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Author Topic: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about  (Read 229386 times)

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Baby Snakes

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #255 on: September 12, 2013, 11:59:41 AM »
When I was in high school, about 15 or 16 years old, my best friend and I decided to make long skirts out of our old blue jeans (you rip out the inseam and insert a wedge shaped piece of colored fabric).  I was wearing my jean skirt around the house one afternoon and my mom started calling me "the hippie".  This continued for about 20 years, long after the jean skirt had been tossed.  Never mind that I wasn't a hippie, have never been a hippie, and am way too young to have been a hippie.

Sheesh!

Lynn2000

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #256 on: September 12, 2013, 12:11:02 PM »
Wanted to mention my grandma. This doesn't really bother me personally because I'm more removed from it, and I know better than to invest myself too much in what she says. But she is the queen of criticizing things with a sweet smile. Like, she says she would like a flower pot and doesn't care what color, so you buy her a blue flower pot and she says, "Oh, thank you, this is so great, I just wish it was yellow." One isolated comment doesn't sound so bad, but it slowly builds up when it's every single thing.

"Oh, this sweater is so beautiful, I just wish it wasn't made of wool."
"Oh, thank you so much for the coffee maker, I just wish you'd gotten the smaller size."
"Oh, thank you so much for planting my garden, I just wish you'd put these plants over here, and those over there."

Keep in mind that she always has the opportunity to specify the color/size/location/etc. beforehand and always says anything is fine.  ::) I feel bad for my poor mom, who still has this deep-seated desire to please her. My mom will say to me, "I'm thinking of getting this for Grandma! Do you think she'll like it?" and I say, "Well, Mom, I think it's a great idea, but you know how she is. She'll find something wrong with it. I just don't want you to be disappointed by that."  >:(
~Lynn2000

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #257 on: September 12, 2013, 12:21:28 PM »
When I was in high school, about 15 or 16 years old, my best friend and I decided to make long skirts out of our old blue jeans (you rip out the inseam and insert a wedge shaped piece of colored fabric).  I was wearing my jean skirt around the house one afternoon and my mom started calling me "the hippie".  This continued for about 20 years, long after the jean skirt had been tossed.  Never mind that I wasn't a hippie, have never been a hippie, and am way too young to have been a hippie.

Sheesh!

I did that skirt thing too! I had one with cow print that was long, then one that was short with an Oz Fest t-shirt, one with a piece of leather....I kinda wanna make one now...

ladyknight1

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #258 on: September 12, 2013, 12:46:00 PM »
MIL started telling DS when he was 5 that he should remember that there is a proper order for life to go in. You go to school, graduate high school, go to college, get a degree, a well paying job, buy a house, then you find a girlfriend and get married eventually, then children.

That is a dig at DH and I. DH joined the US Army just out of high school, then met me at his job after being discharged, we dated, got our own apartment, DH went to school and got an Associate in Science degree while we both worked, we got married and had DS, now I am going to school.

I overheard MIL telling DS that little life philosophy and told her that if she ever said that again, she would not be alone with DS ever again. AFAIK, she has not repeated it.

MIL has never gone to college or had a median income job, so I am not sure where her philosophy comes from.
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

Hillia

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #259 on: September 12, 2013, 01:13:50 PM »
My FIL is a fairly competent handyman, although some of his solutions are pretty rough. When his 2 sons were growing up, he would bring them out to help him with a chore - then get frustrated because they didn't instinctively know how to use a tool or do something, so he'd get mad at them and do it himself rather than teaching them anything.  Now he's quite free with the snide remarks about how lazy they both were/are, and how little either of them can do around the house.  I take great pleasure in posting FB statuses about the latest project DH tackled around the house, whether it's fixing a minor plumbing issue or remodeling the laundry room.

gingerzing

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #260 on: September 12, 2013, 01:47:00 PM »
My FIL is a fairly competent handyman, although some of his solutions are pretty rough. When his 2 sons were growing up, he would bring them out to help him with a chore - then get frustrated because they didn't instinctively know how to use a tool or do something, so he'd get mad at them and do it himself rather than teaching them anything.  Now he's quite free with the snide remarks about how lazy they both were/are, and how little either of them can do around the house.  I take great pleasure in posting FB statuses about the latest project DH tackled around the house, whether it's fixing a minor plumbing issue or remodeling the laundry room.

