Gone 6

[Gone]

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[snowdragon]

Two quick questions regarding serving children food in your home:

At what age would you expect a child to use the phrase "I don't care for this" or some variation thereof as opposed to "It's yucky"?

I would not expect anyone to use "I don't care for this" it seems too formal.I would expect a child of school age to find something other than "it's yucky" tho. And I would expect a parent to correct "It's yucky in younger kids.

Assuming the child has had a certain level of tragic circumstances, how far would you extend that age  I wouldn't. Tragic circumstances do not mean you get to be rude with impunity. I would expect the adult in charge to correct "it's Yucky" no matter what the circumstances. 

[magician5]

I would expect most people, regardless of age, to avoid the need to use either phrase. I'd ask if whatever I was serving is something they could or would eat and be prepared to get them something different if necessary - assuming, of course, that their tastes are not unreasonably limited and that I'm not offering them something they've never tried before (so they wouldn't know if they liked it or not). And also assuming that it's usually within reason to fix them something that they just can't stand my version of.

[LeveeWoman]

Two quick questions regarding serving children food in your home:

At what age would you expect a child to use the phrase "I don't care for this" or some variation thereof as opposed to "It's yucky"?

Assuming the child has had a certain level of tragic circumstances, how far would you extend that age?

Not my child, not my issue.

If you don't want to host a child who has problems, then don't host that child.

[LizC]

Our learn by age two to say "No, Thank you!" in a cheerful voice, if it's something they don't want to eat. Well, except for my son, but he didn't say any words until he was three. By 3.5, he was saying, "No, thank you!" very easily.

I think it depends on family expectations, but ours have been raised from infancy that "no, thank you" or "none for me, thanks" are reasonable, and "yuck" or other variants are not tolerated.

But, we also have a family thing about not needing to swallow a test bite; they'll try anything, because they know it's fine to excuse themselves (with a quiet "Excuse me for a minute") and go spit an unwanted test bite into a non-visible garbage can or toilet. And then respond to additional portions with "No, thank you."

[LizC]

I have nieces/nephews who have had tragic circumstances in life, and I don't find that a mitigating factor. Our extended family does have a bit of "you're free to upgrade the manners as needed" attitude, so my siblings and siblings-in-law are blunt with their kids that if they want stuff at Auntie Liz's house, they're going to need to use manners, or nothing will be forthcoming, even if they don't use please/thankyou in their own households. The kids adapt fast.

If a child is new to our household meals and not related, I'll let them know ahead of time that they are free to say Yes, Please, or No, Thank You, but that "YUCK" and "gross" are not allowed at my table. They also adapt fast.

[LeveeWoman]

Two quick questions regarding serving children food in your home:

At what age would you expect a child to use the phrase "I don't care for this" or some variation thereof as opposed to "It's yucky"?

Assuming the child has had a certain level of tragic circumstances, how far would you extend that age?

Not my child, not my issue.

If you don't want to host a child who has problems, then don't host that child.

I am so unbelievably offended by this. This child happens to be my PIL's foster son whom they are in the process of adopting. As soon as that happens, he will be my BIL and my childrens' uncle. There is no way I would consider not hosting this child. He is family!

But you are right, it is not your issue. It is, however, an issue that I have to deal with, which is why I asked for advice here.

I had no way to know that this situation was this close to you because you did not indicate it in  your first post. To  the contrary, your language was rather vague.

[lynnetteleigh]

I think by age 4 or 5 they can be able to articulate that they don't like a certain food. By either saying they don't want it placed on their plate with a "no, thank you". Or if asked why they haven't touched something already on their plate with a "Sorry, I don't like *insert food here*".

In your case it sounds like maybe the child wasn't taught the appropriate response though. Which pretty much means the parent/adult caring for them just needs to keep reminding them of the appropriate response until it sticks.

[cass2591]

I had no way to know that this situation was this close to you because you did not indicate it in  your first post. To  the contrary, your language was rather vague.

Considering it was a straight forward question that required no backstory other than curiosity, I don't know why it even matters. Nevertheless, your first reply was out of line. If the OP wanted to know how to avoid hosting a child, she would have asked. She didn't.

[LeveeWoman]

I was wrong, and I apologize.

I had no way to know that this situation was this close to you because you did not indicate it in  your first post. To  the contrary, your language was rather vague.

Considering it was a straight forward question that required no backstory other than curiosity, I don't know why it even matters. Nevertheless, your first reply was out of line. If the OP wanted to know how to avoid hosting a child, she would have asked. She didn't.

[*inviteseller]

I have a very picky child who has texture/eating issues and I have really been driving home since she was 3 and starting to eat a bit better that she use the "no thank you" lone instead of "ewwww yuk"..still a struggle at home but she is good at it outside.  As far as circumstances, the kindest thing (and I am sure you know this) is to treat this child as a normal child and set the same expectations a child of his age should be acting at.  While it may take awhile, it will only benefit them (and again, I am sure you know this).  Congratulations to your parents and you on the new addition.

[amylouky]

Depending on age and what the circumstances were, he could be a few years behind on emotional maturity and social development, so I'm glad you're taking that into consideration. I think expecting him to act age-appropriate will probably lead to a lot of frustration. That will come in time.
My 5 y/o can generally remember to say "No, thank you, I don't like those", but it's still a struggle for my just-turned-4. His initial reaction is still "YUCK!".

[CookieChica]

I had no way to know that this situation was this close to you because you did not indicate it in  your first post. To  the contrary, your language was rather vague.

Considering it was a straight forward question that required no backstory other than curiosity, I don't know why it even matters. Nevertheless, your first reply was out of line. If the OP wanted to know how to avoid hosting a child, she would have asked. She didn't.

I think it matters a little. Now I know the circumstances and my opinion is that there may have never been anyone in his life previously to correct these behaviors so I would give more leeway (although now is a great time to learn).

Agree that the response was not appropriate though.

[Kiwichick]

Ask your PIL how they want you to handle it.  I imagine if his life has been somewhat traumatic up to now, consistency would be vital.

[Carotte]

You can expect any child to behave his age when he has been brought up to behave - up to his current age. Let's not forget that kids actually have to be taught everything, they come to you as a blank slate. If no one wrote on it that you don't say Yuck (and why), he's gonna say yuck.
It might be one of the many lesson to catch up on when his peers learned about it years ago, but it shouldn't take long.
("lessons" to catch up happen whith every kids, from stable family to not, from neurotypical kids to not, you can't blame a kid for something that no one thought about teaching them for whatever reason.)

I tried to explain to an 8y/o and a 10y/old this summer that you don't 'yuck the yums' of someone, it didn't stick, I guess no one had told them before or will tell them after that..