Author Topic: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.  (Read 8614 times)

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delabela

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #45 on: August 22, 2013, 11:10:05 AM »
I don't think it's rude to invite the kids and not the mom - it's not like you'd ask her in front of the kids, so if she's uncomfortable for whatever reason, she can decline with no harm done.

JeanFromBNA

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #46 on: August 22, 2013, 11:53:33 AM »
What if we asked everyone to pay for their own park tickets?  A four day pass is $279 for ages 10 and up, $259 for children.  Each additional day is $10 more.  Would that be fair and not rude?  We would pay for everything else, including food.

dawbs

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #47 on: August 22, 2013, 11:55:27 AM »
What if we asked everyone to pay for their own park tickets?  A four day pass is $279 for ages 10 and up, $259 for children.  Each additional day is $10 more.  Would that be fair and not rude?  We would pay for everything else, including food.
I think it doesn't work unless they can say 'no' to just that part.

So, saying "we'll pay for Disney but you're on your own for food--either your own thing or pay $x to have the package we're doing" works--because they can say 'no' to the food part and still accept the rest.
Saying "we'll pay for housing but not the park" doesn't work so well because if they say 'no' to the park, they're saying 'no' to everything.

shhh its me

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #48 on: August 22, 2013, 12:31:17 PM »
What if we asked everyone to pay for their own park tickets?  A four day pass is $279 for ages 10 and up, $259 for children.  Each additional day is $10 more.  Would that be fair and not rude?  We would pay for everything else, including food.
I think it doesn't work unless they can say 'no' to just that part.

So, saying "we'll pay for Disney but you're on your own for food--either your own thing or pay $x to have the package we're doing" works--because they can say 'no' to the food part and still accept the rest.
Saying "we'll pay for housing but not the park" doesn't work so well because if they say 'no' to the park, they're saying 'no' to everything.

Since your jointly planning the trip in a way I think you can offer " We have the accommodation and can cover the airfare with miles  and we will pay for the dinning plans since everyone in the group must have it  What you will have to get you're own park passes"  without being  remotely rude but they maybe more likely to decline or say "lets go to Disney for 5 days and then go to Sea world  for a day" type thing.  It also depends on what types of vacations they have taken you on, if they have taken you for a week to a erm I'm going to call it a "theme resort" and paid for all the activities or a signification portion then I would invite those you could treat in kind.  So if they took to on a golf/skiing/Cancun vacation and they paid for the golf/skiing/scuba diving and day long excursions then I would pay for the park , if they took you to Vegas and paid for the rooms and airfare and everyone paid for their own shows gambling then I think asking them to pay for the park passes if fine.

 

lowspark

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #49 on: August 22, 2013, 12:33:39 PM »
I think that works fine and is a great solution. You don't ask them like that where it's an option. You put it as an offer, not as a negotiation where they can pick and choose which things they want to pay for and which they want you to pay for. Remember, they haven't been privy to the conversation in this thread.

We'd like to invite you to come on our next trip to WDW with us. We'll cover airfare, accommodations and food. All you will need to cover is park admission for $xxx and incidentals such as souvenirs.

Really, if someone offered me that sweet deal I'd jump on it. As for the kids, I don't see it as an insult to invite them. If the adult couple are ok with it, they should have at least some idea about how their mom will react. And if you ask the mom and she declines, well that's her decision but I don't see how she can be mad or insulted by an offer like this.

rigs32

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #50 on: August 22, 2013, 12:35:24 PM »
You can vacation at WDW in a DVC condo with the meal plan and never set foot in the theme parks.  You can enjoy the resort and pool, wander the other resorts, go to downtown disney.

Heck, an annual pass for the water parks is about $100 and there are two, so you can easily enjoy that rather than the higher price tag of the theme parks.

That would, however, require meal coordinating outside the parks to enjoy time with the others.

Just wanted to point out that not covering the park tickets wasn't necessarily a deal breaker.

JeanFromBNA

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #51 on: August 22, 2013, 01:15:21 PM »
You're right, Rigs.  If the meal plan is used, everybody in the same room has to be on the meal plan for the entire stay - no exceptions are allowed.  But it doesn't  work that way with tickets, so they could hang out at the resort pool all day if they wanted to. However if someone chose not to buy park tickets they couldn't join those who wanted a meal in the park. 

MMM is right, too.  They could say that they want to go to Sea World, but they would have to buy their own tickets and get themselves there.  We are using Disney transportation and will not have a rental car. 

JeanFromBNA

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #52 on: August 22, 2013, 01:17:45 PM »
I think that works fine and is a great solution. You don't ask them like that where it's an option. You put it as an offer, not as a negotiation where they can pick and choose which things they want to pay for and which they want you to pay for. Remember, they haven't been privy to the conversation in this thread.

We'd like to invite you to come on our next trip to WDW with us. We'll cover airfare, accommodations and food. All you will need to cover is park admission for $xxx and incidentals such as souvenirs.

Really, if someone offered me that sweet deal I'd jump on it. As for the kids, I don't see it as an insult to invite them. If the adult couple are ok with it, they should have at least some idea about how their mom will react. And if you ask the mom and she declines, well that's her decision but I don't see how she can be mad or insulted by an offer like this.
This is what I'm leaning toward now. 

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #53 on: August 22, 2013, 03:13:44 PM »
To clarify, I didn't say it would be rude not to invite Casey; I just thought she might feel hurt to be the one person excluded, especially since she wouldn't be able to share the experience with her children.  Nothing can be done about this since there isn't room for an extra adult. 

It's too bad that your wonderful generous offer is getting so bogged down with etiquette issues. 
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

Lynn2000

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #54 on: August 23, 2013, 11:23:16 AM »
To clarify, I didn't say it would be rude not to invite Casey; I just thought she might feel hurt to be the one person excluded, especially since she wouldn't be able to share the experience with her children.  Nothing can be done about this since there isn't room for an extra adult. 

It's too bad that your wonderful generous offer is getting so bogged down with etiquette issues.

I do hope the discussion doesn't dissuade the OP from making the offer at all, as I think it's an inherently generous gesture. I just think it's good to think about other perspectives. I certainly don't think the OP is trying to be controlling or anything, but you never know what someone else has experienced and/or might be sensitive to/worried about. And, group dynamics are complex.

I don't think it's rude to invite Casey's kids but not her. But, I think it's important to realize that Casey may not automatically agree with the suggestion, or find it positive, for a wide variety of reasons that are no reflection on the OP. I think the OP should decide what she wants to and can afford to offer, and whether there's any room for negotiation in that, and then make the offer, and if Casey declines, take that in a good spirit, which I'm sure the OP would anyway. :)

For the practical details, I can see how the meal plan's all-or-no-one setup makes it tricky. The OP and her DH know they prefer the meal plan, but to have it they must "force" everyone else to have it too, either the OP paying it for everyone, or everyone paying it for themselves.

I think the OP and her DH fundamentally have to decide what their hard limits are, and where they can be flexible. I mean, they wouldn't pay for people to stay somewhere else, right? It's going to be the DVC they want. So that's a hard limit. If someone objects to the meal plan, what are they comfortable doing--not having the meal plan at all, paying for it for the guest (if money was the concern), regretfully withdrawing the trip offer from that guest? Are they definitely expecting that the whole group will be in actual WDW all or most days, or would they be cool if some guests went to the water parks instead, or lounged around the condo all day? Would the OP and her DH happily join the guests away from WDW or would they go their separate ways? What's the hard limit on what the OP and her DH are able to spend on this trip?

Then I think I would talk to John and Samantha first, not just about the definite things but also about what you hope for from the trip. "We'll pay for the condo and the meal plan, you guys get yourselves there, and our expectation is you'll buy your own WDW park tickets so we can go there together every day." And see if they feel the same way, or if they have different expectations that you can be flexible about. Once you get things worked out with them, then maybe you can approach Casey with definite numbers--she'll be paying for her own kids, but they'll be under J&S's supervision and will presumably go with whatever J&S have agreed. "We're paying for X services, you'll have to pay $Y for park tickets, arrange the kids' transportation down there, and give them money for incidentals, $Z being a common amount for that." And do have some flexibility, in case the older kids have some ideas about things they'd like to do, maybe rides that the rest of you wouldn't be interested in, or something like that. (And, if Casey declines, I wouldn't change the budget from what J&S have already agreed to.)

I think problems happen when one person goes into this assuming that everything is going to happen a certain way, the way they enjoy, and then they find out that other people have different assumptions or expectations, maybe so different that one side or the other is no longer having a good time. Just basic vacation compatibility stuff--one person wants to get up at 6am and go-go-go to see everything possible (which the other one finds exhausting), and the other person wants to sleep late and lounge around more (which the first one finds wasteful). And if one person is paying for the bulk of the vacation, it can feel like they're using that leverage to "make" the other person do stuff--which to some extent is certainly reasonable.

So I think it's really important to communicate the expectations clearly with everyone, know where you can have some flexibility, and also know your limits, so you don't feel pressured into agreeing to something you really don't want/can't afford to do. That's all, totally easy, right? :)
~Lynn2000

lowspark

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #55 on: August 23, 2013, 12:53:19 PM »
DH and I plan to invite our friend's family (John and Samantha,  two girls 6 and 4 years old), and John's mother, to come with us to Walt Disney World (WDW) next year.  We are Disney Vacation Club members, so we will provide accommodations.  I have a lot of airline miles, so we should be able to pick up the plane tickets.  We thought that we would pay for park tickets, and get everyone a dining plan.  Souvenirs, extra food, etc. would be their responsibility.  

We would like to take their cousins, Ethan, 12 and Mary, 10.  They have never been to WDW.  Their mother, Casey, is a single, working Mom doing her best to get by, so trips to WDW aren't easily budgeted.  We have shared many holidays, birthdays, and cookouts with their extended family, so we are all familiar to them.  They mind their Uncle and Aunt, and we don't don't think that there will be problems with anxiety or misbehavior. 

If we take Ethan and Mary, it would cost more than we have budgeted.  Shortening the trip doesn't help much:  the cost of accommodations isn't an issue for us, and Disney prices its park tickets so that the cost of additional days beyond the first three are negligible.  The big ticket items are food and plane fare.

