Author Topic: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about  (Read 86752 times)

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Lynn2000

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #135 on: September 04, 2013, 07:18:00 PM »
Yikes.  I'm shocked that half of the posters here have anything to do with their parents now!

I am glad to hear that some people who've shared stories about the past have indeed cut contact--it sounds like those relationships were just not worth it. In my case, I'm pleased to report that my parents have gotten better as we've all gotten older. A few things from my childhood are still sore points, like the piano lessons and the pressure to get straight A's, but they aren't really relevant to my life now. (I do imagine that if I had kids, they would come up again, though.)

I don't feel like I have to "put up with" remarks that offend me anymore--I can do something about them, whether that's address them directly or remove myself from the situation for a while, or tell myself, "You know, just because Grandma wants me to do X, doesn't mean I actually have to do it," or "Just because my dad thinks I should change Y, doesn't mean I actually have to." I've found that to be incredibly freeing, and for me it's one of the perks of becoming an independent adult. I wouldn't go back to being a child again, not for anything. FREEDOM!  ;D
~Lynn2000

Ms_Cellany

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #136 on: September 04, 2013, 07:34:05 PM »
I got my first tattoo in 1984, at age 23 (art deco design on right b**b). I didn't tell my folks for years. Then I got some moles removed for biopsy from my cleavage. My mom, the nurse, wanted to check how they were healing. When i showed her, she saw the tattoo.

She deadpan-yelled to my father in the next room: "David, your daughter has a tattoo!"

(long pause from Dad)

"I'm not surprised!"

The Sweetie loves this story. When I disclose to her that I've done Something Bad, or a cat has done Something Very Terrible, she usually responds, "I'm not surprised!"
Current fosters: Boojum (F, adult); Zuul (F); Magpie (M); Balrog (M); Nazgul (F)

ladyknight1

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #137 on: September 04, 2013, 07:51:47 PM »
I can't tell you the amount of times I have been told that I looked too slouchy (what does that mean anyway?) and that I need to tuck my shirt in. T-shirts, tunics, anything, must be tucked in! I may tuck in a shirt 3-4 times a year because of the styles I wear.

My moms favorite? Women have a duty to fix up every day, meaning that they get up early, bathe, shave their legs, apply lotion and powder, style their hair, apply full makeup, get dressed in a matching outfit or dress, with jewelry. Men do not have to do any of this.

I had to finally break it to mom that I may wear makeup once or twice a month and my hair is very low maintenance. I hardly ever match. She hasn't brought it up since.

nuit93

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #138 on: September 04, 2013, 08:25:02 PM »
I can't tell you the amount of times I have been told that I looked too slouchy (what does that mean anyway?) and that I need to tuck my shirt in. T-shirts, tunics, anything, must be tucked in! I may tuck in a shirt 3-4 times a year because of the styles I wear.

My moms favorite? Women have a duty to fix up every day, meaning that they get up early, bathe, shave their legs, apply lotion and powder, style their hair, apply full makeup, get dressed in a matching outfit or dress, with jewelry. Men do not have to do any of this.

I had to finally break it to mom that I may wear makeup once or twice a month and my hair is very low maintenance. I hardly ever match. She hasn't brought it up since.

Seeing as the last time I shaved my legs was February (of, um, 2012), I see I've failed in my duty as a woman :D

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #139 on: September 04, 2013, 08:35:51 PM »
Why do you send him stuff if he treats you like this?
It's a long, tangled story that's not worth typing up, and it would be very whiny.
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

gramma dishes

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #140 on: September 04, 2013, 08:56:39 PM »
...   But every now and again, something sticks and I want to say, "Well, no one is making you live here."

You must surely have the patience of a saint.  Exactly those precise words would actually probably fall out of my mouth.  I just don't think I have the physical strength to clap my hand over my mouth hard enough to keep them in.   :-\

ladyknight1

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #141 on: September 04, 2013, 09:19:17 PM »
Now to the MIL.

She constantly praises her great-nieces children and her best friends' child as much more intelligent and talented than DH, her own son, or DS her grandson. She, being all of 4'11" and 225 lbs, had the nerve to call her grandson fat to his face a few years ago, when his height was catching up to his build. She did not see him for six months after that. She also likes to criticize celebrities on television for being too fat, short, etc. This is a person who refuses to comprehend that I throw away clothes once they are torn, because she wears t-shirts that have more holes than fabric at home.

