Author Topic: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?  (Read 8033 times)

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Firecat

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #60 on: August 21, 2013, 03:12:09 PM »
It's complete chaos to have everyone going at once. Then the disabled and people in the back are the ones picking at the leftovers all the time.

I think the only REALLY equal way to do this is have numbered tables of equal number. Put the numbers in a hat, draw one randomly and call that table of people forward. That's the only real way people have an equal chance of getting the good stuff :)

Snowdragon, I think you're taking this much too personally. No one wants to slight you, they just want to make sure that those who would have a much harder time getting to the table and serving themselves than you get the opportunity to do so.

I think another option would be by alternating last name groups. So at one potluck, those with last names beginning with, say, P-Z go first, and the next, those with K-O, or whatever division works. If someone needs help, then one helper would be allowed to accompany that person through the line, regardless of the helper's last name. But that way, everyone gets a chance to be in the first group at least 1/3 or 1/4 of the time.

snowdragon

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #61 on: August 21, 2013, 03:13:04 PM »
It's complete chaos to have everyone going at once. Then the disabled and people in the back are the ones picking at the leftovers all the time.

I think the only REALLY equal way to do this is have numbered tables of equal number. Put the numbers in a hat, draw one randomly and call that table of people forward. That's the only real way people have an equal chance of getting the good stuff :)



This would be much more fair than having certain groups be always the ones "in the back are the ones picking at the leftovers all the time" ( I like that wording).


Quote
Snowdragon, I think you're taking this much too personally. No one wants to slight you, they just want to make sure that those who would have a much harder time getting to the table and serving themselves than you get the opportunity to do so.

It's never a slight , until it is. And it is when it's a constant, "you get to go last always because I say these are more worthy than you" it's a slight.

snowdragon

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #62 on: August 21, 2013, 03:14:16 PM »
It's complete chaos to have everyone going at once. Then the disabled and people in the back are the ones picking at the leftovers all the time.

I think the only REALLY equal way to do this is have numbered tables of equal number. Put the numbers in a hat, draw one randomly and call that table of people forward. That's the only real way people have an equal chance of getting the good stuff :)

Snowdragon, I think you're taking this much too personally. No one wants to slight you, they just want to make sure that those who would have a much harder time getting to the table and serving themselves than you get the opportunity to do so.

I think another option would be by alternating last name groups. So at one potluck, those with last names beginning with, say, P-Z go first, and the next, those with K-O, or whatever division works. If someone needs help, then one helper would be allowed to accompany that person through the line, regardless of the helper's last name. But that way, everyone gets a chance to be in the first group at least 1/3 or 1/4 of the time.

  Or you could have designated helpers who ate first, like kids needing their community service hours for school or something.

Sharnita

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #63 on: August 21, 2013, 03:15:14 PM »
It seems that if people needed help.and couldn't go through with everyone else, it would be.as easy for them to go through after as before.

DottyG

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #64 on: August 21, 2013, 03:15:32 PM »
I've been trying to think of how my church does it, because it works out perfectly.  I don't know that there really are any rules to it; it just happens.

We have a potluck every month there, so it's a pretty large group.  The city is already kinda divided into sections, so each section has a role - the north area will be providing the main course, for instance, while the south area will be providing the desserts.  That type of thing.  So everything is covered with the meal.  The duties of setting up and taking down rotate as well - I think the south part did it last month.  So that's divided up fairly.

It's right after the later service, so people are kinda milling around getting their contributions on the tables and getting things ready.  People with mobility issues or elderly people are where they can get to the tables easily anyway.

There are 2 tables set up, and people go on both sides of the tables.  So the line moves incredibly fast.  Now, that means that you might not be in the line where you get Martha's meatloaf on the other table.  But you are getting Sue's homemade soup.  And, if you want some of the meatloaf, you can either slip in and get some (people don't mind a quick "hey, could I grab a quick bit of this?" type of thing) or go back and get some when you get seconds.

