Author Topic: Accosted on the street and did not engage  (Read 6386 times)

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Last_Dance

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Accosted on the street and did not engage
« on: August 21, 2013, 02:53:32 AM »
A couple of days ago I was going to leave my CV in a couple of places that are hiring: as I walked down the street a guy suddenly started walking a few feet from me, clearly following my path. First he tried the usual "hello", then he moved to "hello, beautiful" - I ignored him and didn't make eye contact. 

After another couple of attempts to engage, I decided to shut him down: I turned to him and said in my frostiest tone, "Do I know you?"

Him: No.

Me: (dryly) Exactly.

He stopped following me and slinked away. On my walk back, I kept an eye out for green t-shirts, crossed to the other side of the street and took a bus home.

I'm pretty proud of myself, especially for not answering to the first "hello" - that always gets me. My frosty tone probably needs work, but I'm glad it worked this time. I'm not even feeling guilty for being "rude"!
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.

cicero

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2013, 05:29:29 AM »


I'm pretty proud of myself, especially for not answering to the first "hello" - that always gets me. My frosty tone probably needs work, but I'm glad it worked this time. I'm not even feeling guilty for being "rude"!
ummm you *weren't* rude, not at all! you shouldn't feel guilty. kudos to you - and you are right, it's that first "hello" when they reel you in and you feel "obligated" to reply. ("hey i paid you a compliment, why won't you reply")

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Raintree

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2013, 05:34:36 AM »
I can think of a few times I wish I had used this; I'll try to remember next time, if it happens again (which is with decreasing frequency as I move through my 40's, and I'm oK with that).

bopper

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #3 on: August 21, 2013, 09:27:48 AM »
Very good from a safety standpoint too!

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #4 on: August 21, 2013, 11:27:22 PM »
You did fine, IMO. It sounds like ignoring him wasn't working (if he was making repeated attempts to engage you).

LeveeWoman

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #5 on: August 21, 2013, 11:44:45 PM »
A couple of days ago I was going to leave my CV in a couple of places that are hiring: as I walked down the street a guy suddenly started walking a few feet from me, clearly following my path. First he tried the usual "hello", then he moved to "hello, beautiful" - I ignored him and didn't make eye contact. 

After another couple of attempts to engage, I decided to shut him down: I turned to him and said in my frostiest tone, "Do I know you?"

Him: No.

Me: (dryly) Exactly.

He stopped following me and slinked away. On my walk back, I kept an eye out for green t-shirts, crossed to the other side of the street and took a bus home.

I'm pretty proud of myself, especially for not answering to the first "hello" - that always gets me. My frosty tone probably needs work, but I'm glad it worked this time. I'm not even feeling guilty for being "rude"!

You were not "rude".

Who told you that responding thusly, would be "rude"?

Secret

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2013, 08:09:56 AM »

After another couple of attempts to engage, I decided to shut him down: I turned to him and said in my frostiest tone, "Do I know you?"

Him: No.

Me: (dryly) Exactly.



This I have to remember.  done beautifully.  I've attracted some less than good people in my lifetime and can't seem to disentangle myself.

betty

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #7 on: August 22, 2013, 10:54:18 AM »
From the information given, I'm assuming this was daytime in a populated area. It seems like the OP could have "shut this down" with less drama by simply acknowledging the first "hello." And then if the person tries to engage in conversation, then say something like "I'm not interested."

At night with no one else around? Then it might seem scarier. But that doesn't seem to be the case here.

Enigmatism

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #8 on: August 22, 2013, 11:16:31 AM »
From the information given, I'm assuming this was daytime in a populated area. It seems like the OP could have "shut this down" with less drama by simply acknowledging the first "hello." And then if the person tries to engage in conversation, then say something like "I'm not interested."

At night with no one else around? Then it might seem scarier. But that doesn't seem to be the case here.

She did ignore him. He still persisted.

I think it was beautifully don Last_Dance  :D

Mel the Redcap

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #9 on: August 22, 2013, 12:17:02 PM »
I've been known to do this:

Strange guy / charity mugger / salesperson: "Hello!"
Me (cheerfully): "Goodbye!" :D
"Set aphasia to stun!"

nyarlathotep

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #10 on: August 22, 2013, 04:03:32 PM »
From the information given, I'm assuming this was daytime in a populated area. It seems like the OP could have "shut this down" with less drama by simply acknowledging the first "hello." And then if the person tries to engage in conversation, then say something like "I'm not interested."

At night with no one else around? Then it might seem scarier. But that doesn't seem to be the case here.

Engaging is not necessarily a good idea, for two reasons:
1) Some dudes take that as encouragement and become harder to get rid of
2) OP is not on the street for the benefit of guys who want to talk to her.  She shouldn't have to engage with strangers she does not know in that kind of situation.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #11 on: August 22, 2013, 04:21:30 PM »
From the information given, I'm assuming this was daytime in a populated area. It seems like the OP could have "shut this down" with less drama by simply acknowledging the first "hello." And then if the person tries to engage in conversation, then say something like "I'm not interested."

At night with no one else around? Then it might seem scarier. But that doesn't seem to be the case here.

Ditto!

Engaging is not necessarily a good idea, for two reasons:
1) Some dudes take that as encouragement and become harder to get rid of
2) OP is not on the street for the benefit of guys who want to talk to her.  She shouldn't have to engage with strangers she does not know in that kind of situation.

kittyhugger35

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #12 on: August 23, 2013, 09:26:17 AM »
That was very classy of you. I'll have to remember that and try it in the future.
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

gen xer

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2013, 10:48:41 AM »
From the information given, I'm assuming this was daytime in a populated area. It seems like the OP could have "shut this down" with less drama by simply acknowledging the first "hello." And then if the person tries to engage in conversation, then say something like "I'm not interested."

At night with no one else around? Then it might seem scarier. But that doesn't seem to be the case here.

 I agree.  I have to say I probably would have said hello in return.   

The guy sounds annoying but going into defensive mode right away sometimes backfires.....and really, while I don't think OP was in the wrong at all with those types of guys you're probably going to have to say something blunt at some point whether you ignore him right away or not.

But I guess you do what you're comfortable with.

Goosey

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Re: Accosted on the street and did not engage
« Reply #14 on: August 23, 2013, 10:53:01 AM »
I just wanted to add that there's no need to be cute or funny about it. If you want someone to stop following you/leave you alone, I think saying "stop following me" or "leave me alone" is still considered correct. It's also much more direct and less likely to be misunderstood.