Author Topic: Door-slamming neighbor - UPDATE post 25  (Read 8742 times)

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veronaz

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Door-slamming neighbor - UPDATE post 25
« on: August 27, 2013, 03:34:55 PM »
Door slamming neighbor


I have a good friend who sold her house a few months ago, downsized, and moved into an apartment.  Friend is late 50s and retired.

When she told me about her apt, she described it as a 4 unit building on a quiet street.  She said she’s seen a couple neighbors at the dumpster and when leaving/entering the building but there haven't been any introductions or small talk – just “hello” – which is fine.

There is a common foyer area.  Friend said the young lady (described as 30ish) who lives in the unit directly across from hers doesn’t appear to be very friendly…….just kind of grunted when friend said hello.  But the main issue is that this young woman SLAMS her apt door very loudly when she leaves early in the morning, when she comes home around noon, and whenever she comes home.  It’s become a regular occurrence and seems to be deliberate.  The slamming noise echoes and friend says it has woken her up several times.

The owner told friend that her unit was empty/vacant for about 4 months (renovations, etc.) before she moved in.  Perhaps the young lady got used to having the (upper) floor to herself, maybe she doesn’t care about bothering others….who knows.

I was visiting friend for the first time recently, and I was truly shocked at how loud the door slamming is.  Neighbor came home while I was in friend's apt, then left again about a half hr later, slamming her door loudly both times.

Friend said she doesn’t want to complain to landlord, but is considering leaving a polite note.  I think this would be a mistake, but I wasn’t sure what to advise her.  An actual face-to-face, “Hey neighbor, could you please not slam your door so loudly?” may or may not solve the problem.  Friend is kind of soft-spoken, demure, and doesn’t like confrontation.

(My Evil twin  >:D said she should slam her door twice after each occurrence until it stops, or get up at 3AM and slam the heck out of her own door.....j/k  ;) )

Seriously, what would you advise?





« Last Edit: September 09, 2013, 11:27:05 AM by veronaz »

ladyknight1

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2013, 03:39:21 PM »
I think I would ask the leasing company to witness just how loud the door slamming is, if it happens at a particular time. That is highly annoying.

veronaz

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2013, 03:42:24 PM »
That's an idea.  My understanding is the young lade always slams the door when she leaves for work in the morning.  Of course, if she knows someone is watching she probably wouldn't do it, so they would have to be subtle or even listen from inside friend's apt.

Goosey

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #3 on: August 27, 2013, 03:44:00 PM »
I would ask management about it. I've had too many bad neighbors and I admit I'm a bit cowardly about confronting a neighbor about issues I'm having with them. Even the most politely worded note can go terribly wrong.

Most of the time, management will print out a letter and give it to everyone so that no one is singled out.

Oh Joy

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #4 on: August 27, 2013, 03:44:12 PM »
I would talk to the building owner/leasing manager and ask if there are any door-quieting options to be installed on all of the doors in the unit.  A felt strip or weatherstripping along the trim or a door closer that slows the door might cut most of the noise without needing to change anyone's behavior.

WillyNilly

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #5 on: August 27, 2013, 03:44:27 PM »
Well my first thought is "is she actually slamming the door?"
I live in an apartment and my door is metal and a bit heavy. And if its not carefully closed by hand, it will slam itself shut - even from only about 4 inches if left on its own it will slam - we are talking knock things magneted to the inside off slam.

When my BIL came to visit a year or two ago he stayed for a week and I was ready to kill him after a few hours. He smokes and although we told him he could smoke in the spare room with the window open he insisted on going outside each time... and always just let the door slam behind him. Its like he truly didn't notice the ridiculous crashing noise. He wasn't purposely slamming it was simply that he wasn't purposely not slamming.

Other doors on my floor either do not have this problem or else everyone else, like myself, has learned to be very diligent about always purposely holding the doorknob to the very last moment and physically closing the door instead of letting it close itself. So its possible her door for whatever reason is hung in such a way it slams itself and she simply doesn't notice/doesn't care. its still annoying but different then doing it on purpose.

shhh its me

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #6 on: August 27, 2013, 04:10:03 PM »
   I know its uncomfortable but I would start with a polite note , I think it can be unsigned.  4 people live there if your friend complains to management  it's not as if doorslammer wont know someone complained and its must be one of 3 possible people.  IF she gets offended by the polite note , its unlikely she wont be just as offended by a call from her landlord if not more. 

menley

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #7 on: August 27, 2013, 04:16:22 PM »
I would start with a polite note or just a quick "Hey, you're probably not aware but the door slams really hard and it's quite loud, do you mind trying to close it more gently?"


I do find it interesting that your friend assumes she's doing it deliberately. I'm not sure what your neighbor would have to gain from deliberately slamming her door often.


We have a similar issue in our apartment where a common area door slams really loudly due to air pressure - so it doesn't ALWAYS happen, but it often does when other common area doors are open. It always takes me by surprise when it slams so hard (because it isn't regular - maybe 1 out of every 4 times I close it) and I always wince, thinking people are probably annoyed. I doubt she is intentionally doing it.

veronaz

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #8 on: August 27, 2013, 04:27:56 PM »
Quote
I do find it interesting that your friend assumes she's doing it deliberately. I'm not sure what your neighbor would have to gain from deliberately slamming her door often.

