Author Topic: I think I was stood up by a friend...  (Read 5241 times)

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finecabernet

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Re: I think I was stood up by a friend...
« Reply #30 on: August 19, 2013, 04:28:22 PM »
Something similar happened with my friends several years ago. Two friends (let's call them R and B) were going to meet us (me and my friend J) at an extremely crowded and noisy club, and while they had showed up (and we were there) we never hooked up with each other (and forget about hearing calls or making calls). R always referred to it as the time "J stood me up." I think in general when making plans about meeting up (especially in Big Cities, like the one we live in), making detailed instructions on where to meet and what to do if you can't find each other is called for.

OP I don't blame you for being hurt, but it does sound like your friend (albeit too late) tried to make up for it.

Hopefully you can put it behind you both (as sadly, R and J's friendship fell apart, with that incident being the starting point for their lost friendship).

Eeep!

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Re: I think I was stood up by a friend...
« Reply #31 on: August 19, 2013, 05:17:33 PM »
It doesn't matter whether or not she could hear her phone since she should have been the one picking up the phone and calling or texting you when she realized that the original meet up location wasn't going to work.  I'm having a hard time understanding what her thought process was when she couldn't get into the first club.  Why didn't it occur to her right then and there to tell you so that you wouldn't waste your time trying?  How did she think you were going to find her?  Maybe I'm just not as understanding as others but I see this as very inconsiderate and I would most definitely have felt disrespected by the lack of communication by her.  The person who makes the decision (even by circumstances beyond their control) to change the location has the obligation to let the other parties know where the event was moved to!  Were you supposed to just walk into every bar looking for her?

I would be put off by her telling you to come back immediately, she should have been apologizing and understanding if you didn't want to travel all the way back, not trying to guilt you into traveling even more than you already had.

I have to agree completely with miranova here. The friend absolutely had the responsibility to text, call, hire street performers to spell it out in the street, or *whatever* to tell the OP that they couldn't get into Bar A and were at Bar B instead. The friend could have even waited outside for the OP to show up, since the bars were next door to each other and caught the OP that way. Instead the friend never contacted the OP at all; not when they learned Bar A was full, not when they picked Bar B, not after entering Bar B, not when the OP was scheduled to arrive and not when they thought she was an hour late. The only reason it seems like the OP got contacted at all was because SHE had called and texted many times and the friend eventually happened to actually notice.

I'm sorry, but how is this not being stood up? OP went to the arranged meeting place, friends were not there, friend was not in contact, OP waited around for a short time for a reply, got nothing and went home alone without knowing what happened. Yes, her friend called her while she was on the train, but that was an hour afterwards. No one is going to wait at the meeting place for an hour for people to show. If the friend had not called until the next day with the same replies, would that make a difference on whether this is considered being stood up? Does being stood up require malicious intent to apply? I didn't think so. I'm not calling the friend malicious, but more like inconsiderate, forgetful, or maybe even too distracted/scatterbrained to keep things organized (i.e. that she should have contacted the OP with info on Bar B).

Also, I don't like that the friend called the OP repeatedly after the OP had answered and ended the first call on the train. That was really unnecessary and bad form on her part.

Totally agree with this.  Her friend  knew that OP was going to show up at the predetermined location and she wouldn't be there.  Why in the world wouldn't she just text her as soon as they went to the bar next door that that is where she was going? And if she couldn't for some reason text/call, then she should have stayed in the prearranged location until the OP arrived.  This isn't a miscommunication. It's a not communicating at all.  Not communicating vital information that you are the only one privy to. 

And if someone tells you they are upset, there is pretty much no way that continually calling them is going to improve the situation. 
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Marbles

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Re: I think I was stood up by a friend...
« Reply #32 on: August 19, 2013, 08:13:36 PM »
It doesn't matter whether or not she could hear her phone since she should have been the one picking up the phone and calling or texting you when she realized that the original meet up location wasn't going to work.  I'm having a hard time understanding what her thought process was when she couldn't get into the first club.  Why didn't it occur to her right then and there to tell you so that you wouldn't waste your time trying?  How did she think you were going to find her?  Maybe I'm just not as understanding as others but I see this as very inconsiderate and I would most definitely have felt disrespected by the lack of communication by her.  The person who makes the decision (even by circumstances beyond their control) to change the location has the obligation to let the other parties know where the event was moved to!  Were you supposed to just walk into every bar looking for her?

I would be put off by her telling you to come back immediately, she should have been apologizing and understanding if you didn't want to travel all the way back, not trying to guilt you into traveling even more than you already had.
This is exactly what I was thinking. She changed the venue and should have let you know. I don't blame you for being upset. I'd feel pretty low on her list of priorities at that point.

sammycat

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Re: I think I was stood up by a friend...
« Reply #33 on: August 22, 2013, 10:31:53 PM »
Her friend  knew that OP was going to show up at the predetermined location and she wouldn't be there.  Why in the world wouldn't she just text her as soon as they went to the bar next door that that is where she was going? And if she couldn't for some reason text/call, then she should have stayed in the prearranged location until the OP arrived.  This isn't a miscommunication. It's a not communicating at all.  Not communicating vital information that you are the only one privy to. 

And if someone tells you they are upset, there is pretty much no way that continually calling them is going to improve the situation.


I agree. The onus was on the person changing the plans to ensure things went smoothly, not the person who had the plans changed on them.

OP, in your situation, I'd be hurt and annoyed.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: I think I was stood up by a friend...
« Reply #34 on: August 23, 2013, 12:12:08 AM »
Yep, I agree with minarova, Tomato Bunny, Eeep! and Sammycat.

Your friend was definitely wrong for not telling you the change in plans. How did she think you were going to find them? Was she planning on coming outside to the Club at the time you planned to arrive, and look for you? Or did she just assume you'd check the bar next door?

Additionally, friend knew that (a) you - a young female - were walking by yourself, at night; and (b) the weather was cold and miserable. I think that puts more onus on her to communicate, and find you.

And ((hugs)), it sounds like it was a very uncomfortable night all round.