Author Topic: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about  (Read 87578 times)

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Twik

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #675 on: October 09, 2013, 12:17:48 PM »
This is somewhat timely, because a co-worker friend of mine recently had this conversation with her 15-year-old daughter:

Daughter:  Today we learned about Haiti in school.  Boy, there's a lot of poverty there - I can relate.
Co-worker:  What do you mean, you can relate?
Daughter:  Well, WE'RE poor.
Co-worker:  What?  No, we're not! 

She has no idea why her daughter thinks they're "poor", and even if they were, comparing their situation with people in Haiti is incredible. 

(For the record, my friend works in I.T. and earns a very good salary.  Her husband is well-paid, too.)

She's thinking it's time for a frank talk about finances.

It may also be a time to talk about perspective. One may not be a Kardassian, it doesn't mean you have it no better than someone living hand to mouth in a shanty.
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ladyknight1

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #676 on: October 09, 2013, 01:19:56 PM »
My biggest issue was that we, as children, were never given a straight answer on any topic that concerned money. I will take a "No" any day over a "We'll see". "We'll see" always turned into "we are going to ignore that request and if you ever bring it up, you will be in trouble". Very confusing for a child.  :(

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #677 on: October 09, 2013, 03:09:50 PM »
I think I owe my parents a huge thank you.  Apart from minor swipes -- the kind you get from anyone you live with, the stories here are totally alien to me.
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weeblewobble

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #678 on: October 09, 2013, 03:38:49 PM »
I agree that it's good for kids to get a REALISTIC view of the family finances.  My mom made a few comments about how our money situation was going to change once my dad took a job in a different state.  (Meaning I wouldn't get several paperbacks from the bookstore whenever I asked for them and that we wouldn't be eating out on a whim anymore. Special occasions only for both.) But between that and some PSA's going on at the time about how any family could become homeless, I assumed we were teetering on the edge of losing our house/bankruptcy for years.  It caused me a lot of undue stress, since we were really doing OK.

So I talk to my kids about what it means to be poor (i.e. not having a house or food or medical care) and what our basic financial picture looks like. I think it's good for them.

Yvaine

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #679 on: October 09, 2013, 03:59:26 PM »
My biggest issue was that we, as children, were never given a straight answer on any topic that concerned money. I will take a "No" any day over a "We'll see". "We'll see" always turned into "we are going to ignore that request and if you ever bring it up, you will be in trouble". Very confusing for a child.  :(

"We'll see" was a no with us too. "Heck no," however, was always a joke and meant "yes." :D

Gail

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #680 on: October 09, 2013, 04:26:30 PM »
Quote
My biggest issue was that we, as children, were never given a straight answer on any topic that concerned money. I will take a "No" any day over a "We'll see". "We'll see" always turned into "we are going to ignore that request and if you ever bring it up, you will be in trouble". Very confusing for a child.  :(

A "We'll see" is much better than saying "we can't afford that" and then, when the occasion has expired (concert passed, offer expired) saying "why didn't you say something? we'd had bought it for you".
The last time I said what I was really thinking there was an "intervention".

ladyknight1

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #681 on: October 09, 2013, 04:27:43 PM »
"We'll see" is a carrot when the person saying it has no intention of ever following up on the subject again. YMMV

Shalamar

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #682 on: October 09, 2013, 05:00:35 PM »
One thing I've always tried to do with my own kids is to give them a straight answer if there's no way in heck I'm ever going to say yes to a request.  Examples:

Daughter:  Mum, can we get a dog?
Me:  Nope. 
Daughter:  Why not?
Me:  Because I don't like dogs, they're too much work (in my opinion), and we have three cats.  So, no, we're never getting a dog.  Ever.

They still bring it up every so often, evidently hoping I'll have changed my mind, but at least they can't say "But you said 'We'll see'/'Maybe', that means yes!".

