Author Topic: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about  (Read 93096 times)

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aiki

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #375 on: September 22, 2013, 03:24:32 AM »

This!  There are reasons why my first date with my husband involved me in a corseted fairy costume, katanas, and pumpkins flying through the air.  (It helped that it was the day after Halloween.)

Live action Fruit Ninja (vegetable edition)?
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Tini

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #376 on: September 22, 2013, 06:00:43 AM »
. . .I don't like people who are all 'ooh, I'm so much smarter than you', either (who does), but how on earth can you have a relationship if you are supposed to permanently hide large chunks of your personality? I'm a mathematician, for deity's sake. So I ignored my mother and married someone who I could share my interests with and liked all those things about me.

Yeah, I always thought you were SUPPOSED to make sure the guys knew about all your smarts, quirks, etc. Because it saves time. If they don't like that, they won't ask you out, and you won't have to spend your precious hours on dates with guys who are just going to dump you once they get to know you.

On the first date, I *never* tried to make a good impression. I tried to make an *accurate* impression.

I always tried to be the most concentrated, intense form of me there is on the first date, because if he was going to be turned off or scared off, I wanted him out of the way early. I have better things to do than date guys for practice!

Precisely. I agree with you so much. After the amount of trouble I got into for being a clever-clogs in school and realizing that I'd actually started hiding my brains in situations where it was damaging for me (job interview!), I decided that the last place I wanted that dynamic in was my private life.
My first 'date' with my husband was him helping me with Assembler programming. From there, our conversation swerved to the contents of my bookshelves. Nearly twenty years later, we still haven't run out of things to talk about.

Tini

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #377 on: September 22, 2013, 06:03:17 AM »
. . .I don't like people who are all 'ooh, I'm so much smarter than you', either (who does), but how on earth can you have a relationship if you are supposed to permanently hide large chunks of your personality? I'm a mathematician, for deity's sake. So I ignored my mother and married someone who I could share my interests with and liked all those things about me.

Yeah, I always thought you were SUPPOSED to make sure the guys knew about all your smarts, quirks, etc. Because it saves time. If they don't like that, they won't ask you out, and you won't have to spend your precious hours on dates with guys who are just going to dump you once they get to know you.

On the first date, I *never* tried to make a good impression. I tried to make an *accurate* impression.

I always tried to be the most concentrated, intense form of me there is on the first date, because if he was going to be turned off or scared off, I wanted him out of the way early. I have better things to do than date guys for practice!

I'm so glad to see that there are plenty of people like me out there.  I have no use for slowly revealing my personality anymore.  When you go out with me I'm going to be ME, not who I think the guy wants me to be.  I can't hide my true personality for too long, so I might as well put it out there :)

This!  There are reasons why my first date with my husband involved me in a corseted fairy costume, katanas, and pumpkins flying through the air.  (It helped that it was the day after Halloween.)

That... sounds AWESOME!

BB-VA

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #378 on: September 22, 2013, 06:40:58 AM »

This!  There are reasons why my first date with my husband involved me in a corseted fairy costume, katanas, and pumpkins flying through the air.  (It helped that it was the day after Halloween.)

Live action Fruit Ninja (vegetable edition)?

You did get this on video, right? 
"The Universe puts us in places where we can learn. They are never easy places, but they are right. Wherever we are, it's the right place and the right time. Pain that sometimes comes is part of the process of constantly being born."
- Delenn to Sheridan: "Babylon 5 - Distant Star"

Dazi

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #379 on: September 22, 2013, 07:43:46 AM »
When I finally got up the nerve to tell my parents that I was adopting a child as a single person, they were, in general, supportive but surprised of course.  My Dad (who was concerned about the monetary aspect) said to me, "She is going to be an albatross around your neck."

That really hurt and I still remember the comment years later.  He adores my daughter but still...

