Author Topic: Dealing with someone who is plain old unfriendly.  (Read 7381 times)

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VorFemme

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Re: Dealing with someone who is plain old unfriendly.
« Reply #45 on: August 19, 2013, 11:24:31 AM »
Ah - yeah - being used as an experimental subject is NOT what you are supposed to do to your friends....

The person I learned not to trust out in public was nice to me one-on-one (neighbor) but rather nasty to me in public settings.  I didn't like being a teenager....and after a couple of displays of her being unfriendly in public, I quit having anything to do with her at all.  Moving the next summer made the split easier - I've seen her maybe twice since we were 16 - and have no intention of ever looking her up again.

Granted, I could Google her - but with a common first name and a last name as common as Smith, Jones, or Brown - it would be pointless....
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Dealing with someone who is plain old unfriendly.
« Reply #46 on: August 19, 2013, 11:43:14 AM »
Yes I know why and can understand her reaction.  The other girl came from a very overprotective family.  She basically got to go to school and then come home.  After somehow managing to convince her parents to let her study abroad, she was in experimenting mode.  At first we all liked her and just wanted to make sure her experimentations were safe (unfamiliar country and all that).  We helped her figure out makeup and offered support when she confided in us that she thought she might be bisexual.  Unfortunately, she started to see us as her guinea pigs. She'd pretend to be drunk and then drape herself on us with hands wandering everywhere. The girls who stayed friends with her thought it was flattering and funny.  The "unfriendly" girl and myself did not.  I stayed civil but avoided initiating any conversation, the "unfriendly" girl chose to pretend she no longer existed.  Normally I wouldn't see that as bad behavior considering the reasons why, but I thought it was a bit much to purposefully join a table where other girl was already sitting with her friends and then proceed to make everyone else squirm with discomfort and tension.     

I swear I've seen that behavior in at least one anime before.   Though actually I'm not sure the character was always drunk but as DH explained it, "Everyone knows that's just how she is." but none of the girls called her on it.
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NyaChan

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Re: Dealing with someone who is plain old unfriendly.
« Reply #47 on: August 19, 2013, 11:49:46 AM »
Yes I know why and can understand her reaction.  The other girl came from a very overprotective family.  She basically got to go to school and then come home.  After somehow managing to convince her parents to let her study abroad, she was in experimenting mode.  At first we all liked her and just wanted to make sure her experimentations were safe (unfamiliar country and all that).  We helped her figure out makeup and offered support when she confided in us that she thought she might be bisexual.  Unfortunately, she started to see us as her guinea pigs. She'd pretend to be drunk and then drape herself on us with hands wandering everywhere. The girls who stayed friends with her thought it was flattering and funny.  The "unfriendly" girl and myself did not.  I stayed civil but avoided initiating any conversation, the "unfriendly" girl chose to pretend she no longer existed.  Normally I wouldn't see that as bad behavior considering the reasons why, but I thought it was a bit much to purposefully join a table where other girl was already sitting with her friends and then proceed to make everyone else squirm with discomfort and tension.     

I swear I've seen that behavior in at least one anime before.   Though actually I'm not sure the character was always drunk but as DH explained it, "Everyone knows that's just how she is." but none of the girls called her on it.

Yup lol I've definitely seen it before in dramas as well - makes me wonder if she was taking tips from fiction  :)

Coley

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Re: Dealing with someone who is plain old unfriendly.
« Reply #48 on: August 19, 2013, 04:06:27 PM »
OP, I have a similar situation with a couple from our church. We've been attending this church for 5 years. There are several families who have children the same age. We all often find time to chit-chat during church events. Our kids all interact in church activities. All of the couples are friendly to us -- except one. DH and I haven't been able to figure out what the problem is.

The woman, Erica, has acknowledged DH's presence in the past, but she does not ever acknowledge mine. And by acknowledging DH's presence, I mean saying, "Hello." That's about it. I should note that she no longer acknowledges him. When I have smiled or said hello, she will look down her nose at me as if she is amused by my presence. Then she will immediately look away or walk away as if I said nothing. Clearly, she is sending a message. The message I get is that she perceives I am beneath her. I have no idea what I might have done that could have offended her so much that I am not worth acknowledging. We have never had a conversation.

Given all of that, I'm operating on the assumption that the problem is hers and not mine. I've simply stopped greeting her or even smiling at her. I might make eye contact, but that's about it. Our church picnic is coming up next weekend. I will be my usual friendly self with the other women and not concern myself with Erica.

Raintree

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Re: Dealing with someone who is plain old unfriendly.
« Reply #49 on: August 19, 2013, 10:53:18 PM »
Seems we all have to come across this at some point in our lives, which is why this is a useful (or validating) thread. Mine was in college. There was a group of us that hung out because we were all taking mostly the same courses. So we'd hang out in the common study area (for our field). I got along great with everyone, some of whom I still keep in touch with. Except this one girl who seemed to sneer at everything I said, or turn up her nose if I made any attempt at being friendly. One time I very clearly heard her mutter some snide comment under her breath at something I'd said (something rather innocuous and nothing to do with her). It was very clear she didn't like me, and I couldn't think of anything I could have said to offend her, as we'd never actually had a conversation one-on-one. I just kind of shrugged to myself and kept on being me; nobody else seemed to have a problem with me being me, and to this day I have no idea what her problem was.