Sounds like my FIL with my DH. 
FIL was a licensed electrician and had a "oh for heavens sake I will just do it myself" kind of attitude when DH wanted to help.  Hence, DH can do some things but is terribly unsure and doesn't like to handyman things. 

DH apparently was good at art as a teen, but MIL and FIL were hyper critical about it and anything that DH tried - except the army - they basically gave him no support then wondered why he quit stuff.    Like the poster whose parents said that she was a quitter even though they never wanted to pay dues... yeah, same thing for the most part with DH's folks.  They both will do the Way-Back machine and claim DH was a quitter from the time he was in Cub Scouts.  (Well, if you don't pay dues, the kiddo can't go. Not like a 6 YO has $$$)   ::)

Shalamar

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #261 on: September 12, 2013, 02:11:09 PM »
I remember my MIL criticising the towels in our guest bathroom, saying they were "awful".  They were brand-new, soft and thick, and a lovely shade of navy blue that went well with the bathroom's décor.  I asked somewhat sharply what was so awful about them, and she said "They just are.  You should replace them."  My husband said "Considering we literally just bought them, that's not going to happen."

When we replaced our dinner dishes with some brand-new ones, she commented "About time."  Ugh.  I was tempted to take the news ones back, just to spite her!

Midnight Kitty

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #262 on: September 12, 2013, 07:19:47 PM »
I was thinking about this thread today. My dad was an English teacher, and in his case this meant he was also the grammar, spelling, and handwriting police throughout my childhood. Picture me, six years old, bringing him my kindergarten homework, and he responds by getting out his red pen and closing the loop of my printed lower-case A because two millimeters were left open.  ::) This continued all through junior high and even some into high school.<snip>
So my dad is not going to get to read my stories. That's the consequence of him criticizing things I brought to him as a child. I'm not thinking this vindictively; it actually makes me a little sad. But to me it's like--bed, made, lie. Maybe he doesn't even realize what he's missing, or why he's missing it, or maybe he wouldn't be interested anyway. But looking back, I think--was it worth it? I can't share this thing I really enjoy with him, that maybe he would enjoy too, I can't let him get to know me on that deeper level in this way. Was that worth it, to ensure that I could form a lower-case A properly?  :-\ All I know is, if I ever had kids, this would be constantly present in my mind, and I would try to do things differently.
My father will frequently interrupt me when I am speaking to correct my grammar or pronunciation.  I used to try to remember where I was before he so rudely interrupted, but not anymore.  I stop talking.  I let the silence speak.  Sometimes he'll say, "well ... finish."  Then I reply, "It seems you are more interested in correcting my grammar than listening to my story."  Sometimes he just starts talking about something else he's interested in, so I know he wasn't paying any attention to what I was saying in the first place.  He's getting deaf but won't get a hearing aide.  He hears what he wants to hear, makes assumptions about the rest, and I'm pretty sure he isn't getting 90% of the message directed to him.
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

Otterpop

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #263 on: September 12, 2013, 07:33:17 PM »
What makes people so nasty?!!!  My DH is also a terrible handyman because of a hyper critical, yell-at-you-while-you-fumble, father.  I had a dad who patiently directed you to do it correctly and as a result, I'm pretty handy.

DH is however, a genius at anything IT (He's VP of IT for a major metropolitan toll road).  But of course, to FIL, he's invisible.

Venus193

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #264 on: September 12, 2013, 07:37:00 PM »
I think a lot of nastiness comes out of insecurity.  The rest comes out of narcissism.  These two traits often co-exist.

Some people can forgive such things, but I usually don't.  The reason is that any reasonably intelligent person learns eventually to get past whatever made them this way and goes on to meaningful change for the better.  Those that don't are not deserving of forgiveness.