My DH and I don't have any children as of yet.  My mother told me we should reconsider ever having children because "Having kids will ruin your life".  Well gee, thanks mom, it's really nice to know how you really feel about me.
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





andi

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #380 on: September 22, 2013, 08:39:23 AM »
. . .I don't like people who are all 'ooh, I'm so much smarter than you', either (who does), but how on earth can you have a relationship if you are supposed to permanently hide large chunks of your personality? I'm a mathematician, for deity's sake. So I ignored my mother and married someone who I could share my interests with and liked all those things about me.

Yeah, I always thought you were SUPPOSED to make sure the guys knew about all your smarts, quirks, etc. Because it saves time. If they don't like that, they won't ask you out, and you won't have to spend your precious hours on dates with guys who are just going to dump you once they get to know you.

On the first date, I *never* tried to make a good impression. I tried to make an *accurate* impression.

I always tried to be the most concentrated, intense form of me there is on the first date, because if he was going to be turned off or scared off, I wanted him out of the way early. I have better things to do than date guys for practice!

I'm so glad to see that there are plenty of people like me out there.  I have no use for slowly revealing my personality anymore.  When you go out with me I'm going to be ME, not who I think the guy wants me to be.  I can't hide my true personality for too long, so I might as well put it out there :)

Amen.  After a bad ending to a three year relationship I though was going swimmingly - I met my now hubby. Our first long phone call (after our first date) was three hours long. There was no way I was investing any more time than that with some one who didn't "get" me - or vice versa

RegionMom

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #381 on: September 22, 2013, 09:26:06 AM »
Oh, that three hours call reminded me of this one-

my senior year of HS was bad, I do not remember most of it.  I still got good grades, was working part time, no drugs or even a boyfriend, but I (now I assume) was depressed. 

I was not even thinking of college- I could barely do the next day.

An honors teacher asked me where I had applied to school. 
"Nowhere."

He physically walked me to the guidance office and looked over the display of college brochures and applications.  He said, "try here, maybe here, and...here.  Let me know when you are done."

I applied,writing my own check for the application fees, and that next day or so I told mom.

"Did you spend at least three hours with the course catalog?"
"no."
"Then you chose the wrong college."

That was the only conversation I had about college with my mom.

I WAS accepted, (tuition was paid via a family insurance policy) and now, over 20 years later, it was still the right choice for me.  That ONE teacher knew me better, and knew what I needed.  College was where I "found myself" and realized I did have friends, could be responsible, and be ok.

Thanks, Mr. L!!
Fear is temporary...Regret is forever.

Snooks

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #382 on: September 22, 2013, 12:52:33 PM »
Not so much a criticism but my mum just cannot grasp that I do not have any friends.  I don't know if she didn't notice that during the 25 years I lived at home I didn't go out and has blocked out the hours and hours of hysterical crying over my inability to fit into a group of friends but she seems convinced that I'm little miss social when actually I spend most evenings at home watching tv, surfing the net and playing Animal Crossing.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #383 on: September 22, 2013, 01:36:41 PM »
Not my parents, but my best friend (childhood bf that is) told me that the reason I didn't have a boyfriend was because I didn't bother hiding that I was smart and I should stop using big words and act dumb now and then.

I remember looking at her and feeling a mix of things.  I mean this girl used to get straight A's whereas I struggled in school (though I did love to read) so I had seen her as being smarter than I was and just couldn't get why she'd want to hide that. It also annoyed me as heck, I used to wish I was as smart as she was and she was wasting it by acting stupid to attract boys?

But I also thought that well if she was right and boys were only interested in girls dumber than themselves, boyfriends were overrated and it was sad that she felt she had to act dumb in order to get a boy, but I wasn't going to dumb myself down.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

jmarvellous

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #384 on: September 22, 2013, 02:54:54 PM »
"Don't walk like that" -- when I have (very, very slightly) crooked hips. My mother was pretty sure I was just walking slightly off kilter just to bother her.

