Author Topic: But I haven't been invited  (Read 28450 times)

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lmyrs

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #165 on: April 07, 2014, 01:08:27 PM »
If you don't want to go, then don't go. But don't go if you're going to be all bent out of shape that you were invited. Just because you had your kids' first birthday parties at home doesn't mean that's the right way to do it. They're allowed to celebrate however they want.

Look, you clearly don't want to do this. So, just don't. I don't see why in the world you would attend this when you think so little of the hosts. Tell your dad you're busy and skip it. I think everyone would be happier. Including the people that will be attending because no one wants to have to deal with someone who is mad that they were invited to something when everyone else wants to enjoy it.

TurtleDove

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #166 on: April 07, 2014, 01:12:34 PM »
I agree with lmyrs.  You can decline for any reason or for no reason at all - no one can tell you your reason isn't valid enough (or if they do tell you that, just ignore them).  What you "can't" do is attend and be bitter and bring down those who are happily attending thee vent.  Just don't go if you don't want to go, whether the hosts are horrible people or whether they are extending the invitation as a way of turning over a new leaf and fostering a happy relationship with you.  Their motivation doesn't matter when your mind is already made up (and it absolutely fine to not want to go - just own the decision and move on)!

YummyMummy66

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #167 on: April 07, 2014, 01:52:55 PM »
Truthfully, in this case, I would just pretend that I had never received that "now you can be the one to drive your dad to the event because cousin figured out how long he would be in the car" invitation. 

And I would have other plans that day.  No one needs to know that your household chores are caught up.  No one needs to know why you cannot attend.  Including dad.  Cousin offered to drive him.  You made other plans.  Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

This party is not for you to feel guilty about driving your dad.  After some things you have stated, I would have no problem telling dad no. 

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #168 on: April 08, 2014, 05:38:03 AM »
OK. Don't Go.

You will find out pretty quickly if you were invited for You. Or if you were invited as a chaufaur.

                          The Southern Cross Flag. Australia

lkdrymom

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #169 on: April 08, 2014, 07:11:39 AM »
If you don't want to go, then don't go. But don't go if you're going to be all bent out of shape that you were invited. Just because you had your kids' first birthday parties at home doesn't mean that's the right way to do it. They're allowed to celebrate however they want.

Look, you clearly don't want to do this. So, just don't. I don't see why in the world you would attend this when you think so little of the hosts. Tell your dad you're busy and skip it. I think everyone would be happier. Including the people that will be attending because no one wants to have to deal with someone who is mad that they were invited to something when everyone else wants to enjoy it.

I think this is a bit harsh. I am not bent out of shape that I am invited.  I am questioning why I was invited since I was not invited to the last event which was a bigger event.  Had my father not made a big deal over me not being invited I probably wouln't even be questioning this but he did so now I wonder. And I do know for a fact that the only reason my father made a big deal over this was so he would have a convenient ride. There is alot more backstory to this that I have written which makes me truly believe that I am only invited to ensure my father a ride. So my feelings are hurt..not over the lack of (previous)invite..but at the realization that they are not interested in seeing me, they just want me to bring my father.

GratefulMaria

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #170 on: April 08, 2014, 09:09:20 AM »
Sorry if this has already been addressed, but how do they behave towards you when you *do* attend?

TurtleDove

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #171 on: April 08, 2014, 09:19:51 AM »
So my feelings are hurt..not over the lack of (previous)invite..but at the realization that they are not interested in seeing me, they just want me to bring my father.

I think if your feelings are hurt and you cannot happily attend, then you should not attend.  Whether you are right about the motivation for inviting you or not, that is how you are interpreting the invitation, and if this will cause you to not enjoy the event, do not go.

I think you can't have it both ways though - regardless of motivation, they are reaching out to you and including you.  If there is too much backstory for this fact to make a difference, so be it, but at this point I am not certain what they could do that would make your invitation okay with you (and that is fine).

