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Author Topic: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about  (Read 264908 times)

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Library Dragon

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #675 on: October 15, 2013, 01:56:19 AM »
DSs once asked why I always said, "we'll see" instead of giving an immediate answer.  I explained that without all information I'd have to default to 'no'.  It's baggage carried over from my childhood.  I was always promised things (new outfit for choir, an event, etc.) that never materialized. It happened so often I trained myself not to get excited until it actually occurred.  Of course I was criticized for that as well. 

So, as a parent if I said I would do something it would happen. I had to put my foot down with DH over it.  This included driving from Italy to Bilund, Denmark because DH promised that we would take DS1 to Legoland before leaving Europe.  Fortunately we could combine it with a trip to see friends in The Netherlands.

DSs understood why "we'll see" wasn't a no, but a chance to really make a yes if possible.

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English1

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #676 on: October 15, 2013, 05:39:14 AM »
My parents seem to think I'm an alcoholic and drink drive if not stopped.

I am not an alcoholic. I never drink drive.

What I have done (in the past until I realised what impression they were getting) was let my hair down at a few family parties, had a few drinks and got quite merry, but ONLY when I wasn't driving home. This seems to have translated into their thinking I'm always getting like that.

I find myself being offered a glass of wine only to be given about 1cm of wine topped up with Lemonade and they think I won't notice.

This is because my Dad doesn't drink and my mum's a 'sherry at Christmas' type. *sigh*.

Apart from that they are lovely  :)

laud_shy_girl

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #677 on: October 15, 2013, 06:27:48 AM »
I get told off for "Showing off and using big words" I get the impression, they think I am some how Superior to them.  ::)

The best bit is the word I got told off for first that I can recall (I was 15) was prerogative. A word I learned when I was 12 from Dr Julian Bashir of Deep space 9.

I love my mum but it does make me feel like the black sheep when you are asked "why can't you talk like normal people. no one else in the family talks like that."


                                       
“For too long, we've assumed that there is a single template for human nature, which is why we diagnose most deviations as disorders. But the reality is that there are many different kinds of minds. And that's a very good thing.” - Jonah Lehrer

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #678 on: October 15, 2013, 06:52:16 AM »
I was always kind of the Anne Shirley of the family, known for having my head in the clouds most of the time.  And while I wasn't really criticized for it, in looking back on it, some of the family members liked that and some of the more practical-minded family members seemed to have a "she'll grow out of it" mindset to it.

I haven't grown out of it, though. :) In high school a friend told me her mom called me "whimsical" which I took as a high compliment. :D And even more recently I've been called the "oddest of odd ducks", a free spirit and my bf told me I've got my head in the clouds, which she said is a good thing.

Which is why she's my best friend. :D
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

KenveeB

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #679 on: October 15, 2013, 07:16:40 AM »
I get told off for "Showing off and using big words" I get the impression, they think I am some how Superior to them.  ::)

The best bit is the word I got told off for first that I can recall (I was 15) was prerogative. A word I learned when I was 12 from Dr Julian Bashir of Deep space 9.

I love my mum but it does make me feel like the black sheep when you are asked "why can't you talk like normal people. no one else in the family talks like that."
                                     

I hear you! My cousin once said she wasn't going to chat with me online anymore because I used too many big words. We'd chatted all of once. I looked back over the chat log and couldn't find any words over two syllables. I still don't know what she was talking about. My brother also always teased me about using big words. I once said it was "sweltering" and he said "why can't you just say hot?" Well, it wasn't hot, it was sweltering. There's a different connotation. We have a lovely and rich language, why not use it?

TootsNYC

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #680 on: October 15, 2013, 08:27:11 AM »
DSs once asked why I always said, "we'll see" instead of giving an immediate answer.  I explained that without all information I'd have to default to 'no'.  It's baggage carried over from my childhood.  I was always promised things (new outfit for choir, an event, etc.) that never materialized. It happened so often I trained myself not to get excited until it actually occurred.  Of course I was criticized for that as well. 

So, as a parent if I said I would do something it would happen. I had to put my foot down with DH over it.  This included driving from Italy to Bilund, Denmark because DH promised that we would take DS1 to Legoland before leaving Europe.  Fortunately we could combine it with a trip to see friends in The Netherlands.

DSs understood why "we'll see" wasn't a no, but a chance to really make a yes if possible.

I do try to follow up any "we'll see" with an explanation of why it's an iffy thing: "I don't have time to really think about it now"; "we might not have time."

flickan

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #681 on: October 15, 2013, 08:51:31 AM »
One time I wasn't wearing my wedding ring when I visited my mother.  I didn't realize it would be a problem at the time but it caused all sorts of scuttlebutt in the family.

