Author Topic: Another snooping S/O - when they actually find something "offensive"  (Read 2501 times)

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kitchcat

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The last few s/o snooping threads made me wonder what to do if a snooper finds something that is understandably offensive/hurtful. One poster mentioned her adult novel was discovered, but I'm talking about more personal matters.

A couple years ago, I had a friend, Snoopy over to hang out at my place. We were just reading magazines on my bed when I stepped into the kitchen for a few minutes to fix us a snack. When I returned, Snoopy had apparently picked up my journal from a stack of random books on my bedside table, not realizing what it was and had read a brief unfortunate entry I had written while we had been in the midst of a fight. In the entry I had written that I thought she was acting shallow, self-centered, and arrogant. Snoopy was understandably hurt and upset. All I could say was "That's my private journal. I'm sorry you saw that." I didn't apologize for what I wrote because honestly, I think it was her fault for snooping. However, I didn't want to escalate anything by saying something like that.

How would you handle an awkward situation like that?
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gmatoy

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Re: Another snooping S/O - when they actually find something "offensive"
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2013, 11:11:35 PM »
Well, I'd like to think that I 'd handle it as well as you did!

bloo

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Re: Another snooping S/O - when they actually find something "offensive"
« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2013, 09:50:47 AM »
I think you handled the situation really well and I, too, would hope to have the presence of mind that you showed!

 
The one situation, in my mind, that would make some snooping okay, would be if one suspected nefarious behavior from a spouse and felt that looking through, diaries, cellphone or computers could confirm it. Of course, once you reached that point, you're probably looking for confirmation for closure (lack of trust kills the relationship).

I'm still baffled that I'll read letters to advice columnists by OP's that feel bad that they've confirmed evidence of adultery but don't feel like they can do anything with it because they came about the info through 'snooping' on someone's computer or cellphone.

YummyMummy66

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Re: Another snooping S/O - when they actually find something "offensive"
« Reply #3 on: August 24, 2013, 12:03:52 PM »
First of all, you cannot tell me that you did not know my journal, or anyone's journal is somethng private to the owner.  Shame on you for even thinking of reading it. 

Second, I am sorry you are hurt.  But, at the time, that is how I felt. 

veronaz

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Re: Another snooping S/O - when they actually find something "offensive"
« Reply #4 on: August 24, 2013, 12:55:58 PM »
First of all, you cannot tell me that you did not know my journal, or anyone's journal is somethng private to the owner.  Shame on you for even thinking of reading it. 

Second, I am  sorry you are hurt.  But, at the time, that is how I felt.

This, but I would not apologize. 

PastryGoddess

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Re: Another snooping S/O - when they actually find something "offensive"
« Reply #5 on: August 24, 2013, 01:34:49 PM »
First of all, you cannot tell me that you did not know my journal, or anyone's journal is somethng private to the owner.  Shame on you for even thinking of reading it. 

Second, I am  sorry you are hurt.  But, at the time, that is how I felt.

This, but I would not apologize. 

I think you can be sorry that someone's feelings are hurt, without being sorry that you were the cause of those hurt feelings.

veronaz

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Re: Another snooping S/O - when they actually find something "offensive"
« Reply #6 on: August 24, 2013, 01:46:24 PM »
Sure, but in this case I would still leave out the "I'm sorry......" part.

ETA:  Meant to also say I don't feel OP owed any type of apology whatsoever.  I don't even think she should have explained.  Friend violated OP's privacy to an extent that (imo) she should have been asked to leave.  Not saying OP should have ended the friendship, but ..........goodness, friend was really in the wrong here.  The "I'm sorry" should have come from the friend, not the OP.

OP was not "the cause" of the friend's hurt feelings - the nosey, snoopy friend brought that on herself.
« Last Edit: August 24, 2013, 05:04:53 PM by veronaz »