Author Topic: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about  (Read 96896 times)

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Dindrane

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #180 on: September 06, 2013, 01:55:54 AM »
I appreciate deeply the fact that my parents' criticism of me are totally small potatoes, and mostly either laughed at or easily ignored.

One that amuses me the most was when I got my nose pierced. I was 18, a freshman in college, and got it pierced the weekend before Thanksgiving. I was nice enough to tell my mom about it before she saw me, and she was about as dubious as I expected her to be. When she saw it for the first time, she told me, "I guess it's not so bad, if you don't mind having a silver zit on your nose for the rest of your life." Gee, thanks Mom.

I am now 28 and still have said nose piercing. People still ask me when I got it done, even though the answer is usually something along the lines of "6 years before I met you." If people notice it at all (which they mostly don't), it's because they like it and think it looks good. I pierced my nose in the first place because I have an exceptionally nice one and wanted to decorate it (;)), but I am also fortunate that the guy who pierced it did an exceptionally good job in choosing a location for the piercing.

The other one that has always amused me is my dad's thoughts on makeup. Both my parents came of age in the 60s and 70s, and I'm originally from Texas. My dad's mental picture of "woman wearing makeup" is someone with foundation troweled on so thick it'll crack if she so much as smiles, 1/4" thick eyeliner, and uber-blond hair teased within an inch of it's life.

At least for the past decade or so, I have leaned very heavily towards the "Makeup? What makeup?" look. My dad has absolutely no idea when I'm wearing makeup, because it doesn't look like his mental picture. But if I tell him that I'm wearing it (or someone else does), he'll get all disapproving because makeup is over the top. For him, there is no middle ground between "no makeup" and "1970s Texas Beauty Queen makeup."

My hair has sort of recently become a bit of a bone of contention, mostly with my mom. I recently discovered that my hair is curly, and so I style it in such a way that the strands stick together in clumps (to form locks of hair) because it defines the curls and keeps frizz at bay. My mom's opinion of this is that "your hair used to be so soft" and to make mostly-not-joking jokes about how I never let her touch it anymore.

The irony to this whole thing is that the texture of my hair is exactly like my mom's (only her hair is thinner, finer, and less frizzy). She wears it short now, so the length and the fact that it's actually more manageable than mine means she can comb it and still have it look nice. She's told me dozens of stories about the lengths she used to go to to get straight hair (none of which could ever compete against humidity), but still scoffs at me when I tell her I wear my hair the way I do pretty much entirely because my hair laughs in the face of blow dryers and flat irons. Even if I wanted to wear it brushed so it's smooth and straight (I don't), it's never once in my life actually done that. Even when I spent half an hour every morning blow drying it in high school, the ends would still curl and the whole lot of it would get frizzy and tangled.

Seriously, both my siblings and my dad have extremely curly hair. I'm pretty much over fighting genetics here. I'll take smooth ringlets my mom isn't allowed to touch over frizzy, wavy, tangled hair that nothing can beat into submission any day.


Emmy

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #181 on: September 06, 2013, 09:58:39 AM »
My mom is great, but once in a rare while she must be in a mood because she would pick a fight with me for no good reason when I lived at home.  Usually this fight would involve a guilt trip.

On one of my pre-teen birthdays (can't remember which), my grandmother couldn't come because she sick.  I expressed regret that Grandmom would not be there to celebrate my birthday with us as she always had in the past and I would miss her.  My mom goes on a rant out of the blue that I am selfish and should be ashamed of myself that I am complaining about not getting a gift.  I never said anything about a gift and wasn't even thinking about it, but thanks Mom for thinking the best of me.  :-\

I was a teenager at the time and attending church the Sunday after the youth group went to a summer retreat.  We all got t-shirts at the retreat and the youth leader suggested we wear them to church.  Younger people commonly dressed more casually for church so it wasn't out of the norm.  I wore mine with a pair of long shorts, not denim, but still casual.  My mom complained that I was dressed inappropriately and I said the leader suggested we wear the shirts and the shorts go nicely with them.  She made another comment along the lines of 'what will people think' and I said 'I don't care what people think'.  Being self-conscious teenager, her remarks made me doubt my clothing choice.  She starts harping about how I do care about how people think, otherwise I wouldn't be so annoyed by her comments and kept going on and on about it.  So she was right, but it was a stupid argument and she should have dropped it.  It's like she was enjoying pressing my buttons.  Now that I am a parent, I hope I know  when to keep my mouth shut and don't continue on with a silly point and upset my kids must for the sake of being 'right'.

