Author Topic: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?  (Read 16665 times)

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shhh its me

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #90 on: August 30, 2013, 11:36:52 AM »
  I feel daft but everyone knows what type of class it is before the register for it right? 

snowdragon

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #91 on: August 30, 2013, 11:45:34 AM »
Not necessarily. "semiar" can mean several things at my college. Everything from a discussion/reading type to class to a more hands on technology class to research and probably a few other things in disciplines like fashion and design or art. And it differs from undergrad to graduate school, too. From the show of hands last night 95% of this class is in their first semester in Grad school. We even have one kid for whom this is his first history class since HS.
  What I want to know ( and will never ask) is how Alex made it through undergrad college.


Zizi-K

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #92 on: August 30, 2013, 12:17:58 PM »
I think it's the instructor's responsibility to deal with Alex. Given the additional information, it's not even really clear what he's asking for help with, or what 'notes' it is that he wants or needs. Most if not all colleges/universities have offices that deal with disability issues, and the instructor should direct him there and/or work with him to clarify the expectations of the course and think through what assistance he might need. If I were a student in the course and received the email asking for notes, I probably would have just not responded, given how unclear the request actually is. Perhaps he is asking for notes on the conversation about the texts in the seminar? I'm sure the "I don't want to be responsible" guy is kicking himself for responding at all. A better phrasing would have been, "I live 50 miles away from campus, and unfortunately with the winter weather I'm unfortunately not able to commit to attending class 100% of the time and providing the assistance that is needed." Best would be no response at all.

whatsanenigma

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #93 on: August 30, 2013, 12:26:06 PM »
I think it's the instructor's responsibility to deal with Alex.

I agree 100%, but I wonder if the instructor is aware of what is going on yet.  Is there a way to tell if the instructor's email was included in the mass mailing?  Personally I would forward the most recent email to the instructor and mention that this is one of several, and basically say "Just FYI" (at whatever level of professional wording seemed appropriate) or ask what the instructor thinks I should do.  (I am sure the instructor would say "nothing" but in some cases that might sound nicer.)

Cat-Fu

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #94 on: August 30, 2013, 02:19:51 PM »
I wonder if Alex even realized this is a seminar style class? Perhaps he is also finding out now that it is a research seminar and not a lecture.
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Shea

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #95 on: August 30, 2013, 03:06:06 PM »
FYI, it's "Accessibility Services" now.  I got a verbal smack down when I went to register myself with Disability Services and was told that they'd changed the name because they wanted to keep it positive and disability was just too negative for a university environment.  Silly me, all these years I didn't know how so very abled I was.  I never knew the problems walking and holding pencils and all were great things to be celebrated and all you normal people should be jealous.  ::)

I sort of feel badly for the guy because it is hard to get note takers for a course, but it does sound like he is doing an end run around registering properly for the service.  Getting permission to record lectures from a prof falls right up there with solving third world hunger and balancing the federal budget in degree of difficulty.  That said, he's still being an idiot and I wouldn't want to be responsible for him either.

I think the name varies with the school.  I checked my alma mater's website (a large liberal univerity) and they call it Student Disability Services.

Yes, at my alma mater it's called the Office for Students with Disabilities and no one is offended. Frankly, as a beneficiary of said office (I have dyscalculia) I internally rolled my eyes when one of the staff referred to my "learning difference". It's not a "difference", it's a disability, and calling it something more "PC" isn't going to make it less difficult.

Anyway, to the OP's issue. I agree that there's something fishy. I worked for my university's OSD as a grad student, and was a note-taker for several classes. We worked through the office, and never even knew who exactly we were taking notes for. We'd copy our notes and send them to the office, which would send them on to the student who needed them and we'd get a paycheck at the end of the semester. I think the fact that this guy is trying to go directly to his fellow students is a little off, to say the least. And also, the student who responded to the email was not rude.


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Lorelei_Evil

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #96 on: August 30, 2013, 03:43:47 PM »
FYI, it's "Accessibility Services" now.  I got a verbal smack down when I went to register myself with Disability Services and was told that they'd changed the name because they wanted to keep it positive and disability was just too negative for a university environment.  Silly me, all these years I didn't know how so very abled I was.  I never knew the problems walking and holding pencils and all were great things to be celebrated and all you normal people should be jealous.  ::)

I sort of feel badly for the guy because it is hard to get note takers for a course, but it does sound like he is doing an end run around registering properly for the service.  Getting permission to record lectures from a prof falls right up there with solving third world hunger and balancing the federal budget in degree of difficulty.  That said, he's still being an idiot and I wouldn't want to be responsible for him either.

I think the name varies with the school.  I checked my alma mater's website (a large liberal univerity) and they call it Student Disability Services.

Yes, at my alma mater it's called the Office for Students with Disabilities and no one is offended. Frankly, as a beneficiary of said office (I have dyscalculia) I internally rolled my eyes when one of the staff referred to my "learning difference". It's not a "difference", it's a disability, and calling it something more "PC" isn't going to make it less difficult.

Anyway, to the OP's issue. I agree that there's something fishy. I worked for my university's OSD as a grad student, and was a note-taker for several classes. We worked through the office, and never even knew who exactly we were taking notes for. We'd copy our notes and send them to the office, which would send them on to the student who needed them and we'd get a paycheck at the end of the semester. I think the fact that this guy is trying to go directly to his fellow students is a little off, to say the least. And also, the student who responded to the email was not rude.

