Author Topic: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?  (Read 6949 times)

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Micah

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I'm FB friends with my half sister. We don't really have a relationship, apart from 'liking' each others posts and the occasional, casual comment. I haven't seen her in person for over fifteen years.

Early in the year, her husband sent me a friend request. I accepted it and proceeded to have my wall bombarded with a flood of misogynistic and crude jokes and pictures. I don't might a dirty joke, but he went above and beyond social acceptability. He never once directly posted something to me, not even to say, "hello." It was all recycled stuff from those 'funny status' sites. So I deleted him.....

That was months ago. A few minutes ago, my sister put on my wall (not in a PM) "MY NAME, did you delete HUSBAND's NAME?"

What do I do? I don't want to hurt her feelings or offend her. But the truth is, yes I did, because he's the same unpleasant, crude person I remember from my child hood. I hate conflict, even on FB! And I wish she'd messaged me rather than putting it up on my wall!
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menley

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2013, 08:29:47 AM »
I would delete her message from the wall, then send her a private message or e-mail. In the message, I would simply say that you would prefer that she keep such personal questions or conversations to private message or e-mail.


I'm not clear if your sister's husband posted his crude jokes and things to your wall or just in general, and thus showing up on your feed. If it was directly on your wall, then I would tell your sister that he continually posted items that were inappropriate and crude on your page and so yes, you did unfriend him.

Micah

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2013, 09:09:23 AM »
I would delete her message from the wall, then send her a private message or e-mail. In the message, I would simply say that you would prefer that she keep such personal questions or conversations to private message or e-mail.


I'm not clear if your sister's husband posted his crude jokes and things to your wall or just in general, and thus showing up on your feed. If it was directly on your wall, then I would tell your sister that he continually posted items that were inappropriate and crude on your page and so yes, you did unfriend him.

It was just in general. I was never tagged in any of them. In hindsight I should have just hidden his posts, but he annoyed me, lol
Mulder: "So...Lunch?"
Scully: "Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!"
Mulder: "Maybe their parachutes didn't open."

SCMagnolia

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2013, 09:12:56 AM »
I, too, would delete her post and send her a PM letting her know that you did indeed unfriend him.  You don't really have to say why, but if she presses, you can let her know that the content of his posts is something you would prefer not to see on your newsfeed.

If she gives you grief, de-friend her, too.  Your page, your rules.

Goosey

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2013, 09:17:39 AM »
I would do as the other say - delete the post off the wall and PM her. But, if asked again, I would have no problem saying why. Just say that your sense of humor doesn't align with his.

Sharnita

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2013, 09:25:32 AM »
Do you think her husband could have used her account to post the question on your wall?

Micah

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2013, 09:32:01 AM »
Do you think her husband could have used her account to post the question on your wall?

I don't know, quite possibly. When I was a kid and lived close to them, he was EXTREMELY controlling. He had to know where my sister was every second of the day. She had a time limit to do grocery shopping and if she went over, he had to know why.
Mulder: "So...Lunch?"
Scully: "Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!"
Mulder: "Maybe their parachutes didn't open."

MrTango

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2013, 09:34:11 AM »
I'd delete her comment from my wall without any response.

If she contacted me through an appropriate channel (i.e. phone, email, private message), I'd respond with "Yes, I did.  I didn't appreciate his posting style."

Sharnita

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2013, 09:34:55 AM »
I might find some way to talk to her that assures it is her.

*inviteseller

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2013, 11:23:04 AM »
I would send a PM to her and tell her that his sense of humor was vastly different from yours and because you and he never really spoke, you just decided to delete.  If she doesn't accept that, oh well.  I unfriended my cousin because of his inflammatory posts, mostly directed at me but his wife and I are still friends and chat.  She never asked or brought it up because she, unlike your half sister, understands it is my page and I can do with it what I want.

PastryGoddess

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2013, 01:14:59 PM »
I would delete the comment and send her a one word PM.  There is no need for you to JADE your decision. It's your facebook wall and you can do what you want with it.


hobish

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2013, 01:29:23 PM »
I, too, would delete her post and send her a PM letting her know that you did indeed unfriend him.  You don't really have to say why, but if she presses, you can let her know that the content of his posts is something you would prefer not to see on your newsfeed.

If she gives you grief, de-friend her, too.  Your page, your rules.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

My mind doesn't tend to go this direction, but with your additional info I would wonder if she is allowed to be FB friends with people she isn't friends with. (And if I am jumping the gun, or reading too much into things I apologize; I know I get irritated by that myself.)
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shhh its me

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #12 on: August 23, 2013, 01:30:37 PM »
   What would you do if it was an acquaintance? I'd  just ignore it , from your description of your relationship you're not close enough to say "I don't like what he posts" and I think you can ignore a question like this is its posed once.  Second time I think you have to answer but keep it light " hmmm, maybe I deleted some people who were posting so much I was missing updates and photos "  or " oh I deleted the people who I didn't talk with." 

lady_disdain

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2013, 02:14:04 PM »
Do you think her husband could have used her account to post the question on your wall?

I don't know, quite possibly. When I was a kid and lived close to them, he was EXTREMELY controlling. He had to know where my sister was every second of the day. She had a time limit to do grocery shopping and if she went over, he had to know why.

If there is a chance he has access to her FB, I would not use the site to answer. The message could be deleted or he could answer aggressively. I would call her and say that I saw her question on my wall and, yes, I had deleted her husband.

nuit93

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Re: What do you do if someone asks if you've deleted their husband on FB?
« Reply #14 on: August 23, 2013, 02:21:28 PM »
Do you think her husband could have used her account to post the question on your wall?

I don't know, quite possibly. When I was a kid and lived close to them, he was EXTREMELY controlling. He had to know where my sister was every second of the day. She had a time limit to do grocery shopping and if she went over, he had to know why.

I think they have some problems beyond just his Facebook...