Author Topic: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about  (Read 86464 times)

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Chip2

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #405 on: September 23, 2013, 04:39:58 PM »
Since things have taken a bit of a turn to the grimmer side....

Way too many things my father said to me about my behavior, activities, and potential future. To the extent that
- I gave him the cut direct when I was 12. Yes, twelve.
- My parenting style has been 'What would my father do in this situation? So let's try the opposite approach.' (My brother tried calling me out on this once; my response was 'My kids still talk to me.'

Cami

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #406 on: September 23, 2013, 05:04:22 PM »
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...
Actually, no. That's the weird part. NO woman was good enough for her son. And yet, here she was encouraging me to deceive him to "win" him.  My MIL was a bundle of contradictions. Often within the same sentence.

gramma dishes

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #407 on: September 23, 2013, 05:59:31 PM »
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...
Actually, no. That's the weird part. NO woman was good enough for her son. And yet, here she was encouraging me to deceive him to "win" him.  My MIL was a bundle of contradictions. Often within the same sentence.

I can't help but wonder if she raised him to have those expectations?  That he should only consider a girl/woman who totally agreed with everything he said and would do anything he suggested, regardless of her own wants and needs?

In other words, she raised him to be so lacking in self confidence that he couldn't survive if someone dared not totally agree with him 100% of the time?  Did she even have a clue as to what that said about her as a mother?  Then telling you how to trick him.  The mind.  It boggles.   :-\

andi

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #408 on: September 23, 2013, 07:01:08 PM »
Since things have taken a bit of a turn to the grimmer side....

Way too many things my father said to me about my behavior, activities, and potential future. To the extent that
- I gave him the cut direct when I was 12. Yes, twelve.
- My parenting style has been 'What would my father do in this situation? So let's try the opposite approach.' (My brother tried calling me out on this once; my response was 'My kids still talk to me.'

A friend of mine had a very messed p childhood anther parenting style is the same as yours - what would my parents have done?  Do opposite. She's now raised one awesome young man

Betelnut

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #409 on: September 23, 2013, 07:09:00 PM »
When I finally got up the nerve to tell my parents that I was adopting a child as a single person, they were, in general, supportive but surprised of course.  My Dad (who was concerned about the monetary aspect) said to me, "She is going to be an albatross around your neck."

That really hurt and I still remember the comment years later.  He adores my daughter but still...

I think I'd have been so startled at that comment that I might have asked, "Is that how you felt about me, Dad?"   :(

I know, I know!  <sheesh Dad!>
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #410 on: September 23, 2013, 08:25:26 PM »
Since things have taken a bit of a turn to the grimmer side....

Way too many things my father said to me about my behavior, activities, and potential future. To the extent that
- I gave him the cut direct when I was 12. Yes, twelve.
- My parenting style has been 'What would my father do in this situation? So let's try the opposite approach.' (My brother tried calling me out on this once; my response was 'My kids still talk to me.'

A friend of mine had a very messed p childhood anther parenting style is the same as yours - what would my parents have done?  Do opposite. She's now raised one awesome young man

That's kind of the same philosophy I use.  Though as an adult when I see my kids doing some of the same things I did (forgetting to turn homework in or forgetting assignments) I can definitely get the frustration, but the difference is, I do not yell, scream or insult their intelligence.  Though I do admit sometimes there's a heavy sigh and a roll of the eyes, but that seems to be enough at least with my eldest.   

I do have a bit of a temper but I also have learned to manage it.  I don't want my kids afraid of me, or afraid to tell me anything.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Venus193

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #411 on: September 24, 2013, 12:21:05 AM »
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...

Or must use GWTW as relationship advice.

atirial

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #412 on: September 24, 2013, 05:58:56 AM »
Working with charities/non-profits: apparently I'm "too young to be doing that sort of thing." I've had grey hair for ten years, now. I'm not that young.

Venus193

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #413 on: September 24, 2013, 06:15:56 AM »
I can just imagine how my mother would react to my upcoming volunteer gig for the Met.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #414 on: September 24, 2013, 10:31:24 AM »
Working with charities/non-profits: apparently I'm "too young to be doing that sort of thing." I've had grey hair for ten years, now. I'm not that young.


When I started volunteering for the USO, I had a volunteer come right out and ask why I was there.  She thought I was too young to be volunteering. 