I usually kept my personal life private from my parents as I got older and didn't confide in them, especially about relationships.  When I was 19, I had been in a relationship for over a year, but was becoming bored and had another guy in college that I found interesting.  I wanted to break up with my then bf and date around.  I felt guilty because bf wasn't a bad person or hadn't done anything to want to break up and also felt guilty because I developing feelings for somebody else while still having a bf.  Anyway, I was confiding in my mom about my feelings and felt that I should be honest with Joe and tell him I wanted to see other people.  In that tone of voice that drips with disapproval she said "well, *sigh* if breaking up with Joe will make you feel less guilty" and basically said my wanting to be honest with my then bf was my selfish way of trying to rid myself of guilt.  And my parents wonder when I barely ever confided in them.


caz

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #182 on: September 06, 2013, 11:21:36 AM »
However, as a teen, I was told that my influence was causing younger (adopted) siblings to act up

Ha, yeah, I got in trouble anytime one of the younger sibs cussed. I must have taught them the words, you see. Protestations that they had learned the words from movies (or their own friends) fell on deaf ears.

When I was in college, my older brothers waited to tell the youngest a few swear words.... until a weekend I was due back.  Knowing I would get the "well, he never swore before you came home from college".  Pretty clever, really :)

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #183 on: September 06, 2013, 11:50:52 AM »
I was going through the devastating end of a 6-year serious relationship.  I happened to mention some random guy (a neighbor or classmate) to my mom, and she said, "Are you trying to get him to ask you out?"  I said, "Why would you ask that?", and she said, "Oh, you just seem to go from one guy to another". 

Just about any time I mention any male, Mom asks "Is he married?"  One time I mentioned some male and added "and no, he's not married".  Mom responded with, "Is he black?"  :o 
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

mbbored

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #184 on: September 06, 2013, 12:18:11 PM »
I was going through the devastating end of a 6-year serious relationship.  I happened to mention some random guy (a neighbor or classmate) to my mom, and she said, "Are you trying to get him to ask you out?"  I said, "Why would you ask that?", and she said, "Oh, you just seem to go from one guy to another". 

Just about any time I mention any male, Mom asks "Is he married?"  One time I mentioned some male and added "and no, he's not married".  Mom responded with, "Is he black?"  :o

My mother believes the only two acceptable excuses for me not dating any man I mention is them being married or not attracted to women. If I say "He has a long-term, live-in girlfriend," her response is: "Well, it's not like that sounds permanent."

Midnight Kitty

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #185 on: September 06, 2013, 02:17:49 PM »
My mother believes the only two acceptable excuses for me not dating any man I mention is them being married or not attracted to women. If I say "He has a long-term, live-in girlfriend," her response is: "Well, it's not like that sounds permanent."
Well, speaking in geological terms, even the Rock of Gibralter is temporary. >:D
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spookycatlady

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #186 on: September 06, 2013, 03:30:00 PM »
My Dad asks me when the next time I'm going to visit them every time we talk and gets huffy if I travel anywhere, but home.  I don't go back for a reason, the last time I went home to visit, just before I arrived, Dad volunteered to switch shifts and was working for the full week I was there.  Oh?  Did I mention that his workplace was a fly-in only type scenario? 

Thipu1

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #187 on: September 06, 2013, 06:03:48 PM »
My Dad asks me when the next time I'm going to visit them every time we talk and gets huffy if I travel anywhere, but home.  I don't go back for a reason, the last time I went home to visit, just before I arrived, Dad volunteered to switch shifts and was working for the full week I was there.  Oh?  Did I mention that his workplace was a fly-in only type scenario?

(Before a visit). When are you coming?

(When we arrive). How long will you be staying?  Why not stay the whole week?

(As soon as we say when we're leaving).  When are you coming back?

My parents used to do this and MIL continues the tradition. 


Midnight Kitty

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #188 on: September 06, 2013, 06:15:54 PM »
My Dad asks me when the next time I'm going to visit them every time we talk and gets huffy if I travel anywhere, but home.  I don't go back for a reason, the last time I went home to visit, just before I arrived, Dad volunteered to switch shifts and was working for the full week I was there.  Oh?  Did I mention that his workplace was a fly-in only type scenario?
I'm not sure I understand; Did you get to spend any time with your Dad during the week you were there?  Or was he working somewhere else where you could not visit?
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

snowflake

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #189 on: September 06, 2013, 06:18:15 PM »
Here is the current "Improve Snowflake" list:

1) Lose weight.  OK, so I'm a few pounds over.  But they've been going on about this since I was 16, 6 feet tall and a size 6.  I think I'm pretty deaf to their comments there.

