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Author Topic: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about  (Read 264776 times)

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Asharah

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #390 on: September 23, 2013, 03:06:51 PM »
Ah ... I see by your most recent post that you are a teenager, so my suggestion that maybe you should move out isn't practical or realistic for you right now. 

Just remember that other people DO like you, regardless of how you eat your Reese's peanut butter cup!  That was, frankly, an odd (to the point of being bizarre) thing to say in response to a method of eating candy.  Now perhaps he meant that he didn't like you at that moment  -- because you didn't share with him!   ;D
Actually, her profile says she's 23
Asharah

Cami

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #391 on: September 23, 2013, 03:20:00 PM »
My late and unlamented MIL criticized me early on for, well, existing, but her first open criticism started after eavesdropping on a conversation between me and then BF. About.... going to the movies.

BG: My dh and I have never agreed on the movies. In fact, the first time he asked me out, I turned him down because he wanted to take me to a horror movie and I hate them. He asked me out again to a different activity and I said, yes. Rest is history...except 30+ years later we still don't agree on movies. So I go to "my" movies with other people and he goes to "his" movies with other people. Whatever, right? Except....

Back to the "incident".  Dh and I are discussing movies. He once again wants to go to a horror movie. I decline. We decide to go bowling instead. Dh leaves the room to do something and  my MIL pops out of the other room, grabs my arm in a death grip and hauls me into the pantry to "have a talking to." She proceeds to give me "helpful advice" which consists of:

1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.

Elfmama

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #392 on: September 23, 2013, 03:22:45 PM »
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kariachi

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #393 on: September 23, 2013, 03:26:52 PM »
Ah ... I see by your most recent post that you are a teenager, so my suggestion that maybe you should move out isn't practical or realistic for you right now. 

Just remember that other people DO like you, regardless of how you eat your Reese's peanut butter cup!  That was, frankly, an odd (to the point of being bizarre) thing to say in response to a method of eating candy.  Now perhaps he meant that he didn't like you at that moment  -- because you didn't share with him!   ;D
Actually, her profile says she's 23

23, just in that unenviable position of being unemployed in an area where you're over/underqualified for everything, have no references, and no money to move elsewhere where there are more applicable jobs.

Thankfully, I did just get a deal doing housekeeping for a neighbor once a week or so, so hey.
"Heh. Forgive our manners, little creature that we may well kill and eat you is no excuse for rudeness."

Chip2

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #394 on: September 23, 2013, 03:39:58 PM »
Since things have taken a bit of a turn to the grimmer side....

Way too many things my father said to me about my behavior, activities, and potential future. To the extent that
- I gave him the cut direct when I was 12. Yes, twelve.
- My parenting style has been 'What would my father do in this situation? So let's try the opposite approach.' (My brother tried calling me out on this once; my response was 'My kids still talk to me.'

Cami

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #395 on: September 23, 2013, 04:04:22 PM »
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...
Actually, no. That's the weird part. NO woman was good enough for her son. And yet, here she was encouraging me to deceive him to "win" him.  My MIL was a bundle of contradictions. Often within the same sentence.

gramma dishes

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #396 on: September 23, 2013, 04:59:31 PM »
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...
Actually, no. That's the weird part. NO woman was good enough for her son. And yet, here she was encouraging me to deceive him to "win" him.  My MIL was a bundle of contradictions. Often within the same sentence.

I can't help but wonder if she raised him to have those expectations?  That he should only consider a girl/woman who totally agreed with everything he said and would do anything he suggested, regardless of her own wants and needs?

In other words, she raised him to be so lacking in self confidence that he couldn't survive if someone dared not totally agree with him 100% of the time?  Did she even have a clue as to what that said about her as a mother?  Then telling you how to trick him.  The mind.  It boggles.   :-\

andi

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #397 on: September 23, 2013, 06:01:08 PM »
Since things have taken a bit of a turn to the grimmer side....

Way too many things my father said to me about my behavior, activities, and potential future. To the extent that
- I gave him the cut direct when I was 12. Yes, twelve.
- My parenting style has been 'What would my father do in this situation? So let's try the opposite approach.' (My brother tried calling me out on this once; my response was 'My kids still talk to me.'

