Author Topic: The "Flat" Baby shower  (Read 5106 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Poppea

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2458
Re: The "Flat" Baby shower
« Reply #30 on: August 17, 2013, 11:20:11 AM »
First, it means that the attendees will have to spend extra money for shipping.

No they don't.  Most things can be purchased online (and a lot of people do it that way to begin with).  It's just a matter of putting the home address into the shipping info instead of the one where the shower is.  No change in shipping costs.

Quote
Secondly, most of the fun in a shower is the opening of the gifts and looking at them.

That's fun.  But it's also not always practical if it means that a large item has to be dealt with to get it home.  The "flat" aspect of having a picture there allows for the happy couple to open something and see what they got.  But not have to then figure out how to get it home.

I seldom purchase shower presents online.

I "get" that its difficult to ship large items.  I would doubt that most guests would buy large items for this reason.  It just strikes me as dictating to guests what they should buy.  I find it distasteful when I am asked to bring a present and also something else (diapers, a book, whatever).  It just rubs me the wrong way. 

You are free to feel differently, but that doesn't mean this my feelings are wrong.
No one is dictating what to buy, just making it easier for the couple.

Why not request cash then?  That would make it even easier on the couple.

Just Lori

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4433
  • USA
Re: The "Flat" Baby shower
« Reply #31 on: August 17, 2013, 11:35:28 AM »
I think it can still be done politely, if it's presented as an option.

For instance, the invitation can be "Due to travel constraints, we'll be shipping the gifts back to the couple after the shower.  If you prefer to ship your gift to them directly, please feel free to bring a picture or description of the gift to display at the shower.  Their shipping address is 123 Sesame St., Anytown, Anystate."

That gives people a heads up that the gifts are going to be shipped back regardless.  If they prefer to ship it themselves, they will still be able to present "something," even if it's a picture.  If they would rather not go through the trouble of shipping, there's no obligation.  However, it would be helpful for guests to know that everything is going to be shipped.  They might want to choose something that ships easily, although again, there's no obligation.



miranova

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2204
Re: The "Flat" Baby shower
« Reply #32 on: August 17, 2013, 12:24:25 PM »
I think it can still be done politely, if it's presented as an option.

For instance, the invitation can be "Due to travel constraints, we'll be shipping the gifts back to the couple after the shower.  If you prefer to ship your gift to them directly, please feel free to bring a picture or description of the gift to display at the shower.  Their shipping address is 123 Sesame St., Anytown, Anystate."

That gives people a heads up that the gifts are going to be shipped back regardless.  If they prefer to ship it themselves, they will still be able to present "something," even if it's a picture.  If they would rather not go through the trouble of shipping, there's no obligation.  However, it would be helpful for guests to know that everything is going to be shipped.  They might want to choose something that ships easily, although again, there's no obligation.

This is perfect.  I think this is the only polite way to do it.  The host of the shower or the couple themselves need to be prepared to pay to ship some gifts back to their home.  If they don't want that obligation, there is nothing saying that they have to have a shower in a location far from home.  Some guests will be more than willing to pay for shipping but it has to be entirely their choice and I think the wording above reflects that it is not expected of them, which is perfect.  I guess I don't see why the couple or the host isn't willing to ship a few things back themselves.  If it's so expensive to ship these things, then certainly they would understand why guests should not be given that burden.

Poppea

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2458
Re: The "Flat" Baby shower
« Reply #33 on: August 17, 2013, 12:26:05 PM »
I think it can still be done politely, if it's presented as an option.

For instance, the invitation can be "Due to travel constraints, we'll be shipping the gifts back to the couple after the shower.  If you prefer to ship your gift to them directly, please feel free to bring a picture or description of the gift to display at the shower.  Their shipping address is 123 Sesame St., Anytown, Anystate."

That gives people a heads up that the gifts are going to be shipped back regardless.  If they prefer to ship it themselves, they will still be able to present "something," even if it's a picture.  If they would rather not go through the trouble of shipping, there's no obligation.  However, it would be helpful for guests to know that everything is going to be shipped.  They might want to choose something that ships easily, although again, there's no obligation.

This is perfect.  I think this is the only polite way to do it.  The host of the shower or the couple themselves need to be prepared to pay to ship some gifts back to their home.  If they don't want that obligation, there is nothing saying that they have to have a shower in a location far from home.  Some guests will be more than willing to pay for shipping but it has to be entirely their choice and I think the wording above reflects that it is not expected of them, which is perfect.  I guess I don't see why the couple or the host isn't willing to ship a few things back themselves.  If it's so expensive to ship these things, then certainly they would understand why guests should not be given that burden.

Exactly.

Bijou

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12992
Re: The "Flat" Baby shower
« Reply #34 on: August 17, 2013, 12:38:31 PM »
What about just providing the GOH's shipping address with a note that says something like, "If you'd like to ship a gift directly to Jack and Jill, their mailing address is: ________ "  or even possibly "Since Jack and Jill will be traveling to the shower, if you'd like to ship something directly to them their mailing address is:  ________"


That leaves it open for guests to gift what they want, but also reminds them that the couple will be traveling and will need to transport gifts.* Plus, it gives people who want to ship the address. I find that I often don't have addresses for out of town friends because I correspond mostly over phone and email and many of them move around somewhat frequently. I also prefer not to gift something that might be a burden, so I'd want to either get them something small in size or buy something and ship. So I'd consider having the address right there really convenient.

