games. It's funny, because when I've been pulled over, I am pleasant, treat the officer like a human and acknowledge the situation - and I have often been let off with a warning. Wow, being nice to fellow humans works better than little games - who'd've thunk it!
« Last Edit: August 15, 2013, 10:25:48 AM by zinzin »

Snowy Owl

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #63 on: August 15, 2013, 05:21:29 PM »
I just remember with distaste that feeling of 'being handled' by someone: of sensing them actively using a technique on you to get their way.  Instead of making me feel partnered with her, it made me feel defensive against her.

This so much.  I hate it when I feel people are using a technique to get me to do things.  I've had the same experience with people saying "how are we going to solve this" when there is nothing I can solve and repeating that won't get me to do what they want (usually because what they want is a service that my company doesn't provide).

Ask for what you want and I'll talk to you and try and find a solution within the parameters of my job.  Try and manipulate me and I am likely to get my back up and close the conversation down. 
And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.

Friedrich Nietzsche

veronaz

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #64 on: August 15, 2013, 05:32:29 PM »
Nope, that wouldn't work with me.  Acting like that would only strengthen my resolve not to give in to their unreasonable demands.

I'd sooner call the police and have the annoying person given a trespass warning and removed from the establishment.

POD to this.

magicdomino

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #65 on: August 15, 2013, 06:06:31 PM »
I just remember with distaste that feeling of 'being handled' by someone: of sensing them actively using a technique on you to get their way.  Instead of making me feel partnered with her, it made me feel defensive against her.

This so much.  I hate it when I feel people are using a technique to get me to do things.  I've had the same experience with people saying "how are we going to solve this" when there is nothing I can solve and repeating that won't get me to do what they want (usually because what they want is a service that my company doesn't provide).

I used to have a supervisor with a degree in Early Child Development.  Techniques recommended for three-year-olds are painfully obvious when applied to 23-year-olds.

daen

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #66 on: August 15, 2013, 09:50:31 PM »
I just remember with distaste that feeling of 'being handled' by someone: of sensing them actively using a technique on you to get their way.  Instead of making me feel partnered with her, it made me feel defensive against her.

This so much.  I hate it when I feel people are using a technique to get me to do things.  I've had the same experience with people saying "how are we going to solve this" when there is nothing I can solve and repeating that won't get me to do what they want (usually because what they want is a service that my company doesn't provide).

Ask for what you want and I'll talk to you and try and find a solution within the parameters of my job.  Try and manipulate me and I am likely to get my back up and close the conversation down. 

The first time I read about  the "faux we" technique, the example used was of a guy who figured out that a woman was going to feed her cat. He took the grocery bags out of the woman's hand, said lightly "We'd better hurry - we've got a hungry cat up there," and manipulated his way into her apartment... where he assaulted her.

My visceral response to a "faux we" is immediate and very negative.

Olympia

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #67 on: August 15, 2013, 10:12:38 PM »
Looking at this picture in the article, this whole posture thing the one woman is doing doesn't really help my opinion of it.

There's just something unnerving about someone staring at you like this:

She looks like one of those customers who'll walk away later and loudly say "Female dog...."  :P

She looks slightly deranged.

sammycat

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #68 on: August 15, 2013, 10:15:06 PM »
The techniques mentioned in the article would ensure I would not give the person what they wanted, on principle. They're rude, creepy, entitled and condescending. They would instantly get crossed off any (mental) list I had of people needing to catch the next flight/get the next available widget etc.

The picture of the woman in the article standing near the desk just oozed entitlement.

Many years ago I had a friend whose mother told her that as long as she asked for something politely, there was no reason for people not to give it to her.  Ummm. No. I don't care how politely someone asks me to change the channel/jump ahead of me in line/expect me to do an activity I can't/don't want to do, it's just not going to happen simply because you add 'please' to the end.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #69 on: August 15, 2013, 10:20:35 PM »
I'm reminded of Gru's words.  "The appearance of the please makes no difference."
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

TeamBhakta

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #70 on: August 15, 2013, 10:52:13 PM »
The techniques mentioned in the article would ensure I would not give the person what they wanted, on principle. They're rude, creepy, entitled and condescending. They would instantly get crossed off any (mental) list I had of people needing to catch the next flight/get the next available widget etc.

The picture of the woman in the article standing near the desk just oozed entitlement.

Many years ago I had a friend whose mother told her that as long as she asked for something politely, there was no reason for people not to give it to her.  Ummm. No. I don't care how politely someone asks me to change the channel/jump ahead of me in line/expect me to do an activity I can't/don't want to do, it's just not going to happen simply because you add 'please' to the end.

Sounds like Michelle from Full House:

Michelle: May I have that cupcake, please?
Stephanie: No, you may not.
Michelle: But I was polite, and I said please.
Stephanie: I was polite, too. I said "No, you may not".
Michelle: (slams her star on table) Guess what? Politeness Week is over! (she grabs cupcake and runs)
Stephanie: How rude!

miranova

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #71 on: August 15, 2013, 11:05:27 PM »
That photo is definitely creepy.  I do think the tactic might work at times, because I do think the squeaky wheel gets the oil at time (I know the wheel in this case is silent not squeaky, but you know what I mean....people do tend to get their way sometimes just because they are annoying).  However, that doesn't make it polite.

However, I don't think the behavior is at all threatening, just annoying.  Standing to the side silently is not a threat.  I think calling security because someone is standing close by would be quite an overreaction.  I also don't think that I am obligated to sit down just because some airline employee tells me to.  They do not have any authority as to whether I sit or stand.  I am not talking about TSA, I'm talking about random airline employees.  They do not get to tell me what to do, other than "please step aside so I can help the next customer".  That is ok.  Telling me that I need to sit, no.  I will sit if I feel like it, or I will walk around, use the restroom, or grab a bagel.  I am in NO WAY obligated to "obey" them.  They don't have that kind of authority.

zyrs

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #72 on: August 16, 2013, 12:02:37 AM »
Sadly, I looked at the picture and all I could see was some of the creatures in the The Dark CrystalSkeksis.

TeamBhakta

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #73 on: August 16, 2013, 12:36:42 AM »
However, I don't think the behavior is at all threatening, just annoying.  Standing to the side silently is not a threat.  I think calling security because someone is standing close by would be quite an overreaction.  I also don't think that I am obligated to sit down just because some airline employee tells me to.  They do not have any authority as to whether I sit or stand.  I am not talking about TSA, I'm talking about random airline employees.  They do not get to tell me what to do, other than "please step aside so I can help the next customer".  That is ok.  Telling me that I need to sit, no.  I will sit if I feel like it, or I will walk around, use the restroom, or grab a bagel.  I am in NO WAY obligated to "obey" them.  They don't have that kind of authority.

No offense, you are incorrect. If you are acting squirrely, they are supposed to call airport security or the police and not just suck it up "because you don't have any authority." If you can't understand and obey "please sit down" (read "please calm down and go do something constructive elsewhere"), you (general you) aren't likely to obey safety instructions once up in the air either. 
« Last Edit: August 16, 2013, 12:39:32 AM by TeamBhakta »

snowdragon

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Re: Getting what you want through annoyance
« Reply #74 on: August 16, 2013, 01:05:15 AM »
Who has that kind of time - to just stand there and stare at someone?

   I think I would break out in laughter at someone doing this.  but it would be kinda creepy.