The truth was innocent.  I had been working with a wire brush and my ring finger had been pierced by one of the bristles. This made the ring uncomfortable so I took it off for a few days. 

Unfortunately, those few days coincided with a visit to my mother. She didn't say a word to me about it but the state of our marriage became a major topic of speculation.

I am lucky in this respect.  I stopped wearing my wedding band after about a week because I felt uncomfortable wearing something so valuable everyday (it's just a gold ring but it's a family heirloom) and then I outgrew it when my fingers got pudgier.  My mother is usually a bloodhound about anything that smacks of impropriety and she has yet to notice.  I think my inlaws have noticed but they haven't said anything but everyone probably assumes it's because I rarely wear jewelry.  I sure would love to be able to wear it sometimes but I can't justify the cost of resizing it.

I think nowadays it's more acceptable to make a concious choice to wear it or not as opposed to feeling pressured to wear it because you're married.  My spouse wears his all the time because he likes to.  There's no deep meaning to whether we are currently wearing them or not, it's enough that we have them.

acicularis

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #682 on: October 15, 2013, 09:00:32 AM »
Here's another one about hair: When I was a teenager, my mother had this thing about me washing my hair "too much." I washed it every other day, because if I didn't, it got very oily. My mother claimed that a friend of hers had read something about models who had gone bald from washing their hair too often. "They literally washed the hair off of their heads!" she warned me.

And don't get me started on the whole don't go to bed with a wet head, don't go out with a wet head, don't go out with a head that has recently been wet issue. That way lies madness.

unnalee

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #683 on: October 15, 2013, 09:08:29 AM »
Since DH and I have had our girls, my mom can't seem to stop herself from questioning/commenting on/criticizing our parenting.  It was so much easier to avoid when we lived a state away.  Now that she sees us a few times a week, and she volunteers at my work, the comments are much harder to avoid.

Latest examples:

My oldest started pre-school this year.  She catches the bus from my office.  We sit in the lobby of my building, so she's only outside for the time it takes to get to and from the car.  Since my mom works close by, she often comes over before work to see my daughter. 

DD is tall and lanky, like my husband.  She doesn't have any extra "insulation" on her.  It's getting cold here in the mornings, and I make sure she is dressed in layers.  She usually has on a t-shirt, long sleeve shirt, cardigan, a hooded fleece coat, and a little cap.    I have gloves in her backpack, but she usually doesn't want to wear them.

EVERY morning, my mom comments about how cold DD looks/feels.  If DD has taken her cap off in the car, my mom will look at me agast and say, "Don't you have a hat for her to wear?"  If she holds her hand to walk into the lobby, she says, "Do you hold on to ice cubes every morning?"  Then she looks at me and says, "Where are her gloves?"  My mom even went so far as to buy DD several sets of new gloves so we could keep a pair in the car "In case your mommy (me) forgets to put them in your bag."  She's also gone and bought her new jeans (because the pants/leggings/tights DD usually wants to wear "aren't heavy enough to keep her warm.") 

I think she means well, and doesn't see how I could interpret it as criticizing my abilities to take care of my child's needs, but when I try to calmly mention that I've got the clothing situation well in control, and I would never let her go to school in clothing inappropriate for weather conditions, my mother gets upset with me! 

Thipu1

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #684 on: October 15, 2013, 09:13:56 AM »
This one wasn't from my parents.  It was from an Aunt who was extremely prim but had a very dirty mind.

BG:  in High School, I was friends with a guy named Bob.  We liked the same music and books but had no romantic interest in each other at all.  He had two older brothers and saw me as a sister.  I had no siblings and saw him as a brother.  He helped me with my math homework and I helped him with history.  I think the only time we even held hands was when he helped me off a roller coaster.  END OF BG.

It was my High School graduation party.  My friends were dancing in the driveway and my relatives were sitting in chairs on the lawn. 

It was after the barbecue and my mother  was getting the cake and ice cream together.  Since Bob was pretty much a fixture at our house, she suggested that we might go back by the barn and pick some fresh berries to serve with dessert.  She gave us each a saucepan and we headed off. 

We were gone a total of fifteen minutes and came back with our saucepans full.  I should also say
that the berry bushes were in full sight of everyone at the party. 

When we got back, Aunt motioned me over to her.  She sat like the queen in her lawn chair and asked me to sit down.  Of course, the only place I could sit was on the ground at her feet.  With quivering voice and tears in her eyes (my Mother's sisters were good at this sort of thing) she solemnly announced,

'Thipu, you don't have to sneak off in the bushes with a boy to be popular'. 

