Author Topic: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!  (Read 5207 times)

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DottyG

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #15 on: August 20, 2013, 04:12:43 PM »
Seriously, "raking in gifts"?  So because they timed the birth of their child so close to their wedding, that makes them gift grabby?

Honestly, if that's the attitude of the OP's friend, then I say the friends are better off without her.

I get the impression (although I might be wrong with this) that it's not that the wedding/baby showers were too close together.  It's that there's an additional shower now for moving that's been added in.  That's the part, from what I'm gathering, that seems to feel like gift-grabbing.  Housewarming parties aren't unheard of.  However, the typical thing people bring to one is a plant or a bottle of wine or something like that.  It's not something off of a registry with household items like the one in the OP.

But I'm still not seeing why that's on the couple and not the mother?

Good point.  You're right - the mother is wrong.  And the couple is as well only if they're an actual part of this.


z_squared82

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #16 on: August 20, 2013, 04:26:41 PM »
Hello All!

A friend of mine just posted this on FaceBook (on a private board so no worries about the friend seeing it, FYI) and I thought you would apreciate it.  I know there was just a thread on registries for housewarming parties.  But this takes it to a whole new level. 

So... I have a friend who has a little boy one month older than [friend's son]. She had a huge baby shower and a ton of gifts including some nice stuff from us. She got married last september and I was a bridesmaid. She got a ton of money and gifts. Today I get an invite for a housewarming party for them. They are moving this weekend and I guess her mom is throwing her this party. The description says "They just moved and are in need of a TON of things for their new home, so come check out their new place and shower them with love." Among the things listed are very specific prints of bath towels, a keurig, nice pots and pans, nice silverware, kitchen appliances, a dining table and chairs, a butcher block island, cookbooks, and about 20 other things. Am I crazy or is this totally ridiculous???? I've probably spent $400 on them over the past 16 months between baby gifts, wedding gifts, doing their wedding cupcakes for free and being in the actual wedding. I mean, am I going to look like an jerk showing up with a $20 bbb gift card? I can't believe some of the stuff on this list!

So it appears that the friend's mom is throwing the party - so the recipients of the gifts aren't even going to be hosting their friends! What?

I am inclined to tell my friend to not even spend the $20, but that's just me.  Some other - perhaps nicer people - have suggested that she bring what she would normally bring and if her friend is snotty about it, she knows where she stands. What would you tell your friend?

I'm mostly confused by this. Why would they need a TON of stuff. Didn't they just get married? Didn't they get a ton of new stuff then? The only things, even as a single woman, I needed when I got my apartment was furniture, and I hope to goodness they didn't register for that.

I say take a bottle of wine. If the friend gets snotty, the friend gets snotty. (Of course, my favorite wine is usually $5 a bottle, so maybe that's me being a little PA  ;) )

DottyG

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #17 on: August 20, 2013, 04:33:59 PM »
The only things, even as a single woman, I needed when I got my apartment was furniture, and I hope to goodness they didn't register for that.

Sadly, I know of someone that did register for those kinds of things for her wedding.  Along with 6 tvs and some other stuff.

Quote
(Of course, my favorite wine is usually $5 a bottle, so maybe that's me being a little PA  ;) )

There are some really good "under $10" wines out there. :)


NyaChan

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #18 on: August 20, 2013, 04:43:00 PM »
I feel like with the closeness of the big life events, this family has just gotten caught up in the ideas of registries and gift to the point that they aren't realizing that moving into a new home is not the sort of event that one registers for.  I would decline or just bring a small, appropriate gift.

MurPl1

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #19 on: August 20, 2013, 04:56:05 PM »
Where does it say the couple registered for anything for a housewarming?

Ginger G

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #20 on: August 20, 2013, 04:56:47 PM »
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The only things, even as a single woman, I needed when I got my apartment was furniture, and I hope to goodness they didn't register for that.

Well, the FB post did say they registered for a dining table and chairs as well as a butcher block island....

I don't think the OP's friend actually begrudges the wedding and baby gifts, but requesting these type of gifts so soon after their wedding (and some pretty big ticket items at that) does seem gift grabby to me.  If they were really good friends and I wanted to see their house, I would go and take a bottle of wine and a $20 home store gift card.  If they are not appreciative of that, then I would know where I stood with them.

MurPl1

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #21 on: August 20, 2013, 05:01:15 PM »
Could you point out the registry info?  I'm only seeing in the OP where the mother listed items on the invitation.  To me that is a huge difference.

Lynn2000

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #22 on: August 20, 2013, 05:09:50 PM »
I feel like with the closeness of the big life events, this family has just gotten caught up in the ideas of registries and gift to the point that they aren't realizing that moving into a new home is not the sort of event that one registers for.  I would decline or just bring a small, appropriate gift.

And, while in general it's not inappropriate to have a wedding shower and a baby shower and a housewarming party in one's lifetime, the GOH ought to keep in mind how often they are soliciting gifts (even with total politeness for each individual event) from the same group of people, especially if they are pretty substantial gifts. Three events with registries* containing mainly big-ticket items within a two-year span (if that's the situation) is a little much, cumulatively, even if each event is in itself reasonable. Especially considering that there's usually a large overlap in what would normally be given at a wedding shower and what is being specified for the housewarming party.

