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Author Topic: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about  (Read 264399 times)

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Yvaine

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #660 on: October 09, 2013, 02:59:26 PM »
My biggest issue was that we, as children, were never given a straight answer on any topic that concerned money. I will take a "No" any day over a "We'll see". "We'll see" always turned into "we are going to ignore that request and if you ever bring it up, you will be in trouble". Very confusing for a child.  :(

"We'll see" was a no with us too. "Heck no," however, was always a joke and meant "yes." :D

Gail

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #661 on: October 09, 2013, 03:26:30 PM »
Quote
My biggest issue was that we, as children, were never given a straight answer on any topic that concerned money. I will take a "No" any day over a "We'll see". "We'll see" always turned into "we are going to ignore that request and if you ever bring it up, you will be in trouble". Very confusing for a child.  :(

A "We'll see" is much better than saying "we can't afford that" and then, when the occasion has expired (concert passed, offer expired) saying "why didn't you say something? we'd had bought it for you".
GNU Terry Pratchett

ladyknight1

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #662 on: October 09, 2013, 03:27:43 PM »
"We'll see" is a carrot when the person saying it has no intention of ever following up on the subject again. YMMV
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #663 on: October 09, 2013, 07:08:29 PM »
I'm not a parent, but I think kids need to hear "we can't afford that" when it's true.  Imagine growing up not knowing that money is a factor in decision making. 
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

MommyPenguin

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #664 on: October 09, 2013, 07:14:08 PM »
I say "we'll see" for something that I may be willing to do/let them do, but I'm not willing to commit to until the time comes.  For example, if the kids ask if they can watch a movie after we're done with schoolwork.  I'm not going to say "yes," because it's hard to say exactly how long schoolwork will take and whether we'll have time before soccer practice, or whatever.  I don't want to say "no," though, because maybe we *will* have time.  So I'll usually say, "we'll see," and sometimes explain what it's contingent on, "it depends on whether there's time before soccer practice, and whether your room is clean," or what not.  For me, "we'll see" means "I am not going to say yes if it turns out that it's difficult/impossible to give you what you're asking for, but I simply don't know at this point whether it will be possible or not."  So I think there can be legit uses for it, although I'll agree that if it *always* means "no, but I don't want to give you a straight answer," then it's definitely a problem.
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CakeEater

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #665 on: October 10, 2013, 05:07:00 AM »
It's both healthy and wise to share financial information with your children.  They don't need to know where every penny comes from and goes but, by about the age of ten, they should know the general family situation. 

Most schools don't teach children how to handle bank accounts and credit cards.  They don't so the family has to do it.

I'd go with, bank accounts and credit cards are squarely a family responsibility, which is why schools don't teach children how to handle them.

BUt other than that, yes, kids should know the general family situation.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #666 on: October 10, 2013, 02:57:08 PM »
Reminds me of something Bill Huxtable said.  Vanessa (I think) said something about being rich.  He said "Your mother and I are rich. You have nothing."

Snip

My parents pretty much told me the same. By HS, I had good knowledge of my parent's financial position, I thought. I knew what they spent on a mortgage, car payments, utilities and groceries, and their monthly limit for discretionary spending. They had 3 checking accounts, moms, dads, and the "farm" account. The farm was Dad's hobby. I had check writing priviledges on mom's and dad's because I did so many of the errands and we were all scrupulous about keeping the checkbooks updated and balanced. One day I grabbed the wrong checkbook and was SHOCKED by the balance shown for that farm account. They switched their pleas of poverty over to "well yes we COULD afford it but we CHOOSE not to" after that day.

Bethalize

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #667 on: October 12, 2013, 05:42:15 AM »
They switched their pleas of poverty over to "well yes we COULD afford it but we CHOOSE not to" after that day.

That to me is more honest and more helpful in the long run. I hate it when people say "I can't afford it" when actually they mean "I don't want to spend my money on that." I can't "afford" £500 for a girl's night out but I can "afford" £500 for new glasses/car repairs/whatever I chose. Helping people understand there are consequences to choices is much more helpful than instilling the idea that X is okay to spend money on and Y is not.

kherbert05

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #668 on: October 12, 2013, 06:33:32 AM »
I always knew mine and my mom's budget. I mean, not at like 5, but once I was around 11 I did. Heck when I was a teenager I handled all our grocery shopping and was often put in charge of paying bills. Not because my mom couldn't, but she worked full time and went to school and often picked up an extra job or extra shifts so we could make it, so she didn't have time to grocery shop or sit down and pay the bills. I also handled our laundry, made us dinners, and after seeing what she spent eating in her work cafeteria every day, started making her lunches. But our family dynamic was different then the average families, it was just the two of us, she had to rely on me to handle some adult things or she would've gone batty. And I liked it, I felt very grown up with my coupons and grocery list (as an adult I feel less grown up with my grocery list and can never remember the dang coupons). And I'll say this, I was much more prepared for adulthood then my friends were. I had to sit most of them down and go "Ok, so this is a budget"....and credit cards are not part of your budget.

