Author Topic: I was insulted. What should I have replied?  (Read 18360 times)

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daisy1679

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #15 on: August 17, 2013, 11:08:24 PM »
Just to put a different spin on things, are you sure he meant to imply that you were overweight and not just that the dress was too tight? I've seen plenty of people who were clearly not overweight in too tight or otherwise inappropriate clothing (on purpose) and he may have thought you were wearing the dress that tight on purpose and he didn't think it was appropriate to wear a tight dress to a wedding.

However, I agree that it was rude to say anything, regardless of what he meant by the comment.

OP here.

After I typed it out, it was the first time I thought he might have just meant that it was too tight and not that I was fat. But it's not like I was wearing spandex pants and letting my muffin top hang out. There was really nothing I could do short of wearing a mumu so I didn't see his point in commenting. No cleavage was spilling out. You just saw wrinkles at the back of the dress where the fabric was stretched.

Oh, I agree you didn't have a choice. I'm a 38DDD myself (more like a 36G, but finding that size is nearly impossible without spending a small fortune), so I know what it's like to try and fit that body. Almost all of my tops stretch that way as well  ;D Luckily nobody as been so rude as to comment on it.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #16 on: August 18, 2013, 09:04:41 AM »
Whatever his reason, I think it very rude for him to say.  The OP was unable to do anything about it at the time, all he did was embarrass her.

katycoo

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #17 on: August 18, 2013, 09:00:16 PM »
OP, I sympathise with you and people making rude, unsolicitoed comments.  Was tailoring not an option?

Danika

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #18 on: August 18, 2013, 09:14:39 PM »
OP, I sympathise with you and people making rude, unsolicitoed comments.  Was tailoring not an option?

Unfortunately, no. My budget was already stretched thin with the airline flights (2000 miles to another country), hotel, car rental, etc.

Yvaine

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #19 on: August 18, 2013, 09:24:11 PM »

...   Was he rude yes, but I imagine what he saw was someone who didn't make an effort for his daughter's wedding. Still a rude comment, still stupid and pointless to make at the wedding, but I think it came from a different place then you may have thought.


I do see your point and it's a good one.  But it was the groom's father.

I'm pretty sure it was neither an implication of fat or of not making an effort--my first instinct is that this man found his eye drawn to the bust area, was uncomfortable, and like many dirty old men through the ages, decided to blame the young woman for his wandering eye rather than himself.  ::)

Danika

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #20 on: August 19, 2013, 01:55:22 PM »

...   Was he rude yes, but I imagine what he saw was someone who didn't make an effort for his daughter's wedding. Still a rude comment, still stupid and pointless to make at the wedding, but I think it came from a different place then you may have thought.


I do see your point and it's a good one.  But it was the groom's father.

I'm pretty sure it was neither an implication of fat or of not making an effort--my first instinct is that this man found his eye drawn to the bust area, was uncomfortable, and like many dirty old men through the ages, decided to blame the young woman for his wandering eye rather than himself.  ::)

I haven't seen the groom's father since, but I have gotten to know the groom better. Based on that, I think your conclusion is probably the correct explanation.

gmatoy

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #21 on: August 22, 2013, 02:25:16 PM »
My friend, mother of my youngest goddaughter, was venting the other day. The reason? Her 14 year old daughter is having to deal with the same problems she dealt with in her younger days.

She is being treated like she is "loose" based on her bust size. Yes, she is amply endowed; however, she is so modest! I've sewn in modesty inserts into v-neck shirts and she often layers her clothes so that nothing "shows." 

The stories my friend tells me about her preteen and teen years breaks my heart! No one should be judged for their body.

OP, thanks for sharing your story. (I was thinking about how I was the MOB [mother of bride] at our daughter's wedding and realized that the dad of groom would be a DOG, which suits this guy. Remember: thoughts are not rude, acting on them might be rude.)

And, yes, I know "Father of Groom." But it doesn't have the same  >:D feel to it. Okay, EVilGmatoy back in box.

EllenS

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #22 on: October 21, 2013, 05:19:31 PM »

...   Was he rude yes, but I imagine what he saw was someone who didn't make an effort for his daughter's wedding. Still a rude comment, still stupid and pointless to make at the wedding, but I think it came from a different place then you may have thought.


I do see your point and it's a good one.  But it was the groom's father.

I'm pretty sure it was neither an implication of fat or of not making an effort--my first instinct is that this man found his eye drawn to the bust area, was uncomfortable, and like many dirty old men through the ages, decided to blame the young woman for his wandering eye rather than himself.  ::)

I haven't seen the groom's father since, but I have gotten to know the groom better. Based on that, I think your conclusion is probably the correct explanation.

