Author Topic: Gone 6  (Read 5738 times)

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White Lotus

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Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
« Reply #30 on: August 18, 2013, 09:28:37 PM »
I believe in "my house, my rules" when it comes to manners and children.  Also "my children, my rules" when others would let them slack off away from home.

"In this house, we say, 'not for me, thanks,' when we don't want something.  You didn't know that so you get a pass.  This time.  Now, would you like some carrots?  (Prompt for correct response) No, thank you.  None for me.  Great.  Good job.   Would you like some radishes instead?"

Don't over complicate or get into feelings, IME.  Just let the child know the rules.  Children like having clearly defined rules, consistently enforced.  I normally do not specify consequences first time out because I have found the little dears have sufficient imaginations to come up with all sorts of dreadful things Mama/Aunt Lotus/Dr. Lotus might come up with rather than the more prosaic time out or mandatory chore that might actually happen.  I do sometimes mentioned totally outlandish things I might do in passing, at other times.  So they are never quite sure I might not hang them upside down in the trees like bats for the night, and I rarely have to go there.

Congrats on the new member of your family.  He will come round just fine with a little directness and consistency.  What a good thing for your family to do!

SlitherHiss

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Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
« Reply #31 on: August 19, 2013, 01:43:33 PM »
I believe in "my house, my rules" when it comes to manners and children.  Also "my children, my rules" when others would let them slack off away from home.

"In this house, we say, 'not for me, thanks,' when we don't want something.  You didn't know that so you get a pass.  This time.  Now, would you like some carrots?  (Prompt for correct response) No, thank you.  None for me.  Great.  Good job.   Would you like some radishes instead?"

Don't over complicate or get into feelings, IME.  Just let the child know the rules.  Children like having clearly defined rules, consistently enforced.  I normally do not specify consequences first time out because I have found the little dears have sufficient imaginations to come up with all sorts of dreadful things Mama/Aunt Lotus/Dr. Lotus might come up with rather than the more prosaic time out or mandatory chore that might actually happen.  I do sometimes mentioned totally outlandish things I might do in passing, at other times.  So they are never quite sure I might not hang them upside down in the trees like bats for the night, and I rarely have to go there.

Congrats on the new member of your family.  He will come round just fine with a little directness and consistency.  What a good thing for your family to do!

This is how we handle things in my home. Way I figure, no kid (relative or friend) comes into my house already knowing all the ground rules, and it would be silly of DH and me to expect them to. However, it's not silly for us to expect them to learn the ground rules. So, if they don't use the polite language or practices we're teaching our kids, we gently correct them and move on.

cwm

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Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
« Reply #32 on: August 19, 2013, 03:55:49 PM »
Personally speaking, I don't think it's terribly rude for a small child to say "I don't like X," depending on tone.

Example, if I'm serving green beans and a kid said, "No thanks, I don't like them," I would consider that to be perfectly acceptable. If they just said they were yucky, it would be different, but I don't see how it's rude for a child to express his/her desires when offered something.

Side note:
My cousin's quintuplets were only allowed to use the word yucky for things that were physically dirty (like diapers or mud or the like), not for food. They were frequently having to take medicine via syringe for various allergies/ailments. And frequently the medicine would end up on necks, faces, clothes, etc. It also smelled disgusting, and I can't imagine it tasted much better.

R took one sip of the medicine, had a look of pure disgust on her face. Then she saw it all over her brothers' shirts and said, "It's YUCKYEEEEEE!!!!!" while shaking her head back and forth. It was quite hilarious.

BeagleMommy

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Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
« Reply #33 on: August 19, 2013, 04:19:18 PM »
Dandy Andy, I don't know if your FBIL is at the same maturity level of most six-year-olds (I couldn't tell from your post), but my aunt and our family used the following with my godson who has Asperberger's.

"When someone wants to give you food you don't like just say no thank you.  If you tell them the food is yucky it will hurt their feelings."

It worked pretty well, although there will probably have to be many reminders.

gellchom

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Re: "Yucky" or "I Don't Care For This"
« Reply #34 on: August 20, 2013, 04:29:27 PM »
We used the same rule that my parents used with my brother and me -- the Yuck rule:

1) You don't have to eat anything you don't want to eat.  Not even one bite, not even a taste of a new food.

2) UNLESS: if you say "yuck" or make any other disparaging comment, noise, or grimace about anything that anything that is being served, you have to eat it.  A LARGE portion of it.  No appeal, because you got yourself into it and have no one to blame but yourself.

Believe me, no child violates that more than one time; some zero times, because seeing your sibling going through it is enough!

The point was to teach us that it is extremely rude to disparage what others are eating.  And it worked, on both generations.  I expect my kidz will use it, too, when they are parents.

But of course you can't teach only by negative reinforcement of violation.  So long before our kids were old enough to understand any kind of rule, or even barely old enough to talk, like, I don't remember, probably by age 2, we just hard-wired it into them:
"Thusnelda, would you like some peas?  'Yes, please,' or 'No, thank you'?"   (We didn't teach them "I don't care for that," because that is beside the point, too.)  The point is to make it second nature.  To them, it might as well have been all one word in either case: yesplease or nothankyou.  They just naturally learned to answer that way without any explanation of why, the same as you teach "say please" long before the child is old enough to understand what manners are.  Come to think of it, maybe this is why "I'm good" instead of "no, thank you" or at least "I'm good, thanks" sounds so rude to me. 

As for correcting other people's children, I think you have to know which relationships allow for that and which don't, even in your own home.  I am usually inclined to do it, but I try to be sensitive about the way I do it.  (Obviously I don't enforce the dreaded Yuck rule against children who aren't on notice of it!)