However, it's unclear to me how much the couple are "in on" the housewarming party invitation sent by her mother. I mean, one assumes they actually are having a housewarming party at that time and date, or else they're going to be unpleasantly surprised when people start showing up! It seems odd to me that someone who doesn't live in the new house is the one inviting people to the housewarming party--that's more in line with how one would set up a wedding or baby shower, having someone other than the GOH be the host.

But, it could also have seemed totally innocent to the couple, like Mom is paying for the catering and helping decorate and so forth as a treat for her daughter and son-in-law, who after all are pretty busy with a new house and a small child. So it's possible the couple have no idea that this was how Mom invited people, attaching their "list of stuff to buy after we get settled in the new house" and encouraging guests to purchase from it. I'm imagining their expressions as people appear at their party bearing matching towel sets, place settings, and small appliances--probably stunned gratitude morphing into horror as it dawns on them what Mom must have done, and how bad it could look for them. What would you even do in that situation?

Or of course they could be totally in on it and are greedily asking for more major gifts from the same group of people, for an occasion that doesn't normally even have major gifts.

Here's a question: If you as a guest got an invitation like the one Mom sent, and you want to know if/suspect that the couple have no idea that Mom is operating this way, how do you bring it to the couple's attention? Should you? My first thought is to reply to the email and copy the couple as well, and say something like, "Hey, I was looking at the list of things you want for the housewarming party, and I wasn't sure if you wanted the towels in Navy or Black. Let me know!" If they write back, "Navy, to match our new bathroom," then you figure they're fine with what Mom did. But if they're like, "Um, please, do not feel the need to purchase anything on that list, just coming to the party would be great, thanks so much," then you might suspect they didn't know what Mom was up to before. Would this be a rude way to handle it?

*To me a list of specific items one wants guests to buy is a registry, or close enough.
~Lynn2000

QueenfaninCA

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #23 on: August 20, 2013, 05:45:03 PM »
Less than two years ago, the couple got married.  So less than two years ago, they received big ticket household items, plus gift cards and checks for buying anything that was still needed.  (I'm ignoring the baby gifts since that is a totally different category of stuff.)  If this couple lived on their own, together or separately, like most modern couples do, then they already had a lot of household stuff.  How much more stuff do they really need?

This is not a housewarming.  It is a house shower.  This needs to be stamped out now.  Friend should send only regrets.  If she is invited to the new house for a normal occasion, then she can bring the traditional wine or flowers.

POD.

magicdomino

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #24 on: August 20, 2013, 05:54:10 PM »
Where does it say the couple registered for anything for a housewarming?

Sounds like it is an attached list, rather than a registry at a store:

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Among the things listed are very specific prints of bath towels, a keurig, nice pots and pans, nice silverware, kitchen appliances, a dining table and chairs, a butcher block island, cookbooks, and about 20 other things.

The same principles apply though.  They are requesting wedding present level gifts for a token gift occasion.  I might add that this does implicate the couple's involvement, rather than it being only the hosting mother's mistake.  She got that list from somewhere.

Actually, the cookbooks might be okay under other circumstances, but I wouldn't want to encourage this kind of thing.

Eeep!

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #25 on: August 20, 2013, 07:49:58 PM »
Where does it say the couple registered for anything for a housewarming?

Sounds like it is an attached list, rather than a registry at a store:

Quote
Among the things listed are very specific prints of bath towels, a keurig, nice pots and pans, nice silverware, kitchen appliances, a dining table and chairs, a butcher block island, cookbooks, and about 20 other things.

The same principles apply though.  They are requesting wedding present level gifts for a token gift occasion.  I might add that this does implicate the couple's involvement, rather than it being only the hosting mother's mistake.  She got that list from somewhere.

Actually, the cookbooks might be okay under other circumstances, but I wouldn't want to encourage this kind of thing.

Sorry all - I have had a busy day.  I believe the above is why my friend thinks that they are in on it.  Perhaps the mom took it all upon herself to make up the list but I'm thinking not.  I will check with my friend though. :)

As to her not liking her friend - I don't think that is the case.  She was in her wedding and baked for it as well.  I think she is just a bit gobsmacked that they would be wanting new things so closely following a wedding, at which, presumably, they received similar type gifts. 

But I will see if I can get more info. :)

All that aside, I think it is really odd for the invite to the party to be coming from the mom.  I have never been invited to a housewarming by anyone other than the homeowners.
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Twik

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #26 on: August 20, 2013, 10:46:21 PM »
A housewarming was not intended ever to be a "Furnish my house shower," as his appears to be.
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Raintree

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #27 on: August 21, 2013, 06:28:54 AM »
I would decline the invitation as its purpose seems to be gifts and I wouldn't want to give yet another gift.

Shoo

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #28 on: August 21, 2013, 10:14:45 AM »
A housewarming was not intended ever to be a "Furnish my house shower," as his appears to be.

I agree.  The idea of people registering, or requesting certain gifts, for a housewarming party really bothers me.  Furnish your own house!  Quit expecting other people to buy you stuff.

z_squared82

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Re: Housewarming Shower/Party - Ugh!
« Reply #29 on: August 21, 2013, 11:48:19 AM »
The only things, even as a single woman, I needed when I got my apartment was furniture, and I hope to goodness they didn't register for that.

Sadly, I know of someone that did register for those kinds of things for her wedding.  Along with 6 tvs and some other stuff.


Who is tarnation needs six TVs?! The only reason I might consider putting something more substantial on a wedding registry is  in the hope no one buys it for me and I can use the "List Completion" discount to get it after the fact.

I'm sticking with the bottle of wine.