A friend of mine had a very messed p childhood anther parenting style is the same as yours - what would my parents have done?  Do opposite. She's now raised one awesome young man

Betelnut

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #398 on: September 23, 2013, 06:09:00 PM »
When I finally got up the nerve to tell my parents that I was adopting a child as a single person, they were, in general, supportive but surprised of course.  My Dad (who was concerned about the monetary aspect) said to me, "She is going to be an albatross around your neck."

That really hurt and I still remember the comment years later.  He adores my daughter but still...

I think I'd have been so startled at that comment that I might have asked, "Is that how you felt about me, Dad?"   :(

I know, I know!  <sheesh Dad!>
Native Texan, Marylander currently

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #399 on: September 23, 2013, 07:25:26 PM »
Since things have taken a bit of a turn to the grimmer side....

Way too many things my father said to me about my behavior, activities, and potential future. To the extent that
- I gave him the cut direct when I was 12. Yes, twelve.
- My parenting style has been 'What would my father do in this situation? So let's try the opposite approach.' (My brother tried calling me out on this once; my response was 'My kids still talk to me.'

A friend of mine had a very messed p childhood anther parenting style is the same as yours - what would my parents have done?  Do opposite. She's now raised one awesome young man

That's kind of the same philosophy I use.  Though as an adult when I see my kids doing some of the same things I did (forgetting to turn homework in or forgetting assignments) I can definitely get the frustration, but the difference is, I do not yell, scream or insult their intelligence.  Though I do admit sometimes there's a heavy sigh and a roll of the eyes, but that seems to be enough at least with my eldest.   

I do have a bit of a temper but I also have learned to manage it.  I don't want my kids afraid of me, or afraid to tell me anything.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Venus193

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #400 on: September 23, 2013, 11:21:05 PM »
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...

Or must use GWTW as relationship advice.





atirial

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #401 on: September 24, 2013, 04:58:56 AM »
Working with charities/non-profits: apparently I'm "too young to be doing that sort of thing." I've had grey hair for ten years, now. I'm not that young.

Venus193

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #402 on: September 24, 2013, 05:15:56 AM »
I can just imagine how my mother would react to my upcoming volunteer gig for the Met.





PastryGoddess

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #403 on: September 24, 2013, 09:31:24 AM »
Working with charities/non-profits: apparently I'm "too young to be doing that sort of thing." I've had grey hair for ten years, now. I'm not that young.


When I started volunteering for the USO, I had a volunteer come right out and ask why I was there.  She thought I was too young to be volunteering. 

I'm pretty sure I gave her a "you crazy" look and bean dipped.  We're friends now and enjoy working together.

Cami

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #404 on: September 24, 2013, 10:05:24 AM »
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...
Actually, no. That's the weird part. NO woman was good enough for her son. And yet, here she was encouraging me to deceive him to "win" him.  My MIL was a bundle of contradictions. Often within the same sentence.

I can't help but wonder if she raised him to have those expectations?  That he should only consider a girl/woman who totally agreed with everything he said and would do anything he suggested, regardless of her own wants and needs?

In other words, she raised him to be so lacking in self confidence that he couldn't survive if someone dared not totally agree with him 100% of the time?  Did she even have a clue as to what that said about her as a mother?  Then telling you how to trick him.  The mind.  It boggles.   :-\
Nope, he didn't have those expectations at all. Or I wouldn't have married him! He was also AGOG when I told him what she'd said. In fact, over the years, he has said that watching a woman do what his mother suggested I do "makes his skin crawl."  In point of fact, we were friends long before we started going out, so as he pointed out, he knew exactly what he was getting with me.

He also got some insight into the dysfunction of his parents' marriage as he realized his mother had pulled a bait and switch on his father. Interestingly enough, when my MIL died and FIL remarried, he married a woman who constantly disagrees with him -- my guess is that he feels more comfortable knowing her real opinion on things, even if they end up fighting about it.