I am wasteful, because I don't use powdered detergent in the washing machine or bar soap.

whiterose

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #142 on: September 04, 2013, 09:27:15 PM »
Not just my parents, but various other relatives:

- My shoes. Never mind I have not been called out for them at work once. Not even once.
- My pet mice. OK, so that is just one relative.
- My power-walking. Both the stride and the arm swing. And my twisting my left foot due to my limp.
- My directness.
- My quirky hobbies.
- OK, my being eccentric overall.

Curiously, my boyfriend has no issue with any of these things!!!
I have pet mice!

Venus193

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #143 on: September 04, 2013, 09:50:13 PM »
This, of course, is evidence of my late mother's narcissism:  she expected me to read her mind and when I couldn't she ranted about it for months.

After her cancer surgery she couldn't do her own grocery shopping for a while, so I did it for her.  She had strong brand preferences, the only one of which I could remember was laundry detergent.  She was also not a native speaker of English and didn't spell certain things correctly so in order to avoid running into a Failure To Communicate I would go to her place early on the shopping day to discuss the list and rewrite it.

For example "cheeze nuddles" was Cheese Doodles, not the cheesy noodle side dish packet.

One day she asked for a pound of tomatoes.  She didn't say which ones or what she intended to use them for.  When I got to the store I bought some vine tomatoes because they looked the best.  They were not the ones on sale in the circular and were two and a half times the price.  She raked me over the coals about that for weeks and not just to my face, but to our relatives.

I asked the store whether they had a shopping and delivery service and they did.  It cost $4 per occasion and they would stick to a list.  My mother refused to do this, insisting they would never do it right.  She just wanted to abuse me over this.

RegionMom

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #144 on: September 04, 2013, 10:17:23 PM »
As a child, I was told I "look like a fat little Indian girl" if I wore my hair in pigtails.  (did not know how to braid till a babysitter taught me)

was told, in grade school, that I ruined so many outfits by tucking, or not tucking in, the shirt.

I could list SO many things, but this one seems to sum it up-

In college, I finally found I could do things ok, even pretty well, on my own, and I was learning to trust others and try new things.  (I had been very sheltered, and accused of all sorts of terrible things, I even got banned from TV for watching an MTV video!!)

Anyway, I was a founding member of a special group in college, one I had engraved on my senior ring, and have friends to this day from.  It was work getting a charter, being an officer, enforcing the rules, etc...but it was MINE, and I was proud of it!

Around junior year, I mentioned to mom via a rare phone call that I was having a minor frustration with something about the group. 

She sighed dramatically and said, "Why don't you just quit that silly group.  I have no idea why you are a part of it anyway, it doesn't, and won't mean anything.  It is too much trouble, just quit!"

This is the same mom that would not let my jr high friends have a goodbye party for me when we moved far away, because, "you have no real friends, they will forget you when you are gone."

so, it has been really hard for me to call someone a friend.  Thanks, mom!

Oh, the MOST ridiculous thing I was criticized for was  (caution-death of a child)


 not giving birth to my full term still born daughter on her schedule. 



See, we called her Sat evening, to tell her DD#2 was dead in the womb but still needed to be delivered, and I was staying at the hospital. 

she did hit the road to make her one and only ever trip out this way. 

DD was not born until Monday.  We had the funeral Thursday, for other friends and arrangements. 

Mom and stepdad changed from dress clothes into their travel clothes IN THE FUNERAL HOME's RESTROOM, instead of coming back home to share in the platters of food delivered by the church, knowing that people were coming over.

her words to me after burying my child?

"I had no idea the funeral would take so long to be arranged.  We have to get back home.  I am sure you understand."

Not really.
Fear is temporary...Regret is forever.

mbbored

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #145 on: September 04, 2013, 10:19:59 PM »
RegionMom, I am so so sorry.

More from my mother. She thinks anything that might show off my figure or skin below my collarbones is "slutty." In high school, when I was 5'1" and 95 lbs, she'd buy me men's size medium shirts and size 10 pants.

Even today when I visit her, if I'm wearing a v-neck top with a camisole underneath and straight legged jeans, she says I'm not dressed appropriately. However, my sisters-in-law wear spaghetti straps, deep v-necks, leggings as pants, etc, and my mother always says I should dress more like them.

