Author Topic: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about  (Read 74153 times)

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #495 on: September 29, 2013, 08:34:37 PM »
Hugs to all of you who had to deal with so much parental criticism. The stories are making me sad.

But wondering if I'm the only parent reading these fearing I'll recognize myself in these stories.

I admit it makes me wonder just what my kids might someday say about me. I know I'm not perfect either, but I take some comfort in the fact that they all still want hugs and kisses from me and come to me with their problems.

Yeah, I worry a little too.

I've been trying to think of criticisms from my folks, and other than my dad crabbing about not emptying a suitcase when I came home from a trip, I can't really think of any.

I can vaguely remember having been criticized FAIRLY.

So I'm hoping that I'll have been shaped by my parents, and my kids won't really think that I criticize them much.

My struggle at times is in dealing with my middle child who is an extrovert.  I like peace and quiet and solitude at times, but as long as he's awake he wants to be around people and have some kind of noise be it his mouth, a toy or the television.  It's challenging at times trying to balance teaching him quiet and solitude can be a good thing and being respectful of his extroverted nature.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

lady_disdain

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #496 on: September 29, 2013, 08:49:49 PM »
I understand the dress thing for practicality, but ringlets after 1830?  [shakes head]

My grandfather came from a very wealthy and fashionable NYC family, so clearly they were still in style in the 1910s.

And wasn't Little Lord Flaunteroy described as having golden curls? That is late 19th century.

weeblewobble

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #497 on: September 29, 2013, 09:19:34 PM »
My mum accused me of lying about how bad my 'morning' sickness was when I was pregnant, until the day that I threw up on her shoes.



An inlaw we no longer speak to, who had never been pregnant, very smugly told me that morning sickness was psychosomatic and that we threw up because we were hormonal and over dramatic.  At the time, I was in the midst of all-day, no-warning, hair-trigger sickness and I had just walked out of the bathroom after getting wickedly ill.  Even my MIL, who is all about keeping the peace and family harmony, told this inlaw to shut her mouth and get out of my way before I psychosomatically let loose on her shoes. :)

Asharah

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #498 on: September 29, 2013, 09:22:03 PM »
My mother was adamant that I not register to vote (never mind just about everyone else in my family is...) and got mad at me when I did anyway while I was away at college. It was during a presidential election, so I needed an absentee ballot since I was in another state at the time. I never got it, so I couldn't even actually vote that year (and then she proceeded to rub it in my face when her candidate won - we don't see eye to eye politics wise ::) ). When I asked why, she said she didn't want me being called for jury duty. When I asked what was so bad about jury duty, she had no answer. ::) She at least seems to have gotten over that, though.

She's also criticized what field I wanted to go into and keep bringing up other fields she thought I should go into (and would get really pushy about it). Even when I did look into one of her suggestions (occupational therapy), she turned around and started saying it was a bad idea for me to go into it because I'd have to touch people a lot (yet she also suggested physical therapy and massage therapy as possible careers...oooookay...). When I pointed out she had suggested it and even had me talk to one of her patients who was in that field, she claimed "oh, it was just a suggestion, just exploring options". Whatever field I pick always seems to be wrong. For psychology: "but you'll be dealing with really crazy people and you'll get killed!" (ugh...) For speech therapy (wherein she even once offered to buy me a car if I would go into that instead of psych): "but you barely know how to talk yourself!"/"you sound like an FOB!". I give up...
Is there a chance you didn't get your absentee ballot because you Mom stole it to vote for her choice. I had a friend at school that that happened to. She had the same fight about her field, and ended up cutting her mom off as soon as she graduated. She was afraid I would think she was a terrible person because I have this huge extended family and was always doing things with them. I told her no we'll just adopt you into our family. (A good portion of my extended family are people that have dysfunctional families of their own - so they get invited to our stuff instead).

I actually hadn't thought of that (would that work if that was the case? o.o), though I'd requested the ballot be sent to my address at school, not home. Though both the state I went to school in and my home state are considered the opposite color of her candidate, so I don't even know that would've made a difference either way (plus the rest of my family votes the opposite of me anyway, so there'd be more than enough votes to "cancel" mine out even if I could vote then).

Oh, another story: one Christmas Eve I had on white pants. Mom insisted I change because it "wouldn't look good" that I was wearing white pants since my brother was wearing khakis (huh?). She refused to leave me alone about it until I grudgingly changed to blue jeans just to get her off my back and so we could leave for the party we were going to. Multiple people (including my other brother) were wearing blue jeans - I don't get why that was so different or what was so unacceptable about one person wearing white pants and the other khakis.  Though this is kind of part of a pattern where she'll heed my brothers's preferences but not mine. Brothers don't want to go somewhere? OK. I don't want to go? Too bad, going anyway. Brothers want a certain pizza topping? Sure, we'll get it. I want a different pizza topping? Nope, we're getting what your brothers want (even when said brothers said they were fine with what I picked). Brothers don't want an offered dish? Fine. I don't want a dish? Too bad, on my plate it goes (and they laughed if I pointed out I'd said no, I did not want it). And then she wonders why I have trouble saying no or what I want...

