Potluck Etiquette Opinions?

[cass2591]

And so rests the hepatitis PSA.

[Visiting Crazy Town]

I think first come first serve, and make sure you leave enough for everyone should be the rule. It seems wrong to say to singles and teens who come alone that "you are good enough to provide food, but not good enough to have an equal chance at being first - and there for the prime dishes, because you are alone." Is wrong and very rude.

 

My dad was a minister and made the rules for our church's potluck dinners. First, the elderly went through, then people with very young children. Then, families (and single people were a family). Teens were with their family or a friend's family, generally. If they weren't, they just went through with the family group. The chances of a 15-yr-old bringing a dish were nil, if memory serves me.

It worked well.

As a Single I would have resigned from your church then and there.  And I would not be shy about answering why or taking my dish home with me ( since I don't use disposables, I would not leave a good ceramic dish behind )  Expecting one group to always have the leavings of others, is rude.

That was my first thought as well. That doesn't sound very welcoming!

I'm a single person and I don;t understand what  the problem with the order is , the elderly and  small children are the ones that  most often need help, so  it would make sense to me to allow them to go through the line first =so that  if they  need assistance someone would be able to help them before they  get their own food and begans eating.

[snowdragon]

I think first come first serve, and make sure you leave enough for everyone should be the rule. It seems wrong to say to singles and teens who come alone that "you are good enough to provide food, but not good enough to have an equal chance at being first - and there for the prime dishes, because you are alone." Is wrong and very rude.

 

My dad was a minister and made the rules for our church's potluck dinners. First, the elderly went through, then people with very young children. Then, families (and single people were a family). Teens were with their family or a friend's family, generally. If they weren't, they just went through with the family group. The chances of a 15-yr-old bringing a dish were nil, if memory serves me.

It worked well.

As a Single I would have resigned from your church then and there.  And I would not be shy about answering why or taking my dish home with me ( since I don't use disposables, I would not leave a good ceramic dish behind )  Expecting one group to always have the leavings of others, is rude.

That was my first thought as well. That doesn't sound very welcoming!

I'm a single person and I don;t understand what  the problem with the order is , the elderly and  small children are the ones that  most often need help, so  it would make sense to me to allow them to go through the line first =so that  if they  need assistance someone would be able to help them before they  get their own food and begans eating.

  It's the you're good enough to bring stuff, but not good enough to have an equal chance at anything good..people who need assistance can go through the line with their assistants in the order they reach the line, not "these get the first and best of everything and you can wait because you are less worthy." If I am not good enough have a fair place in line the Church does not want ME they want whatever I bring for the more worthy to eat.  I can do with out it. I'd rather never go to Church again rather than go to Church in that environment.

Or any other group any one can name.

[cass2591]

Snowdragon, I'm assuming you have a better solution that would satisfy everybody.

[snowdragon]

Snowdragon, I'm assuming you have a better solution that would satisfy everybody.

I assume you are asking for one...mine is first come first served. Everyone gets a fair chance to be first last, middle or what not; not one group always is forced to eating the leavings of the others. OH, I am sure that the parents and elderly will object,,,but then they will see the view from the side of those who have been forced to the rear in the other arrangement.  Fair play says everyone has equal chance.

[NyaChan]

I didn't get this article at all. None of what she describes sounds like any pot luck I've ever been to and I've been to (and hosted) tons.

A pot luck is normally a reasonably manageable number of people/families (200? No way!) who bring prepared dishes to share. Everyone plops their dish on the table with a minimum (if any) amount of prep on the scene and within 15 minutes of meeting time, we start eating.

Cooking meat? Asking vegetarians to grill burgers? Volunteer shifts?
Never heard of any of that.

The biggest pot lucks I've been to were when my kids were cub scouts. End of year Pack pool party involved about 30-35 families IIRC. And yeah, people would bring fried chicken from the Popeye's down the street from the pool. And storebought cookies. And much more elaborate stuff too. But no one seemed to mind. There was tons of food and nobody went hungry. And no one cooked, grilled or volunteered to work. We all just pitched in. That's what a pot luck really is.