Otterpop

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #265 on: September 12, 2013, 07:44:58 PM »
I think a lot of nastiness comes out of insecurity.  The rest comes out of narcissism.  These two traits often co-exist.

Some people can forgive such things, but I usually don't.  The reason is that any reasonably intelligent person learns eventually to get past whatever made them this way and goes on to meaningful change for the better.  Those that don't are not deserving of forgiveness.

You are so right.  Funny how narcissism seems like extreme love of self, but it's actually born out of deep seated insecurity.  Knowing this gives a "target" some strength.

Hillia

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #266 on: September 12, 2013, 07:49:49 PM »
I see this in FIL.  He himself was horribly abused as a child, so now he has to win every interaction, even if there's no contest.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #267 on: September 12, 2013, 08:21:57 PM »
I remember when I went off to college I went through a few months or even a year really where I wanted to learn about other denominations and faiths. I wasn't even so much searching as I just wanted to know what other people believed because such things fascinated me. (I sometimes think I should have done a major in anthropology because people and the different ways they live fascinate me)

So I went with friends to different denominations of Christianity, a Unitarian church, and even observed some Wiccan ceremonies. My mother was not terribly happy when I'd attend the other Christian denominations (I was brought up Catholic)  I quoted Truly from Steel Magnolias "God doesn't care what church you go to, long as you show up!"  Mom frowned and said "That's not true!"  ::)

Now mind you, once I went off to college and moved out of their house, they stopped attending church as much.  At least if my brother had a game (soccer) they wouldn't go.  I guess they had to still attend some because he was still going through CCD for Confirmation but they certainly didn't go every week.  So I found it kind of rich that she was getting so bent out of shape about me attending other services besides Catholic when she didn't even bother attending every week, and once he was confirmed, they didn't go at all except for when we'd visit grandparents.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Venus193

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #268 on: September 12, 2013, 08:29:41 PM »
I had a classmate in college who was a philosophy major.  One of his elective courses was Comparative Religion, which sounded fascinating.  However, he told us that he couldn't tell his parents he was taking this course because his mother attributed magical qualities to sacred literature.  In other words, reading it automatically converted the reader.

My mother thought stuff like this, too.  I finally got confrontational about it by asking "Do you consider me to be so weak that reading one book would automatically change my loyalties?"

Dead silence and no repeat of the conversation.





KenveeB

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #269 on: September 12, 2013, 08:45:16 PM »
Wanted to mention my grandma. This doesn't really bother me personally because I'm more removed from it, and I know better than to invest myself too much in what she says. But she is the queen of criticizing things with a sweet smile. Like, she says she would like a flower pot and doesn't care what color, so you buy her a blue flower pot and she says, "Oh, thank you, this is so great, I just wish it was yellow." One isolated comment doesn't sound so bad, but it slowly builds up when it's every single thing.

"Oh, this sweater is so beautiful, I just wish it wasn't made of wool."
"Oh, thank you so much for the coffee maker, I just wish you'd gotten the smaller size."
"Oh, thank you so much for planting my garden, I just wish you'd put these plants over here, and those over there."

Keep in mind that she always has the opportunity to specify the color/size/location/etc. beforehand and always says anything is fine.  ::) I feel bad for my poor mom, who still has this deep-seated desire to please her. My mom will say to me, "I'm thinking of getting this for Grandma! Do you think she'll like it?" and I say, "Well, Mom, I think it's a great idea, but you know how she is. She'll find something wrong with it. I just don't want you to be disappointed by that."  >:(

Uh-oh, Lynn, I think we might be related -- we have the same grandma! Mom finally threw up her hands and said Dad (Grandma's son) was responsible for buying her gifts from now on. I've just given up and ignore most of what she says. My favorite recent example: I've lost a lot of weight recently (over 50 lbs at the time of the story, over 80 by now) and was so happy to buy pretty new clothes. When I visited for a family holiday, I wore a pretty new skirt and blouse. Grandma said how nice I looked, "But next time, you need to wear blue jeans."  ::)