She also had something against me wearing dark colored (especially black) tops (but dark bottoms were OK by her), to the point where even when I had a black shirt picked out (which she had seen and bought) for my senior pictures she still sent me a bright pink top to wear instead.
I wonder what she would do if you scraped the offending item off your plate onto the tablecloth with a blunt, "I told you I didn't want that."
Asharah

TootsNYC

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #499 on: September 29, 2013, 10:38:37 PM »

My struggle at times is in dealing with my middle child who is an extrovert.  I like peace and quiet and solitude at times, but as long as he's awake he wants to be around people and have some kind of noise be it his mouth, a toy or the television.  It's challenging at times trying to balance teaching him quiet and solitude can be a good thing and being respectful of his extroverted nature.

Someone recently told me a definition of an extrovert that was finally HELPFUL to me (an extrovert).
   Her definition was that extroverts have to talk to think. We think outloud.
    And introverts don't; they think, then they talk; talking derails their thinking process.

I found this was like a lightbulb going off! So now I try to find ways to think by writing instead.

Sahaira

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #500 on: September 29, 2013, 11:34:40 PM »
My mom gives me crap for enjoying thrift stores and discount retailers. Which is weird because we were quite poor when I was young and Target was as fancy as we got for school clothes. I like TJ Maxx, mom says all they sell is trash. I get it, mom, you have an empty nest and you and dad are more financially comfortable. We are not, we are struggling financially and can't afford to splurge on high-end electronics and expensive clothes.

I made the mistake of telling her that a pair of yoga pants I bought had shrunk and I couldn't wear them anymore. She asked where I got them, I said Tj Maxx...

I can NOT possibly convey the level of smugness she displayed in her reply. Imagine the most smug, self-satisfied smile accompanied by an "mmm-HMM."

I seethe with rage when I think about it. Thankfully my mom is usually really cool, if a little out of touch with our reality of being just out of college and struggling with finances.

I guess I just have a low tolerance for smuggity.
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Mel the Redcap

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #501 on: September 29, 2013, 11:45:34 PM »
My mom gives me crap for enjoying thrift stores and discount retailers. Which is weird because we were quite poor when I was young and Target was as fancy as we got for school clothes.

Maybe it's because she HAD to shop there and had no choice (being poor), so now that she doesn't have to she's emotionally completely against it?
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Captain Hastings

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #502 on: September 29, 2013, 11:53:03 PM »
Growing up I had stupidly-long hair. It was thick and heavy and limp and I never learned how to do anything with it except put it into a pony tail, and it gave me headaches all the time (and oh gosh was I tender-headed!) According to a friend it sometimes made me look 12 and sometimes made me look 30 (not something a teenage girl wanted to hear.)

My dad wouldn't let me cut it.

When I was 17 I was at the mall with friends and decided to get it chopped off. It was a bit longer than shoulder length, nothing radical, a bit curled up at the ends, very similar to my own mother's hairstyle--my friends said it looked amazing, my mom praised it, I felt like I was walking on air. This was 10+ years ago, but I still remember exactly how I felt as I walked into my father's office, this great big goofy grin my face, absolutely positive he was going to take one look and be flabbergasted and do nothing but gush about pretty and normal his daughter looked.

Instead he scowled at me, yelled at me to get out and didn't speak to me for a week.

 :-\

A while after that I tried out various hairstyles including some fairly short, stylish cuts. Dear ol' Dad told me there was a verse in the bible specifically saying angels didn't protect women with short hair.

 >:(

Nowadays I don't care what he thinks of my head, of course; although when I was shaving my head last year I made sure to be freshly shorn before visiting his house.

nuit93

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #503 on: September 30, 2013, 12:37:51 AM »
My mom gives me crap for enjoying thrift stores and discount retailers. Which is weird because we were quite poor when I was young and Target was as fancy as we got for school clothes. I like TJ Maxx, mom says all they sell is trash. I get it, mom, you have an empty nest and you and dad are more financially comfortable. We are not, we are struggling financially and can't afford to splurge on high-end electronics and expensive clothes.

I made the mistake of telling her that a pair of yoga pants I bought had shrunk and I couldn't wear them anymore. She asked where I got them, I said Tj Maxx...

I can NOT possibly convey the level of smugness she displayed in her reply. Imagine the most smug, self-satisfied smile accompanied by an "mmm-HMM."

I seethe with rage when I think about it. Thankfully my mom is usually really cool, if a little out of touch with our reality of being just out of college and struggling with finances.

I guess I just have a low tolerance for smuggity.

My mom is kind of like that too. 