However I think "No, we can't afford that", is a pretty basic standard thing most parents say to kids. "Mom, I want a iPad!", "No", "But why not?", "Because we can't afford an iPad", "But I want one!", "We still can't afford it", seems like a reasonable answer to me.
I would go further. My Cousin C's son wanted an Ipad desperately his 2nd grade year. They helped him compare prices and specs and gave him a flat amount they would contribute. They also let the rest of the family know he was saving up for one, when we asked about birthday and Christmas. He saved his allowance money, school snack money, did extra chores, worked for neighbors, and between July and December saved enough money for his Ipad. You better believe that thing gets treated with great care.
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Venus193

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #669 on: October 12, 2013, 08:30:21 AM »
It just occurred to me that my mother would likely criticize me for attending the opera.  She never found it interesting and would have convinced herself that I go only because it has snob appeal.

Not even Frasier Crane's dad would have said that.





Cz. Burrito

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #670 on: October 12, 2013, 09:05:53 AM »
They switched their pleas of poverty over to "well yes we COULD afford it but we CHOOSE not to" after that day.

That to me is more honest and more helpful in the long run. I hate it when people say "I can't afford it" when actually they mean "I don't want to spend my money on that." I can't "afford" £500 for a girl's night out but I can "afford" £500 for new glasses/car repairs/whatever I chose. Helping people understand there are consequences to choices is much more helpful than instilling the idea that X is okay to spend money on and Y is not.

I've tried to change my mindset over to that for myself.  I don't have to answer to anybody else or justify my choices to anybody else, but it's empowering to embrace that what I spend my money on is a choice; nobody is forcing me to do it.  I think that's a good attitude to instill in children.  I choose not to afford a more expensive home or car because I choose to put money in savings so as to improve my security for the future.  Other people choose differently and that is their choice.  I think it does no good to cry poor when that's not the whole story.  Now, certainly, for some people, it is more true than for others.  There are some people who have to choose between paying the electric bill or buying food, which is still a choice, granted one with a lot more gravity to it that feels a heck of a lot less empowering.  On the other end of things, I know children whose mother has bought a vacation home and cries poor all the time because she has to pay two mortgages.  The children feel like the family is poor and that they are a burden on their mother because she is treating a very, very obvious financial choice as something that was forced upon her.  That does a great disservice to the children.

Thipu1

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #671 on: October 12, 2013, 10:42:40 AM »
One time I wasn't wearing my wedding ring when I visited my mother.  I didn't realize it would be a problem at the time but it caused all sorts of scuttlebutt in the family.

The truth was innocent.  I had been working with a wire brush and my ring finger had been pierced by one of the bristles. This made the ring uncomfortable so I took it off for a few days. 

Unfortunately, those few days coincided with a visit to my mother. She didn't say a word to me about it but the state of our marriage became a major topic of speculation. 

weeblewobble

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #672 on: October 12, 2013, 08:10:32 PM »
One time I wasn't wearing my wedding ring when I visited my mother.  I didn't realize it would be a problem at the time but it caused all sorts of scuttlebutt in the family.

The truth was innocent.  I had been working with a wire brush and my ring finger had been pierced by one of the bristles. This made the ring uncomfortable so I took it off for a few days. 

Unfortunately, those few days coincided with a visit to my mother. She didn't say a word to me about it but the state of our marriage became a major topic of speculation.

Ha! I participate in an exercise class in which wearing any rings would injure me or the people I am sparring with.  A friend's mom saw me walking into class and I stopped to say hello.  She asked where my wedding ring was and I said I took it off for class.  She whispered, "But aren't there MEN in that class?  Won't they get the wrong idea if you don't have on a ring?"

Because apparently, by taking off my wedding ring, I took down my invisible shield of propriety.