"Don't eat like that" -- I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to "eat like," but my mom decided I had to eat next to her rather than across from her at all times so she wouldn't have to look at me

"Your legs are too skinny" "Your thighs are too fat" "Your belly's too fat" "Why are you so skinny?" "You're going to get flabby arms some day, too, so don't be too happy with them being skinny now." "Your breasts are too big." -- turns out she thought she was being funny (I was VERY SKINNY as a kid, but my body image was all kinds of messed up because I had no idea how to take her conflicting messages; later, she was slightly jealous that I "developed" in ways she never did.)

"Don't slump. Pull your shoulders back or you'll get scoliosis like your aunt." "Don't stick your chest out!" -- My dad was a little off on his biology, too

"Cut straighter. You're a terrible cutter." -- those lefty safety scissors don't make it any easier, folks, particularly when you're lacking in depth perception. Also, this is really unimportant, but it was a HUGE focus for my parents for some reason.

"Why are you so much like your father?" "Why are you so much like your father's sister?" "Why are you so much like (other family members on father's side)?" There's this thing called genes, and I really wouldn't have preferred to resemble my dad's family so, but that's just how these things happen sometimes.

Pretty much everything I did or didn't do with regard to building friendships was open season, as were things like my skincare routine, which I'm pretty sure will NEVER be good enough, even if I'm following the advice of a half-dozen doctors and dermatologists I've seen over the years (for whom the right answer is not always "more Clearasil!").

My mom just wanted us to be better at life than she'd been, and we've mostly cleared up our issues, but she sure had a LOT of things to complain about when it came to me as a child, and dozens more to add to the pile once I became a teenager.

Elfmama

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #385 on: September 22, 2013, 08:05:53 PM »
When I graduated from high school and wanted to study astronomy, I was told that "girls don't study science," and that I should be a teacher or a nurse.  While I admire both of those professions, I absolutely am not emotionally suited to either of them. 

My mother was always telling me, "Put that book down and go do something!"  She wasn't a reader, and apparently felt that reading wasn't doing anything.

But don't nurses have to study science?  :o Or are chemistry and biology on some sort of "acceptable sciences for girls" list.
Oh, no.  Nurses in parents' fantasy land only take temperatures and dispense pills and wrangle bedpans.
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BB-VA

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #386 on: September 22, 2013, 08:09:30 PM »
When I graduated from high school and wanted to study astronomy, I was told that "girls don't study science," and that I should be a teacher or a nurse.  While I admire both of those professions, I absolutely am not emotionally suited to either of them. 

My mother was always telling me, "Put that book down and go do something!"  She wasn't a reader, and apparently felt that reading wasn't doing anything.

But don't nurses have to study science?  :o Or are chemistry and biology on some sort of "acceptable sciences for girls" list.
Oh, no.  Nurses in parents' fantasy land only take temperatures and dispense pills and wrangle bedpans.

And marry rich doctors.
"The Universe puts us in places where we can learn. They are never easy places, but they are right. Wherever we are, it's the right place and the right time. Pain that sometimes comes is part of the process of constantly being born."
- Delenn to Sheridan: "Babylon 5 - Distant Star"

Elfmama

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #387 on: September 22, 2013, 09:25:39 PM »
I've heard the same thing; I don't flirt either.  I refuse to put myself in any situation that could make a fool out of me.

As to comparing a temporary tattoo to offering drugs, that is completely over the top.
What, you never heard the one about how chewing gum leads to bearing illegitimate children?
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Joeschmo

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #388 on: September 22, 2013, 10:02:12 PM »
I've heard the same thing; I don't flirt either.  I refuse to put myself in any situation that could make a fool out of me.

As to comparing a temporary tattoo to offering drugs, that is completely over the top.

Off topic but this might be worth reconsidering.  Some of my best times have been had while making a fool of myself.

Venus193

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #389 on: September 22, 2013, 10:36:00 PM »
My mother also criticized my generosity.  She always said that everyone will take advantage of me.  She was desperate to make me feel stupid.