I'm pretty sure I gave her a "you crazy" look and bean dipped.  We're friends now and enjoy working together.

Cami

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #415 on: September 24, 2013, 11:05:24 AM »
1. Women do NOT disagree with their SOs until after they have been married. Because:
2. Women need to make men think they agree with them 100% so that the men will find them more attractive. Because:
3. "Everyone" knows that "no man" finds a woman attractive unless the woman agrees with them 100%.
4. A woman can start to disagree with a man after marriage, because then "it's too late".
5. I was not being a smart woman by disagreeing with my boyfriend before I had a ring on my finger.

I was AGOG. I also declined her advice.
Sounds like your MIL was exceedingly eager to unload her son on any woman who would take him...
Actually, no. That's the weird part. NO woman was good enough for her son. And yet, here she was encouraging me to deceive him to "win" him.  My MIL was a bundle of contradictions. Often within the same sentence.

I can't help but wonder if she raised him to have those expectations?  That he should only consider a girl/woman who totally agreed with everything he said and would do anything he suggested, regardless of her own wants and needs?

In other words, she raised him to be so lacking in self confidence that he couldn't survive if someone dared not totally agree with him 100% of the time?  Did she even have a clue as to what that said about her as a mother?  Then telling you how to trick him.  The mind.  It boggles.   :-\
Nope, he didn't have those expectations at all. Or I wouldn't have married him! He was also AGOG when I told him what she'd said. In fact, over the years, he has said that watching a woman do what his mother suggested I do "makes his skin crawl."  In point of fact, we were friends long before we started going out, so as he pointed out, he knew exactly what he was getting with me.

He also got some insight into the dysfunction of his parents' marriage as he realized his mother had pulled a bait and switch on his father. Interestingly enough, when my MIL died and FIL remarried, he married a woman who constantly disagrees with him -- my guess is that he feels more comfortable knowing her real opinion on things, even if they end up fighting about it.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #416 on: September 24, 2013, 11:09:50 AM »
A friend of mine's brother married a girl who was interested in all the same things he was - a lot of outdoor activities.  Then they got married.  Turns out, she didn't like any of those activities and was just doing them to please the brother.  She stopped doing all those things as soon as they were married and so has he, because she won't do them with him.  It's sad, really.

(She's a real piece of work in a whole lot of other ways, too, so I feel really badly for my friend's brother.)
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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Shalamar

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #417 on: September 24, 2013, 11:11:12 AM »
My almost 19-year-old daughter went to a nightclub for the first time on Saturday night with some friends.  I told my mother, and I got a distinct whiff of disapproval/disappointment, followed by a wistful "Wasn't it yesterday when she was small?  ... guess not."

It reminded me of when I went to a party to celebrate the fact that my friends and I had graduated from university.  Our average age was around 22.    The party was held at someone's house, and the guy's dad served as bartender.  When I got home, I told my mother "They served us the GOOD booze!".  (As in:  Smirnoff vodka instead of Uncle Popskull's Rotgut.)  Mum looked very sour and said "I don't approve of serving children alcohol."  (Emphasis mine.)

I'd like to add that I live in Canada, where the legal drinking age is 18.

Outdoor Girl, your story reminds me of when my husband and I first started dating.  He asked me if I liked camping.  I thought "So help me, I'm going to tell him the truth", and I said honestly "No, I hate it."  He said "Oh" in a somewhat crestfallen way, and I felt bad, but I wasn't going to lie to him.  (Hey, he married me anyway, so I guess it wasn't a dealbreaker.)
« Last Edit: September 24, 2013, 11:13:34 AM by Shalamar »

ladyknight1

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #418 on: September 24, 2013, 07:58:39 PM »
Working with charities/non-profits: apparently I'm "too young to be doing that sort of thing." I've had grey hair for ten years, now. I'm not that young.

Or, as my mom says, "Volunteering is for old people". DH and I volunteer over a thousand hours a year each. We also work full time. Why wait?  ;D

PastryGoddess

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #419 on: September 24, 2013, 09:15:27 PM »
Working with charities/non-profits: apparently I'm "too young to be doing that sort of thing." I've had grey hair for ten years, now. I'm not that young.

Or, as my mom says, "Volunteering is for old people". DH and I volunteer over a thousand hours a year each. We also work full time. Why wait?  ;D

I'm right there with you.  I find volunteering to be fun and enriching.  Why should I have to wait?