We weren't well off when I was growing up, and even though we lived in a more high-end city and many of my classmates had designer clothes, I had resigned myself to the fact that Target was as nice as it was gonna get.

Fast forward 20 years, she's remarried to someone well off, my sister has married someone well off, and my boyfriend and I were doing well until he had to be hospitalized twice in as many years.  Now she doesn't understand why we're not in the market to buy a house yet and we must be doing something wasteful to not have the money.  Yeah...we wasted our savings on medical bills.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #504 on: September 30, 2013, 07:08:46 AM »

My struggle at times is in dealing with my middle child who is an extrovert.  I like peace and quiet and solitude at times, but as long as he's awake he wants to be around people and have some kind of noise be it his mouth, a toy or the television.  It's challenging at times trying to balance teaching him quiet and solitude can be a good thing and being respectful of his extroverted nature.

Someone recently told me a definition of an extrovert that was finally HELPFUL to me (an extrovert).
   Her definition was that extroverts have to talk to think. We think outloud.
    And introverts don't; they think, then they talk; talking derails their thinking process.

I found this was like a lightbulb going off! So now I try to find ways to think by writing instead.

That is very helpful, and definitely makes sense.  There are times when my son isn't even audibly speaking but his lips are moving as he's thinking to himself.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Asharah

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #505 on: September 30, 2013, 10:02:42 AM »
Growing up I had stupidly-long hair. It was thick and heavy and limp and I never learned how to do anything with it except put it into a pony tail, and it gave me headaches all the time (and oh gosh was I tender-headed!) According to a friend it sometimes made me look 12 and sometimes made me look 30 (not something a teenage girl wanted to hear.)

My dad wouldn't let me cut it.

When I was 17 I was at the mall with friends and decided to get it chopped off. It was a bit longer than shoulder length, nothing radical, a bit curled up at the ends, very similar to my own mother's hairstyle--my friends said it looked amazing, my mom praised it, I felt like I was walking on air. This was 10+ years ago, but I still remember exactly how I felt as I walked into my father's office, this great big goofy grin my face, absolutely positive he was going to take one look and be flabbergasted and do nothing but gush about pretty and normal his daughter looked.

Instead he scowled at me, yelled at me to get out and didn't speak to me for a week.

 :-\

A while after that I tried out various hairstyles including some fairly short, stylish cuts. Dear ol' Dad told me there was a verse in the bible specifically saying angels didn't protect women with short hair.
 >:(

Nowadays I don't care what he thinks of my head, of course; although when I was shaving my head last year I made sure to be freshly shorn before visiting his house.
Haven't heard that one, but I think there might be something about women with long hair should cover it when going out to prevent enticing lustfull angels into sexual liasons that can result in monsterous offspring. That might actually be part of or a reference to The Book Of Enoch, which didn't make accepted scriptural cannon but was widely read during actual Biblical and early Christian Era.
Asharah

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #506 on: September 30, 2013, 10:18:04 AM »
I would have been tempted to remind him that the bible also spoke against wearing clothes made from two different kinds of fabrics and start checking the labels of his shirts.  >:D

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Venus193

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #507 on: September 30, 2013, 10:53:19 AM »
Sometime before Blanche and her wasband moved out of the city I took her place in a haunted house thing.  He was upset because she had recently cut her hair from mid-back to shoulder length.  When we were driving to the location somehow the subject of long hair came up and I asked him why men prefer long hair on women.  When he replied that it was so men could keep women in line he grabbed my hair.

I was too shocked to react at the time.  It was also not possible to exit the car.  He was such a Jeckyll and Hyde.

MommyPenguin

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #508 on: September 30, 2013, 11:12:48 AM »
Or just remind him that (assuming he's a Christian), we're no longer living under the Old Law.  Hence why we can mix fabrics, eat shellfish, etc.  We now live under the New Law, which says it's not what goes into a man's mouth, but what comes out of his mouth, that makes him unclean.  Plus, yeah, there's a reason some things are considered apocryphal, because they are generally considered to be false gospel, like what Paul complains about in Galatians.

Shalamar

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #509 on: September 30, 2013, 11:16:00 AM »
On the topic of cutting long hair:  about 20 years ago I cut my hair into a bob that was just above my shoulders.  I thought it looked cute, and so did my husband (that's what he said, anyway).  You wouldn't believe the number of people who asked me "But what does (Husband) think of it?  What did he say?  Was he mad?"  Bewildered, I said "Why on earth should he be mad?  It's MY hair." 

Back to parents being critical - my MIL loves criticizing my daughters.  When my girls were young, MIL told off one or the other or both of them for:

- sucking her thumb (my younger one did this 'til she was 3)
- not walking as early as her cousin (older daughter didn't walk until she was 18 months)
- not being pottytrained as early as her cousin
- reading "inappropriate" books like Goosebumps
- not having a boyfriend (this was when my older daughter was 16)

And MIL wonders why my daughters don't like spending time with her ... ::)