I have never seen the food all disappear at those things.  And no one is leaving the slightest bit hungry - I have left there stuffed to the gills! :D  These people make enough food to donate - which is exactly what's done with the leftovers.

I think there was one time where they did kinda have people seated at tables (if I remember correctly, there was an announcement or something that took place before it, so people were already sitting) and then they did a kind of start at this table and work around the room to get in line.  But, even then, it wasn't a strict thing.

The thing I've noticed about how it works is that there isn't a problem, like Snowdragon mentioned, of Singles being left out.  They're in the line just like everyone else.  It's a bit of "first come, first served," but it doesn't make the ones who may need a little extra time be in the very back or be at a disadvantage  (as Slitherhiss mentioned).

Somehow, it all works!  This church has found the magic touch that makes it go really smoothly.  Part of that might be the fact that it is a monthly thing.  There's been enough practice now that they've worked out the kinks, and people know what to do.

 
ETA a missing "doesn't" that was needed
 
 
« Last Edit: August 21, 2013, 03:22:05 PM by DottyG »

Goosey

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #65 on: August 21, 2013, 03:20:36 PM »
Quote
Snowdragon, I think you're taking this much too personally. No one wants to slight you, they just want to make sure that those who would have a much harder time getting to the table and serving themselves than you get the opportunity to do so.

It's never a slight , until it is. And it is when it's a constant, "you get to go last always because I say these are more worthy than you" it's a slight.

They're not more worthy than you. You are more able-bodied than them.

You seem to be doing a mental leap and zig-zag to make this about your worth as a human being rather than your ability to easily serve yourself without assistance.

Don't worry, in my experience, the elderly and small children don't eat much.

snowdragon

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #66 on: August 21, 2013, 03:25:42 PM »
Quote
Snowdragon, I think you're taking this much too personally. No one wants to slight you, they just want to make sure that those who would have a much harder time getting to the table and serving themselves than you get the opportunity to do so.

It's never a slight , until it is. And it is when it's a constant, "you get to go last always because I say these are more worthy than you" it's a slight.

They're not more worthy than you. You are more able-bodied than them.

You seem to be doing a mental leap and zig-zag to make this about your worth as a human being rather than your ability to easily serve yourself without assistance.

Don't worry, in my experience, the elderly and small children don't eat much.

How incredibly condescending.  In other words "It's ok for you to be discriminated against...but don't worry there will be enough of the stuff others don't want for you to eat." 
  If organizations expect people to bring more than their share ( and singles usually end up doing this at pot lucks ) then they need to treat us fairly - and not relegate us to the leftovers that others did not want.

cass2591

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #67 on: August 21, 2013, 03:27:46 PM »

It's only nice if you are in one of the privileged to go first group I find it mean spirited to say to one group that you can bring, but not get a fair shot at the table and really it smacks of privilege for certain groups. And yes, people should go in the order they get to the table.
 

I have to say that's the first time I've ever seen anyone group the elderly or the disabled in with the privileged.

I'm assuming, of course, that when you were in your full leg cast that caused issues for you, that if such a "privilege" were extended to you, you would have declined on the basis of fairness.
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DottyG

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #68 on: August 21, 2013, 03:29:24 PM »
Snowdragon, would something like this work?  "Bring enough for what you would eat plus enough for X other people" (with X being a reasonable number)?

So a Single might bring enough to feed, say, 5 people (themselves plus 4) and a family of four would bring enough to feed 8 people (their family plus 4).  That way, the Singles aren't penalized for being a smaller family unit.

turnip

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #69 on: August 21, 2013, 03:29:49 PM »
Quote
Snowdragon, I think you're taking this much too personally. No one wants to slight you, they just want to make sure that those who would have a much harder time getting to the table and serving themselves than you get the opportunity to do so.

It's never a slight , until it is. And it is when it's a constant, "you get to go last always because I say these are more worthy than you" it's a slight.

They're not more worthy than you. You are more able-bodied than them.

You seem to be doing a mental leap and zig-zag to make this about your worth as a human being rather than your ability to easily serve yourself without assistance.

Don't worry, in my experience, the elderly and small children don't eat much.

