Author Topic: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about  (Read 87016 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #195 on: September 06, 2013, 09:51:16 PM »
...   My mom's theory on why I wanted to marry him?  Because he was the first guy to ask.  ::)  ...

You know, people used to say that phrase all the time and it always puzzled me immensely.  Yes, I also married the first guy who asked  .... because I had the decency to not continue dating a guy I had no interest in and knew I would/could not ever marry.  To have strung a boy along until he asked, just so I could say "no thanks" seemed like the epitome of idiocy and cruelty and would have wasted my time and his chance to meet a girl who would actually love him to pieces. 

So in my personal opinion, that you married the first guy who asked is a compliment to your integrity.

Yeah!

Not to mention, it's much more efficient. You dump or discourage the guys you don't *want* to have ask you, and it's a much better use of your energy.

Plus, it's really not fair to the guy you don't want, to let him get to the point where he's involved enough to ask.

gramma dishes

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #196 on: September 06, 2013, 09:51:51 PM »
Well I think my mother meant that I was foolish to marry the first guy I ever had a relationship with.  Not so much that he was the first to propose, but that I should have had more relationships before settling down. 

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL!

Ahh.  I see.  Yes, you were fortunate indeed to find your perfect guy on the very first try!  Most people don't have that kind of luck.   :)

TootsNYC

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #197 on: September 06, 2013, 09:54:42 PM »

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL!


No you didn't! You met a bunch of other guys, and you didn't get really involved with them, because they didn't meet your criteria!

Pen^2

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #198 on: September 07, 2013, 04:10:22 AM »
Well I think my mother meant that I was foolish to marry the first guy I ever had a relationship with.  Not so much that he was the first to propose, but that I should have had more relationships before settling down. 

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL!

Not my parents, but assorted relatives criticise me for the same thing. I didn't have a boyfriend at all until my very late teens because I am super boring and didn't want to bother with teen flings, so I waited while everyone else had 2-week relationships until I found someone I actually wanted to be in a relationship with rather than just play tonsil hockey. And now we're married :) But apparently because I haven't "played the field" we're doomed to divorce. Who would have thought it was that simple?

MariaE

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #199 on: September 07, 2013, 04:24:35 AM »
Well I think my mother meant that I was foolish to marry the first guy I ever had a relationship with.  Not so much that he was the first to propose, but that I should have had more relationships before settling down. 

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL!

Not my parents, but assorted relatives criticise me for the same thing. I didn't have a boyfriend at all until my very late teens because I am super boring and didn't want to bother with teen flings, so I waited while everyone else had 2-week relationships until I found someone I actually wanted to be in a relationship with rather than just play tonsil hockey. And now we're married :) But apparently because I haven't "played the field" we're doomed to divorce. Who would have thought it was that simple?

My younger sister used to be told the same thing. She started dating her first boyfriend when she was 17 and he was 24 and got married 2 years later. I know 19 is early to get married, but honestly, my sister was the oldest 19-year-old I've ever met. She was more mature at 19 than I was at 25.

It's now 13 years and 3 kids later, so the comments have stopped, but the amount of people - even close friends - who told her "You're much too young to get married! The age difference is much too big! It'll never work!!!" was staggering! (Never our parents though... BIL was my close friend for a couple of years before they started going out, so they knew him well enough to know what a great person he is :) )
 
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #200 on: September 07, 2013, 07:22:58 AM »
Well I think my mother meant that I was foolish to marry the first guy I ever had a relationship with.  Not so much that he was the first to propose, but that I should have had more relationships before settling down. 

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL!

Not my parents, but assorted relatives criticise me for the same thing. I didn't have a boyfriend at all until my very late teens because I am super boring and didn't want to bother with teen flings, so I waited while everyone else had 2-week relationships until I found someone I actually wanted to be in a relationship with rather than just play tonsil hockey. And now we're married :) But apparently because I haven't "played the field" we're doomed to divorce. Who would have thought it was that simple?

I was like that too!  I was kind of picky due to being a hopeless romantic at the time and also shy so unless a guy asked me out (and only one really ever did and he was the dull one) I didn't have any dates.  I didn't really even date much till I was 19 and I got together with DH right before the end of my freshman year.  And we got married when we were 22. 
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Gyburc

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #201 on: September 07, 2013, 07:51:39 AM »
My MIL gave DH this line as well: 'Just remember, you don't have to marry the first person you go out with!' This was was said to DH (then DBF) in my earshot a few times. Nothing like a warm welcome.  >:(

In fairness, I have to admit that MIL never says anything like this now, and we do get on pretty well (20 years later), but sadly I don't think we'll ever have a really close relationship.

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Mel the Redcap

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #202 on: September 07, 2013, 08:05:26 AM »
Well I think my mother meant that I was foolish to marry the first guy I ever had a relationship with.  Not so much that he was the first to propose, but that I should have had more relationships before settling down. 