Would it be acceptable to ask for financial help from Ethan and Mary's grandparents?  We are comfortable enough with them to ask ourselves or to ask their daughter, Samantha, to ask them.  I don't think it's fair to ask Casey for money.  I doubt that she could afford much, and I don't want to put her in a position to say no. 

Or should we forgo asking Ethan and Mary at all for this trip, and perhaps take them the next time? It will be two or more years before we can do another big, family trip.

Do you see any other problems with our idea?  DH and I are WDW fans and have been many times, so we might be looking at this with Mouse colored glasses.  :)

Let's back up to the original post, particularly the first paragraph, noting what I've bolded.
The original plan (before Ethan and Mary were even thought of) was for Jean to cover transportation, accommodations, park tickets and meals.

At that time, that would have actually meant that they would have bought the meal plans for everyone. That was the plan from the beginning. And had Ethan and Mary never entered the picture, Jean wouldn't have even posted here at all. She would have just offered this very generous gift to John and Samantha and everyone would have been happy with it all. Including the fact that everyone was on the meal plan. No discussion about if they would rather do their own meals or bring an ice chest, etc.

And that is what, it seems to me, Jean has come back to, full circle. The only difference now is that instead of paying for park tickets for four (John and Samantha and their kids), that money will now be going to pay for transportation and meals for Ethan and Mary.

And remember, no one in the group except Jean knows that tickets were ever even on the table and have been taken away.

So we're back to the generous offer of transportation, accommodations and meals for six. And the last sentence of the first paragraph changes to Park tickets, souvenirs, extra food, etc. would be their responsibility.


gramma dishes

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #56 on: August 23, 2013, 12:58:42 PM »
^^^ and John's mother.  So seven.

JeanFromBNA

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #57 on: August 23, 2013, 03:53:47 PM »
DH and I plan to invite our friend's family (John and Samantha,  two girls 6 and 4 years old), and John's mother, to come with us to Walt Disney World (WDW) next year.  We are Disney Vacation Club members, so we will provide accommodations.  I have a lot of airline miles, so we should be able to pick up the plane tickets.  We thought that we would pay for park tickets, and get everyone a dining plan.  Souvenirs, extra food, etc. would be their responsibility.  

We would like to take their cousins, Ethan, 12 and Mary, 10.  They have never been to WDW.  Their mother, Casey, is a single, working Mom doing her best to get by, so trips to WDW aren't easily budgeted.  We have shared many holidays, birthdays, and cookouts with their extended family, so we are all familiar to them.  They mind their Uncle and Aunt, and we don't don't think that there will be problems with anxiety or misbehavior. 

If we take Ethan and Mary, it would cost more than we have budgeted.  Shortening the trip doesn't help much:  the cost of accommodations isn't an issue for us, and Disney prices its park tickets so that the cost of additional days beyond the first three are negligible.  The big ticket items are food and plane fare.

Would it be acceptable to ask for financial help from Ethan and Mary's grandparents?  We are comfortable enough with them to ask ourselves or to ask their daughter, Samantha, to ask them.  I don't think it's fair to ask Casey for money.  I doubt that she could afford much, and I don't want to put her in a position to say no. 

Or should we forgo asking Ethan and Mary at all for this trip, and perhaps take them the next time? It will be two or more years before we can do another big, family trip.

Do you see any other problems with our idea?  DH and I are WDW fans and have been many times, so we might be looking at this with Mouse colored glasses.  :)

Let's back up to the original post, particularly the first paragraph, noting what I've bolded.
The original plan (before Ethan and Mary were even thought of) was for Jean to cover transportation, accommodations, park tickets and meals.

At that time, that would have actually meant that they would have bought the meal plans for everyone. That was the plan from the beginning. And had Ethan and Mary never entered the picture, Jean wouldn't have even posted here at all. She would have just offered this very generous gift to John and Samantha and everyone would have been happy with it all. Including the fact that everyone was on the meal plan. No discussion about if they would rather do their own meals or bring an ice chest, etc.

And that is what, it seems to me, Jean has come back to, full circle. The only difference now is that instead of paying for park tickets for four (John and Samantha and their kids), that money will now be going to pay for transportation and meals for Ethan and Mary.

And remember, no one in the group except Jean knows that tickets were ever even on the table and have been taken away.

So we're back to the generous offer of transportation, accommodations and meals for six. And the last sentence of the first paragraph changes to Park tickets, souvenirs, extra food, etc. would be their responsibility.

I think that you've got it, Lowspark.  If Casey declines the offer, we can step in later and pay for the tickets.  I doubt that John and Sam will buy them right away.

We will be having John and family and Doris over tomorrow to discuss the plan.  I think it will go well, thanks to all of the help that I've gotten here.  :)
« Last Edit: August 23, 2013, 04:00:34 PM by JeanFromBNA »

lowspark

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Re: Offering an all expenses paid trip to almost everyone.
« Reply #58 on: August 23, 2013, 04:06:33 PM »
If they can't go, I'll step in!!!  >:D

Please tell us how it goes.