Have to say, that was my first thought as well.  Or if not blame, per se, then an excuse to talk to you about your bust, with or without intent to pursue a pickup.  Some men like that just get a kick out of the talk.  Icky.

veronaz

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #23 on: October 21, 2013, 05:48:32 PM »
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Or if not blame, per se, then an excuse to talk to you about your bust, with or without intent to pursue a pickup.  Some men like that just get a kick out of the talk.  Icky.

Good point, EllenS, and quite true.  Icky indeed.

TootsNYC

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #24 on: December 04, 2013, 11:27:38 AM »
Just to put a different spin on things, are you sure he meant to imply that you were overweight and not just that the dress was too tight? I've seen plenty of people who were clearly not overweight in too tight or otherwise inappropriate clothing (on purpose) and he may have thought you were wearing the dress that tight on purpose and he didn't think it was appropriate to wear a tight dress to a wedding.

However, I agree that it was rude to say anything, regardless of what he meant by the comment.

OP here.

After I typed it out, it was the first time I thought he might have just meant that it was too tight and not that I was fat. But it's not like I was wearing spandex pants and letting my muffin top hang out. There was really nothing I could do short of wearing a mumu so I didn't see his point in commenting. No cleavage was spilling out. You just saw wrinkles at the back of the dress where the fabric was stretched.

A seamstress might give the advice of buying a bigger dress to accommodate your bust size, and then having it altered to fit in the other areas. Maybe that was what was in his brain--but even if he wanted to be genuinely helpful (and had some sort of knowledge or advice like that to pass along), he was a clod.

I actually think you had absolutely the perfect response:

Quote
I just gave him a puzzled look, said "what?" and walked away. And I didn't speak to him again for the remainder of the wedding weekend.

I don't know how you get better than that. Especially the "never speaking to him again." That's a powerful way to let someone know that they've crossed a line.

Virg

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #25 on: December 11, 2013, 09:21:59 AM »
Danika wrote:

" It's the same bikini that I bought back then, and I had to drive 90 miles to a specialty shop to buy the top and bottom separately for insane amounts of money because my bust was so big and my hips are rather narrow."

Although I doubt this would be useful advice to you now, it might help others in your plight.  My thought is that it might have been cheaper (or at least a time saver) to buy two bikinis off the same rack, one that fits you up top and one that fits your waist.  Of course, then my follow-up thought is that you could donate the large bottom/small top pair you had left over to your favorite drag queen and make two people happy, but that's just the chai latte talking.

Virg

Danika

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #26 on: December 11, 2013, 01:31:51 PM »
Danika wrote:

" It's the same bikini that I bought back then, and I had to drive 90 miles to a specialty shop to buy the top and bottom separately for insane amounts of money because my bust was so big and my hips are rather narrow."

Although I doubt this would be useful advice to you now, it might help others in your plight.  My thought is that it might have been cheaper (or at least a time saver) to buy two bikinis off the same rack, one that fits you up top and one that fits your waist.  Of course, then my follow-up thought is that you could donate the large bottom/small top pair you had left over to your favorite drag queen and make two people happy, but that's just the chai latte talking.

Virg

Good point. However, I recall that there weren't stores that had tops large enough that were also supportive. They were pretty flimsy at regular shops. I needed underwire and, as my friend and I used to joke, seat belt material for the straps!  :-\

RingTailedLemur

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #27 on: December 11, 2013, 05:14:01 PM »
Mix and match tops and bottoms of bikinis are very common in the UK, which I think can be useful.

Now if only I was brave enough to wear a bikini!
« Last Edit: December 12, 2013, 03:45:14 PM by RingTailedLemur »

emwithme

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #28 on: December 12, 2013, 03:39:10 PM »
Lemur...BE BRAVE.  Even at my biggest (UK size 20), I wore a bikini.  It's not that I'm stupidly body confident (I'm not!), but my BFF (who is a larger lady than me and also wears a bikini if she feels like it) said something once that really sunk in.

She asked me what I thought other people thought about when on the beach/by the pool.  I said I didn't know.  She asked what did I think about.  I said (other than "oooooh hot" etc) that I was worried about my fat bits.  She said...so are the thin people (my BFF has the BEST body confidence/self-image of anyone I've ever known).  They're not worried about *your* faults (real or perceived), they're worried about theirs. 

And since then, I haven't cared.  And then I saw this image

Although, I do buy relatively expensive bikinis - I'm a size 14 bottom now and a 38F top, so separates are a necessity, as is a properly "structured" and underwired bikini top.  I find Boux Avenue (both for bras and swimwear) is wonderful, and the supermarkets are catching up fast - my favourite bikini of two years ago was from Tesco, of all places. 

RingTailedLemur

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Re: I was insulted. What should I have replied?
« Reply #29 on: December 12, 2013, 03:46:20 PM »
Thank you, emwithme.

I'm all about the body confidence and wearing whatever the heck you want - but for other people, not for me.  I still feel self-concious about my "ugly" bits - although I'd probably think someone else with a similar body looked great.  Bit of a mental stumbling block there!