*More than once I've casually mentioned something about shipping vs. bringing a gift for the recipient's convenience to a third party and have had them remark about what a great idea it was and that they'd never considered that. So I'm not sure it is necessarily something that occurs to people unless they know someone who has had difficulty transporting gifts.
Just a thought:  Before giving out their address it seems that you would want to know that it is OK to share this personal information with others.  I know I wouldn't give out anyone's phone number or address without their permission, and would want the same courtesy extended to me.  It strikes me that just because you are invited to a shower doesn't mean that the honoree wants you to have their personal information.  Plus, then you have to rely on each of those people to use discretion in giving out your info to others.   
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

Mikayla

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4070
Re: The "Flat" Baby shower
« Reply #35 on: August 17, 2013, 12:58:59 PM »
I agree with the minority saying this is distasteful.  Gift cards and cash are not considered ok for showers, and the issue isn't about helping the young couple.  The issue is the nature of showers.

If I was doing this, I'd assume responsibility for shipping the gifts.  And in the invite, I'd point out that the gifts will be shipped after the shower, so please keep this in mind when selecting them (or something to that effect).  In other words, we don't want 4 people going in together to get a crib.

And the mom-to-be could put together a registry of easy-to-ship items.  There's a lot to choose from besides onesies!


Just Lori

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4433
  • USA
Re: The "Flat" Baby shower
« Reply #36 on: August 17, 2013, 01:49:59 PM »

Just a thought:  Before giving out their address it seems that you would want to know that it is OK to share this personal information with others.  I know I wouldn't give out anyone's phone number or address without their permission, and would want the same courtesy extended to me.  It strikes me that just because you are invited to a shower doesn't mean that the honoree wants you to have their personal information.  Plus, then you have to rely on each of those people to use discretion in giving out your info to others.   

I have no problem asking permission to give out their address.  But I also hope they're not inviting anyone they wouldn't feel comfortable sharing their address with.  (There are many grammatical errors in that sentence, but I can't come up with a grammatically correct way to say what i mean.  I apologize in advance to the grammar people.)

Bijou

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12992
Re: The "Flat" Baby shower
« Reply #37 on: August 17, 2013, 02:08:07 PM »

Just a thought:  Before giving out their address it seems that you would want to know that it is OK to share this personal information with others.  I know I wouldn't give out anyone's phone number or address without their permission, and would want the same courtesy extended to me.  It strikes me that just because you are invited to a shower doesn't mean that the honoree wants you to have their personal information.  Plus, then you have to rely on each of those people to use discretion in giving out your info to others.   

I have no problem asking permission to give out their address.  But I also hope they're not inviting anyone they wouldn't feel comfortable sharing their address with.  (There are many grammatical errors in that sentence, but I can't come up with a grammatically correct way to say what i mean.  I apologize in advance to the grammar people.)
I thought maybe the guest list was put together by someone else and that the honorees may not be aware of who is included.   
I understood what you were saying grammar-wise, just fine.  :) 
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

daen

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 807
Re: The "Flat" Baby shower
« Reply #38 on: August 17, 2013, 02:38:30 PM »
Another way of avoiding or lessening a shipping charge is to locate an appropriate store that has a location near the couple's home, and one near you. You can then shop for the item at a store convenient for you, and request that it be held for pickup at the location near the couple.

This won't work in every chain store for every item,  and the transaction may take some extra time, but it's more and more widely available.

CrazyDaffodilLady

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1282
Re: The "Flat" Baby shower
« Reply #39 on: August 17, 2013, 03:17:00 PM »
I very much agree with Just Lori and Mikayla.  Something about the original shower plan doesn't sit quite right with me.  Shipping should be presented as a suggestion, and the host should be responsible for the remaining shipping. Hosting a shower (especially a long-distance one) is a generous deed, but not so much if it dumps extra effort and expense on the honoree and the guests.

Some people do not have digital cameras or online access, and bringing a picture of their gift to the shower could be problematic.  At the very least, it's an extra hassle for guests. So the picture-of-the-shipped-gift should also be presented as an option, not a demand.

This is an assumption, but from the O.P. it sounds like some (most?) of the guests do not know the MTB and are attending for the benefit of the host and the FTB's mother.  If this is the case, one needs to be particularly careful about making demands.
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

Katana_Geldar

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1861
Re: The "Flat" Baby shower
« Reply #40 on: August 17, 2013, 06:33:54 PM »
Another way of avoiding or lessening a shipping charge is to locate an appropriate store that has a location near the couple's home, and one near you. You can then shop for the item at a store convenient for you, and request that it be held for pickup at the location near the couple.

This won't work in every chain store for every item,  and the transaction may take some extra time, but it's more and more widely available.

This is what we did for our wedding. We deliberately registered at a national store that delivered to make it easier for our guests both purchasing the gift and getting it to us. Delivery, from what I recall, was a flat fee of $5.95 that also included gift wrapping. Guests weren't obligated to do the, but most of them did.

How is that not helpful?

Poppea

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2458
Re: The "Flat" Baby shower
« Reply #41 on: August 17, 2013, 07:23:14 PM »
Another way of avoiding or lessening a shipping charge is to locate an appropriate store that has a location near the couple's home, and one near you. You can then shop for the item at a store convenient for you, and request that it be held for pickup at the location near the couple.

This won't work in every chain store for every item,  and the transaction may take some extra time, but it's more and more widely available.

This is what we did for our wedding. We deliberately registered at a national store that delivered to make it easier for our guests both purchasing the gift and getting it to us. Delivery, from what I recall, was a flat fee of $5.95 that also included gift wrapping. Guests weren't obligated to do the, but most of them did.

How is that not helpful?

Helpful to whom?

Gifts are traditionally taken to baby showers.  Thats really the entire point of the event.  I guess that these parents may prefer their gifts sent to them.  But really why not just call it a day and email everyone a link to their Paypal account.  Its easier for everyone, its greener and there would be no shipping expenses.  How is that not helpful?