Combination of things….

The few times friend has crossed paths with neighbor, she (neighbor) has grunted in an almost surly way or not acknowledged friend at all.  Friend says neighbor seems angry (but they haven’t had any confrontational interaction).

Friend is on second floor, and as mentioned the neighbor had the floor to herself for awhile.

I don’t know how long other tenants have been in the building, but seems to me if the door slamming had been going on prior to friend moving in, someone would have said/done something.

What would neighbor have to gain?  Not much other than to let another neighbor know she’s not thrilled about someone moving into what was an empty unit across from her.

OTOH, maybe friend is taking it too personally and neighbor is just an unfriendly, thoughtless clod who doesn't care about disturbing anyone.

Sophie Jenkins

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #9 on: August 27, 2013, 04:55:26 PM »
I'd leave a note or mention it to the neighbor in person before taking more action. Like others have mentioned, it likely isn't personal at all.

Our apartment door always sounds like it's being horrifically slammed shut because it doesn't quite fit in the frame during the hot summer months. Even when it's set right up against the frame, getting it to close that last three inches makes a huge racket. Our landlord knows, and has made the decision to not fix it because the other 9-10 months of the year it would actually leave a gap if the door was trimmed.

Your friend may feel like it's personal, because the other tenant had the floor to herself for a few months and isn't the most friendly person, but no one is required to make smalltalk. Maybe she's just closing her door the only way it does close, and isn't very chatty!

veronaz

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #10 on: August 27, 2013, 05:06:51 PM »
Quote
but no one is required to make smalltalk.

She doesn't want to chat/be friends with the neighbor.  Just wants the slamming to stop.

When I was there and heard it, it definitely sounded deliberate, similar to the way a child or spouse slams a door to let another person know they're mad.


CocoCamm

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #11 on: August 27, 2013, 05:08:45 PM »
I'd leave a note or mention it to the neighbor in person before taking more action. Like others have mentioned, it likely isn't personal at all.

Our apartment door always sounds like it's being horrifically slammed shut because it doesn't quite fit in the frame during the hot summer months. Even when it's set right up against the frame, getting it to close that last three inches makes a huge racket. Our landlord knows, and has made the decision to not fix it because the other 9-10 months of the year it would actually leave a gap if the door was trimmed.

Your friend may feel like it's personal, because the other tenant had the floor to herself for a few months and isn't the most friendly person, but no one is required to make smalltalk. Maybe she's just closing her door the only way it does close, and isn't very chatty!

Exactly. I don't know why people tend to immediately jump to such uncharitable assumptions.

I am a very friendly outgoing person for the most part. I don't like to get too chummy with my neighbors because I don't want to create a situation where every time I go outside I need to be "on" I would like to just be able to work or hang out in my yard without having to feel like I need to socialize.

Perhaps the new neighbor is just setting boundaries by not being friendly.

As far as the door goes she may not realize how loud it is to other people. Or maybe she just doesn't care.

I think the biggest mistake that apartment dwellers or even people with roommates make is getting upset over noise. People make noise. Some people make a lot of noise and don't realize it. Some people are clueless, some people are hard of hearing, and some people are rude.

Yes excessive noise can be annoying but pick your battles. If noise is truly negatively impacting your day to day life then bring it up. If it's just annoying I say deal with it. Odds are at some point you will become the annoying one on one issue or another.

I say this as someone who has lived in an apartment and with roommates. Not getting bugged over every little thing saved my sanity until I had a detached home of my own.

WillyNilly

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #12 on: August 27, 2013, 05:21:49 PM »
Quote
but no one is required to make smalltalk.

She doesn't want to chat/be friends with the neighbor.  Just wants the slamming to stop.

When I was there and heard it, it definitely sounded deliberate, similar to the way a child or spouse slams a door to let another person know they're mad.

That's exactly what my doors sounds like if I don't deliberately close it gently. If I let it close on its own (such as if I've got a tons of things in my hands and maybe I have to use the bathroom really really badly) SLAM! or if someone who is not used to my door enters or exits SLAM! just like a petulant kid having a temper tantrum... only its not, just just how my door is.

If this is an ongoing issue the reality is that she probably just isn't that angry for that long at all her neighbors to be constantly slamming her door deliberately several times a day for several days on end. The much more likely scenario is that the door itself is making the noise and either she is helpless to it, or perhaps she is oblivious. But the likelihood of it being deliberate comes after those other two possibilities IMO.

menley

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #13 on: August 27, 2013, 05:29:40 PM »
<snip>
If this is an ongoing issue the reality is that she probably just isn't that angry for that long at all her neighbors to be constantly slamming her door deliberately several times a day for several days on end. The much more likely scenario is that the door itself is making the noise and either she is helpless to it, or perhaps she is oblivious. But the likelihood of it being deliberate comes after those other two possibilities IMO.


I agree with this completely.

doodlemor

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Re: Door-slamming neighbor
« Reply #14 on: August 27, 2013, 05:41:05 PM »
Is there any possibility that the renovations left the door frame off plumb enough that the door won't shut unless it is slammed?  We've had doors that needed adjustment because the two parts of the lock stopped meeting where they needed to be.