Author Topic: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?  (Read 10083 times)

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Cz. Burrito

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #30 on: August 21, 2013, 07:40:15 PM »
I am wondering myself why it is so darned important to him that I ride with him.  I'm on the overly-suspicious side myself and view most men as potential ax-murderers, so I feel better that this has raised red flags with so many of y'all here.  I think I'm going to skip this little outing.

Smart move when you consider that the most generous analysis of the situation is that he is dim, stubborn, and inconsiderate.

Absolutely this.  He could be the most non-axe-murder-y person around, but he'd still be an insufferable boar.

wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #31 on: August 21, 2013, 10:01:10 PM »
This sounds extremely suspiscious to me. Too many scenerios to list, but the top are designated driver; he wants to be able to control when you leave, or stay; gives him an excuse to drive him back home and maybe stay over night.

If he won't meet you at your work, or the park, I would cancel and not remake plans with this guy.

I'm with those who have a hinky meter going into over drive.

GreenEyedHawk

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #32 on: August 21, 2013, 11:08:14 PM »
I would be more concerned about why he is so desperate to have you at his house or in his car. And I would definitely say this is way too  much trouble for just a second date and let him go.

I'm glad I'm not the only one wondering why it's so important for him to drive you. Even if it's just an ego thing (i.e. the man is supposed to drive, or I want to impress her with my car), it seems like a red flag that he's throwing a fit over something so minor. This does not seem like someone I'd want to get to know better.

Didnt he say he didnt like driving in the city? He wanted her to drive?

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LifeOnPluto

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #33 on: August 21, 2013, 11:37:41 PM »
Urg... he sounds like a moocher, who wants a free ride and designated driver.

I personally would not go on any more dates with him.

Mel the Redcap

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #34 on: August 21, 2013, 11:45:58 PM »
Chiming in on the "inconsiderate and selfish" side!
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Raintree

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #35 on: August 22, 2013, 01:07:41 AM »
I didn't get the impression he wanted the OP to drive; just that he wanted her to ride in his car while he drove. Doesn't matter though; he is at best inconsiderate of her needs or concerns, and at worst, has some ulterior and unsavory motive. A PP said it best, in that the most generous analysis of the situation is that he is clueless and inconsiderate.

OP, did you cancel? And how did he react?

SCMagnolia

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #36 on: August 22, 2013, 09:56:40 AM »
I did cancel.  He said he couldn't understand why, that he thought we'd made plans, he bought everything for a picnic dinner to take along, he thought I was really looking forward to going...   I asked if he really thought it made sense for me to drive nearly 40 miles out of my way to meet him only to drive back to a spot that was close-by to where I started.  He said he didn't understand what the problem was, he was driving me to the show so why was I having such an issue with this?

Not sure that he actually had anything BAD in mind.  I do think this is a case of completely, utterly, totally, without-a-doubt cluelessness.  And I'm definitely crossing him off the potential date list.  As they say, "ain't nobody got time for that!"

Thank you all for your advice and for validating my concerns.   As I said earlier on in the thread, I tend to be on the VERY overly-cautious side when it comes to dating, and it makes me feel a whole lot better that so many of you got the hinky vibe from this situation too! 

Raintree

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #37 on: August 22, 2013, 02:50:34 PM »
Quote
He said he didn't understand what the problem was

And I don't understand how he could not understand what the problem was. I'm guessing it would take you about two hours to get home after the concert (ride back with him, get into your own car, go home). I would love to know what the problem was with meeting you there, or somewhere nearby. Ugh. I've met people who just have to be difficult after two years, but not on the second date. His need to be difficult can only increase exponentially the more he gets to know you. Glad you got out.

Mel the Redcap

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #38 on: August 22, 2013, 07:00:28 PM »
I did cancel.  He said he couldn't understand why, that he thought we'd made plans, he bought everything for a picnic dinner to take along, he thought I was really looking forward to going...   I asked if he really thought it made sense for me to drive nearly 40 miles out of my way to meet him only to drive back to a spot that was close-by to where I started.  He said he didn't understand what the problem was, he was driving me to the show so why was I having such an issue with this?

Not sure that he actually had anything BAD in mind.  I do think this is a case of completely, utterly, totally, without-a-doubt cluelessness.  And I'm definitely crossing him off the potential date list.  As they say, "ain't nobody got time for that!"

Thank you all for your advice and for validating my concerns.   As I said earlier on in the thread, I tend to be on the VERY overly-cautious side when it comes to dating, and it makes me feel a whole lot better that so many of you got the hinky vibe from this situation too!

This sounds like a combination of oblivious/selfish on the one hand, and "has made up a romantic script for how the evening is supposed to go and now cannot deviate from it". He had plans all right - probably kind of nice plans, it's possible he really isn't a creep and just didn't understand the problems with what he wanted to do - but unfortunately his plans didn't take into account the fact that YOU have your own priorities (that don't include going 80 miles out of your way to make his script work).
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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #39 on: August 22, 2013, 08:20:52 PM »
I'd have cancelled too. He may be more clueless than malicious, but the effect is the same for you.
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blarg314

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #40 on: August 22, 2013, 08:23:36 PM »

Yeah, I'd go for him having plotted out a romantic script (picnic?) on how to woo you, and he doesn't want it to be disturbed.

I'd still cancel. He might mean well, but I'm not interested in dating someone who is so caught up in designing how his relationship is going to go that he forgets that I'm an actual person with opinions and a life of my own.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #41 on: August 23, 2013, 02:49:42 PM »

Yeah, I'd go for him having plotted out a romantic script (picnic?) on how to woo you, and he doesn't want it to be disturbed.

I'd still cancel. He might mean well, but I'm not interested in dating someone who is so caught up in designing how his relationship is going to go that he forgets that I'm an actual person with opinions and a life of my own.

No one wants to be a prop in someone else's script.
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siamesecat2965

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #42 on: August 28, 2013, 11:57:34 AM »
I did cancel.  He said he couldn't understand why, that he thought we'd made plans, he bought everything for a picnic dinner to take along, he thought I was really looking forward to going...   I asked if he really thought it made sense for me to drive nearly 40 miles out of my way to meet him only to drive back to a spot that was close-by to where I started.  He said he didn't understand what the problem was, he was driving me to the show so why was I having such an issue with this?

Not sure that he actually had anything BAD in mind.  I do think this is a case of completely, utterly, totally, without-a-doubt cluelessness.  And I'm definitely crossing him off the potential date list.  As they say, "ain't nobody got time for that!"

Thank you all for your advice and for validating my concerns.   As I said earlier on in the thread, I tend to be on the VERY overly-cautious side when it comes to dating, and it makes me feel a whole lot better that so many of you got the hinky vibe from this situation too!

I think he just sounds utterly clueless, and has this picture in his mind about how the evening should go. Never mind all common sense went out the window. And the fact he didn't pick up on WHY it wouldn't make ANY sense at all for you to do waht he was proposing says to me this wouldn't change.

Slightly OT: i am going on a trip next spring with my cousin. we are leaving from Baltimore. I live in NJ. She lives in MD, closer to DC. the plan is I will make my way to Baltimore, and meet her at the port (going on a cruise). She has asked me several times why don't i just come to HER, and we can then go back UP to the ship.

First of all, it would make my trip longer, secondly, I think she has ulterior motives, as in if i drive to her house, i can then drive to the port, and her transport is set. I told her sorry, that isn't happening, and why would I want to go out of my way,  and we can just meet there. I think its finally sunk in, but really? Think about what you're proposing. 

Emmy

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #43 on: October 18, 2013, 08:15:11 PM »
I won't speculate on his intentions of you driving to his place and traveling together.  However, I agree with the others who say that this incident shows that he feels his wants/needs trump your wants/needs.  Also refusing to do something that would work for you, like meeting you there or picking you up and getting bent out of shape when you don't bow to his ridiculous request after your reasonable explanation says a lot about his character.  It is good this happened now, I imagine that this type of behavior would continue.

greencat

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Re: What part of too far out of the way do you not understand?
« Reply #44 on: October 20, 2013, 06:39:58 AM »
Lizzy, I think you and I were formerly friends with the same budding alcoholic. 

OP,

This guy also sets off my hinky-meter.  Good on you for canceling.