Author Topic: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?  (Read 5417 times)

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audrey1962

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #15 on: August 23, 2013, 01:03:56 PM »
I agree with the others: he has already answered.

I'm wondering if you are using the word treat instead of snack? I obviously do not know your brother, but I was raised in a household that sounds similar, and in addition to limits on sugar, snacking was not allowed. So while we could eat treats such as birthday cake or ice cream after a meal, we could not snack on it. The same with soda. We could drink it at a party, but only with our meal. We couldn't take it into the living room or just pop open a can in the middle of the day.

As for Halloween, that was a once a year treat. We were allowed candy then because it was only once a year.

Oh Joy

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #16 on: August 23, 2013, 01:11:57 PM »
I would leave it alone now. The OP asked a question, got an answer she didn't particularly like, but that doesn't mean she should go and ask someone else for a different one.

Dad said 'no,' so I'll go ask Mom!   ;D

MamaMootz

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #17 on: August 23, 2013, 02:48:31 PM »
If it were me, Knitterly, I think I would leave food treats out of everyone's bags altogether - then there is no issue. I can also see how personalized bags for each kid can backfire - I know from experience that unless they all get the same thing, there will be one kid that wants what the other kid has.

And I do agree that he has answered your question - for his kids, no food treats. To ask further is just pushing. I know when DD was younger I tried to limit what she got from others but allowed her to have the occasional sugary treat at home - it's just that food treats are out there SO MUCH - in school, at parties - you have to limit them somehow.
"I like pie" - DD's Patented Bean Dip Maneuver

Miss Tickle

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #18 on: August 23, 2013, 10:28:05 PM »
To give a bit of background, I thoroughly dislike my brother in law, Bill.  That may be colouring my response to what might actually be a perfectly fine response on his part.  I don't want to be pushy, but I'm annoyed with him.

I think you might be right.
------
I am thinking of replying, but don't want to be confrontational or pushy.

Then please, don't.


If your BIL was trying to wriggle around or push you about a rule you have for Little Knit, I'm sure you'd be livid. Give him the same respect.

You can give them an extra toy or something "temporary" to compensate. I'm sure the kids are aware they aren't supposed to have food treats (you are), so it would be cruel to tempt them. I agree that it might be a good idea to make gift bags that everyone will like, because kids are unpredictable, and you never know which day they'll chose to decide "I don't like this anymore, I like THAT."

Now, are you serving birthday cake? With sugary icing? THAT would be interesting to see... I'd be hard pressed not to whisper to BIL, "So, no food treats?" after the kids started eating.

Danika

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #19 on: August 23, 2013, 10:54:38 PM »
Another vote for not poking the bear. You asked, he replied. Respect his reply no matter how much you think his reply is illogical, stupid, inconsistent, whatever.

snowdragon

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #20 on: August 23, 2013, 11:18:58 PM »
Give the child(ren) in question what you would give the others, minus the food stuffs.

Rusty

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #21 on: August 24, 2013, 12:05:08 AM »

My DD encountered just such a problem as this when having a party for DGD.  One parent vetoed any food in treat party bags.

The reasoning from this parent was that the party food/cake was sufficient, that if she allowed her child to eat party food plus treat bags at every party her child was invited to, that it was to go against her food preferences for her child.

I think you should respect the parents wishes on this one.

kudeebee

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #22 on: August 24, 2013, 12:11:41 AM »
I have to agree with other posters--you asked, he answered.  You didn't get the answer you were looking for.  You need to drop it and pick something else to put in the bag--stickers, yoyo, etc. 

I wouldn't make such a big deal out of it.  Sounds like they control when the kids get treats and that the treats are for special occasions.  That is their choice, even if you don't agree with how/why they do it.  Also, the fact that you don't like bil doesn't help; however you should not go around him and ask his wife.

I would encourage you to make sure the bags are tied shut and given to the children as they are leaving so there is no chance that the bags are opened in front of others.  If the kids are young, it often causes hurt feelings if the bags are not all the same.  I actually think your treat bags are overly generous.  A book or a toy would be enough on its own.


Deetee

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #23 on: August 24, 2013, 02:03:31 AM »
I agree with most other posters. He made his preference clear. Give the kids a sticker.

I also disagree with your thinking that because they get cake, they get treats. There is a difference between sugary stuff as part of an event or meal and treats/snacks between meals.

I always have this dithery moment with the snacks in goody bags because my daughter has just been at a party and doesn't need more sugar, but I'm not comfortable throwing her things away and she gets so much that it just stockpiles.  Now I just let her eat some and toss the rest. She still has treats from Halloween.