StarFaerie

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #146 on: September 04, 2013, 10:24:02 PM »
My Mum is/was insanely jealous of me and my time. She has hated every friend and boyfriend I've had, my ex-husband (who was actually a reasonably nice guy, just wrong for me) and their parents. If I went out for an evening and she found out, she would put in some PA dig asking why she wasn't invited and it must be nice to go out and leave her all alone. I haven't lived with her for 20 years so I have no idea what she was talking about on the all alone thing, she lives alone partly by choice and partly because no-one will put up with her. If she found out I went over to the in-laws house, it was 10 times worse.

Then earlier this year she refused to allow my boyfriend of 3 years to come to my birthday lunch (everyone paying their own way at a cheap chinese BBQ place) because he had never given her a birthday present (we give joint presents and she has never given him anything either), invited her out to coffee or invited her to his birthday dinner organised by his parents and she was not invited to his family's celebrations like his sister's birthday party, so why should he be invited to our family celebrations. Note this was not her birthday lunch, it was mine! And she would never have considered inviting his family to our family stuff.

She also gave a big rant yelling about how my ex-husband had never done any of those things either and I date/marry ungrateful, horrible men.

That was the final straw and I cut her out of my life.

ETA: Of course I have many more issues with her, this was just the one I felt was most ridiculous and illogical.
« Last Edit: September 04, 2013, 10:26:47 PM by StarFaerie »

Venus193

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #147 on: September 05, 2013, 06:59:09 AM »
RegionMom, that is outrageous.  I am so sorry this happened to you and nobody deserves to have a parent say such horrible things.   Is she still in your life?


On the subject of hobbies and clothes:  When I was active in the SCA and making historical garb my mother could not be convinced that it wasn't a cult.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #148 on: September 05, 2013, 07:32:14 AM »
RegionMom, that's awful!  So sorry she treated you that way on top of the other pain you had to have been feeling!

In the topic of people getting blamed for things, I got blamed for my younger brother's school performance.  Mind you later we discovered both my brother and I have ADD and a lot of the troubles we had with school were related to that.   But until then it was "He's doing the same things you did! You set a bad example!!"   

The things I was doing? Forgetting homework assignments, or doing them and then losing them before they could be turned in, being disorganized, poor test performance, and of course, difficulty in paying attention.

On the subject of hobbies and such, and this doesn't really involve me, just my kids.  They would always go to my oldest son's activities.  Heck my dad even coached his basketball team.  But when my middle child wanted to play flag football and we signed him up, I had to practically beg them to come to the two games they did attend. (because child wanted them to cheer him on.)   And they are football fans, so it's not like they just weren't interested in the sport. 

They also criticized how chubby he was...at 2-3 years, compared to my oldest who is 18 months older and had already been slimming out as kids do.  Plus my boys have different builds.  My oldest is very slim, built like my brother and I are and taking after my paternal grandmother's family in being tall and lean. My middle child (and youngest, possibly) are built like my husband's family who are of good German and Scottish stock.  Heck, middle child is practically a clone of DH.  But there were always comments like "Boy look at that Buddha belly, he won't have to worry about starving to death!"  ::)

The child's physician wasn't worried about his weight and when he got older he was wearing slim fit pants just like the oldest. But I still had to convince him he's not fat.  It wasn't just them though, it was kids in his class too, where we used to live.  Moving away in addition to the cut direct was the best choice we made. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #149 on: September 05, 2013, 07:51:38 AM »
Well, as some of you know, my dad just pass Saturday and I wish he would give me some more of his 'advice' one more time, but growing up he drove me crazy!  He always prefaced it with that famous line (everyone sing with me) "I am only saying this for your own good" but some of his thoughts were, umm, interesting

*makeup and nail polish, other than a pale lipstick or clear nail polish made you look like a loose woman.  I grew up in the 80's and Cyndi Lauper & Boy George were my fashion role models, so there was some clashing.

*Only loose girls got their ears pierced or <gasp> tattoos (I have both)

*Girls never called boys because it made the girl look loose.

*If you rode in the back of a pick up truck, you would fall out and you would be decapitated.

And of course there was the numerous financial 'advice' (criticism of my spending habits) especially when I bought something that was expensive (I called and had him give me advice when I bought my fridge recently..oy, what was I thinking???)

I love my dad more than anything and now, as we remember him in his passing, we are using some of this as fodder for funny stories cause it was so out there.