But I wasn't about to let him go once I found him just to have more experience with relationships! I just was fortunate to find a guy that met my criteria first crack out of the gate, so to speak! LOL!

Not my parents, but assorted relatives criticise me for the same thing. I didn't have a boyfriend at all until my very late teens because I am super boring and didn't want to bother with teen flings, so I waited while everyone else had 2-week relationships until I found someone I actually wanted to be in a relationship with rather than just play tonsil hockey. And now we're married :) But apparently because I haven't "played the field" we're doomed to divorce. Who would have thought it was that simple?

I was like that too!  I was kind of picky due to being a hopeless romantic at the time and also shy so unless a guy asked me out (and only one really ever did and he was the dull one) I didn't have any dates.  I didn't really even date much till I was 19 and I got together with DH right before the end of my freshman year.  And we got married when we were 22.

I dated one guy (briefly) in high school, realised he was a lot more serious than I was about it, and... well, I guess I friendzoned him. :P
After that, I happily puttered along without getting into a relationship (though I did have some prospects, heh) until I was 22. That lasted about 18 months, got fairly serious on both sides, fell apart (amicably).
Met the Good Ethnic Boy at 25, puttered along happily in a gradually deepening relationship for a long time, now married and EXTREMELY happy. ;D But I guess since I don't have wide-ranging experience gained by going out with every guy who asked me on a date everrrr, we're doomed. ::)
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weeblewobble

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #203 on: September 07, 2013, 10:11:05 AM »
I started dating my husband when I was 14 and he was 16. Both of my grandmothers told my mom she was courting trouble letting me go out with a boy who was two years older. And the longer we dated, the more they insisted that we would break up any day now. ("Well, he graduated from HS and is heading to college, so it's over.... Well, she graduated from HS and is headed to college, so it's over... Well, he graduated from college and is heading out to the real world, so it's over... Well, she graduated from college and is heading out into the real world, so it's over...")

Seriously, it took seven years and engagement before they accepted that my dating him wasn't just an adolescent phase. 

weeblewobble

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #204 on: September 07, 2013, 10:17:22 AM »
My father, on finding out I was pregnant (after 3 years of marriage) - "I'm not sure I want to be a grandfather but I guess it's ok."


My sister's MIL reacted much the same way. "I'm not old enough to be a grandmother, yet." Like my sister was supposed to hold the baby in for a few years until MIL was ready. BIL told her, "That's fine, you don't have to see the baby." and that shut her up pretty quickly.

Pen^2

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #205 on: September 07, 2013, 10:56:36 AM »
My father, on finding out I was pregnant (after 3 years of marriage) - "I'm not sure I want to be a grandfather but I guess it's ok."


My sister's MIL reacted much the same way. "I'm not old enough to be a grandmother, yet." Like my sister was supposed to hold the baby in for a few years until MIL was ready. BIL told her, "That's fine, you don't have to see the baby." and that shut her up pretty quickly.

I hereby nominate your BIL for the coveted "Most Awesome Brother In Law Ever" award. Please be sure to pass on my congratulations.

Tea Drinker

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #206 on: September 07, 2013, 01:32:33 PM »
I suspect "you don't have to marry the first guy who asks you" is a hold-over reaction from things like Mrs. Bennett in Pride and Prejudice, who is astonished that her daughter doesn't want to marry Mr. Collins, and tries to convince them both that of course she does, she's just saying no because she's modest. (Mrs. Bennett had reasons for wanting that marriage, of course.) But that's "you don't have to marry someone who don't like or don't really know, just because he asked," which is worlds away from "you should turn down the first person who proposes to you, even if you love him and think it would be a good match."
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Shalamar

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #207 on: September 07, 2013, 01:49:26 PM »
My friend's mother was always a bit on the heavy side and perpetually on a diet.   When my friend proudly told her that she was engaged, Mother blurted "You can't get married YET!   I'm still fat and I'll look awful in the photographs!"    ::)

Bijou

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #208 on: September 07, 2013, 03:03:18 PM »
My mother always thought I should not let my hair grow long.  I actually had cut it a few times just to please her, but I haven't cut it since 1964.  I guess she got used to it, eventually.
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CrochetFanatic

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #209 on: September 07, 2013, 04:51:59 PM »
This one is kind of stupid, but I live at home, and my mother will sometimes (okay, often) buy something while grocery shopping (lunch meat, salad, fruit, what-have-you), and then complain if it goes bad.  "I bought this stuff, you didn't even eat it, and now I have to throw it away."

Not to sound ungrateful, but I don't ask her to buy that stuff, and I'm not always in the mood to eat it.  When I can, I buy my own food, things that I would prefer to eat, and she'll click her tongue and say, "That's not very good for you."  Hey, I'm 31 years old.  I know.  I also know that I'm tired of feeling like a sitting duck.

I think she just likes to have an excuse to complain.