Author Topic: The haves and have-nots at the company party  (Read 12575 times)

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SCMagnolia

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #45 on: August 28, 2013, 09:54:37 AM »
Quote
I think the fact that they are homebuilders may have something to do with her talk.  My DH worked for a high-end homebuilder after college and we know a few socially.  All of them have showplaces for homes and are used to showing off their properties because it's part of doing business.  I guess that's why I don't consider her pointing out the homes amenities and decorating to be that unusual.

Just to clarify, we are not in the home-building business at all.  It's a construction company that does highway/heavy industrial work. 

wolfie

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #46 on: August 28, 2013, 09:59:22 AM »
  I wouldn't find "and we're getting a company to come hang Christmas light ect for the company Christmas party."  braggy as long as they have a company Christmas party there.  So I think mentioning the fire range was fine ,since she was in a way invite everyone to use it. 

I don't think she was actually inviting people to use it. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if she had a huge problem if the OP showed up this weekend to use that firing range. I don't have the OP's post in front of me but I thought she was pointing it out as someplace they will have the next picnic at.

shhh its me

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #47 on: August 29, 2013, 12:20:59 PM »
  I wouldn't find "and we're getting a company to come hang Christmas light ect for the company Christmas party."  braggy as long as they have a company Christmas party there.  So I think mentioning the fire range was fine ,since she was in a way invite everyone to use it. 

I don't think she was actually inviting people to use it. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if she had a huge problem if the OP showed up this weekend to use that firing range. I don't have the OP's post in front of me but I thought she was pointing it out as someplace they will have the next picnic at.

Oh I meant in that hypothical context it wouldn't be rude to mention decorators.   I think the fireing range was "We're building it *for our own use* and everyone can use it at the next company picnic "  I do think that was ok to mention an additional activity for the next picnic.  I didn't mean that she was inviting OP to come by personally to use it.

Aquamarine

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #48 on: September 01, 2013, 06:22:11 PM »
Someday this couple will realize they have made a terrible mistake in having staff parties at their home.  What they are doing creates resentment and does nothing positive for employee morale.  Keep business and private lives separate when you are the boss.  I have seen others make this mistake of being overly familiar with staff regarding their private home life and it has not ended well for them.  In two of the cases it was a financially very, VERY expensive thing to let employees know about their private lifestyle.

You want to entertain staff, there are all sorts of restaurants and clubs that would be delighted to put together a wonderful event for everyone.  IMHO what the couple in the OP did is one of the most dumb things I have heard of in a long time.  There is just nothing smart about it.
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Hmmmmm

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #49 on: September 01, 2013, 06:43:23 PM »
^^
I wouldn't say that was a hard and fast rule. I've known small business owners who successfully entertained employees annually at their home. They were gracious hosts, went out of their way to truly make their employees feel welcome, clearly indicated the event was a way to thank their employees, and they never discussed anything financial about their home. If an employee felt envious, then they could start up a business just like this couple had.

And in Houston, the Lanier Law firm hosts a Christmas Party for clients and employees that is completely over the top at the family estate with major name performers and Full carnival. I've never heard an employee from receptionist to partner complain about an invitation. But I'm sure many go home wishing they owned a similar estate.

siamesecat2965

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #50 on: September 03, 2013, 11:53:03 AM »
^^
I wouldn't say that was a hard and fast rule. I've known small business owners who successfully entertained employees annually at their home. They were gracious hosts, went out of their way to truly make their employees feel welcome, clearly indicated the event was a way to thank their employees, and they never discussed anything financial about their home. If an employee felt envious, then they could start up a business just like this couple had.

And in Houston, the Lanier Law firm hosts a Christmas Party for clients and employees that is completely over the top at the family estate with major name performers and Full carnival. I've never heard an employee from receptionist to partner complain about an invitation. But I'm sure many go home wishing they owned a similar estate.

I know for me, if I worked somewhere, and the big boss held a function like this, for employees, but didn't do anything like in the OP's post, i.e. "showing off" what they had, I'd be fine with it. In life, there will be those that have, and those that don't. If my employer chose to host something at their nice home, I'd go, and enjoy.  The only resentment would be if they started bragging about this and that, and how much this cost and so on. 

TurtleDove

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #51 on: September 03, 2013, 01:26:45 PM »
I don't really see why people would be resentful.  Those who emply others (generally, business owners) have taken a risk and, IMHO, absolutely deserve more "reward" than those they employ who did not take a risk.  The business owner has to pay the employee salaries whether the business is doing well or not.  No one like a braggart, but I have no problem with someone who provides employment for others enjoying some of the fruits of the risk they took. 

Miss Understood

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #52 on: September 03, 2013, 01:52:24 PM »
I don't really see why people would be resentful.  Those who emply others (generally, business owners) have taken a risk and, IMHO, absolutely deserve more "reward" than those they employ who did not take a risk.  The business owner has to pay the employee salaries whether the business is doing well or not.  No one like a braggart, but I have no problem with someone who provides employment for others enjoying some of the fruits of the risk they took.

I agree with TurtleDove and others who have responded similarly.  I once worked for a privately owned firm which was owned by a very wealthy family (old money if it matters).  They would frequently host company parties at one of their respective beautiful homes or the country club or yacht club to which they belonged.  To my knowledge no one viewed this as showing off "look what we have and you don't" but instead as allowing us to share in experiences/locations/amenities that we wouldn't normally be able to afford or have access to.

Aquamarine

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #53 on: September 03, 2013, 02:28:26 PM »
I don't really see why people would be resentful.  Those who emply others (generally, business owners) have taken a risk and, IMHO, absolutely deserve more "reward" than those they employ who did not take a risk.  The business owner has to pay the employee salaries whether the business is doing well or not.  No one like a braggart, but I have no problem with someone who provides employment for others enjoying some of the fruits of the risk they took.

This does not mean that some people will not feel resentful, they feel the way they do because it's what they feel, there is no logic or rationalization to it.  Not everyone thinks as rationally as you do.  I've seen resentment happen more times than I can count and sometimes in people you would never think would feel that way.
Always be polite, even to nasty people. Not because they are nice, but because you are.

jayhawk

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #54 on: September 03, 2013, 02:29:28 PM »
I think there's a difference between a wealthy host who is generous and sharing and a wealthy host who is showing off their material goods. I get the sense from the the OP that the owner's wife was using the party as a chance to show off.

Aquamarine

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #55 on: September 03, 2013, 02:32:06 PM »
I think there's a difference between a wealthy host who is generous and sharing and a wealthy host who is showing off their material goods. I get the sense from the the OP that the owner's wife was using the party as a chance to show off.

Absolutely got that same thought, it's was like she was rubbing people's nose in it.
Always be polite, even to nasty people. Not because they are nice, but because you are.

artk2002

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #56 on: September 03, 2013, 02:49:10 PM »
I think there's a difference between a wealthy host who is generous and sharing and a wealthy host who is showing off their material goods. I get the sense from the the OP that the owner's wife was using the party as a chance to show off.

Absolutely got that same thought, it's was like she was rubbing people's nose in it.

You're inferring (bad) intent in the wife's actions. I don't think that's necessarily correct.

I'm fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to know a number of fairly wealthy people. Stuff like this comes up in conversations and there's no bad intent that I can see. I remember one conversation with a man who commented that they got a great deal on a vacation beach condo for $5000/week. He's an extremely nice man and wasn't bragging at all. It was no different than the conversations we have here in the "Thrift Score" thread where someone "boasts" that they got some good clothes for pennies; I doubt that we'd accuse them of "rubbing people's noses in it." It's all a matter of context. I suspect that the wife doesn't have the right context for the conversation -- she likely talks to people for whom this isn't a big deal.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

LeveeWoman

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #57 on: September 03, 2013, 03:07:18 PM »
I think there's a difference between a wealthy host who is generous and sharing and a wealthy host who is showing off their material goods. I get the sense from the the OP that the owner's wife was using the party as a chance to show off.

Absolutely got that same thought, it's was like she was rubbing people's nose in it.

You're inferring (bad) intent in the wife's actions. I don't think that's necessarily correct.

I'm fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to know a number of fairly wealthy people. Stuff like this comes up in conversations and there's no bad intent that I can see. I remember one conversation with a man who commented that they got a great deal on a vacation beach condo for $5000/week. He's an extremely nice man and wasn't bragging at all. It was no different than the conversations we have here in the "Thrift Score" thread where someone "boasts" that they got some good clothes for pennies; I doubt that we'd accuse them of "rubbing people's noses in it." It's all a matter of context. I suspect that the wife doesn't have the right context for the conversation -- she likely talks to people for whom this isn't a big deal.

From SCMagnolia's first post:

What did not sit well with me and a few other co-workers was the attitude of “look what we have” that seemed to be underlying all the day’s activities.  Owner Lady told quite a few people of all the work they did on the house, how expensive it was to upgrade the house to the way she wanted it, and how she has professional decorators come in every season to decorate for holidays and such.  One of the day’s events was a hayride that should have been fun, but seemed more like a guided tour of the entire property, complete with stops here and there to show us where they plan to build another horse stable (“so we can buy more horses”) and a shooting range to use at next year’s picnic.  It was pointed out on several different stops where the property extends to and how they hold several of these kind of parties throughout the year.

TurtleDove

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #58 on: September 03, 2013, 03:14:54 PM »
I grasp that the OP wrote what she perceived, but even as written I don't necessarily see bad intent on the part of the owner's wife.  I see someone excited about her home and excited to share it with other people.  When someone tells me about their new house, or their new shoes, or their ____, it doesn't mean that they are bragging or comparing their material possessions to mine.  When someone tells me about their kids it doesn't mean they are comparing their kids to mine!  They might be bragging, and they might be comparaing, but unless I personally am comparing myself to someone else, why would I care?  That is all I am pointing out. 

I guess if I truly believed that someone else was deliberately trying to rub my nose in their good fortune, I would just feel sorry for them that they would feel the need to do that.  I wouldn't feel resentful.  And I wouldn't feel "less than" either.  What someone else has does not take away from what I have and has no effect on my happiness!  Just like what I have shouldn't affect the happiness of others either - life isn't a competition.

artk2002

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Re: The haves and have-nots at the company party
« Reply #59 on: September 03, 2013, 05:29:43 PM »
From SCMagnolia's first post:

What did not sit well with me and a few other co-workers was the attitude of “look what we have” that seemed to be underlying all the day’s activities.  Owner Lady told quite a few people of all the work they did on the house, how expensive it was to upgrade the house to the way she wanted it, and how she has professional decorators come in every season to decorate for holidays and such.  One of the day’s events was a hayride that should have been fun, but seemed more like a guided tour of the entire property, complete with stops here and there to show us where they plan to build another horse stable (“so we can buy more horses”) and a shooting range to use at next year’s picnic.  It was pointed out on several different stops where the property extends to and how they hold several of these kind of parties throughout the year.

Thanks, but I read the same post that you did. SCMagnolia and others are assuming bad intent, but I was pointing out that that wasn't necessarily so. Had the woman said "... and it's really too bad you can't afford this too...", I would absolutely agree that she had bad intent, but that's not what's been reported.  It's simply possible that the wife spends her time with people for whom $50,000 shooting ranges aren't a topic for resentment, any more than my acquaintance thought that a $5000/week vacation rental was a subject for resentment. Or that a $5 blouse from the thrift store is a subject for resentment. But I'm sure that there's someone out there who would regard that $5 blouse as bragging.

It's a matter of context and I'm far more likely to attribute cluelessness to the wife than any real intent to put people down.

I guess that other people having more money and nicer things than me doesn't bother me. It doesn't even bother me that they may talk about it. I'm not going to take my insecurities and use them to attribute bad motivations to others. I realized early on that there will always be someone who is stronger, better looking, smarter or richer than me.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain