Author Topic: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!  (Read 5469 times)

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Eeep!

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Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« on: August 20, 2013, 12:27:51 PM »
Hello All!

A friend of mine just posted this on FaceBook (on a private board so no worries about the friend seeing it, FYI) and I thought you would apreciate it.  I know there was just a thread on registries for housewarming parties.  But this takes it to a whole new level. 

So... I have a friend who has a little boy one month older than [friend's son]. She had a huge baby shower and a ton of gifts including some nice stuff from us. She got married last september and I was a bridesmaid. She got a ton of money and gifts. Today I get an invite for a housewarming party for them. They are moving this weekend and I guess her mom is throwing her this party. The description says "They just moved and are in need of a TON of things for their new home, so come check out their new place and shower them with love." Among the things listed are very specific prints of bath towels, a keurig, nice pots and pans, nice silverware, kitchen appliances, a dining table and chairs, a butcher block island, cookbooks, and about 20 other things. Am I crazy or is this totally ridiculous???? I've probably spent $400 on them over the past 16 months between baby gifts, wedding gifts, doing their wedding cupcakes for free and being in the actual wedding. I mean, am I going to look like an jerk showing up with a $20 bbb gift card? I can't believe some of the stuff on this list!

So it appears that the friend's mom is throwing the party - so the recipients of the gifts aren't even going to be hosting their friends! What?

I am inclined to tell my friend to not even spend the $20, but that's just me.  Some other - perhaps nicer people - have suggested that she bring what she would normally bring and if her friend is snotty about it, she knows where she stands. What would you tell your friend?
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

cattlekid

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2013, 12:28:55 PM »
I would have other plans for the date and time of the housewarming.

Luci

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2013, 12:46:10 PM »
I have seen that presenting no gift is less obvious than a gift deemed too small.

Therefore, I would go to the "party" because I'm am nosey and like a free drink and appetizer, but with no gift or card. The invitation didn't say, "Gift required for admittance."

Yes, I am ready to spend a few days in ehell if this is too tacky.
« Last Edit: August 20, 2013, 11:56:00 PM by Luci45 »

Lynn2000

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2013, 12:52:47 PM »
She could decline the invitation, of course, if she's gotten a sour taste about these people (which sounds reasonable).

I think if I went I would want to bring something, but not necessarily something big or something from their registry. Not something I think they'd hate, but a pleasant bottle of wine/bouquet of flowers/nice vase type of hostess gift. I think the gift card with the amount on it would be a bit obvious, and I'd feel awkward coming completely empty-handed, but if I wanted to go, I would ignore their registry/demands and go with something small but nice that I might have brought to any housewarming.
~Lynn2000

Hmmmmm

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2013, 01:01:22 PM »
If I went, I'd bring a traditional shower gift of a plant or bottle of wine.

But honestly, I wouldn't attend.

MurPl1

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2013, 02:22:54 PM »
I guess I'm a little confused.  is your friend put out that she was invited to both a baby shower and a wedding shower in the last two years for her friends?  Because honestly, that's not an uncommon thing.

Or is it that they are now asking for housewarming gifts?  Because I'm not seeing where they are.  I'm seeing where Mom is.  And they or may not be on board with this.  If they are, then yes, it's definitely gift-grabby.  But if this is an overstepping Mom (and they exist) and she's either providing a list of things they wanted at the wedding but didn't get or she's gleaned from conversations with the couple, then I'm not so sure where the animosity is coming from.

As far as the mom hosting the event, isn't this going to be at the new house?  "The description says "They just moved and are in need of a TON of things for their new home, so come check out their new place and shower them with love."

I really am not seeing why your friend seems to think they'll be snotty if she brings a traditional housewarming gift.  But then it really doesn't sound like she likes these people to me.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2013, 02:35:38 PM »
If these were really good friends, I'd ignore the mother's demands and take whatever I felt appropriate.  The $20 BBB gift card is fine; a bottle of wine, a plant, the traditional bread, salt and wine would all be fine too.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
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Sharnita

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2013, 02:44:27 PM »
What kind of gifts did they get when they got married? I would have expecyed silverwear, small appliances, towels, etc. to be covered then.

I do think Mom is violating etiquette here.

DottyG

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2013, 02:51:24 PM »
If I went, I'd bring a traditional shower housewarming gift of a plant or bottle of wine.

But honestly, I wouldn't attend.

I made a slight change to the above.  But, in essence, I agree.
 
 

KimodoDragon

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #9 on: August 20, 2013, 02:55:51 PM »
This couple is raking in gifts every 8 months.  What's next - a "help us go on vacation" shower? 

I'd send my regrets and do something else that day.

MurPl1

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2013, 03:46:12 PM »
Seriously, "raking in gifts"?  So because they timed the birth of their child so close to their wedding, that makes them gift grabby?

Honestly, if that's the attitude of the OP's friend, then I say the friends are better off without her.

DottyG

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2013, 03:49:40 PM »
Seriously, "raking in gifts"?  So because they timed the birth of their child so close to their wedding, that makes them gift grabby?

Honestly, if that's the attitude of the OP's friend, then I say the friends are better off without her.

I get the impression (although I might be wrong with this) that it's not that the wedding/baby showers were too close together.  It's that there's an additional shower now for moving that's been added in.  That's the part, from what I'm gathering, that seems to feel like gift-grabbing.  Housewarming parties aren't unheard of.  However, the typical thing people bring to one is a plant or a bottle of wine or something like that.  It's not something off of a registry with household items like the one in the OP.

Goosey

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2013, 03:51:41 PM »
This couple is raking in gifts every 8 months.  What's next - a "help us go on vacation" shower? 

But the only thing that is not usually a gift-giving occassion here is the house-warming party (and there seems to be some contention on that) and that's being hosted by the mother, so we're not sure how much the couple was involved in the invitation.

I don't really consider that "raking in" gifts. The OP should of course only give what she can afford, but if she would have given something if things were spaced out a bit more conviniently for her and she is not giving simply because it's too close together to other life-changing events in their lives, I kind of feel like it's punished the couple for no good reason.

magicdomino

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #13 on: August 20, 2013, 03:58:34 PM »
Less than two years ago, the couple got married.  So less than two years ago, they received big ticket household items, plus gift cards and checks for buying anything that was still needed.  (I'm ignoring the baby gifts since that is a totally different category of stuff.)  If this couple lived on their own, together or separately, like most modern couples do, then they already had a lot of household stuff.  How much more stuff do they really need?

This is not a housewarming.  It is a house shower.  This needs to be stamped out now.  Friend should send only regrets.  If she is invited to the new house for a normal occasion, then she can bring the traditional wine or flowers.

MurPl1

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #14 on: August 20, 2013, 04:06:13 PM »
Seriously, "raking in gifts"?  So because they timed the birth of their child so close to their wedding, that makes them gift grabby?

Honestly, if that's the attitude of the OP's friend, then I say the friends are better off without her.

I get the impression (although I might be wrong with this) that it's not that the wedding/baby showers were too close together.  It's that there's an additional shower now for moving that's been added in.  That's the part, from what I'm gathering, that seems to feel like gift-grabbing.  Housewarming parties aren't unheard of.  However, the typical thing people bring to one is a plant or a bottle of wine or something like that.  It's not something off of a registry with household items like the one in the OP.

But I'm still not seeing why that's on the couple and not the mother?