I keep wondering if snowdragon is reading this wrong.  Letting the elderly and families with small children go first seems like a lovely, charitable gesture - much like letting them have a seat on the bus or the train.  I can't see how there's any 'worthiness' judgments there. 

If you really don't want to make a gracious gesture to people who need extra assistance - well, then I'm thinking attending church functions aren't big on you todo list anyway.

SlitherHiss

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #70 on: August 21, 2013, 03:29:59 PM »
Quote
Snowdragon, I think you're taking this much too personally. No one wants to slight you, they just want to make sure that those who would have a much harder time getting to the table and serving themselves than you get the opportunity to do so.

It's never a slight , until it is. And it is when it's a constant, "you get to go last always because I say these are more worthy than you" it's a slight.

They're not more worthy than you. You are more able-bodied than them.

You seem to be doing a mental leap and zig-zag to make this about your worth as a human being rather than your ability to easily serve yourself without assistance.

Don't worry, in my experience, the elderly and small children don't eat much.

How incredibly condescending.  In other words "It's ok for you to be discriminated against...but don't worry there will be enough of the stuff others don't want for you to eat." 
  If organizations expect people to bring more than their share ( and singles usually end up doing this at pot lucks ) then they need to treat us fairly - and not relegate us to the leftovers that others did not want.

Goodness! People who need assistance going first (regardless of age) along with their helpers isn't discrimination. It's the furthest thing from it. It's helping your fellow man.

This "Us vs. Them" thing you're railing against is a fabrication of your own making.

blahblahblah

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #71 on: August 21, 2013, 03:30:29 PM »
Quote
It's never a slight , until it is. And it is when it's a constant, "you get to go last always because I say these are more worthy than you" it's a slight.
Do you also think that airline preboarding procedures are a slight since they allow those with very young children or people needing extra assistance to board first?

I know it's not exactly the same thing - unless you're flying Southwest, seats are pre-assigned so it's not like you're gonna get stuck with the cruddy middle seats - but honestly, I think you're assigning uncharitable motivations when there aren't any. I agree with the pps saying that it's simply more efficient to have those needing extra assistance go through first, just like it's more efficient to have those needing extra assistance board planes first. I'd rather just sit and wait then go for the plane/potluck at the same time and get stuck waiting behind someone who needs forever and a day to sit down/get food.

Goosey

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #72 on: August 21, 2013, 03:30:36 PM »
It's not about discrimination, even though you are trying your best to make it out to be.

You're able bodied. You're an adult. You're able to serve yourself and move on without assistance. This system is to make sure that those needing and providing the assistance can do so without being trampled or having to wait in line for a long time (in cases where they can't stand for long or carry young children long).

It's not about you being single and it's ridiculous to make it about that. You're able to walk up to the table and serve yourself without help. If you want a particular dish, it's best you make it for yourself. It's a potluck, not a buffet. There's never going to be enough for everyone and if you're holding out for the "best" you're going to be disappointed every time. 

snowdragon

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #73 on: August 21, 2013, 03:35:11 PM »

It's only nice if you are in one of the privileged to go first group I find it mean spirited to say to one group that you can bring, but not get a fair shot at the table and really it smacks of privilege for certain groups. And yes, people should go in the order they get to the table.
 

I have to say that's the first time I've ever seen anyone group the elderly or the disabled in with the privileged.

I'm assuming, of course, that when you were in your full leg cast that caused issues for you, that if such a "privilege" were extended to you, you would have declined on the basis of fairness.


I did several times - I think it's wrong to do otherwise.

jaxsue

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Re: Potluck Etiquette Opinions?
« Reply #74 on: August 21, 2013, 03:36:27 PM »
I know that when I was disabled for 6 months (bad ankle break, long recovery) I would've appreciated the help. Being on a walker, then a cane, I would have been unable to go through without help. And being jostled by people (I never had any idea how scary that could be!) was always an issue.

Having experienced that, I am quite okay with letting people with mobility issues go before I do. I've been there, and it's no fun!