JenJay

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #172 on: April 08, 2014, 12:21:23 PM »
But you don't know that you were only invited to provide a ride for your dad. Isn't it possible that they realized you're not comfortable being tacked on to your dad's invites and rectified it this time? I understand that they have a closer relationship with your dad than with you, but that doesn't mean they'd happily never see you again if there was another convenient (for them) way to get him to events.

I get the impression that this isn't really about the invitation. I think you resent the combined attitude of these relatives and your dad that of course you'll bring him, as if you have nothing else to do or you owe it to him or whatever. Maybe they want to see you, maybe they don't. It's hard to gauge because every invitation is All About Dad. I understand that. If you don't want a relationship with them at all that's okay. You can decline this and all future invitations until they realize and stop inviting you. What happens with your dad will be up to them to figure out.

If you do want a relationship, keep an open mind and go. See how you're welcomed, if anyone greets you and makes time to chat with you. Take the initiative and sit with someone, start a conversation, see how they respond. If you leave feeling good then go again, if the day confirms that nobody has time for YOU then you'll know what's up. At least then you can decline future invites without the stress!

lkdrymom

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #173 on: April 14, 2014, 12:38:57 PM »
So my feelings are hurt..not over the lack of (previous)invite..but at the realization that they are not interested in seeing me, they just want me to bring my father.

I think if your feelings are hurt and you cannot happily attend, then you should not attend.  Whether you are right about the motivation for inviting you or not, that is how you are interpreting the invitation, and if this will cause you to not enjoy the event, do not go.

I think you can't have it both ways though - regardless of motivation, they are reaching out to you and including you.  If there is too much backstory for this fact to make a difference, so be it, but at this point I am not certain what they could do that would make your invitation okay with you (and that is fine).

I had to think about this for a few days. In some ways you are right, because of alot of backstory to this that I have not included, I think I will always be suspect of any invitations coming from certain members on this side of the family. And yes I probably would not enjoy myself if I did attend.  I always feel like an afterthought on this side of the family. It is a shame because we were quite close growing up  then a family feud tore all that apart. now that the family is back together I have experienced my father on many occassions pushing me aside so he can stay in the good graces of his brother's family.

I did see my father over the weekend and he did not bring up the invitation. He probably thinks I was not invited. I don't plan on bringing it up to him. The more I think of it, the less I want to go.

Texas Mom

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #174 on: April 14, 2014, 01:57:15 PM »
I did see my father over the weekend and he did not bring up the invitation. He probably thinks I was not invited. I don't plan on bringing it up to him. The more I think of it, the less I want to go.

Communicate your regrets (previous commitment, of course) promptly so they can make other transportation arrangements for your father.

lkdrymom

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #175 on: April 21, 2014, 07:06:58 AM »
My father brought up the invite when I was taking him grocery shopping last week.  I think he is under the impression I was not invited.  He expressed that he really did not want to go ( he thinks a big party for a 1 year old is over the top)...and besides he did not have a way of getting there.  I kept my mouth shut. He never asked me if I received an invitation.  I am just going to buy a card and maybe a gift card and send my regrets.

Winterlight

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #176 on: April 21, 2014, 09:43:55 AM »
That seems wise.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Danika

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #177 on: April 21, 2014, 12:58:00 PM »
I agree. I like your plan and how you handled everything.

lkdrymom

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Re: But I haven't been invited final update 178
« Reply #178 on: May 01, 2014, 01:01:49 PM »
Last of the updates. I was taking my father grocery shopping today when he asked if I had been invited to the party and I said I was.  I told him I sent my regrets and a card and gift card. He told me that my aunt had called him to see if he was coming and he said no......and she replied...."but we invited lkdrymom !".  I think my suspicions were correct when I assumed I was invited just to give him a ride.

mrs_deb

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Re: But I haven't been invited
« Reply #179 on: May 01, 2014, 01:57:59 PM »
Wow - that's tacky and hurtful.  I'm glad you had already decided not to go.