OP here. Agree with everyone who suggests assertiveness training...this was a problem when my mother was alive as well; I didn't want her to be upset, so I would change my plans for her all the time. It has been the same with both my brother's ex and current wife. I'm the single child so I am the one who must accomodate everyone.
It's taken me a couple days to get back because I am back home without a computer and am writing this from work on a break.
A few things both irritating and amusing:
-They returned with tokens for relatives and friends, including my father....but nothing for me. My niece realized there was a possible faux pas and said to me "Oh, I have something for you, Aunt Lily, but it's in my suitcase in the car." Nothing more was said of it. I really wasn't expecting anything at all, but it did sting a bit.
-My father refurbished all the money I spent so I was a little easier about finances.
-My brother asked how I was getting to the airport and I said "Well, I thought you or SIL would be taking me" "Better ask her. I can't" He did thank me before he left for work.
-SIL wasn't excited, but she had me accompany her to her business (where we actually had a fun time together) then bought me lunch because (she said) "It's the least I can do." And thanked me (FINALLY!) for all I had done.
The Funny Karma Part:
Last night I got a phone call from SIL who wanted me to know that Dad and my brother were at the ER awaiting treatment for a physical problem Dad was having. SIL (and my brother later) grumps "He KNEW about this problem last week when YOU were here and could have taken him and not made a mess of our plans. Instead he waited until AFTER you were gone and we had to scramble to make arrangements."
I made all the sympathy noises (and I gave Dad heck because, really, the problem could have been taken care of in two minutes after consultation with HIS doctor) However, the whole time I was grinning, thinking "Gee, how does it feel when you try to make accomodations for someone and they mess up the accomodations YOU made, honey?" But I just couldn't do it.
And, on the plus side, one of my niece's pets, was assumed to be dead because it had not made an appearance in a few days. I researched the creature in question and discovered (in less than five minutes) that it wasn't dead, it was MOLTING and took care of it accordingly. The pet is finally out of molt, has selected a new shell (okay, it's a hermit crab) and is doing better than better because Aunt Lily didn't give up on it. Aunt Lily also pointed out to niece that "there is this great thing called the internet where you can look up stuff like this, you know???" So on that score, anyway, I am a hero.
Breaking my arm to pat myself on the back.
And when Dad comes to visit again, I won't be buying his scratch cards until AFTER I have cash in hand.....^_^
Thanks for all your exccellent advice.