Only the Deity knows what she thought we could possibly have been doing but it wasn't good. 

acicularis

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #685 on: October 15, 2013, 09:15:23 AM »
I used to get criticized for how I ate my food. And I'm not talking about bad manners.  No, just a silly quirk of mine. At dinner, I would eat one thing on my plate, finish it, and then move onto a different food on the plate. This probably developed when I was a little kid, and my mother would fill my plate, and I was expected to eat everything on it. I would first eat what I liked best, then my next favorite, and finally what I liked least. My mother thought I should take a bite or two of one thing and then a bite or two of another, etc. Like she did, because of course that must be the only acceptable way to eat  ::)

I remember being badgered at a couple meals to try it her way. Instead of enjoying my food I'd be thinking "OK, I've eaten two bites of chicken, I guess I have to eat rice now. Oh no! I forgot, and half my rice is gone and I haven't touched my peas yet! Do I eat the same amount of peas to try to even it out? Should I skip the rice on the next go round?!" It was really stressful!

I finally burst out "This is driving me crazy! I can't do it!" My mother was quite miffed, but I was allowed to go back to my usual method. She never stopped criticizing it, though.

acicularis

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #686 on: October 15, 2013, 09:25:40 AM »
My mother criticized me once for discussing our finances with my oldest child.  Mind you, it wasn't like I was showing him our budget, telling him how much his father and I make, or discussing any debt with him.  All I had said was something to the effect of "We're not wealthy enough to be buying you boys a brand new computer just for you to play on."

Your mother would have a real problem with me, then!  :)  I frequently tell my girls things like  "No, I'm not prepared to spend that much money today," or "If I buy you those more expensive sneakers (or skirt, or dress), then there will be less money for other school clothes." When they want to buy books at the school Book Fair, I tell them how much money I am willing to give them, and they have to decide what they can afford with that. Heck, sometimes I even intentionally "think out loud" about something I'm getting for myself or choosing not to get for myself because it's too expensive. I figure, how else are they to learn how to make good decisions about how to spend money?

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #687 on: October 15, 2013, 10:21:55 AM »
I thought of something really weird an uncle said to me once. Things to know about this uncle, he's a bigot, through and through, and he's only related to me by marriage (ok not totally important to the story, but still...I need to distance myself from this man).

I was playing one of those clapping hand games with a friend of mine, ya know, you clap your hands together, there's some sort of rhyme. Anyways, my uncle sees us and tells us to knock it off. We were outside, so it wasn't like we were making noise in the house, so I just ignored him and kept clapping. He tells us to stop again, we keep going, then her mom calls her home (they lived next door) and uncle comes up to me and says "You can't play those games", I ask why I can't and he says "Those are colored girl games, you are white and if you keep playing those games people will think you aren't", well I am in fact not 100% white, which I point out to him and he says "Shut up. You want people knowing that about you? You want them thinking you're an N word (said the word), you pass as white, and that's the right thing to be". I told him he was a mean person and went inside to tell my mom what he'd said. He wasn't allowed to be around me after that.

ladyknight1

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #688 on: October 15, 2013, 10:28:36 AM »
I used to get criticized for how I ate my food. And I'm not talking about bad manners.  No, just a silly quirk of mine. At dinner, I would eat one thing on my plate, finish it, and then move onto a different food on the plate. This probably developed when I was a little kid, and my mother would fill my plate, and I was expected to eat everything on it. I would first eat what I liked best, then my next favorite, and finally what I liked least. My mother thought I should take a bite or two of one thing and then a bite or two of another, etc. Like she did, because of course that must be the only acceptable way to eat  ::)

I remember being badgered at a couple meals to try it her way. Instead of enjoying my food I'd be thinking "OK, I've eaten two bites of chicken, I guess I have to eat rice now. Oh no! I forgot, and half my rice is gone and I haven't touched my peas yet! Do I eat the same amount of peas to try to even it out? Should I skip the rice on the next go round?!" It was really stressful!

I finally burst out "This is driving me crazy! I can't do it!" My mother was quite miffed, but I was allowed to go back to my usual method. She never stopped criticizing it, though.

My FIL eats one particular food item before moving on. I just think of it as a quirk. Nothing to criticize!
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

Venus193

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #689 on: October 15, 2013, 10:47:14 AM »
Here's another one about hair: When I was a teenager, my mother had this thing about me washing my hair "too much." I washed it every other day, because if I didn't, it got very oily. My mother claimed that a friend of hers had read something about models who had gone bald from washing their hair too often. "They literally washed the hair off of their heads!" she warned me.

And don't get me started on the whole don't go to bed with a wet head, don't go out with a wet head, don't go out with a head that has recently been wet issue. That way lies madness.

How about this one:  My mother hated the fact that I had oily hair and skin while hers were both dry.  After a while she convinced herself that having oily hair and skin was lower class.  Guess who still doesn't have crows' feet?   :P