Author Topic: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!  (Read 6236 times)

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metallicafan

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Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« on: August 20, 2013, 04:55:38 PM »
The twist is that the parent in question is my MIL!

MIL and I will go shopping or do lunch.  Then, the next time we are all together with SIL and BIL,  if MIL mentions that her and I went out,  SIL ( and even BIL for that matter) will say in a snotty tone, "Oh, it Must be Nice to be able to go to lunch."  So, now MIL won't even mention it anymore since that is the general reaction. 
So, if the subject ever happens to come up, what is a good reply?

MrTango

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2013, 05:01:37 PM »
Personally, I'd ignore it entirely.

I would assume that they're looking for a response to their behavior, and I would refuse to give their behavior the reward they are seeking.

SlitherHiss

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2013, 05:06:08 PM »
Personally, I'd ignore it entirely.

I would assume that they're looking for a response to their behavior, and I would refuse to give their behavior the reward they are seeking.

This. Don't let them make it an issue. If she wants to look petulant, let her. Just carry on with the conversation as if she hadn't made some a pouty, juvenile remark.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2013, 05:10:03 PM »
You can always reply with "Yes, it is" in the sunniest tone possible.  Bonus points for a cake eating grin :)  Level up points if you can manage to go on and on about how lovely MIL is and how you two have so much to chat about, etc, etc, etc

JoyinVirginia

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2013, 05:16:23 PM »
Pod to pastry goddess. Happy happy best lunch ever!

bonyk

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2013, 05:33:00 PM »
I feel like there's some missing back story here.  Why can't they come to lunch? 

Regardless,  I think "Yes, we had a nice time," is a fine answer.

hobish

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2013, 05:34:25 PM »
You can always reply with "Yes, it is" in the sunniest tone possible.  Bonus points for a cake eating grin :)  Level up points if you can manage to go on and on about how lovely MIL is and how you two have so much to chat about, etc, etc, etc

Yep. I would add an invitation to join you, maybe, just to not be smarmy about it.
"cake eating grin" I love it.
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*inviteseller

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2013, 05:56:49 PM »
I can't stand when people get mad and make snotty comments about others having time together.  Is she making the comment because she has to work and you don't OP?  And if she wants to spend time with her mother, then she needs to ask her out instead of being nasty about OP having some time with her.   The "must be nice" line is one sure way to get my back up.  Jealousy is not becoming.

Thipu1

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2013, 05:57:14 PM »
The 'Must be nice' type of comment always sets off the red, flashing lights in my head. 

Yes, it is nice to have a pleasant day's outing with MIL but it isn't like taking a month-long cruise of the Greek islands on a private yacht.  If SIL or BIL have a problem with something as innocent a a day of shopping and lunch, there's more going on below the surface than we know. 

I'd just ignore the comments.       

ti_ax

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #9 on: August 20, 2013, 06:21:20 PM »
Perhaps SIL and BIL are worried MIL will bequeath metallicafan a little something extra in her will?

metallicafan

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2013, 06:53:32 PM »
SIL is a stay at home mom, like me.  Although her kids are younger than mine.

As far as things below the surface, yeah there is a lot.  For the sake of my two kids, and my nephew and two nieces, ( because the kids love each other), I try to deal with SIL and BIL as pleasantly as possible when I have to see them.

The comment about the will made me LOL!  ;D

metallicafan

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2013, 07:14:12 PM »
Just wanted to clarify one more thing, although it probably doesn't make a difference.  My mother in law is not sister in law's mother.  She is her mother in law also.

gramma dishes

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2013, 07:18:53 PM »
Just wanted to clarify one more thing, although it probably doesn't make a difference.  My mother in law is not sister in law's mother.  She is her mother in law also.

Actually it kind of does make a difference.  Does MIL ever take her other DIL to lunch, or is it always just you?

o_gal

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #13 on: August 21, 2013, 09:53:30 AM »
Just wanted to clarify one more thing, although it probably doesn't make a difference.  My mother in law is not sister in law's mother.  She is her mother in law also.

Actually it kind of does make a difference.  Does MIL ever take her other DIL to lunch, or is it always just you?

I think Gramma Dishes is on to something here. Isn't a basic rule of etiquette that you do not talk to others about events they are not invited to? So MIL is maybe not inviting SIL out to things like lunches, but she does with you, then she talks about these lunches that SIL is not invited to, right in front of SIL. From SIL's POV, yeah, that'd make me a bit stabby too after it had gone on multiple times.

Winterlight

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Re: Jealousy of time and attention from a parent, With a twist!
« Reply #14 on: August 21, 2013, 10:39:29 AM »
Just wanted to clarify one more thing, although it probably doesn't make a difference.  My mother in law is not sister in law's mother.  She is her mother in law also.

Actually it kind of does make a difference.  Does MIL ever take her other DIL to lunch, or is it always just you?

I think Gramma Dishes is on to something here. Isn't a basic rule of etiquette that you do not talk to others about events they are not invited to? So MIL is maybe not inviting SIL out to things like lunches, but she does with you, then she talks about these lunches that SIL is not invited to, right in front of SIL. From SIL's POV, yeah, that'd make me a bit stabby too after it had gone on multiple times.

That's a good point. She might be feeling snubbed.
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