MommyPenguin

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #673 on: October 12, 2013, 09:35:00 PM »
I always knew mine and my mom's budget. I mean, not at like 5, but once I was around 11 I did. Heck when I was a teenager I handled all our grocery shopping and was often put in charge of paying bills. Not because my mom couldn't, but she worked full time and went to school and often picked up an extra job or extra shifts so we could make it, so she didn't have time to grocery shop or sit down and pay the bills. I also handled our laundry, made us dinners, and after seeing what she spent eating in her work cafeteria every day, started making her lunches. But our family dynamic was different then the average families, it was just the two of us, she had to rely on me to handle some adult things or she would've gone batty. And I liked it, I felt very grown up with my coupons and grocery list (as an adult I feel less grown up with my grocery list and can never remember the dang coupons). And I'll say this, I was much more prepared for adulthood then my friends were. I had to sit most of them down and go "Ok, so this is a budget"....and credit cards are not part of your budget.

However I think "No, we can't afford that", is a pretty basic standard thing most parents say to kids. "Mom, I want a iPad!", "No", "But why not?", "Because we can't afford an iPad", "But I want one!", "We still can't afford it", seems like a reasonable answer to me.
I would go further. My Cousin C's son wanted an Ipad desperately his 2nd grade year. They helped him compare prices and specs and gave him a flat amount they would contribute. They also let the rest of the family know he was saving up for one, when we asked about birthday and Christmas. He saved his allowance money, school snack money, did extra chores, worked for neighbors, and between July and December saved enough money for his Ipad. You better believe that thing gets treated with great care.

My kids like to save for "big" things with their allowance (big, in their minds, is stuff like the LEGO sets that are in the $30-80 range).  They do pretty well with it, especially as they don't have much chance to spend their money on little stuff.  They do need to buy presents for sisters' birthdays, but they still usually manage to save up enough to get a new LEGO set every few months or so.  One nice thing about this is that it gives them a really understandable point of comparison.  We can point out that a season of soccer costs as much as buying that really awesome LEGO riding camp set that they long for.  Or that one month's violin lessons cost the same as the LEGO cafe.  Etc.  It helps them understand just how much an activity, or clothes, or whatever cost in comparison to other things.  They can see that a season of soccer, two months, costs the same as clothes for a kid for an entire season.

When they'd get older, we'd like to give them a very large allowance, but have them responsible for paying for a lot of stuff... their clothes, lessons, any special foods, books and toys, whatever.  That way, if they really want those awesome sneakers, they can get them, but then they might have to buy cheaper other clothes, or go without juice, or wait longer to save up for that American Girl doll, whatever.

When my MIL was in high school, she had a teacher who gave this assignment where each kid got a certain amount of money, and they were supposed to use it to outfit their first apartment.  My MIL used almost all of it on buying a really great sound system, and bought just the very basics otherwise (a mattress and sheets/blankets/pillow to sleep on the floor, some kitchen stuff).  The teacher failed her, saying she needed to learn how to prioritize.  My MIL argued that she did know how to prioritize!  She could live without a kitchen table, she'd eat on the floor.  She could live without a couch, she'd sit on her bed.  But she couldn't live without being able to listen to music, and it needed to sound good.  I thought that was pretty hilarious, especially as my MIL has a talented eye for decorating and has a beautiful home.  And a nice sound system.  :)
Emily is 10 years old!  1/07
Jenny is 8 years old!  10/08
Charlotte is 7 years old!  8/10
Megan is 4 years old!  10/12
Lydia is 2 years old!  12/14
Baby Charlie expected 9/17

Asharah

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Re: Ridiculous things your parents criticize you about
« Reply #674 on: October 12, 2013, 10:00:16 PM »
One time I wasn't wearing my wedding ring when I visited my mother.  I didn't realize it would be a problem at the time but it caused all sorts of scuttlebutt in the family.

The truth was innocent.  I had been working with a wire brush and my ring finger had been pierced by one of the bristles. This made the ring uncomfortable so I took it off for a few days. 

Unfortunately, those few days coincided with a visit to my mother. She didn't say a word to me about it but the state of our marriage became a major topic of speculation.

Ha! I participate in an exercise class in which wearing any rings would injure me or the people I am sparring with.  A friend's mom saw me walking into class and I stopped to say hello.  She asked where my wedding ring was and I said I took it off for class.  She whispered, "But aren't there MEN in that class?  Won't they get the wrong idea if you don't have on a ring?"

Because apparently, by taking off my wedding ring, I took down my invisible shield of propriety.
Somewhere there is a story posted from a woman who got lectured that she was advertising she wanted to have an affair if she didn't wear her wedding ring. She doesn't wear her wedding ring because it aggravates her eczema.  ::)
Asharah