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #683 on: October 09, 2013, 08:08:29 PM »
I'm not a parent, but I think kids need to hear "we can't afford that" when it's true.  Imagine growing up not knowing that money is a factor in decision making. 
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MommyPenguin

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #684 on: October 09, 2013, 08:14:08 PM »
I say "we'll see" for something that I may be willing to do/let them do, but I'm not willing to commit to until the time comes.  For example, if the kids ask if they can watch a movie after we're done with schoolwork.  I'm not going to say "yes," because it's hard to say exactly how long schoolwork will take and whether we'll have time before soccer practice, or whatever.  I don't want to say "no," though, because maybe we *will* have time.  So I'll usually say, "we'll see," and sometimes explain what it's contingent on, "it depends on whether there's time before soccer practice, and whether your room is clean," or what not.  For me, "we'll see" means "I am not going to say yes if it turns out that it's difficult/impossible to give you what you're asking for, but I simply don't know at this point whether it will be possible or not."  So I think there can be legit uses for it, although I'll agree that if it *always* means "no, but I don't want to give you a straight answer," then it's definitely a problem.

CakeEater

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #685 on: October 10, 2013, 06:07:00 AM »
It's both healthy and wise to share financial information with your children.  They don't need to know where every penny comes from and goes but, by about the age of ten, they should know the general family situation. 

Most schools don't teach children how to handle bank accounts and credit cards.  They don't so the family has to do it.

I'd go with, bank accounts and credit cards are squarely a family responsibility, which is why schools don't teach children how to handle them.

BUt other than that, yes, kids should know the general family situation.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #686 on: October 10, 2013, 03:57:08 PM »
Reminds me of something Bill Huxtable said.  Vanessa (I think) said something about being rich.  He said "Your mother and I are rich. You have nothing."

Snip

My parents pretty much told me the same. By HS, I had good knowledge of my parent's financial position, I thought. I knew what they spent on a mortgage, car payments, utilities and groceries, and their monthly limit for discretionary spending. They had 3 checking accounts, moms, dads, and the "farm" account. The farm was Dad's hobby. I had check writing priviledges on mom's and dad's because I did so many of the errands and we were all scrupulous about keeping the checkbooks updated and balanced. One day I grabbed the wrong checkbook and was SHOCKED by the balance shown for that farm account. They switched their pleas of poverty over to "well yes we COULD afford it but we CHOOSE not to" after that day.

Bethalize

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #687 on: October 12, 2013, 06:42:15 AM »
They switched their pleas of poverty over to "well yes we COULD afford it but we CHOOSE not to" after that day.

That to me is more honest and more helpful in the long run. I hate it when people say "I can't afford it" when actually they mean "I don't want to spend my money on that." I can't "afford" 500 for a girl's night out but I can "afford" 500 for new glasses/car repairs/whatever I chose. Helping people understand there are consequences to choices is much more helpful than instilling the idea that X is okay to spend money on and Y is not.

kherbert05

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #688 on: October 12, 2013, 07:33:32 AM »
I always knew mine and my mom's budget. I mean, not at like 5, but once I was around 11 I did. Heck when I was a teenager I handled all our grocery shopping and was often put in charge of paying bills. Not because my mom couldn't, but she worked full time and went to school and often picked up an extra job or extra shifts so we could make it, so she didn't have time to grocery shop or sit down and pay the bills. I also handled our laundry, made us dinners, and after seeing what she spent eating in her work cafeteria every day, started making her lunches. But our family dynamic was different then the average families, it was just the two of us, she had to rely on me to handle some adult things or she would've gone batty. And I liked it, I felt very grown up with my coupons and grocery list (as an adult I feel less grown up with my grocery list and can never remember the dang coupons). And I'll say this, I was much more prepared for adulthood then my friends were. I had to sit most of them down and go "Ok, so this is a budget"....and credit cards are not part of your budget.

However I think "No, we can't afford that", is a pretty basic standard thing most parents say to kids. "Mom, I want a iPad!", "No", "But why not?", "Because we can't afford an iPad", "But I want one!", "We still can't afford it", seems like a reasonable answer to me.
I would go further. My Cousin C's son wanted an Ipad desperately his 2nd grade year. They helped him compare prices and specs and gave him a flat amount they would contribute. They also let the rest of the family know he was saving up for one, when we asked about birthday and Christmas. He saved his allowance money, school snack money, did extra chores, worked for neighbors, and between July and December saved enough money for his Ipad. You better believe that thing gets treated with great care.
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Venus193

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #689 on: October 12, 2013, 09:30:21 AM »
It just occurred to me that my mother would likely criticize me for attending the opera.  She never found it interesting and would have convinced herself that I go only because it has snob appeal.

Not even Frasier Crane's dad would have said that.