2) Why can't you major in something useful, like Computer Science.
Yep, more than a decade after school we are STILL revisiting this.  I have two siblings who are currently asking me for money because they are not working as programmers. They say it got too boring.  I share a whole lot of interests with these siblings.

3) Now that you have some work experience, you should try and get in at a place like Microsoft or Google.
Let's look at that - the sentence starts with "now" as if I've been puttering around flipping burgers and doing temp jobs between long periods of loafing.  Actually, I have worked full-time in "grown up jobs" since I graduated with a BS at age 21.  Five years in one industry and 13 in another.  Both industries are pretty stable and I have a fair amount of responsibility at my current job.  I've always used technology but have zero experience in development/production of software or hardware.  So what they mean is that I can get some good character witnesses to say I'm a hard worker and can now get a job as a receptionist or secretary and work my way up.  Um, no thank you!

4) You listen to too much talk radio.
Sheesh, I listen to the BBC news on NPR and that's IT. They're all CNN junkies so what's the difference?  But they make it sound like I'm wasting hours while listening to shock-jocks.

5) You spend too much money.
Yes, but I don't spend more than I earn and therefore I have cash for my splurges (unlike them who are always paying bills for the stuff they bought.)

6) Your husband is going to leave you if you make him parent.
Actually, I think he'd leave me if I didn't let him interact with the kids.

weeblewobble

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #190 on: September 06, 2013, 06:53:20 PM »
My father would criticize DH & I every time we bought something new.  Why, you ask?  Because "You should've given it to your sister.  She doesn't have any money, and I know she needs a (car, coat, thingamabob)."

BarensMom, did your dad mean that you should have given sis the old one or that you should have given her the new one?

weeblewobble

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #191 on: September 06, 2013, 07:07:45 PM »
I enjoy a really good relationship with my parents as an adult because they see what a productive, responsible adult I have turned out to be.  But when I was a preteen to teenager, I got almost weekly lectures (mostly from dad) on being lazy, being scatterbrained, being a lackluster student, being interested in too many things besides school (creative pursuits like writing, which I now do for a living.)  Seriously, they acted like I was the worst behaved teenager in the world because I was getting a C- in math and spent a lot of time daydreaming.

The only thing that got them to stop was when my mom made some comment around a former friend's father about how unfocused and flighty I was and he countered that my former friend regularly snuck boys into the house while he and his wife were sleeping, had stolen cash and jewelry from them, took liquor from their liquor cabinet put it in an apple juice bottle so she could drink all day under their noses, and let a friend who had run away from home sleep in the family van every night for week.*  He told her, "I would take 'unfocused and flighty' any day." And mom realized that I wasn't so bad and she needed to be grateful for what she had.


*This behavior was what lead to her being a former friend.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #192 on: September 06, 2013, 08:30:24 PM »
My mother didn't really like DH and it didn't help his case that he was my first boyfriend.  I'd been on dates prior to this relationship, but no one else had really clicked.  As far as I was concerned, he was cute, we had common interests and he was good to me and he did actually meet many of the criteria I'd set for a man I'd like to marry.

1) Patient
2) Had no interest in changing me
3) Doesn't believe in hitting women
4) Very long fuse/minimal temper
5) Monty Python fan.

He has other qualities too that were a  nice bonus, like a very good gift giver, a very good listener, and as affectionate as I am. :)

My mom's theory on why I wanted to marry him?  Because he was the first guy to ask.  ::)  This is the same woman who encouraged me to date the first guy who was interested in me because "He thinks you're pretty and he's nice!"  Yeah, but he was boring as heck. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

gramma dishes

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #193 on: September 06, 2013, 09:00:07 PM »
...   My mom's theory on why I wanted to marry him?  Because he was the first guy to ask.  ::)  ...

You know, people used to say that phrase all the time and it always puzzled me immensely.  Yes, I also married the first guy who asked  .... because I had the decency to not continue dating a guy I had no interest in and knew I would/could not ever marry.  To have strung a boy along until he asked, just so I could say "no thanks" seemed like the epitome of idiocy and cruelty and would have wasted my time and his chance to meet a girl who would actually love him to pieces. 

So in my personal opinion, that you married the first guy who asked is a compliment to your integrity.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #194 on: September 06, 2013, 09:45:12 PM »
Well I think my mother meant that I was foolish to marry the first guy I ever had a relationship with.  Not so much that he was the first to propose, but that I should have had more relationships before settling down. 

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL! 

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata