Y'know, I have some problems with my mother, but WOW. It coulda been so much worse!
I get some nagging about my weight, and I used to get a LOT of nagging about my standards of tidiness, but I think the funniest was about ten years ago, when she really REALLY wanted me to learn to drive. I was suffering from chronic migraines that were triggered by a bunch of things, including bright light, and direct sunlight or reflections off other cars' windscreens definitely qualified. They were frequently literally blinding, and I had no peripheral vision on my left side, so I informed her that if I drove with these problems I would end up committing vehicular homicide or similar. She continued to insist that I HAD to be able to drive. (In fairness, at the time she was working with abused women from country areas, and one thing they frequently had in common was that they had been isolated, unable to drive, and stuck on remote properties with nowhere to get away from their partner/husband. Mum therefore got a bee in her bonnet that for true safety, as a woman, I HAD to be able to drive. Never mind that I live in a major city with good public transport and people ten seconds' walk or one loud scream away for help...)
Me: "The sunlight triggers my migraines and I go blind
, Mum. I can't drive. At least on the bus I can sit there with my eyes shut!"
Mum: "So, you don't look at the sun!"
Me: "Mum, seriously, I live to the west of my workplace. I'd be driving east into the sun in the mornings and west towards the sun in the afternoons."
Mum: "Well... well, drive the other way, then!"
Yes, Mum. I'm going to CIRCUMNAVIGATE THE GLOBE to get home at night.