Well I think it is more of an article about potlucks for an organization, for example a religious group or some sort of club.  We do these on a monthly basis for our masjid.  We'll get hundreds of attendees and while the masjid provides the supplies, they depend on the people coming to bring a dish with them and there is still the setting up and cleaning to figure out.  Over time, we hired a cleaning service to deal with the aftermath, but during the event, people can be really lazy and inconsiderate about basic things like putting their plate in the trash or pulling out another bag rather than adding yet another layer to the stack of trash that people have put accidentally on purpose in the recycle bin    I witnessed an old faithful call someone out on it once and the woman actually responded "Oh I guess you caught me huh?" and tried to pawn the plate off on her rather than just grab another bag and throw it away herself.   

[SlitherHiss]

I think first come first serve, and make sure you leave enough for everyone should be the rule. It seems wrong to say to singles and teens who come alone that "you are good enough to provide food, but not good enough to have an equal chance at being first - and there for the prime dishes, because you are alone." Is wrong and very rude.

 

My dad was a minister and made the rules for our church's potluck dinners. First, the elderly went through, then people with very young children. Then, families (and single people were a family). Teens were with their family or a friend's family, generally. If they weren't, they just went through with the family group. The chances of a 15-yr-old bringing a dish were nil, if memory serves me.

It worked well.

As a Single I would have resigned from your church then and there.  And I would not be shy about answering why or taking my dish home with me ( since I don't use disposables, I would not leave a good ceramic dish behind )  Expecting one group to always have the leavings of others, is rude.

That was my first thought as well. That doesn't sound very welcoming!

I'm a single person and I don;t understand what  the problem with the order is , the elderly and  small children are the ones that  most often need help, so  it would make sense to me to allow them to go through the line first =so that  if they  need assistance someone would be able to help them before they  get their own food and begans eating.

  It's the you're good enough to bring stuff, but not good enough to have an equal chance at anything good..people who need assistance can go through the line with their assistants in the order they reach the line, not "these get the first and best of everything and you can wait because you are less worthy." If I am not good enough have a fair place in line the Church does not want ME they want whatever I bring for the more worthy to eat.  I can do with out it. I'd rather never go to Church again rather than go to Church in that environment.

Or any other group any one can name.

Snowdragon, I'm assuming you have a better solution that would satisfy everybody.

I assume you are asking for one...mine is first come first served. Everyone gets a fair chance to be first last, middle or what not; not one group always is forced to eating the leavings of the others. OH, I am sure that the parents and elderly will object,,,but then they will see the view from the side of those who have been forced to the rear in the other arrangement.  Fair play says everyone has equal chance.

The policy jaxsue's dad put in place really seems to be the nicest way to go about it. It's not picking on families or single people because they're "less worthy", and it's an awfully big stretch to see it that way.

If you're suggesting that everyone should just go in the order they get to the table, a large potluck could end up with a stampede! And really, wouldn't a rush to get to the tables only put the less able-bodied among us at a disadvantage? Ought someone with a leg cast or in a wheelchair to be forced to have the last pick? Are the people who sat further away from the food area somehow less worthy? I'm only being slightly facetious here, but I really find the reasoning behind your proposed solution very mean-spirited.

[ladyknight1]

We always ask for people to either come 15 minutes early to set up or stay late 15 minutes to clean up. We usually end up doing both.

[jaxsue]

I think first come first serve, and make sure you leave enough for everyone should be the rule. It seems wrong to say to singles and teens who come alone that "you are good enough to provide food, but not good enough to have an equal chance at being first - and there for the prime dishes, because you are alone." Is wrong and very rude.

