Etiquette School is in session! > Complete Silence

I was insulted. What should I have replied?

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Danika:

--- Quote from: Yvaine on August 18, 2013, 09:24:11 PM ---
--- Quote from: gramma dishes on August 16, 2013, 09:33:32 PM ---
--- Quote from: hyzenthlay on August 16, 2013, 08:47:51 PM ---
...   Was he rude yes, but I imagine what he saw was someone who didn't make an effort for his daughter's wedding. Still a rude comment, still stupid and pointless to make at the wedding, but I think it came from a different place then you may have thought.


--- End quote ---

I do see your point and it's a good one.  But it was the groom's father.

--- End quote ---

I'm pretty sure it was neither an implication of fat or of not making an effort--my first instinct is that this man found his eye drawn to the bust area, was uncomfortable, and like many dirty old men through the ages, decided to blame the young woman for his wandering eye rather than himself.  ::)

--- End quote ---

I haven't seen the groom's father since, but I have gotten to know the groom better. Based on that, I think your conclusion is probably the correct explanation.

gmatoy:
My friend, mother of my youngest goddaughter, was venting the other day. The reason? Her 14 year old daughter is having to deal with the same problems she dealt with in her younger days.

She is being treated like she is "loose" based on her bust size. Yes, she is amply endowed; however, she is so modest! I've sewn in modesty inserts into v-neck shirts and she often layers her clothes so that nothing "shows." 

The stories my friend tells me about her preteen and teen years breaks my heart! No one should be judged for their body.

OP, thanks for sharing your story. (I was thinking about how I was the MOB [mother of bride] at our daughter's wedding and realized that the dad of groom would be a DOG, which suits this guy. Remember: thoughts are not rude, acting on them might be rude.)

And, yes, I know "Father of Groom." But it doesn't have the same  >:D feel to it. Okay, EVilGmatoy back in box.

EllenS:

--- Quote from: Danika on August 19, 2013, 01:55:22 PM ---
--- Quote from: Yvaine on August 18, 2013, 09:24:11 PM ---
--- Quote from: gramma dishes on August 16, 2013, 09:33:32 PM ---
--- Quote from: hyzenthlay on August 16, 2013, 08:47:51 PM ---
...   Was he rude yes, but I imagine what he saw was someone who didn't make an effort for his daughter's wedding. Still a rude comment, still stupid and pointless to make at the wedding, but I think it came from a different place then you may have thought.


--- End quote ---

I do see your point and it's a good one.  But it was the groom's father.

--- End quote ---

I'm pretty sure it was neither an implication of fat or of not making an effort--my first instinct is that this man found his eye drawn to the bust area, was uncomfortable, and like many dirty old men through the ages, decided to blame the young woman for his wandering eye rather than himself.  ::)

--- End quote ---

I haven't seen the groom's father since, but I have gotten to know the groom better. Based on that, I think your conclusion is probably the correct explanation.

--- End quote ---

Have to say, that was my first thought as well.  Or if not blame, per se, then an excuse to talk to you about your bust, with or without intent to pursue a pickup.  Some men like that just get a kick out of the talk.  Icky.

veronaz:

--- Quote ---Or if not blame, per se, then an excuse to talk to you about your bust, with or without intent to pursue a pickup.  Some men like that just get a kick out of the talk.  Icky.
--- End quote ---

Good point, EllenS, and quite true.  Icky indeed.

TootsNYC:

--- Quote from: Danika on August 17, 2013, 10:17:21 PM ---
--- Quote from: daisy1679 on August 17, 2013, 03:59:15 PM ---Just to put a different spin on things, are you sure he meant to imply that you were overweight and not just that the dress was too tight? I've seen plenty of people who were clearly not overweight in too tight or otherwise inappropriate clothing (on purpose) and he may have thought you were wearing the dress that tight on purpose and he didn't think it was appropriate to wear a tight dress to a wedding.

However, I agree that it was rude to say anything, regardless of what he meant by the comment.

--- End quote ---

OP here.

After I typed it out, it was the first time I thought he might have just meant that it was too tight and not that I was fat. But it's not like I was wearing spandex pants and letting my muffin top hang out. There was really nothing I could do short of wearing a mumu so I didn't see his point in commenting. No cleavage was spilling out. You just saw wrinkles at the back of the dress where the fabric was stretched.

--- End quote ---

A seamstress might give the advice of buying a bigger dress to accommodate your bust size, and then having it altered to fit in the other areas. Maybe that was what was in his brain--but even if he wanted to be genuinely helpful (and had some sort of knowledge or advice like that to pass along), he was a clod.

I actually think you had absolutely the perfect response:


--- Quote ---I just gave him a puzzled look, said "what?" and walked away. And I didn't speak to him again for the remainder of the wedding weekend.
--- End quote ---

I don't know how you get better than that. Especially the "never speaking to him again." That's a powerful way to let someone know that they've crossed a line.

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