Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

They didn't stay very long... UPDATE #12, #17 #33

(1/8) > >>

DH and I just lost our baby at five weeks, it was our first pregnancy and we got excited and told a few friends and family...which made it harder to say when we lost the baby. :( Consequently, we've had quite a few people call us, asking us how we were and things as well as giving us the privacy we need.

Yesterday, my Mum and younger sister came to visit. YS was flying out that night and my Mum was dropping her at my grandmas house which is near the airport. They said they'd stop by at around 10am on Sunday morning to see us.

Now my Mum has NEVER come up to see us, or rather never came IN. Even when they have dropped us off or driven through on their way home we met them outside and they barely got out of the car. So when I heard they were coming up on the way to drop YS off, I thought we'd get a good visit. Not exactly lunch, but possibly a cup of tea and a bite to eat...

First sign of something wrong was my stepdads car, not my Mums. He didn't get out, just dropped them off and left.

Second sign was that they refused anything to drink, saying they didn't want to go to the toilet a lot after. They did bring food, but that was for us for later.

Third sign was they didn't sit down until I asked them to after a little while, they stood over DH and me and talked while we sat.

And YS kept looking at her watch...

I think they stayed about 30 mins at the most, and most of what we discussed was small talk about cats...which was ok I guess but I did feel a bit cheated. The first thing I said when they left was "Why didn't they stay longer?"

Now I think that this might have been my stepdads fault. He might have said he'll drive them up, and as he's not very social they might have felt pressured from him to make it a short visit. Also, my mum doesn't like driving so she may not have wanted to drive such a long trip (it's about two hours for. Their place to hour place, with another hour, give or take, to my grandmas). But I strongly suspect that if had just been her and YS, them they would have stayed longer.

I am still a little upset about this, but any ideas how to approach this? I'm not sure even if I should, as I'm not particularly close in that way to my Mum (a lot of history there). But I haven't had the chance to talk to her in person for a long time, and I was looking forward to that. :(

Your relationship with your mom/family is so different than mine, it's hard to imagine rational reasons why your mom seems to not like to visit your home. Unless there's some obvious reason (if, for instance you were a hoarder or some such thing, or if your mom is an agoraphobic), your best bet would be to approach your mom/family with a non-accusatory honesty. Say that you miss her, that you want to spend some time with her, and you are a bit hurt that they didn't stay longer during their last visit. Ask if there's anything you can do to make visits more comfortable. See what she has to say. What else can you do??

Could it be something in your home triggers an allergic reaction?  We have 3 cats, which my MIL likes but is mildly allergic to.  She can handle sitting in our house for about an hour or so and can pet them just fine but after a while her eyes do start to itch.

FIL however can't even be in the house for more than a few minutes before the allergies start to get to him.  He too likes cats, just can't be around them for long. 

Though I would imagine your family would say so unless they're not really sure just what triggers it, they just know something does.

No, they have a cat and a dog. And if it was something they were allergic to, I'd wire know or they would tell us.

Not really sure how you got that from my post...


--- Quote from: Katana_Geldar on August 25, 2013, 06:49:27 PM ---No, they have a cat and a dog. And if it was something they were allergic to, I'd wire know or they would tell us.

Not really sure how you got that from my post...

--- End quote ---

It was from the poster's personal experience and becaise there is a lack of any logical explanation of their behavior in the background. We have to kind of guess as to possible reasons.

Honestly, they just sound socially awkward anyway and visiting while  you are going through a difficult time may be way beyond their ability level. It stinks and I would wany.them to duck it up and power through but it sounds like they are unwilling, unable or a bit of both.


[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version