And I don't consider myself strict. We just don't get candy every day. There is just so much. ( and honey sticks and fruit gummies and fruit leather are still all treats)


Knitterly

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #24 on: August 24, 2013, 07:50:18 AM »
I have to agree with other posters--you asked, he answered.  You didn't get the answer you were looking for.  You need to drop it and pick something else to put in the bag--stickers, yoyo, etc. 

I wouldn't make such a big deal out of it.  Sounds like they control when the kids get treats and that the treats are for special occasions.  That is their choice, even if you don't agree with how/why they do it.  Also, the fact that you don't like bil doesn't help; however you should not go around him and ask his wife.

I would encourage you to make sure the bags are tied shut and given to the children as they are leaving so there is no chance that the bags are opened in front of others.  If the kids are young, it often causes hurt feelings if the bags are not all the same.  I actually think your treat bags are overly generous.  A book or a toy would be enough on its own.

A few people have suggested that I not do this.  I just want to make it clear that going around Bill was never a plan.  I emailed both Bill and Happy.  Bill copied Happy on his response.

If I were to respond, it would have been to both of them.

I will not be responding.

Deetee - I understand the no/limited candy policy.  That's the whole reason why I asked.  I was looking for non-candy options.  There are loads.  Rice crackers, fruit, etc.  I wanted to ask because I didn't know what the kids would have liked.

But, I want to make it clear, I have decided to drop it.

It's still really bugging me, though. It was just so abrupt.  :(

MrsO

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #25 on: August 24, 2013, 12:28:19 PM »
Honestly, as a kid I wouldn't have been thrilled to get rice crackers or an apple in a party bag. I think rather than giving them a healthy option (especially if all the other kids have lollipops and fun-size Mars bars, or whatever), give them something like stickers or temporary tattoos.

I didn't even ask any parents if they had preferences before the last kids party I threw. They all got Haribo, lollipops and whoopee cushions. Oops.

Knitterly

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #26 on: August 24, 2013, 01:28:40 PM »
Honestly, as a kid I wouldn't have been thrilled to get rice crackers or an apple in a party bag. I think rather than giving them a healthy option (especially if all the other kids have lollipops and fun-size Mars bars, or whatever), give them something like stickers or temporary tattoos.

I didn't even ask any parents if they had preferences before the last kids party I threw. They all got Haribo, lollipops and whoopee cushions. Oops.

Yeah, the only person I asked was my brother in law, and mainly because in addition to knowing they follow a particularly rigorous diet, one of his kids has lots of food allergies (a big reason for following said diet).

I think, in hindsight, I was annoyed because I hadn't asked "can your kids have treats" I asked "what kind of treats can they have".  So my request for direction got what felt to me like a smackdown.

I am starting to really like the idea of stickers in addition to the book and toy.  I think they'll like that.

darkprincess

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #27 on: August 24, 2013, 01:35:46 PM »
I would go with the stickers.
i have stopped asking questions if there is a possibility that I will not like the answer when it comes to things like this. I ask parents if they have any allergies or other things I should know about and then leave it at that. For gift bags the parents can intercept and remove what they want to.

Several parents from daycare were talking about parties, gift bags, and presents. From the 15 minute conversation I discovered that each house has a different thing they don't like. Barbie dolls, wizards, harry potter, corn syrup but not sugar, sugar, apple juice but other juice is ok, cake, ice cream, temp tattoos, make up, Bratz dolls, Monster high dolls, religious toys and music, music that is not religious, any toy that resembles a gun, shirts without sleeves, two piece bathing suits, co-Ed parties. Disney movies, anything that is not a Disney movie.

Now I let them know the party theme, ask about medical conditions, and hand out gift bags when they leave. The parent can decide not to let the child come, and they can take away the gift bag,

secretrebel

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Re: Is this pushy? Say it or leave it?
« Reply #28 on: August 24, 2013, 04:04:34 PM »
Yeah, the only person I asked was my brother in law, and mainly because in addition to knowing they follow a particularly rigorous diet, one of his kids has lots of food allergies (a big reason for following said diet).

I think, in hindsight, I was annoyed because I hadn't asked "can your kids have treats" I asked "what kind of treats can they have".  So my request for direction got what felt to me like a smackdown.

He was abrupt and it may have been a smack down and judgemental with it. But they may genuinely have a "no food as treats" rule. Cake or popsicals given by the parents sound more like 'dessert' to me - something given as part of a meal. With one allergic child and strict house rules I can well believe he was telling the truth when he said they're not allowed any sort of food as a treat.