 

My dad was a minister and made the rules for our church's potluck dinners. First, the elderly went through, then people with very young children. Then, families (and single people were a family). Teens were with their family or a friend's family, generally. If they weren't, they just went through with the family group. The chances of a 15-yr-old bringing a dish were nil, if memory serves me.

It worked well.

As a Single I would have resigned from your church then and there.  And I would not be shy about answering why or taking my dish home with me ( since I don't use disposables, I would not leave a good ceramic dish behind )  Expecting one group to always have the leavings of others, is rude.

I don't get the problem. Before the "rules," kids would run to the front of the line, and take mounds of food (much of it wasted). This way parents could control what the kids took. The people who need assistance went first. I don't see the problem. The singles are a family, and go with other families. And some singles were elderly, or single parents with little kids, and went with the first groups. So they are not being overlooked.

I later attended a church where it was first come, first served. I wasn't even through the line once before kids were allowed to jump in and take 2nds-3rds. By the time I got to the table there was hardly any food left. I stopped going to those potlucks.

[jaxsue]

I think first come first serve, and make sure you leave enough for everyone should be the rule. It seems wrong to say to singles and teens who come alone that "you are good enough to provide food, but not good enough to have an equal chance at being first - and there for the prime dishes, because you are alone." Is wrong and very rude.

 

My dad was a minister and made the rules for our church's potluck dinners. First, the elderly went through, then people with very young children. Then, families (and single people were a family). Teens were with their family or a friend's family, generally. If they weren't, they just went through with the family group. The chances of a 15-yr-old bringing a dish were nil, if memory serves me.

It worked well.

As a Single I would have resigned from your church then and there.  And I would not be shy about answering why or taking my dish home with me ( since I don't use disposables, I would not leave a good ceramic dish behind )  Expecting one group to always have the leavings of others, is rude.

That was my first thought as well. That doesn't sound very welcoming!

Please read my response to Snowdragon; the singles don't go last. The system simply allowed people with mobility issues and families with very young children to go first. It worked well.

[snowdragon]

I think first come first serve, and make sure you leave enough for everyone should be the rule. It seems wrong to say to singles and teens who come alone that "you are good enough to provide food, but not good enough to have an equal chance at being first - and there for the prime dishes, because you are alone." Is wrong and very rude.

 

My dad was a minister and made the rules for our church's potluck dinners. First, the elderly went through, then people with very young children. Then, families (and single people were a family). Teens were with their family or a friend's family, generally. If they weren't, they just went through with the family group. The chances of a 15-yr-old bringing a dish were nil, if memory serves me.

It worked well.

As a Single I would have resigned from your church then and there.  And I would not be shy about answering why or taking my dish home with me ( since I don't use disposables, I would not leave a good ceramic dish behind )  Expecting one group to always have the leavings of others, is rude.

That was my first thought as well. That doesn't sound very welcoming!

I'm a single person and I don;t understand what  the problem with the order is , the elderly and  small children are the ones that  most often need help, so  it would make sense to me to allow them to go through the line first =so that  if they  need assistance someone would be able to help them before they  get their own food and begans eating.

  It's the you're good enough to bring stuff, but not good enough to have an equal chance at anything good..people who need assistance can go through the line with their assistants in the order they reach the line, not "these get the first and best of everything and you can wait because you are less worthy." If I am not good enough have a fair place in line the Church does not want ME they want whatever I bring for the more worthy to eat.  I can do with out it. I'd rather never go to Church again rather than go to Church in that environment.

Or any other group any one can name.

Snowdragon, I'm assuming you have a better solution that would satisfy everybody.

I assume you are asking for one...mine is first come first served. Everyone gets a fair chance to be first last, middle or what not; not one group always is forced to eating the leavings of the others. OH, I am sure that the parents and elderly will object,,,but then they will see the view from the side of those who have been forced to the rear in the other arrangement.  Fair play says everyone has equal chance.