Yeah, I roll my eyes at some of the creative language, too.  But then, none of the "offensive" language really bothered me in the first place.  I don't care what they call the department, I was sure glad they were there and they did/do great work.  They have the guts to tell you things you don't want to hear when you need to hear them, in my experience.

bloo

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #97 on: August 30, 2013, 04:05:35 PM »

I don't want the be responsible is a reasonable alternative to "that's not possible" , "I don't want" is not something a person can argue with. It's like arguing if someone likes the color blue.

JADEing it not a opening for people to call" rude".  Pushy people making completely unreasonable demands just defeated the most reasonable justifications " I cant take notes because I may not be there" , "ohhh I'm sure you will be there , you paid a lot for this class I'm sure you wont miss.  I get a friend to drive you on a snow day."  In a healthy relationship a justified "no" is often a kindness and good communication. 

If someone called you rude for saying " I can not because I wont be there" they would be wrong.

It's funny because I completely agree with you, MMM! My Bff and I use a variation such as , "Oh I don't really want to do that," or "I don't think I'd like to do that," which we both instantly respect and push no further.

What is funny is that one person will argue with my choice of the color blue. My DH.  ::)

When he starts asking 'why don't you want to ____', depending on what it is, I simply say, "There is no 'why'. It's like asking 'why is that your favorite color?' 'It just is!'

Then I add, "Honey, you're looking for reasons to shoot down. Please stop." Kiss kiss hug hug.

To anyone else that I've said, "I don't want to do that," they've never pushed back at me or tried to argue me around it. I hope I haven't offended anyone but I try to keep my tone firm but light.

ETA: Posted without actually typing anything!
« Last Edit: August 30, 2013, 04:12:32 PM by bloo »

ladyknight1

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #98 on: August 30, 2013, 07:18:45 PM »
It is Alex's responsibility to contact the school's disability services about note taking. That does not exempt him from attending class meetings and participating in classroom discussion. I agree that the repetitive emails and the rather rude response were over the top and certainly not what one would expect from a graduate level student.

It is very interesting to me how much the culture at your school differs from mine, where recorders are allowed unless specifically prohibited by the professor of the course or a guest lecturer. Also, we have an online learning portal each semester for all classes and all student, professor and teaching assistant's email addresses are available to anyone registered for the class.

Twik

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #99 on: August 30, 2013, 07:26:00 PM »
There's clearly something wrong here. Alex is not only rude for publicly castigating someone for not doing him an extensive favour, but he seems to have a complete misunderstanding of what the class is. Further, he's not availing himself of the appropriate avenues for help, even though he's a grad student, and should know the drill by now.

I'd be interested in how Alex has dealt with his classes before now.
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onikenbai

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #100 on: August 30, 2013, 10:56:32 PM »
I just had a thought....if Alex wants someone to take notes for him, does that mean he cannot physically write? If so, how is he going to do all the other hand-written requirements of the course? Two examples - midterm and final exam.

I realize the update renders this a moot question, but if he were properly registered with the disability office, he would likely be shuttled off to a special cubicle farm or bank of offices during the exam slot to type his exam.  Most universities have special exam facilities.  Depending on the severity of his disability, he may also be given extra time.

ladyknight1

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #101 on: August 31, 2013, 11:50:38 AM »
Our disability services office has a testing room for this type of accommodation.

miranova

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #102 on: August 31, 2013, 01:53:03 PM »

Saying "I don't want to" would be a pretty abrupt response the first time you are politely asked for a favour - usually, we'd use more tactful language to say essentially the same thing. Or, in the case of a mass email request, simply ignore it.



This is where I fall.  No one has to take the notes at all and they are not at all rude to say no.  But I don't find "I don't want to be responsible for that" to be a very nicely worded answer.  Better to ignore the email entirely or just say "I'm sorry I won't be able to help you out" full stop.  Anything that sounds like "I just don't want to help you" is fine as a true reason but awkward to actually SAY to another person.

And yeah, the note requester is rude and entitled, but that's a separate topic that we mostly all seem to agree on already.

shhh its me

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #103 on: August 31, 2013, 03:22:41 PM »

Saying "I don't want to" would be a pretty abrupt response the first time you are politely asked for a favour - usually, we'd use more tactful language to say essentially the same thing. Or, in the case of a mass email request, simply ignore it.



This is where I fall.  No one has to take the notes at all and they are not at all rude to say no.  But I don't find "I don't want to be responsible for that" to be a very nicely worded answer.  Better to ignore the email entirely or just say "I'm sorry I won't be able to help you out" full stop.  Anything that sounds like "I just don't want to help you" is fine as a true reason but awkward to actually SAY to another person.

And yeah, the note requester is rude and entitled, but that's a separate topic that we mostly all seem to agree on already.

But it wasn't the first time he asked and more importantly " I don't want be responsible" was followed with a because "I live 50 miles away there may be bad weather and I wont be there." 

TootsNYC

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Re: "I don't want to be responsible"...rude?
« Reply #104 on: August 31, 2013, 03:26:49 PM »
I actually think "I don't want to be responsible for that" to be *nicer* than "I don't want to."

Especially w/ the added explanation. It says, "I might not be able to"--it's essentially the time-honored "It's not you, it's me."