The policy jaxsue's dad put in place really seems to be the nicest way to go about it. It's not picking on families or single people because they're "less worthy", and it's an awfully big stretch to see it that way.

If you're suggesting that everyone should just go in the order they get to the table, a large potluck could end up with a stampede! And really, wouldn't a rush to get to the tables only put the less able-bodied among us at a disadvantage? Are the people who sat further away from the food area somehow less worthy? I'm only being slightly facetious here, but I really find the reasoning behind your proposed solution very mean-spirited.

It's only nice if you are in one of the privileged to go first group I find it mean spirited to say to one group that you can bring, but not get a fair shot at the table and really it smacks of privilege for certain groups. And yes, people should go in the order they get to the table.
 

[Goosey]

It's complete chaos to have everyone going at once. Then the disabled and people in the back are the ones picking at the leftovers all the time.

I think the only REALLY equal way to do this is have numbered tables of equal number. Put the numbers in a hat, draw one randomly and call that table of people forward. That's the only real way people have an equal chance of getting the good stuff

Snowdragon, I think you're taking this much too personally. No one wants to slight you, they just want to make sure that those who would have a much harder time getting to the table and serving themselves than you get the opportunity to do so.

[snowdragon]

I think first come first serve, and make sure you leave enough for everyone should be the rule. It seems wrong to say to singles and teens who come alone that "you are good enough to provide food, but not good enough to have an equal chance at being first - and there for the prime dishes, because you are alone." Is wrong and very rude.

 

My dad was a minister and made the rules for our church's potluck dinners. First, the elderly went through, then people with very young children. Then, families (and single people were a family). Teens were with their family or a friend's family, generally. If they weren't, they just went through with the family group. The chances of a 15-yr-old bringing a dish were nil, if memory serves me.

It worked well.

As a Single I would have resigned from your church then and there.  And I would not be shy about answering why or taking my dish home with me ( since I don't use disposables, I would not leave a good ceramic dish behind )  Expecting one group to always have the leavings of others, is rude.

That was my first thought as well. That doesn't sound very welcoming!

Please read my response to Snowdragon; the singles don't go last. The system simply allowed people with mobility issues and families with very young children to go first. It worked well.

 You had three groups - One ALWAYS went first one ALWAYS went last.  Those going last ALWAYS had to eat what the other groups saw fit to leave them. They NEVER had the chance to get the prime dishes with limited amounts because someone decided they were not worth having even a chance at these dishes and should be satisfied with whatever everyone else didn't want - Not welcoming, in fact it's hurtful.

[Visiting Crazy Town]

Snowdragon, I'm assuming you have a better solution that would satisfy everybody.

I assume you are asking for one...mine is first come first served. Everyone gets a fair chance to be first last, middle or what not; not one group always is forced to eating the leavings of the others. OH, I am sure that the parents and elderly will object,,,but then they will see the view from the side of those who have been forced to the rear in the other arrangement.  Fair play says everyone has equal chance.

 You do seem to have a quite mean spirited attitude about this, You  also seem to take it a a personal slight  which sounds really uncharitable to me.  First some first serve does not always work in this situation and having it planned out can be a good thing,  I also don;t think that you  would like to have a bunch of people hovering around the table waiting for the food to come so that  they  can be first in line. The only other successful thing I saw that  worked was for people to be called up my table.

[jaxsue]

It's complete chaos to have everyone going at once. Then the disabled and people in the back are the ones picking at the leftovers all the time.

I think the only REALLY equal way to do this is have numbered tables of equal number. Put the numbers in a hat, draw one randomly and call that table of people forward. That's the only real way people have an equal chance of getting the good stuff

Snowdragon, I think you're taking this much too personally. No one wants to slight you, they just want to make sure that those who would have a much harder time getting to the table and serving themselves than you get the opportunity to do so.

I like this!

Edited to add: we had tons of food at these dinners. I don't think we ever ran out. People were very generous with what they brought. And now I'm hungry!